Jake smiled, one brow going up. "We'd be great together, Tye." His gaze dropped to her mouth, and she shivered, lifting her face to seek his lips.
Tye wondered fleetingly if she were brave enough to take things one step further. Three months ago, before her accident, she might not have hesitated to make love with Jake. Now she let the thought sink in, let it stiffen her into emotional paralysis. Was that all this meant to Jake ― physical gratification?
With his long legs twined around hers, Tye understood the crystal clear implications of letting this continue. Intimacy lingered a step away. Her body wanted to feel him against her, yet her brain urged caution, breathing fear and uncertainty into the situation.
Her withdrawal was slight, but Jake must have felt it. Looking down at her, he narrowed his eyes and seemed to read her hesitation.
In that split second, her reasoning reasserted itself. An emotion akin to panic flared in Tye. Her earlier eagerness dissolved, hardened into an attempt to draw back. "This is a bad idea," she said shakily. Damn! Why had she let things go this far?
Twisting away from Jake, Tye sat up and swiped bits of straw from her jeans. She chewed at her lips. When had she turned into a coward? Fear made her draw away. "I'm sorry, Jake," she muttered, unable to look at him.
"Are you hurt, Tye? Did I put too much weight on you? Is it your leg ―"
She stumbled to her feet with a laugh, ignoring the hand Jake held out. Self-directed anger and disgust tore through her. She felt ready to snap. "Yes, it’s my leg, but it’s not my leg in the way you mean. I’m not hurt."
"Then what ―
"Please don't say anything more. I know this is a big letdown. Well, suffice it to say it would've been a bigger mistake if we had continued. Luckily, I came to my senses in time."
Jake grabbed her wrist as she tried to turn away.
"Don’t!" Tye jerked her wrist away and half ran from the small room back into the main barn. She heard Jake’s steps behind her. If sound was telling, she figured he was royally ticked at her. "Let's not talk it to death. It's just not a good idea. We can’t go back."
"I’m not trying to go back. Maybe we can go forward."
"This might be a normal occurrence for you, Jake, rolling in the hay." Angrily, Tye slapped more straw from her jeans. "It's not for me. I don't take this lightly."
"What are you implying? I've never taken intimacy for granted."
Tye choked on a sob. At least he didn't say "sex." That made it sound so base, as if there were nothing else attached. No human emotion. With a self-derisive laugh, Tye realized she was caught up in an excess of emotion. Maybe it was just sex and maybe she was the guilty one here. The thought left her cold. Was she the one in it for instant gratification? It seemed she had wanted Jake for so many years, why not take what was offered? But no, she couldn’t handle exposing her body, her leg.
Knowing she needed a defense against the emotion Jake stirred in her, she snapped angrily, "I can figure out what you thought. Tye Jenkins, party girl, hopping in and out of men's beds. I've heard it all before." Hurt more than she cared to admit, Tye hurried from the barn. She had to get away from Jake before she gave in and went back into his arms and finished what she had started. Her body throbbed, reminding her she wanted to do just that. She had lost all control over her emotions: all she could think about was what her body was crying out for. And it was crying. Tye knew instinctively she was missing something really wonderful. The feelings she had had for Jake as a young girl were no comparison to what was happening now. Now felt so much more real, so much stronger. But her life was a mess; she couldn’t involve Jake any further in it. It wasn’t as simple as falling in love and showing that love. Tye looked down at her hands. They were shaking.
Jake came up behind her. She saw him standing there out of the corner of her eye, hands on his hips. "You're wrong, Tye, that's not what I thought."
"I think neither one of us was thinking, Jake." Tye pushed past him. The ache in her leg told her to stop, but she kept walking. She shouldn't have been so curious to explore the sensations Jake evoked in her. Intimacy involved body parts. No way did she want to expose herself, not when she felt so deficient. A small voice, the rational part of her, said she wasn’t lacking but she couldn’t convince her heart.
As Tye walked, emotion twisted inside, making her hurt. Why did she still feel this way about Jake? Why did making love with him fill her thoughts to the exclusion of all else?
