“Just you,” she said, meaning for it to come out lightly, but somehow her voice was a little breathless and a lot more serious.
Her answer seemed to please him as he wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her in close to him. “Just me?” he whispered and Charlotte could only nod at the intensity in those two simple words. “Good.”
It was the last thing he said before leaning down and capturing her lips with his.
Chapter 4
What the hell am I doing?
Yeah, that seemed to be a common question for Julian where Charlotte was concerned, but her sassy mouth was quite the turn-on. He couldn’t resist kissing her even if he tried.
And it surprised the heck out of him how responsive Charlotte was in his arms. Her lips were as soft as her curves and she smelled like the ocean and sunshine—which were now two of his favorite scents. Her hands glided up his biceps and over his shoulders to rest against his nape as she pressed even closer.
Why on earth had he opted to do this in the middle of a public parking lot? Right now, he wanted someplace to lay her down and touch her as he continued to kiss and taste her. Her tongue skimmed along his bottom lip and he groaned with need. The kiss went from tentative to sweet to holy crap in the blink of an eye and Julian cursed their location.
His hands cupped her bottom to hold her close to him, and the urgency he felt to explore her was something he’d never expected to feel again. Only…
He’d never felt this kind of urgency with Dena.
Ever.
And that was the single thought that caused him to break the kiss and take a step back.
Charlotte’s eyes were closed, but they slowly fluttered open as she looked at him with wonder. Her lips were wet and her cheeks flushed. The only thought he had was how he’d love to see her look like that while sprawled across his bed.
He took another step back.
“Um…yeah,” he said, his voice rough. He scrubbed a hand along the back of his neck and had no idea what he was supposed to do or say right now.
“Please don’t apologize,” Charlotte said quickly. “I mean, even if you are sorry or you regret it, please don’t say it.” She moved back to the open car door and glanced inside as if suddenly remembering it was there. “I—I should go.”
All Julian could do was nod.
“So…um, take care of yourself,” she said nervously and then turned to climb into her car. He knew he should say something—anything!—to her, but his voice just wouldn’t work. Instead he stood back and watched her pull out of the parking spot and drive away.
It hit him then that he was shaking. “What is going on with me?” he murmured. Charlotte’s words from earlier came back to him.
It doesn’t mean you don’t need to talk to someone and figure out how to move forward from here.
With the weight of the world on his shoulders, Julian made his way back to the beach, where he grabbed up the chairs and umbrella and made the awkward walk back to the house. He should have done it in two trips, but he knew what he needed to do and the last thing he wanted was to put it off any longer.
Once inside, he immediately grabbed a bottle of cold water from the refrigerator and then pulled out his phone. Sitting down on the large sectional that faced the wall of windows overlooking the ocean, he brought up Dylan’s number and hit Call.
“Jules!” Dylan said happily. “To what do I owe this honor?”
“Honor?”
Dylan chuckled. “Yeah, you never reach out and call anyone. We’re usually the ones hunting you down. And considering we only talked a week ago, I’m feeling kind of special here.”
“Don’t be an idiot.”
“Don’t ruin this for me,” Dylan deadpanned.
Julian laughed quietly. “Fine. I won’t.”
“So, what’s up?”
“I kissed Charlotte,” he blurted out and then cursed himself.
“Social worker Charlotte?”
“Yeah.”
“And?”
“What do you mean, ‘and’? Isn’t that enough?”
“Um…no,” Dylan said. “I’m not seeing what the problem is here.”
Julian sighed and began to second-guess making this call. “I shouldn’t be out there kissing anyone or even thinking about it.”
“Why not?”
“Seriously? You know why. Earlier this year I was about to get married and—”
“And you dodged a bullet!” Dylan said loudly. “Jules, listen to me—what happened with Dena sucked. We all know that. But that whole situation doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to get involved with anyone ever again. If anything, I would have thought you’d be sleeping your way across the country. You’re not supposed to live like a monk for the rest of your life.”
“That was never my style—sleeping around just for the sake of sleeping around.”
“Please,” Dylan said with a snort of derision, “we all did it in the beginning and you were no different. It was fun for a while and then we all grew up.”
“Still, it’s not who I am now.”
“Come on—you’re telling me that while you were on the road these last months…?”
“Okay, fine. I wasn’t exactly a monk, but it wasn’t—I mean, it didn’t…”
“Yeah,” Dylan said. “I know. Sometimes it’s just something to pass the time.”
“Exactly. And afterward it just felt…wrong. And I didn’t feel like it did anything except offer a physical release and it wasn’t even all that satisfying.”
“Well, that sucks.”
