by Helen Lacey
But it was just sex.
Chemistry. Alchemy. Hormones running riot.
She shook her head as if to clear it. It had been so long since she’d made love to anyone that her body was simply responding to its most basic yearnings. And being around Kieran in the past week had amplified those feelings tenfold. Sure, she could jump into bed with him. And she was pretty sure he wouldn’t need a whole lot of encouragement. But sex without commitment had never appealed to her. Besides Kieran and Carl, she’d had one other lover, her on-again, off-again boyfriend during college. Taking random lovers wasn’t in her plans, or in her nature. And she wanted to be a good role model for the boys and not confuse them by acting as though she was a single woman without responsibilities.
Sure, she liked sex as much as the next person. And she missed it. But she wasn’t about to jump into the first bed that took her fancy—particularly since the other person in that bed was the one man she wanted—needed—to avoid.
Nicola heard Marco’s excited voice and walked down the hall. Sure enough, Kieran had pulled up outside the house. He got out, locked up and moved through the front gate. In jeans, a blue sweater and a dark aviator jacket, he looked too gorgeous for words. She swallowed hard and opened the screen door, watching as Marco raced down the steps and greeted Kieran with a high five.
“You’re here,” her nephew said, grinning widely.
“Sure am, buddy.”
When they reached the steps, Nicola spoke. “Hi.”
He looked up. “Good afternoon.”
The tension between them was raw and complicated and exactly what she wanted to avoid. But she plastered on her tightest smile. “It’s good of you to do this.”
He shrugged lightly. “No problem.”
“So, we get to hang out together for a whole two hours?” Marco asked, clearly delighted by the prospect.
“We sure do,” Kieran replied. “What would you like to do?”
“A video game,” her nephew suggested and then held up his still-bandaged hand. “I can still press the buttons.”
“Sounds good. Let’s go.”
Nicola opened the door and stood back as he walked past, unwittingly inhaling the scent of his cologne, and she suppressed the sudden urge to sigh.
Get a grip, Radici. It’s just cologne.
She waited until they had moved into the living room, then she closed the door, spotting Johnny standing at the top of the stairs. He looked furious, and she experienced a sharp pain in her chest. Her eldest nephew had so much anger in his heart. He wasn’t as outwardly emotional or needy as his brother, but Nicola knew he was hurting. He missed Gino and Miranda so much, and most days Nicola felt like a very poor replacement for the parents he had adored. She was about to speak and offer that he join her in the kitchen, but he simply glared and then turned, heading to his room with a decisive slam of the door.
Nicola sighed, took a long breath and headed into the living room.
But she had already been usurped. They were sitting on the couch, snacking on the chips and sodas she’d placed on the coffee table, each holding a gaming console. Marco was chattering on about some game, and Kieran was listening to him with an intensity she envied. Most days, she simply covered the basics—food, clothes, school, and a reasonable bedtime. It left little time for anything else. For the most part, Nicola felt as though she was barely treading water when it came to her parenting skills.
She stood by the door and listened to the conversation, to Marco’s enthusiasm and Kieran’s deep voice answering his many questions. He would, she thought, make a wonderful father. Just the idea made her ache deep down in her belly. She thought about the child he’d raised as his own and then given up—it took strength and integrity to do something so selfless. Nicola wanted a child of her own and had believed she’d have her happily-ever-after with Carl, including a home and a baby. But when he had broken off their engagement, it turned her dreams to dust. Then, her brother had passed away, and she had taken guardianship of the boys, and her dreams were tucked away, forgotten alongside the life she believed she would have.
Maybe it was time she got back into circulation. She had a reliable sitter down the street, several friends in town and knew her father would watch over the boys if she needed a sitter for the evening. A night out would do her good.
Feeling suddenly better about her prospects, Nicola headed for the kitchen and began making manicotti for dinner. Once she’d popped the casserole dish into the oven, she got out her laptop and did some paperwork, including wages and ordering for the following week. She called her friend Annie and arranged to meet her and Connie for a drink and a gossip catch-up on Friday night at O’Sullivan’s and then puttered around the kitchen for a while. It was nearly six o’clock when she heard Kieran’s voice.
“Got a minute?”
She turned on her heels, met his gaze, wiped her hands on a tea towel and nodded. A familiar surge of awareness swept through her blood. “Sure. Video game all done?”
He lingered by the doorway. “For now. Marco’s hand was aching, so he’s settled on the couch reading a book.”
Her heart beat faster. “Thank you for doing this. I know your mother probably pressured you into it.”
“A little,” he admitted and grinned. “But she’s a smart woman. Tell me something, do the boys spend much time together?”
She frowned. “Not a lot. Why?”
“Marco mentioned something about Johnny blaming him for their parents’ accident,” he said and came into the room. “But neither boy was on the boat that day, correct?”
Nicola nodded. “That’s right. They both had head colds, and Miranda didn’t want them out on the water. I don’t understand why Johnny would say that.”
