by Helen Lacey
He nodded. “But I am truly sorry for hurting you. And I’m sorry that your fiancé was a jerk and didn’t realize what he had. You deserve better.”
Tears plumped at the corners of her eyes, and she quickly blinked them away, skillfully flipping the omelet. “I guess I’m just not the marrying kind.”
“Sure you are,” he said and shrugged loosely.
“If only there was a fireman handy,” she said and pushed the bread into the toaster.
Color slashed his cheeks. “I’m sure they’re overrated.”
“Yeah,” she said and grinned. “All those muscles and rescuing kittens from trees. So overrated.”
He chuckled, and the sound warmed her through to the soles of her feet. Despite the undercurrent of sexual awareness between them, there was something else, something even more powerful. Friendship. Trust. Companionship. It had built steadily over the past couple of weeks. And it wasn’t new. It wasn’t some passing fancy. It was built on the foundation of their teenage romance. It was about knowing they were so important to one another back then. And in some ways, that friendship hadn’t faded, not through years apart, or angry words or bitterness and hurt. It was in a kind of limbo, waiting to be unwrapped and given new life.
She nibbled on a piece of buttered toast while he ate, not wanting to make him feel self-conscious. And they talked...about the boys, and their work now and the work they’d left behind. They talked about Gino and Miranda and Liz, and he admitted to finding it hard to forgive his father for betraying his mother and for Jonah’s very existence. And they talked about the accident and the patient he’d lost.
And then he talked about his son.
“I can’t imagine how hard it was for you.”
He sighed heavily. “Honestly...it was as though I had my heart ripped out. He was my child. Or so I believed. And it still hurts so much.”
He bared his feelings in a way she suspected he’d never done before, and his blue eyes had never glittered more brightly.
“I’m so sorry.”
He nodded. “When you love someone that much and they’re taken from you, it’s like a wound that never heals. And I’m terrified of...” His words trailed off and he shook his head. “You know.”
“Loving anyone again?” she prompted. “Loving a child again?”
“Yes,” he admitted.
Nicola’s throat closed over and she swallowed hard. Then she grabbed his hand and got to her feet, dragging him with her. She didn’t have to speak. They didn’t need any more words. He linked their fingers intimately and led her down the hall and into the bedroom.
The huge bed filled the room, and the bedside lamp gave enough light to dapple his skin. He took an unopened box of condoms from the drawer and ripped open the box. Then he pulled off his T-shirt immediately and moved in front of her, undoing the buttons on her dress one at a time, the back of his fingers skimming over her skin. Once the buttons were dealt with, the dress slipped over her shoulders and onto the floor. Her breasts surged, spilling over the top of the white lace bra, her nipples straining through the soft fabric. His gaze swept over her, past her breasts, down her rib cage and stomach, over the white panties and down to her thighs and then back up.
“You’re so beautiful, Nic,” he rasped. “I feel like it’s our first time all over again.”
It was quite the admission, and she realized that he was just as vulnerable as she was. His honesty was a powerful aphrodisiac, giving her strength, but also grabbing like fingers around her heart. And she knew, in that moment, that it would never be just sex between them. There were too many feelings. Too much history. Too much love...
I’m still in love with him...
The realization should have sent her running. But she wasn’t going to deny her body and heart what it craved. It was one night. A few hours. The two of them. Their past now meeting their present.
She slowly unclipped her bra, freeing her breasts, watching his visual appraisal with a surge of resolve and desire. Shoes and underwear quickly followed and, once she was naked, she tossed her hair back and took a long breath. “Make love to me.”
He groaned, curling a hand around her neck and threading his fingers through her hair, anchoring her head. And then he was kissing her—long, hot and deep kisses that went beyond any they’d shared before. Nicola touched his chest, running eager hands all over him, feeling his smooth skin, seeking out sensitive places with her fingertips. She undid his fly and pushed the jeans down over his hips, and he took about two seconds to flick them off. And then they were naked together, breasts to chest, hip to hip, thigh to thigh. He kissed her again, slower, deeper, hotter and hotter with each passing moment. Nicola grabbed his shoulders, hanging on while he effortlessly carried her to the bed and, once they were lying together, his magic fingers went to work, finding her wet and ready for him.
But he took his time kissing her, anointing every part of her skin with his mouth, teasing her breasts with his tongue before taking an aching nipple into his mouth. Nicola pushed her hands into his hair, urging him, wanting him, feverish and desperate to feel him inside her.
“Please,” she begged, dragging his lips to hers so she could feel the seductive thrust of his tongue in her mouth. “I want to feel you inside me.”
“Soon, very soon,” he promised, trailing his mouth down her rib cage and farther still, until finally he was between her thighs, driving her insane with such skillful prowess that she gasped his name over and over. It was insanely erotic, the most intense feeling she had experienced in her life. He continued his exploration, his hands gently stroking her breasts, his mouth on the most intimate part of her, and Nicola grabbed his shoulders and clung to him, shuddering as wave after wave of pleasure coursed through her.
