by Helen Lacey
The hurt in Johnny’s voice could not be missed, and Kieran’s insides contracted. “So, you don’t want to live in this house?”
He shrugged again. “I don’t like it here anymore.”
Kieran’s attention was diverted toward the door, and he spotted Nicola hovering at the threshold. Her eyes glistened, and seeing her pain made his chest ache. He fought the urge to rush across the room and hold her close, to reassure her that everything would be okay. But he didn’t.
She came into the room and walked around the table, stopping behind Johnny. She placed her hands on his narrow shoulders, squeezed him gently and kissed the top of his head. “How about you head off to bed, okay? We’ll talk in the morning.” Leaning over, she wrapped him in her arms and hugged him tightly. “I do love you, kiddo,” she whispered. “No matter what.”
Johnny muttered a swift good-night and left the room quietly, wiping tears from his face as he walked away. Nicola dropped into the chair the boy had vacated, propped her elbows on the table and let out an agonizing sigh.
“I suck at being a parent.”
Kieran smiled gently. “No, you don’t. It’s been a hard day, certainly. But not every day will be hard. Some days will be good. Other days will be great. Accept that you’re going to make mistakes.”
“Like staying in this house?” she said and shuddered. “I overheard some of what Johnny was saying. I guess I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought...it was best for the boys. But all I did was try and make it easier for myself.”
Kieran reached across the table and grasped her hand, entwining their fingers intimately. “It’s time to have some compassion for yourself, Nic. You did what you thought was right. At the end of the day, that’s all you can do.”
She inhaled deeply and offered a tight smile. “You’re good at this, you know.”
“I’ve had some practice,” he said and grinned. “Occupational hazard.”
Her fingers tightened around his. “I’m glad you’re here. I needed a friend tonight. Even one who is getting in the way of me finding a husband.”
Kieran’s eyes widened. “You heard Johnny say that?”
“I heard. He wants a family like he used to have. So, I guess I should start looking for a boyfriend,” she said wryly. “Any ideas?”
He laughed softly. “Don’t ask me to play Cupid. That’s my mother’s department.”
“Maybe she could help?” she suggested and then looked in the direction of the doorway for a moment, before her voice dropped in volume. “But before she does, I think we need to finish what we started.”
Kieran’s stomach took a dive. “Are you sure?”
“Positive,” she replied and rubbed her thumb along his palm. “Only, next time, we’ll try and make it to the bedroom.”
“Or not,” he said and released her as he got to his feet and moved around the table. “And now I’m going to salvage what’s left of my good sense and get out of here so you can get some rest. Good night, Nic.”
He kissed her soundly, lingering a little to taste her sweet mouth before he straightened and left. But he was still thinking about her hours later. And suspected it would take more than one night to get Nicola from his thoughts. He’d had fifteen years, and it hadn’t worked.
Because she wasn’t only in his thoughts. She was in his heart.
And he wasn’t sure he would ever get her out.
Chapter Eight
Nicola had a hard week. She spent as much time with Johnny as she could, as well as working at the restaurant and making peace with Mr. Phelps. She found herself in the clear, with nothing owed and all charges against Johnny dropped. Of course, she knew why.
Kieran.
A veritable knight in shining armor.
He’d stopped by the house several times during the week. Once with Jonah on the phone to go over plans for the fishpond, and once to hang out with the boys—both of them this time—to watch a movie and help make a cart for Johnny’s fishing tackle. And then again to bring takeout from O’Sullivan’s because she’d had a particularly long day at the restaurant and both boys had been misbehaving one afternoon. The boys had made plans to go fishing, and Marco’s enthusiasm was beginning to outweigh his nerves, or so it appeared. Her gratitude toward Kieran was growing daily. He had patience and showed genuine care for her nephews. And with every visit, every conversation, she felt just a little less alone. She knew he was working and fitting the visits in between his shifts at the hospital, and she appreciated his attention to both Marco and Johnny. The problem was she was getting used to him stopping by, and that in itself presented a problem. Because they were friends.
That’s all...
He’d said as much to Johnny the night they’d collected him from the police station. The night they’d almost made love. The night she’d experienced true passion for the first time in forever and had responded like a woman who was hopelessly and completely in love. Except that she wasn’t. She couldn’t be. She’d stopped being in love with Kieran fifteen years ago. To go back to that...it was crazy thinking.
She’d made plans to sleep with him and then forget all about him.
Simple.
Not...
Because a woman could never forget the first man she’d loved.
“Everything okay, Nicola?”
She looked up from her task of peeling cling wrap off an assortment of dishes and smiled. Gwen O’Sullivan was on the other side of the counter, watching her, her brows angled curiously.
“Of course,” she said and kept working. “And thank you for the invitation today. The boys are delighted to be here.”
The invitation to attend Gwen’s birthday celebration had come from Kieran—via his mother, she suspected—and, once the boys knew it was being held at the ranch and that there would be pony rides for the kids and an assortment of other activities, they had insisted on going. And, since Nicola was keen to see them happy, she hadn’t been able to refuse the invitation.