"I wasn't intending a roll in the hay!" Jake insisted, not bothering to follow her. "Damn it, I didn't plan on this happening."
Tye didn't turn, but his words ripped through her. "I didn't plan it, either," she said, but in a whisper she didn't intend for him to hear.
#
Jake cursed, feeling lower than a snake. He had hurt her, he had seen it in her face. In her present state, at this fragile stage of her rehabilitation, she certainly didn't need him messing up her mind. Jake realized then that he didn’t want to settle for a lukewarm relationship, he wanted fire and unpredictability. God help him, at some unknown point he had decided he wanted Tye. The rational part of his brain told him he was asking for god-awful trouble, but the rest of him didn’t give a damn at this moment.
Jake muttered a string of curses. For someone who'd grown up around women, he seemed to do all the wrong things around Tye. Maybe he shouldn't have touched her, but man, his brain and body had gone into overload.
With a determined glance at Tye's straight back, Jake wondered if there was a way to get through to her. Should he risk it and see if she’d give them a chance?
He couldn't just let her walk away. He wanted to be more than a friend. Friendship was ludicrous between them after the history they shared.
Jake looked up at the cloudless sky, the heat of the afternoon seeping into his bones. He clenched a fist. He might as well admit he’d never stopped wanting Tye, even with all that had happened.
He stopped kidding himself. He needed to finish this thing with Tye for good. She wasn’t a woman who would hang around, or who wanted to set down roots. She would never change. Jake needed to get her out of his system and get on with his life. But how?
§ Chapter Eleven §
Tye swam once more to the end of the pool and back, then floated facing the star-dappled sky, a sense of peace settling on her.
In the two weeks she had been here at Jake's ranch, she had finally settled herself into a semi-comfortable frame of mind. The bouts of depression had eased, and for the first time since the accident, Tye actually felt no urgency about returning to rodeo. It was always there at the back of her mind, but the feeling that life was passing her by had abated.
She had begun writing again, more frequently than ever. Her outline on women in rodeo had been submitted to a magazine editor, and they had expressed interest in seeing the article in its entirety. Her life was coming together. She didn't feel quite at a loose end. Tye had begun to scope out other writing opportunities.
She regretted that she didn't see much of Jake, but that's the way she had wanted it, wasn't it? He had been keeping his distance, and they saw each other in passing. A part of Tye missed him, a part of her yearned for what could have been. The rational part knew it was her own fault. What she perceived as her physical deficits kept her at a standstill. Tye knew she had to work on that part of her life, and maybe the rest would fall into place. Even so, she knew there would be no future for her and Jake. They’d had their shot at happiness ten years ago.
Yesterday Mama had driven her sports utility vehicle out to her, and to prove to Mama and herself that she could handle her four-by-four, Tye had driven them into town for lunch. Afterwards she drove Mama the twenty miles back to her ranch. It had turned out to be a pleasant afternoon and some of the hurts had started to heal.
Having her own vehicle gave Tye a renewed sense of freedom. Now she could schedule her doctor visit without worrying about depending on others.
She rode Pongo daily. She had reached a
point in her riding where she felt confident of her skill once again. She compensated for the prosthetic leg by using simple hand signals on Pongo's withers to indicate turns and changes of gait. The inability to use inward leg pressure on her right side left her no other choice. Tye felt satisfied with both her progress and Pongo's. She had also seen the wisdom in Jake's suggestion about using a breakaway boot strap to keep her foot in place in the stirrup. However, she had not yet shared that knowledge with him. An ache of regret pulled at Tye. She missed Jake.
She swam lazily toward the side of the pool, then pulled herself out to sit on the curved edge, enjoying the night air on her skin. There was nothing in the world like a warm, Oklahoma night. She had always taken it for granted. Now she didn't. Tye realized nothing should be taken for granted. Too bad it had taken the loss of a limb to teach her that lesson.
It was midnight, hours later than her usual swim time, so Tye had not turned on the overhead flood light. As she sat there Tye suddenly sensed another presence. Nervously, she kicked her foot through the water.