Kieran’s mouth thinned. “Well, a child’s perspective on things is often relative to the impact it has on their situation. In Johnny’s mind, he may have blocked out the fact that he was also ill...perhaps that’s why he lays the blame on his brother.”
“Poor Marco,” Nicola said with a heavy heart. “He’s been through so much. They both have.”
“That’s true. But children are also surprisingly resilient. And I’m sure they both know you love them very much and will keep them safe.”
Nicola’s eyes suddenly burned. “I’m trying. Although sometimes I feel like a complete failure as a parent. It’s not easy.”
He moved around the counter. “No. And certainly not alone. I remember one time that Tori and I—”
“That’s your wife?” she asked, cutting him off.
“Ex-wife,” he corrected.
“Sorry,” she said quickly. “I didn’t mean to interrupt. I just never knew her name.” Nicola met his even gaze. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Sure.”
“How long ago did you take off your wedding ring?”
His eyes widened, and he glanced down at his left hand. “A few months ago.”
She didn’t bother to hide her surprise. “But you’ve been divorced for over a year, right?”
“Yes.”
A heavy lump formed in her throat. “You loved her that much?”
His glittering gaze was unwavering. “No.”
“I don’t understand why you—”
“It was because of my...” His words trailed off for a moment. “Because of Christian. It was about staying connected. Being a part of his life even though I hadn’t seen him in over twelve months. It was a way of—”
“I understand,” she said quickly and came around the counter. “I mean, I get it. That’s why I stayed in this house with the boys—it was a way of feeling like Gino and Miranda were still a part of things.”
He shrugged loosely. “Yeah. And it also helped avoid too much unwanted...attention.”
Nicola’s mouth widened in a smile. “From women?”
“I was
n’t ready to start anything with anyone.”
Her blood heated. “And now?”
“I think you know the answer to that.”
She swallowed hard, watching him, feeling the intensity between them gather momentum. And as much as her body was screaming to say yes, logic intervened. “Casual sex isn’t the answer.”
“I don’t know about that,” he said and shrugged lightly. “It’s never been my...thing. I don’t have anything by way of comparison.”
It was quite the admission. “I thought you wanted to screw around in college?” she asked, remembering his words from graduation day.
Color blotched his cheeks. “I said what I had to say that day.”
“You mean, so I would hate you?”
“Exactly.”
“It worked,” she said flatly. “I’ve hated you for fifteen years. Part of me still does.”
“And the other part?” he asked.
Nicola shrugged. “That’s the part I’m trying not to think about. I’ll get over it.”
“Are you sure?”
“Positive,” Nicola replied. “And there’s way too much history between us to start something that has no chance of going anywhere.”
“On the other hand,” he said and took a few steps closer, “it might be fun.”
“And complicated,” she added. “Who needs that?”
He laughed softly. “You’re probably right. And of course, if we did anything, we’d have to stay on the down low, considering my mother is hell-bent on matchmaking at the moment.”
“If,” she said and rolled the word around on her tongue. “It would just be about sex.”
He was close now, barely inches away from her. “Of course. Friends with benefits.”
“Except that we’re not friends,” she reminded him. “We’re...frenemies.”
He chuckled. “Is that a word?”
Nicola shrugged. “I think so. It still doesn’t mean I’m going to sleep with you.”
“Actually, sleeping would be against the rules,” he said, his voice as seductive as a caress.
“Because that sounds too much like a relationship?”
“Exactly,” he replied.
Nicola turned and faced him, her hip pressed against the counter, arms crossed, her breath barely making it out of her throat. “So, this hypothetical interaction would be solely about the physical. It wouldn’t be confused by...feelings?”
He nodded, looking down at her, his blue eyes glittering and intense, and desire scorched through her blood, climbing over her skin, amplifying every sense she possessed. And Nicola realized she wasn’t over him. She still wanted him. And perhaps he was right. Maybe a mindless, utterly sexual encounter with him was exactly what she needed to get him out of her thoughts, once and for all. Cathartic sex. Not quite revenge, even though the lines were a little blurred. Sex to exorcise the past. Sex to banish her humiliation and heartbreak.
“Okay,” she said softly.
His gaze narrowed. “‘Okay’?”
She shuddered out a breath, then smiled, tugging on one side of her bottom lip with her teeth. “Let’s have an affair.”
Chapter Five
Kieran was still thinking about Nicola’s proposal forty-eight hours later.
An affair.
Sex without strings. Sex without an emotional commitment. Sex without expectations.
It was a new concept for him. He’d had a couple of lovers during college, but met Tori just after med school and hadn’t been with anyone since his divorce. But what Nicola was proposing was something else. He should have agreed immediately. It’s what he wanted, to purge any lingering feelings with hot, guilt-free sex. To kiss her beautiful mouth, to lose himself in her lovely curves and feel her beneath him. Yeah...he should have agreed then and there.
Instead, he’d bailed.
And two days later he had no logical reason for his reaction.