“I’m delighted to have you here,” Gwen said and smiled. “Not that I’m keen on turning sixty, but I’m loving the fact that my children and grandchildren are here to celebrate it with me. And friends—old and new. And some, like yourself, a little of both.”
Nicola smiled warmly. She genuinely liked Gwen, and being around the older woman made her miss her own mother so much she ached inside.
And the ranch held so many special memories for her. When she was young, she’d spent countless hours in the kitchen with Gwen, going over recipes, talking about fashion and music and favorite television shows. The big house had always been full of people and lots of love and laughter.
It seemed quieter now, somehow, even though there were close to fifty people beneath the tent set out on the back lawn. Kayla was in the kitchen, as was Connie, and Nicola was pleased to have her friend close on hand. Even if Connie seemed unusually tense for most of the afternoon, something she suspected had to do with the fact that Jonah Rickard had made an unexpected visit. He spent most of the time talking to Liam and Kieran and left after dropping a wrapped box onto the gift table. Nicola admired his gumption, since he had every reason to stay away. But he appeared to have genuine respect for Gwen, and she knew it was reciprocated.
Nicola was surprised to see that Sean had also arrived, since he rarely showed his face in town. Liz’s daughters were also there with their father, Grady, and his wife, Marissa, who Nicola remembered from high school. As she mingled through the crowd that afternoon, she realized how small a town Cedar River was. Even though she’d been gone for over a decade and only back for a year, she knew almost everyone.
“Okay,” Gwen said and ushered them all from the kitchen. “We’ll let the caterers do the rest. I want you all out in the tent and having a good time. Off you go.”
A buffet lunch was served about fifteen minutes later, and Nicola was returnin
g to the table alone when Kieran sidled up beside her. “Plan on saving me a seat?” he asked.
She shrugged and compared her modest plate with his overflowing one. “Only if you let me have a buffalo wing,” she said and sat down.
He slid in beside her and dropped the chicken onto her plate. “You owe me.”
“Don’t I know it,” she said and smiled, remembering how she’d fallen apart in his arms at his apartment while he’d gone without release. “I’ll make it up to you.”
“When?” he teased.
“Tonight?”
He shook his head. “Can’t. Working.” He checked his watch. “In fact, I’m out of here in about forty-five minutes.”
“Oh...okay.”
He gave her a heated look. “If you get a sitter Tuesday night, we could finish what we started.”
She swallowed hard, fighting the nerves that suddenly filled her blood. “Sure.”
“Unless you’ve changed your mind?”
“Of course not,” she shot back and smiled extra sweetly. “I want to get you out of my system once and for all.”
His gaze darkened. “It’s a date,” he said and then shrugged. “I know, I know...it’s not a date. We don’t date.”
“That’s right,” she insisted.
She spotted Liam at the next table as he smiled and winked, like he knew exactly what was going on. She glared at Kieran, then jabbed him in the ribs with her elbow. “Did you tell your brother what’s going on between us?”
“Of course not,” he replied quietly. “I’m not indiscreet.”
“He looks like he knows.”
Kieran looked up, glared at his grinning brother for a moment and then focused his attention back on her. “He’s just being a pain in the ass.”
“Why?”
“Because he can be,” he replied. “Ignore him.”
“And I thought my family was weird.”
He chuckled. “Gino used to antagonize you all the time. So did Vince. That’s what families do. It’s one of the reasons why I love mine so much.”
Her heart contracted. “That’s nice. You really are a soppy sentimentalist.”
“Is that a compliment?”
“Definitely,” she said, smiling. “You’re still the sweetest O’Sullivan.”
“Sweet?” he grimaced. “Gee...thanks.”
“You know what I mean,” she said and waved a hand. “It’s like, if you and your brothers were lined up, Sean’s the O’Sullivan who women avoid because he’s the bad boy, Liam’s the one who’s pined over, Jonah’s the moody, tortured one...and then you...the one the girls want to marry. Honest, reliable, faithful...sweet.”
“That makes me sound as boring as a shoe.”
Heat scorched her cheeks. She wanted to backpedal. She wanted to stop talking to Kieran about marriage and all his endearing qualities. Because the more she talked, the more chance he had of figuring out that she was on the brink of being halfway to falling in love with him again.
Because he was the kind of man a girl wanted to marry. The fact he’d told Johnny he would certainly not be marrying her pained more than she’d believed possible. Because Carl hadn’t wanted to marry her, either. And the notion that she was not marriage material hurt right through to her bones.
“You’re not,” she said, unable to stop the words from pouring out. “You’re rock-solid. The guy who gives women faith in men, even when they’ve had their heart broken.”
His gaze didn’t waver. “Now who’s being sweet, huh?”
“I guess we both have a lot to offer,” she said softly and shrugged. “It’s just a matter of finding the right person to share it with.”
“Yeah,” he said and rested a hand on her thigh beneath the table. “There’s that.”
“I don’t have any illusions about us, Kieran,” she said, feeling her desire for him spike. “Once we get one another out of our systems, we can move on. It’s what I want. What I need. What happened with Johnny last weekend made me realize I need to think about people other than myself. And once we’re done, I can do that.”
