by Helen Lacey
“We’d broken up, and the wounds were still too raw,” she admitted. “But Liz understood.”
“Yeah,” he said and smiled. “She would. Sometimes...sometimes I miss her so much I can barely stand being in my own skin. That’s the thing about loss: it never really goes away. In my job, I deal with other people’s loss all the time. It’s only when you get hit with it yourself that you can understand how it truly feels. Losing my sister and then my son...it gave me a different perspective. It made me want to be a better doctor,” he said softly. “And a better man.”
Nicola instinctively reached up and laid a hand on his shoulder. “Well, you’ve succeeded.”
Kieran stared at her, focused solely on her upturned face and the understanding in her expression.
“Thank you,” he said and covered her hand, entwining it with his own. “I don’t think I’ve ever admitted that to anyone before. And it’s probably much more than I deserve from you.”
She shrugged loosely. “We all have to let go of the past at some point.”
“If we want to have a future, you mean?”
“Something like that,” she replied and sighed. “At the moment, I would just settle for a now.”
“Me, too,” he said and raised her hand, pressing his mouth briefly to her knuckles. He felt her shiver, noticed the way her pupils darkened, and she bit down on her lower lip. “Since the boys are right outside and it’s daytime, would it be inappropriate to say that I want to make love to you?”
Just mentioning it sent his body into overdrive. But everything about her assailed him—her skin, her hair, the scent that was uniquely hers. Pure Nicola. The one woman he had never been able to forget.
“Yes,” she said and smiled. “But I want that, too. I want to get you out of my system once and for all.”
It was a nice idea. But not one he was sure would work. “What if it backfires?”
“It won’t,” she said firmly. “I’ve been in love with you. I’ve had my heart broken by you. And I’ve been out of love with you. It’s not a pattern I plan on repeating.”
The raw honesty in her words rocked him to the core. “So, you think that we can successfully have a no-strings relationship, even with our history?”
“Yes,” she insisted. “I think we can. I think we should. Actually, I think it’s inevitable.”
Kieran’s libido stirred again. “So, tomorrow night?”
She nodded. “Yes.”
“Uh...would you like to go to dinner first?”
“No,” she replied. “It’s not a date. We’re not dating. We’re having sex.”
It sounded cut-and-dried. Almost like a business deal. He should have been jumping through hoops at the idea. But oddly, he wasn’t. “Okay. My place. Seven o’clock?”
She nodded and pulled her hand free. “Sure. And thank you for spending time with Marco today. It’s very kind of you.”
He shrugged, faintly embarrassed. “No problem. I’ll keep you posted on the pond plans. Once the work starts, I’ll make sure it happens around your schedule at the restaurant.”
“Thank you. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Do you need my address?”
She shook her head. “I know where you live. It used to be Kayla’s apartment. So, see you then.”
It was his cue to leave, and he did so quickly after saying a brief goodbye to the boys. Once he was in his car and down the street, Kieran headed into town, keen to shake off the memory of the past few hours. Knowing Liam would be working, he headed directly for the hotel and discovered his brother barking out orders by the concierge desk.
“Busy morning?” he asked, seeing his brother’s frustration.
“Overbooked for the rodeo weekend,” Liam said, flipping his cell into his pocket. They headed upstairs to his office. “Damned computer glitch. I now have four very unhappy customers.”
“I’m sure you’ll smooth it over.”
“Of course,” Liam replied. “I’d just rather not have to. Since Jack was born, I’ve spent more time at home than I have here...and it shows. And poor Connie is taking the brunt of my bad mood.”
Kieran grinned. Whatever his brother’s faults, honesty was at the top of the list. When they reached his office, Liam grabbed a couple of beers from the bar fridge. “Maybe you need to share the load a bit,” Kieran suggested. “Find a manager to fill in when you’re not here.”
“The duty manager resigned last month, and I haven’t replaced her.”