And then, when the shudders stopped and her breathing came back to earth, he grabbed the foil packet he’d placed on the bedside table, ripped it open and rolled the condom in place. When he moved over her, resting his weight on his arms, his erection seeking entrance, she welcomed him, parting her thighs as she grabbed his hips and drew him intimately inside.
It was like it had always been between them. Two people who knew one another perfectly. He kissed her deeply, seeking out her tongue, tasting her as he moved, creating a steady, erotic rhythm she knew would bring them both release. But he took more time because, at that moment, it felt as though they had all the time in the world. No one would dare intrude. Their hips met each other, thrust for thrust, his hands in her hair, mouths hovering close together, sighing, breathing, faster and faster. And when they could take no more, they both rose up and into that place where only pleasure existed. They came together, sharp and intense and on a wave of white-hot release so overpowering it shook them both to the very core.
When it was over, he rolled off her, his breathing ragged, his chest rising and falling. He got up and disappeared into the bathroom, returning seconds later. Nicola didn’t bother to hide her nakedness, since he’d seen all of her there was to see.
“Well,” she said as he flopped back onto the bed and pulled the duvet up. “That was good.”
“Good?” he queried, his eyes shut.
She chuckled. “Okay...great. The best ever. You’ve learned a thing or two since high school.”
Laughter rumbled in his chest. “I needed to.”
Nicola rolled and traced her fingertips through the light dusting of hair on his chest. “Oh, I don’t know, we made out okay back then. Unless you have some other tricks in your repertoire?”
He gently grabbed a handful of her hair and found her mouth, kissing her. “I just might.”
“Care to elaborate?”
He rolled, taking her with him, pinning her to the bed, his eyes never bluer. “You bet.”
He spent the next two hours elaborating. They touched, they kissed, they talked and laughed, and Nicola experienced a connection she’d n
ever felt before. It was rediscovery all over again—only this time, they were older, bolder and wiser. And finally, when they were both sated and exhausted, they fell asleep, spoon fashion. When she awoke, it was after six, and she caught a sliver of morning sun slicing through the curtains. She slipped out of bed and found her clothes, dressed quickly and then headed to the kitchen to make coffee.
And she thought long and hard about what she’d done.
She’d fallen back in love with Kieran. Big mistake.
She’d fallen back into his bed. Bigger mistake.
And now she had to work out a way to get out of it.
He’d made it abundantly clear that he was in no position to have a serious relationship. And she wouldn’t accept anything less. She’d be a rebound relationship at best. And Nicola wasn’t ever going to put herself in that place again. Because there was nothing nice about being someone’s convenience. The next time she gave her heart, she wanted a heart in return.
He was still in bed when she returned to the bedroom, lying on his stomach, his face buried in the pillow. The duvet had slipped and exposed his back, and her fingers itched with the urge to touch him.
“I’ve brought coffee,” she said and placed the mug on the bedside next to a significantly less full box of condoms. “It’s time to wake up.”
He groaned into the pillow. “Come back to bed.”
“I can’t,” Nicola said. “I have to pick the kids up and get them ready for school.”
He rolled and grabbed her hand, urging her to sit on the edge of the bed. “Can I see you tonight?”
“I’m working,” she replied.
“Tomorrow?”
“Same.”
His gaze narrowed. “So, you’ve had your wicked way with me, and now we’re done?”
Nicola shrugged. “Well, that was the deal.”
He pulled himself into a sitting position. “Seriously?”
She stepped back from the bed and propped her hands on her hips. “I don’t want to have illusions about this, Kieran. I have to think about what’s best for the boys and—let’s face it—anyone you get involved with is going to be a rebound relationship.”
“Rebound? That’s ridiculous.”
She shook her head. “It’s not. Admit it. You only stopped wearing your wedding band a few months ago.”
“Because of my—”
“I know why,” she said, pushing air into her lungs, trying to stay strong. “Because it helped you stay connected to someone you loved. Someone you still love. I get it. But I’ve been that transitional girl before, and I don’t want to be it again. I can’t afford to, not when I have the boys to think about. They need stability, and they need me to be whole and functional and not in the middle of some messy, half-baked relationship with a man who still has feelings for someone else.”
He swung his legs off the bed. “I’m not still in love with my ex-wife.”
“Are you sure?” she shot back, aching inside. “Your body may be here, Kieran...but I think a big part of your heart is back in Sioux Falls.”
“You’re being—”
“Realistic,” she said, cutting him off. “And this is what I want. We agreed to have sex and get each other out of our systems, and we did. It was great. It was fun. It was exactly what we needed to do.”
He got up, grabbed a pair of sweats from the chair in the corner and slipped them on. “You didn’t respond like you were trying to get me out of your system, Nic. You responded like you couldn’t get enough. And I’ll bet that if I took you in my arms and kissed you right now, we’d be in that bed within two seconds, and you’d be screaming my name.”
“I can’t believe you just said that.”
“It’s the truth.”
“Your truth,” she shot back.
He rolled his eyes. “Are we really going to have a fight about this?”
“Sei incredibile,” she hissed. “I also can’t believe I let you touch me.”