"Is that you, Jake?"
"Tye?"
Relief flooded Tye. "Yes. I didn't turn the lights on in case it bothered you."
"The lights wouldn't bother me." There was silence.
Tye sensed he stood on the opposite end of the pool.
"It's pretty late."
"I'm all keyed up, I couldn't sleep." She had been too excited to sleep. She and Pongo had made such good progress, she couldn't get it out of her mind. She wanted to share it with someone.
"I'll leave you to your swim then," Jake said.
Tye didn't want him to leave. She had to share her news or burst. Even if Jake thought her a fool for getting excited about something so simple, she had to tell him. She needed him to know of her progress. In part, some of her progress was due to him. He had had the foresight to have Pongo brought to the ranch.
"Jake, that's all right. I don't mind company. Did you come out to swim, too?"
"No, I've been going over my quarterly figures. I thought I'd come outside to clear my head."
"Everything okay with work?" Tye wanted to tell him she felt embarrassed about their last encounter. She had acted out of character, almost childish. The incident in the barn had been almost two weeks ago, but it was still fresh in her mind, teasing her.
"Yes. We've got it pretty much down to a science, now."
"How's Amy? I haven't seen her in a while."
"She was here last Sunday. I didn't see you around."
Tye had made herself scarce that Sunday purely out of a sense of self-preservation. She wanted to overload on Jake, be in his company, so she had deliberately stayed away. Why cause herself unnecessary heartache?
"Amy has a new job working at the local elementary school."
"She’s working with kids? I always liked kids, myself."
"Yes, she’s training to be a teacher's aide." Tye heard a sound like a chair toppling over, then Jake's muttered curse.
"You can turn on the overhead light, if you want," Tye said slowly, gearing herself for the glare of the lights. Why have him stumbling in the dark just because she was shy of anyone seeing her leg? It would be exposed. For some reason, the thought didn't bother her quite as much as she thought it would. She held her breath, then looked up as the soft light flooded the area. Her crutches lay beside the pool. She could stand and move any time she wanted.
Jake stood across the pool from her, facing into the light. He had on a dark shirt, unbuttoned and tucked into the waistband of a pair of faded jeans. His flat stomach drew her eyes before she forced herself to look away, trying not to stare. She wanted to keep looking at Jake instead of pretending she wasn’t looking. Although he needed a shave, Jake looked better than ever. Her brain conjured up the warm feel of his body beneath her fingertips. It might have been minutes ago, instead of two weeks since he had held her.
Under the lights, Tye willed herself to remain still. Her first instinct had been to cover her stump. If Jake wanted to see her leg, or what was left of it below the knee, maybe she could be brave enough to take that step. Perhaps that time had come. Maybe she needed that shock factor to harden her, so she wasn't so sensitive out in public. The thoughts were easier than the actual fact, though. Tye still bit at her lips, her fingers tensed as Jake moved back toward her.
He was a man, after all, she thought nervously. He wouldn't scream or throw up, would he?
Tye began to speak tensely, quickly, "I've made some real progress with Pongo. We've been riding every day. I work each day on some simple hand signals. He's pretty easy, he caught right on."
Jake pulled a chair up and straddled it backward, his eyes on her. "You're using hand signals?"
Tye nodded. "Yes, pretty simple ones. He neck reins really well, but I wanted to teach him the hand signals for more fine-tuned riding." She drew a deep breath, then admitted, "After shortening my right stirrup a tad, I also took into consideration your suggestion. I'm using a breakaway strap to keep the boot in the stirrup."
"Have you ever thought about teaching others to ride?"
Forgetting about her leg, and her self-consciousness, Tye twisted around and faced Jake fully. "Teach riding? You’ve taken me by surprise, Jake. To tell you the truth I haven't thought about that."
"I'm sure there's a need for it. Think of the confidence builder riding would be. Look what it's done for you."
Tye laughed. "Me? I'm the least confident person I know right now. Isn’t it silly to be so excited about something so simple?"