“I’m not talking about a duty manager,” Kieran said and slapped his shoulder. “I’m talking about a partner, a comanager, someone who can take the reins equally.”
Liam’s gaze narrowed. “Like who?”
Kieran shrugged. “I don’t know...maybe you should give Connie a promotion. She’s certainly earned it after being your PA for five years.”
His brother frowned. “I’m not bad to work for. But you’re right about Connie. Frankly, I don’t know what I’d do without her.”
“Be an even more bad-tempered boss.”
Liam laughed. “Probably. But I’ll think about your suggestion. So, how’s the Big Brothers thing going?”
He shrugged again. “Okay, I guess. Marco’s a good kid.”
“And his aunt?”
“She’s not part of the program.”
Liam’s mouth twisted. “Jonah said you were landscaping her garden. I wasn’t sure if it was meant to be a metaphor...or whether you had developed a sudden interest in horticulture.”
Kieran scowled. “News sure does travel fast. Since when have you and Jonah spent time sharing chitchat?”
“He’s learning to share,” Liam said, grinning. “Dissing his brother is a place to start. So, about Mom’s birthday party next Saturday...are you bringing a date?”
“A date?”
“My wife is trying to finalize numbers for the catering.”
Kieran drank some beer. “Then, no.”
Liam dropped onto the sofa. “Coward.”
“Is there a point to this question?”
“Nicola,” Liam said flatly.
“Nicola’s not interested in dating me,” he said and wandered to the window, looking out down the street, which was unusually busy for a Saturday afternoon. “And frankly, I’m not ready to date anyone seriously.”
“Bull,” Liam interjected. “You’ve been divorced for over a year. That’s long enough to—”
“You ever been divorced?” Kieran asked, harsher than usual as he turned back to face his brother. “Ever had your heart ripped out by the person who’s supposed to love you the most?”
Liam looked instantly somber. “No. But I was only trying—”
“I know what you’re trying to do,” Kieran said, cutting him off. “And I appreciate your concern. But I have to do things in my own time. And with Nic...things are complicated.”
Liam shrugged one shoulder. “You have a lot of history, so that’s understandable. But sometimes history repeats itself.”
Kieran looked at his brother and half smiled. “I think getting married and having a baby has turned your brain to mush.”
“Probably,” Liam said agreeably. “I never imagined I could love another human being the way I love Kayla and my son.”
“I understand.”
“Sorry,” Liam said quickly. “I didn’t mean to remind you of—”
“It’s okay,” Kieran said and waved a hand. “Time makes things easier. And Christian is where he needs to be—with his parents. I’m grateful for the time I had with him but, at the end of the day, I’m not his father, and nothing will change that. If finding out about Jonah has shown me anything, it’s that the truth is always best brought out in the open. Just think, if we’d known about our brother thirty years ago, our family would probably look very different now.”
; “Maybe,” Liam agreed. “At the very least, we would have grown up knowing our brother.”
“And perhaps he wouldn’t hate J.D. as much as he does.”
“Love and hate,” Liam mused. “There’s a fine line between them sometimes.”
Kieran smiled. “You’re getting philosophical in your old age.”
“I’m just not prepared to waste time holding on to wasteful emotions. Or avoiding the hard stuff.” Liam met his gaze. “Maybe you should try that yourself.”
“I’m not ready.”
“For what? A relationship? Commitment?”
“To...risk,” he admitted, placing his beer on the desk. Kieran appreciated his brother’s support, but Liam knew nothing about real loss. He had the woman he loved and a son that was his own. And nothing would change that. “I can’t go there...not yet.”
“One day, maybe?” Liam asked.
He shrugged again. “I don’t know. The truth is, I haven’t been involved with anyone since Tori left.”
“Understandable,” Liam said. “But you left Sioux Falls to start a new life, right?”
“Sure.”