“Tell me about it. And that’s what I’m trying to avoid, Dylan. I don’t want that emptiness, that shallowness. I don’t want to be that person who goes for the casual to pass the time.”
“Okay, then good for you, man. Really. I think that’s great. But it sounds like you’re freaking out over this Charlotte chick. Why?”
That was the million-dollar question.
Again.
What was it about her?
“I’m not looking to get involved with anyone. Like, ever again,” he admitted.
On the other end of the line he heard Dylan sigh. “You think that now, but believe me, you’re going to change your mind.”
“No, I’m not,” he said obstinately.
“Dude, let me tell you something. When I got out of rehab, I was determined to live my life like a choirboy. I didn’t want anyone to think I was the same guy I was when I went in and that included sleeping with the kind of women I used to.”
“It’s not the same thing, Dylan.”
“It’s exactly the same thing. When I met Paige and realized I was attracted to her, I was convinced I wasn’t good enough for her—that I couldn’t be good enough for her. And I told myself I could resist her. But I couldn’t. And believe me, I fought it for a long time and the only thing I was doing was making myself crazy.”
“I’m not looking to change like that. Our situations are completely different. You were trying to change your image. I’m unwilling to let myself be in a situation like I was with Dena ever again. I don’t want a woman having that kind of hold on me. I refuse to be made a fool of twice.”
Another sigh. “Julian, you have to know that Dena was a freaking head case. She was a manipulative bitch. And if you can get past some of your issues, you’ll admit that. She was like that from the beginning—you and I had this conversation not long after I got out of rehab. I never understood why you stayed. Why you were so convinced she was the one and you had to put up with all her crap.”
Julian was coming to realize at least part of the reason why, but he wasn’t ready to admit it to anyone yet, either. It would just add to everyone’s perception of him as a joke.
“It doesn’t matter. Not anymore. The fact is I was hanging out with Charlotte and…I don’t know
, it just happened and it freaked me out.” The only reason he chose to call Dylan was because he knew that of all his friends, he’d be the one who might understand. Not that their situations were the same, but there were enough similarities in the aftermaths of each of their rock-bottom moments.
“I get it. I do. Like I said, with Paige? Damn. Did I ever tell you that she came on to me first?”
Julian chuckled. “That sweet girl hit on someone like you? No way.”
Dylan took the teasing and laughed along. “True story. And that was a total test of my self-control. I did turn her down because—like I said—I didn’t think I was good enough. And then when I did give in? Yeah, it freaked me out. I walked away and then cursed myself for doing it. Luckily, she was persistent,” he added lightly.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, and the rest is history,” Julian mocked just as lightly. “I’m overreacting, right? I mean, I kissed Charlotte. So what? It doesn’t have to mean anything other than I’m a man and she’s an attractive woman and I got caught up in a moment. Right? That’s a thing, isn’t it?”
“Sure. Definitely. So, you’re saying you don’t want to go there again? Like if she knocked on your door right now, you wouldn’t act on it?”
Right then an image of Charlotte standing in the doorway flashed in his mind. She’d still be wearing that clingy bathing suit that had tormented him all day and the filmy sarong he wanted to untie with his teeth. Her hair would be loose and windblown and her blue eyes issuing all kinds of promises. There was no way he’d be able to resist her if that happened.
But it wouldn’t. Of that, Julian was certain. Charlotte hadn’t been chasing after him; if anything, he’d been the one pursuing her.
“I can’t act on it,” Julian said roughly. “Look, I had a lot of time to think while I was on the road and I know what I have to do with my life to keep myself sane.”
“And?”
“It doesn’t matter. I know what I have to do and I need to know that you guys are going to respect that.”
Dylan cursed. “You’re going to take off again, aren’t you? You’re gonna blow off the music, the band, your freaking life all because of what one messed-up chick did? How is that fair? Why are you taking a bad situation and making it worse?”
“It’s not like that!” Julian said defensively. “Do you think this is how I envisioned my life? I’m never going to be able to walk around the city and see people I know and not think about how they all knew! They knew! And no one said a word. How many guys did we work with who slept with Dena? How many friends, business associates, acquaintances were there?” He paused and caught his breath because he was beginning to think he was having a panic attack. “I can’t do it. I can’t live with that kind of thing on my mind every time I turn around. It’s too much.”
Dylan was quiet for a long moment. “And so you’re willing to give it all up?”
“I don’t have a choice.”
“You do, Jules. You really do. Don’t let her win.”
“She’s already won. She’s been paid off so she got the money she always wanted.” And just saying it out loud almost made him sick to his stomach. “She got my money and my pride. I’ve got nothing left to give.”