He was back at work, tending to a busload of tourists who had all eaten bad crab cakes at a shabby diner, and trying to not think about Nicola every minute of the day.
“Dr. O’Sullivan,” one of the nurses said to him as he walked from triage toward the nurse’s station, “you have a phone call. Line six.”
Kieran thanked her, grabbed the telephone and pressed the button. “O’Sullivan.”
“We’re heading to JoJo’s for dinner,” Liam said without introduction. “Mom’s watching Jack for a couple of hours. Six o’clock.”
“Why didn’t you call my cell?”
“Because you would know it was me and then wouldn’t pick up.”
Kieran knew his brother was right. “Can’t we go to the hotel instead?”
“No,” Liam replied and chuckled. “My beautiful wife wants pizza. And what she wants, she gets. We need to talk about Mom’s birthday party some more. So I’ll see you there.”
As he ended the call, Kieran silently cursed his brother. Liam could be damned annoying at times. His brother knew him well enough to figure out he wouldn’t want to spend time at JoJo’s.
He spent the remainder of the afternoon in the ER and, once his shift finished at five, he headed home, showered and changed and then drove into town.
JoJo’s was busy, but Kieran found his brother and family at one of the booth tables and headed directly for them. He spotted a young waitress at a table and another by the bar. The place was busy, and he looked around for Nicola as he slipped into the booth and sat down. She might be at home with the boys.
There were curly fries and bread sticks in the middle of the table and a pitcher of beer, although Kayla was drinking club soda, since she was nursing. Liam had his arm around her. Kieran watched his brother and sister-in-law together and saw the love they had for one another, the kind of love he’d once believed he had with Tori.
Now it all felt like a lie. Tori had never really loved him. She’d wanted to get married, to settle down and have a family. At the time, Kieran did, too. Looking back, he couldn’t believe how blind he’d been to the truth. Because it hadn’t felt like love should. It was about timing, about being a certain age and having certain expectations.
“Everything okay?” Liam asked, frowning.
Kieran shrugged. “Yeah...fine.”
“It will get easier,” his brother said quietly, so that only he could hear. “And one day, you will be happy again.”
“Maybe,” he said and drank some beer. “So, have you heard from Sean lately?”
“Not much. I know he calls Mom every couple of weeks. He’s hiding so he doesn’t have to deal with Mom and Dad’s divorce, not to mention Jonah’s existence.”
Kieran grimaced. “Being angry at Jonah isn’t helpful. Even if he is an obnoxious jerk most of the time.”
Liam laughed. “He’s growing on me, though. And, since he’s my wife’s cousin, he’s family on both sides, so I figure I have to make more of an effort.”
“Things have certainly changed a lot in the last few years,” Kieran said, glancing toward Kayla and then back at his brother. “I guess change is inevitable in life.”
Liam grinned. “And sometimes you just have to let life happen.”
Kieran’s gaze instinctively flew toward the door leading to the kitchen. And, almost as though he had conjured her up from his thoughts, Nicola appeared in the doorway, looking out-of-this-world beautiful in a long-sleeved black dress that flared over her hips and showed off her curves. Her hair was loose, and she wore bright red lipstick. And boots. Shiny black boots that reached her knees. If he hadn’t been sitting down, Kieran was certain he would have dropped like a stone.
“Wowser,” Liam said and whistled softly. “Looks like someone’s got a hot date.”
Kieran scowled at his brother, saw that Liam was grinning and then cursed the stupidity of his reaction. “She can do what she likes.”<
br />
“God, you’re predictable,” Liam said and raised his glass in Nicola’s direction.
She saw them, gestured a greeting and then met Kieran’s gaze for a long and excruciating moment. He held her stare, managed to remain impervious and waited until she turned and headed through the restaurant before he took a breath.
“Why don’t we order?” he suggested and grabbed a menu.
“Friday night cocktails,” Kayla said and grinned. “At O’Sullivans. It’s an institution. She’s meeting up with friends tonight.”
Liam touched her shoulder lovingly. “Do you miss being part of the single-and-mingle crew?”
“Nah,” she said and smiled. “I’d much rather hang out with you guys. Besides, we promised your mother we’d be back by eight thirty. And since neither of us can bear to be away from Jack for more than a couple of hours at a time, our late nights are over for some time.”
Kieran remembered that feeling. When Christian was first born, he’d never liked letting him out of his sight. And although he was genuinely happy for his brother, watching Liam with Kayla and Jack amplified his regret and feelings of loss. But with time, it would get easier. It had to.
They ordered pizza, discussed his mother’s upcoming birthday party and by eight they were done. Kieran waved them off and drove down the block toward O’Sullivan’s. He spotted Nicola the moment he entered the bar. She was sitting alone at the end of the bar, legs crossed, the sexy boots heightening every raunchy thought he possessed. She was staring idly into a drink that looked untouched. He walked up and sat down on the stool beside her, saying nothing. She glanced sideways, quickly recognized that it was him, and a soft smile curved her lips.