“So, there’s nothing in your way. And Nicola is—”
“Nicola is no more interested in a serious relationship than I am. She has her nephews to think about, the restaurant, and her father is getting older. Whatever is still between us, it’s just a...physical thing.”
Liam grinned. “It’s a place to start.”
“With the potential to end badly,” Kieran said, eyebrows raised.
Liam laughed. “Since when did you become such a defeatist?”
“Since my wife left me for my best friend and I found out that my son wasn’t actually my son,” he said, hating the way the words made him ache inside. “I don’t want to hurt Nicola any more than I already have in the past. And I don’t want her nephews getting too attached to me. And I don’t want that for myself, either.”
Liam nodded. “I get it, you know. I understand that you don’t want to get close to the kids in case it doesn’t work out between you and Nicola.”
“It’s not going to work out,” he said firmly. “Nic and I are not together. We’re not dating. We’re just...skirting around the edges of one another.”
Which meant one thing...like it or not, making love with her was out of the question.
So much for his date tomorrow night.
Chapter Seven
Nicola pulled clothes out of her dresser and realized one depressing fact—she owned not one piece of sexy underwear. And since it was Sunday afternoon, she had no chance of purchasing any unless she took the forty-minute drive to Rapid City and back. The one store in Cedar River that sold lingerie was closed Sundays. Even if it weren’t, stocking up on sexy undergarments there would only set tongues wagging. She was well-known around town—as was her single status. And given that she was now guardian to a pair of young boys, hanging her reputation out to dry wasn’t in the cards. Nicola didn’t want her love life to be the topic of conversation for anyone.
Not that she was in any way, shape or form in love with Kieran O’Sullivan.
It was simply a sexual memory that had somehow been rekindled and needed to be sated. End of story. They’d have sex, and then it would be over. They were both adult enough to see that it stayed that way. Sex for pleasure. A roll in the hay. A one-night stand at best.
But as she showered and dressed in a knee-length blue dress and paler blue cardigan, Nicola felt some of her resolve slipping. She did her hair and makeup and by six was hustling the boys into the car and dropping them at her father’s place for a sleepover, promising she’d be at the restaurant first thing in the morning to take them both to school. Marco was his usual curious self, but Johnny was even more sullen than usual, grunting a few responses when she said good-night, and she watched them flop onto the small sofa in the living room.
“I’ll see you in the morning, Papa,” she said and kissed her father’s cheek. “Thank you for watching them.”
Salvatore grinned. “They are my only grandchildren. I love to watch them. Now, go on your date and have a nice time,” he said and winked.
“It’s not a date,” she insisted. “I’m just going to see a friend.”
Her father shrugged and shooed her through the doorway. “Then go, or you’ll be late.”
She lingered by the door and then wasted time checking a few things in the restaurant before she finally made it to her car and headed down Main Street. She was a hundred yards from his driveway when she considered driving straight past and going home.
Coward...
You wanted this. You suggested it. You know it’s the only way to be free of him.
Nicola pulled up outside the large Victorian and noticed that the place was lit up like a Christmas tree. She got out, locked the car and headed up the garden path. She’d been in the house several times when Kayla had occupied the second-floor apartment and had always admired the long, shuttered windows and wide veranda. There was a gazebo out back in a huge yard, and she followed the trail of lights that lit up the pathway, before entering around the side and heading upstairs. She reached the second floor a few moments later and was about to knock when the door opened, and Kieran stood in front of her. In jeans and a black shirt opened at the collar, he looked wholly masculine, and her heart skipped a beat. His hair was damp and he was clean-shaven, and she picked up the scent of some kind of citrusy cologne that wreaked havoc with her senses.
He was too damned sexy for his own good.
“Hey,” he said and stepped aside to let her pass.
“I’m here,” she announced and walked down the short hallway.
“So I see.”
“I almost bailed,” she admitted and turned on her heels when she reached the living area.
Kieran followed her footsteps. “So, why didn’t you?”
She shrugged. “Because ignoring this thing between us won’t make it go away.”