“Believe it,” he shot back. “I’ve got a half-empty box of condoms to prove it.”
Nicola cursed at him again, grabbed her jacket, spun on her heels and strode from the room. By the time she reached the living room, she was so mad she was shaking. She grabbed her tote and headed for the front door. She slammed it on her way out—hard and with purpose—and barely took a breath until she reached her car. But she didn’t expect to find Kieran chasing after her, wearing only his sweats, clearly stumbling over the gravel driveway for the last half a dozen steps.
“Would you stop being so ridiculous and come back inside?” he demanded. “It’s freezing out here.”
Nicola glared at him, ignoring the fact he was half-naked and standing on the sidewalk and that he had a mark on his neck that looked suspiciously like a hickey. Well, served him right!
“I’d have to be a fool to dive back into bed with you,” she said and opened her car door.
“Nic...please?”
“Don’t call me that,” she said and glared at him. “Don’t call me anything. Just don’t call me!”
“You came here, remember?” he reminded her. “To my apartment. Twice in one week. And you asked me to make love to you. If anyone’s done the chasing here, it’s you.”
She burned hot from head to toe. “You’re such a conceited ass!”
He laughed humorlessly. “So, this is it? We’re done?”
“Yes,” she said, dumping her tote onto the passenger seat. “You couldn’t be any more out of my system than you are right now.”
Getting back into the car, she drove off, refusing to look back in case she spotted him in the rearview mirror. If she had her way, she’d never see him again.
She drove home, cursing that it was only two streets and didn’t take long enough for her to have let off all the steam churning through her blood. She quickly showered and changed and then headed to JoJo’s. The boys were eating breakfast with her father, and Salvatore immediately sensed something was wrong because he told his grandsons to stay in the kitchen and finish their breakfast.
“Everything okay, bella?”
“Fine, Papa,” she lied. “Just a lot on my mind. Thank you for watching the boys again.”
“Bad date?” he asked and grinned.
“The worst,” she replied. “What makes you say that, though?
He chuckled. “You have that look. Did you know your mama wouldn’t go out with me the first time I asked her? She said I was too arrogant. Too sure of myself.”
Nicola knew the story well. “But she chose you in the end.”
“Exactly,” he said, still grinning. “It’s not where you start that counts...it’s where you end up.”
“That doesn’t make any sense,” she said.
“Of course it does, bella,” he said more seriously. “You think all matters of the heart are logical. They are not. I saw you the other night with Kieran,” he said, reminding her what she’d once felt—what she still felt—for the man she knew she had to get out of her system. “I saw you laughing and joking and looking like you used to...not like you have the world pressing down on your shoulders.”
“I don’t feel like that,” she denied, heat burning her eyes. “I’m happy, Papa... I promise.”
Her father, usually a man of few words, gently patted her arm. “You have done a good thing here. You have stepped up to care for your nephews, you have taken over running this place and you do a wonderful job. But remember that it is important to have a life of your own, too, hmm?”
“I will, I promise,” she said, taking a deep breath.
Twenty minutes later, she was back home, and the boys were getting ready for school. By eight thirty, she drove them to class and had a quick meeting with Johnny’s teacher. Even though the charges from the bakery incident had been dropped, she’d informed the school about his behavior, wanting to ens
ure he wasn’t also misbehaving in class. And his teacher was understanding and supportive of her decision not to ground him. Johnny had been through enough. She made another appointment to catch up again with the teacher at the end of the week and once she had finished with the meeting, Nicola returned to town. There was a tour bus arriving at midday, and she talked through the menu with the chef before heading out to do the banking and settle a few accounts.
Her day dragged. Kieran was due to spend some time with Marco the following day, but she doubted he’d show. She suspected he’d pull out of the Big Brothers, too.
Good.
She didn’t want to see him again. She didn’t want any more reminders about how stupidly she’d behaved, or how over they really were. It was time she pulled herself together and forgot all about him. If she was ever going to move on, Nicola knew she had to let go of their past once and for all.
On Thursday morning, she had a coffee date planned with Connie and headed to the O’Sullivan hotel around eleven. Before she even made it to the elevator, she’d bumped into Gwen. She wondered if the older woman had some kind of sixth sense and she dragged an unresisting Nicola into the restaurant. Once they were seated and sipping cappuccinos, Gwen spoke, her expression kind and generous.
“You look like you need a friend,” the older woman remarked. “Or a mom.”
Tears sprang to her eyes, and Nicola swallowed hard. She didn’t want to do this. She didn’t want to fall apart in front of Kieran’s mother. But good intentions flew out the window the moment Gwen patted her hand.
“I don’t know what to do,” she said and sighed. “I’m trying to keep it all together...to be a good parent to the boys, to run the restaurant, to have a life. But I feel as though I’m failing at most of those things.”
“You’re not,” Gwen assured her. “Being a parent is hard work, but you’ll get better at it as time moves along. Is there anything else?” the older woman asked. “Something else bothering you?”
“You mean a six-foot-two something,” she admitted and expelled a heavy breath. “I don’t know how to stop.”