Jake shook his head. "It’s not simple. This represents your progress. You're a different person from when you first came. Maybe some of the hurt and confusion is still there, but you're working past it. I've got plenty of space here if you decide you want to tackle something like that...give riding lessons." His glance swept over her and he smiled, as if he liked what he saw. Tye felt happy suddenly, but she remained cautious.
"What are you saying, Jake? You know I can’t stay here. You’ve got plans, I’ve got plans. This whole deal is temporary." She had to remind him of that, and keep her thoughts in line against rising hopes.
"We can work around it."
Jake shrugged, and hope surged foolishly, perhaps, into Tye’s heart.
"It’s another option, if you decide it’s something you’d like to do. I have the room."
Tye made herself breathe slowly. She had to face reality. "I won’t be staying, Jake," she told him firmly. "I just haven’t found a place yet." Tye took a deep breath. "On a lighter note, I never did tell you how much I appreciate you bringing Pongo to me. It was the right thing to do. It seems like I’m forever apologizing for the way I’ve acted, but I am sorry."
Jake’s smile melted her insides. Tye wanted to fall into a heap at his feet. She swallowed hard.
"I’m glad it’s working out."
Tye looked down over her one piece black bathing suit. The neckline plunged to expose part of her breasts, the legs were cut high to her hips. Suddenly, she saw her leg. It ended abruptly below the knee. It looked so different and out of place. Despite her earlier moment of braveness, she pulled her legs closer to her body.
"Don't," Jake said, his voice low. "There's nothing to hide, no reason to hide. You've got beautiful legs."
Incredulously, Tye protested, "Are you kidding ―"
"You do," he insisted. "You've kept yourself in shape, and both your legs are beautiful and sleek. Look at your residual limb. Even the knee cap is the same size as the other one."
Tye did look down, seeing her stump subjectively, perhaps for the first time. Jake was right, her legs were finely muscled, and the right knee looked the same as the other one.
"Even if you hadn't kept yourself in such good shape, believe me, you're not lacking. Only in your own mind. You've got a lot to offer, Tye."
Tye took the compliment and digested it, hugging close the warm glow it created. She narrowed her eyes playfully and quipped, "So now you're saying my mind is la
cking?"
Jake gazed at her, his eyes half closed as he surveyed her from head to toe. "Nope." His mouth curved sensually. "I'd take you mind and all."
"Thanks," she said with affected dryness, trying not to put too much weight into his choice of words. They were words, that was all, but her heart beat faster in her chest.
"So here's fair warning. If I give you a hand now and then, don't take offense. It's not because of your leg, it's because you're a beautiful woman, and we're friends, remember?"
"You're full of surprises," she came back breathlessly, elation gripping her. She felt as if she needed to dispel the seriousness of their conversation. "But now I sense male chauvinistic tendencies."
That sexy-as-hell grin split his face. "You don't know the half of my tendencies."
Taking up the challenge to get everything out in the open, Tye admitted slowly, "About that day in the barn, I guess I just got overloaded on emotion. Do you think we can start over?"
Jake nodded his head, his eyes never leaving her face. "As far as starting over, Honey, we can start anywhere you want."
Not quite the answer she had expected, but coming from Jake, she didn't know what to expect anymore. One moment he donned the suit of a successful business man. Other times he wore sexy-as-sin jeans, bringing to mind the Jake she used to know.
"Well, considering how we began, maybe the best way is to go back to the beginning," Tye said breezily, pushing herself to stand on her foot. She grabbed her crutches and stood straight, no longer trying to hide, but still watching his face. Her breath came quickly, but when he smiled she felt the tension in her shoulders ease.
"We can do that," Jake agreed, moving closer. "Or we can go back to the middle. Myself, I favor the middle."
"What do you consider the middle?" Tye asked boldly, watching him pull his shirt tail from his pants. He shrugged the material from his shoulders and let it drop to the ground. He stepped closer and startled her by reaching forward to run a gentle fingertip along her jaw.
Wishing on a Rodeo Moon (Women of Character) Page 11