“True,” he said and moved into the kitchen area. “But if you have doubts...”
“I don’t,” she assured him, feeling her resolve waver but determined to go ahead with their plans. “Do you?”
“Absolutely.”
“So, you’ve changed your mind? You don’t want me?”
“Of course I want you,” he said quickly. “I just don’t want us to do something either of us will regret.”
“I don’t believe in regrets,” she said flippantly. “At least, not for tonight.”
“So, sex for pleasure and no strings?”
“Exactly. I don’t want or expect anything from you or...this.”
“Women generally think about sex differently than men,” he remarked.
“Well, we’re clearly thinking about it differently right now.”
He made an impatient sound. “I just want to be clear about the boundaries here, Nic. It’s easy to spout words like no strings or casual sex...but I don’t want to mislead or put either of us at risk.”
“There’s no risk,” she said. “So your conscience is safe. I have no intention of rekindling any old feelings I had for you. Not ever.”
He took a moment to respond. “Okay.”
Nicola stared at him, watching as he uncorked a wine bottle and poured two glasses. She saw a couple of pots on the stovetop and could smell something delicious in the air.
“Did you cook?”
“No,” he replied and came around the counter to pass her a wineglass. “I ordered from the restaurant at the hotel. The chef prepared something, which I’m heating up.”
“Abby did takeout?” she asked, making it clear that she knew the chef by her first name. Abby was Paris-trained and had been to JoJo’s several times with her young son.
“Being an O’Sullivan has its perks.”
“Obviously.”
/> He grinned. “No need to feel threatened. Nothing beats your cooking.”
She met his gaze, felt the intention of his words down deep into her bones. “Stop flirting,” she said and moved to the window, staring out toward the street for a moment. “We weren’t doing dinner, remember? This isn’t a date.”
He didn’t move and inch. “I know it’s not a date. But since it’s dinnertime, we both need to eat at some point. Don’t get all worked up about it.”
Her back straightened. “I’m not worked up.”
His eyes darkened. “Not yet, at least.”
The innuendo was not missed. “I guess that depends on how much you’ve learned in the last fifteen years.”
He laughed, and the sexy sound reverberated down her spine. “I guess time will tell.”
Nicola sipped her wine. “Such modesty.”
He shrugged and moved around the couch. “Tell me why you almost bailed?”
“Because I’ve never done this before,” she admitted.
“This?”
“You know, had a one-night... A casual...” Her words trailed off, and she lifted her shoulders. “I’m not much of a party girl. I’ve only had three lovers in my life...you, my college boyfriend and my fiancé. It’s a low number for a dance card, I suppose, but casual sex has never interested me.”
“Me, either,” he said quietly. “But for the record, your dance card stays the same.”
“Yes, I guess it does. So, since your divorce you haven’t...” She didn’t finish the sentence. She didn’t have to. They both knew what she meant.
“No,” he replied and drank some wine.
Nicola stared at him, consumed by the burning intensity in his gaze. “Why not?”
“Because I’m not wired that way,” he said quietly. “I’m not like my brothers. Sean has a revolving door on his bedroom, and Liam wasn’t much better before he met Kayla. But that kind of life has never interested me.”
Even though she knew they weren’t heading toward any kind of future, Nicola was pleased to hear he hadn’t been bed-hopping since his divorce. Even back in high school, when they’d been dating and completely in love with one another, the idea of being with anyone else was out of the question. And back then, girls clamored for the attention of all the O’Sullivan boys, particularly Kieran with his quiet, charming appeal. But Kieran had been hers...wholly and completely. Which was why his callous words on graduation day had cut so deep. Being lovers, being faithful to one another, had meant everything to her. It was as though they were in a kind of couple bubble, impervious to anyone or anything. But their breakup showed another side of him—one that had blatant disregard for the deep feelings and love they had shared for nearly three years. And it hurt. In her heart, it still did.