“Sure,” he said and quickly moved his hand. “Whatever. I’ll see you soon.”
He pushed the plate aside, got to his feet and left the table. Connie, who was on the other side of the table, moved around and took his spot. “What was that all about?” she asked, her voice little more than a whisper.
Nicola sighed. “Just Kieran and I being Kieran and I. History makes it complicated.”
Connie frowned. “Be careful, okay?
“I will be,” she promised her friend. “Kieran’s no more interested in anything serious than I am.” She raised a brow. “Anyway, I’d much rather talk about you and Jonah.”
Connie’s cheek spotted with color. “Don’t ask.”
“You like him?”
“Not one bit,” her friend said dismissively. “He’s the most arrogant, self-centered jerk I’ve ever met.”
“Love and hate,” Nicola said and grinned. “You never did really tell me what happened all those months ago.”
Connie shrugged. “I guess we all have our own history.”
Nicola knew much about her friend’s past, but it was never spoken of. Some things were best left unsaid. She patted Connie’s arm and finished her meal, conscious of Kieran at the other end of the tent. He left about half an hour later, without speaking to her again, although she did observe him saying goodbye to the boys who were still bounding around on the bouncy castle. She had a chance to speak to Liam before she left, thanking him for running interference with the bakery owner.
“Not a problem,” he said, his arms cradling his newborn son. “But I didn’t really do anything. Kieran did the sorting. You know how he is.”
Yes, she did. “He likes to help people,” she said, heat rising up her neck.
“He likes helping you,” Liam remarked. “And he’s genuinely fond of your nephews. Don’t mess him up, okay?” Liam said more seriously. “He’s been through enough these past couple of years.”
Nicola’s eyes widened. “I don’t know what you—”
“I know the two of you are skirting around the edges of something,” he replied. “His words, not mine. But it’s clear that something’s going on. Just make sure it’s for the right reasons.” He looked toward the jumping castle and then glanced at his own son. “Kids have a way of changing things.”
“I know that,” Nicola said, straightening her shoulders. “But for the record, your brother isn’t in any danger of being messed with.”
“You’ve always been his Kryptonite, Nicola...that’ll never change.”
He walked off before she could reply. But that was just as well. The truth was she had no response to such a revelation.
* * *
Kieran was getting ready for his shift on Sunday night when he got a text from Nicola asking him to come over. Johnny wasn’t feeling well and had asked for him. So, by seven thirty he was striding up her path, and she opened the door before he reached the porch step.
“Thank you for coming,” she said and ushered him inside. “I said I’d take him to the ER, but he specifically asked if you would come here. I think he has a fever, but he’s been running hot and cold all evening. I’m not sure what’s wrong.”
“No problem,” he said and held up his doctor’s bag. “I don’t start work for another hour. Is he in his room?”
She seemed frazzled. In baggy gray sweats, her hair in an untidy top knot and her cheeks flushed, Kieran thought he’d never seen her look more beautiful, and he fought the urge to haul her into his arms and kiss her like crazy.
“I’ll take you up,” she said, and he followed her up the stairs.
Marco was on the landing, cheerfully saying how he wasn’t sick at all. When they reached Johnny’s room, the boy was in bed under the covers, on
e arm flung over his forehead. He groaned, then made some comment about how his head hurt. Marco was hovering, and Nicola quickly shooed him back to his own room. Kieran examined Johnny, conscious that Nicola was standing by nervously, looking determined to think the worst. She was biting her lip, arms crossed, clearly at breaking point. When the exam was done and Johnny was back under the covers, he looked around the room, making a few observations.
“Okay, I need to speak with your aunt,” he told Johnny. “You stay put and we’ll be back up in a little while.”
Kieran packed up his stethoscope and ushered Nicola from the room. She jabbered on as they headed downstairs and, when they reached the hallway, she grabbed his arms, her fingers digging into his skin.
“Please tell me what’s wrong,” she implored. “Is it serious? Chicken pox? Measles? Or something worse? Don’t tell me—it’s something worse,” she said and gripped him harder. “He’s really sick, isn’t he? Kids don’t get fevers without a reason. Maybe I didn’t make him dress warm enough.” Her eyes glistened. “This is my fault. He’s really sick, and it’s my—”
“He’s not sick,” Kieran said and grasped her chin, tilting her face up. “He’s faking.”
Her eyes widened. “Faking?”
“Faking,” Kieran said again, rubbing her chin with his thumb. “He has a heating pad tucked under his bed. A minute or two held against the temple and presto...instant fever.”
“But why...”
Kieran looked up and spotted both Marco and Johnny at the top of the stairs. They were grinning and whispering and had clearly hatched the plan together. “That’s why,” he said and kissed her soundly on the lips. The boys giggled and then raced back to their rooms.
Nicola kissed him back for a moment and pulled away. “Little monsters.”
“They just want to see you happy,” he said and released her.
“They don’t know that you make me miserable.”
She was smiling as she spoke, but the words still stung. He remembered what she’d said the day before—about forgetting all about them once they were done. That had stung, too. Enough for him to bail on the party earlier than he’d needed to. “Do I?”