“You have everything left to give! You didn’t give her every penny you made! You gave her an amount to make her go away. End of story. Now she’s gone and moved on and you need to as well. Trust me, dude. It’s gonna get better.”
But Julian was shaking his head. “No.”
Dylan was quiet for a moment. “Will you just do me a favor and promise me something?”
“Maybe.”
“Matt’s flying in on Friday. Will you just come and hang with all of us and talk? Please?”
Julian wanted to say no—to let Dylan tell Riley, Matt, and Mick what he’d just said. But he couldn’t. He owed them more than that.
“Fine.”
“Thank you,” Dylan said, sounding relieved. They were silent for a minute before Dylan added, “So this social worker? Is she a good kisser?”
Julian burst out laughing, and even though he’d never go into detail over how hot their brief encounter was, he had to give his friend props for asking.
“How about you tell me how Paige is doing and how you’re spoiling her during this pregnancy instead?”
It was almost as if he could hear Dylan’s smile. “Deal.”
* * *
Monday morning, Charlotte was sitting at her desk unable to focus on a darn thing. How was it possible that one kiss could affect her this much? Granted, it had been pretty hot and unexpected and if they hadn’t been in the middle of a public parking lot, she would have been totally on board for taking things a little further.
Not that it mattered. It seemed like Julian was having regrets about it even before they were done.
Not the greatest ego boost in the world.
“Hey, Charlotte, you got a minute?”
Looking up, she saw her supervisor, Jennifer, standing in the doorway with an armload of files. She wanted to groan and tell her to go away, but maybe diving into some cases would help clear her mind of Julian.
And his fantastic kissing skills.
Three hours later, she realized there may not be enough case files in the world to do that.
At lunch, she sat in the break room with the salad and fruit she’d packed for herself and it all tasted like sawdust in her mouth. Looking around the room, it felt as if the walls were closing in. She was restless and twitchy and needed to get outside for a bit and just…breathe.
Tossing her food in the trash, she grabbed her purse and walked through the office, straight out the front door. The building wasn’t in Malibu or even near the beach, but Canoga Park was an area where there was always something to see that piqued her interest.
But right now, she really wished she had her toes in the sand. Oversleeping that morning meant she’d had to skip her trip to the coffee shop and her few minutes of beach bliss, and now she was really feeling it. She walked up and down the block and tried to clear her mind, but it refused to cooperate.
When she went back into the office, she was greeted with a handful of phone messages and a waiting room full of people needing to be seen.
Typical Monday.
By the time she left for the day, it was after seven and she was nearly frantic for something substantial to eat. No frozen entrées or salads, she needed a real meal. Thoughts of burgers and fries ran through her mind and they made her think of Julian. Stopping at the coffee shop for a premade sandwich and maybe a brownie for dessert was another option. And that made her think of Julian.
“Gah!” she huffed as she climbed into her car and headed for the supermarket to get something to make—maybe some salmon or something else that was easy to prepare and was real food rather than processed.
Did she drive past the burger place thinking she might see him?
Yes.
Did she detour to go by the coffee shop in case he was there?
Yes.
Was she starting to feel a little like a crazed stalker who needed to get professional help?
Um…definitely yes.
Luckily by the time she arrived at her place, her stomach was growling loud enough to block out anything else and Charlotte was more than happy to give it the attention it clearly needed. The salmon, steamed veggies, rice, and a glass of wine were the perfect meal. When she was done and sitting on her couch with her Kindle, she felt thoroughly satisfied.
Seriously? The food is what you’re feeling so good about? Wouldn’t some time alone with a man feel a whole lot better?
She was seriously getting tired of her inner self mocking her. Charlotte had no issues with being alone. Not really. But after spending some time with Julian, she realized just how long it had been since she’d gone out on a date. And since dating Julian wasn’t an opti
on based on how cagey he was, she knew she’d have to do something else about ending this being-alone streak she was on.
“Note to self, call the girls this week and start putting out feelers for a blind date.” Even saying the phrase made her cringe a little. She’d never had any luck with getting set up. There was never any spark or attraction or even a second date. Unfortunately, this was where she was at. Maybe she’d catch a break this time and meet a nice guy.
“Doubtful,” she murmured and then cursed herself for immediately being so negative. Maybe the problem wasn’t the guys. Maybe it was her.
With a groan, she put her tablet down and opted for a second glass of wine.
* * *
By Friday, Charlotte felt a little more in control. She’d had a particularly crazy week and had spent extra time in Santa Monica at the homeless shelter. With the weekend wide open ahead of her, she drove home that afternoon with a sense of excitement at having two whole days to herself.
She’d opted for a group text to the girls to see about someone finding her a date and amazingly enough, she had one on Saturday night with a guy who sounded…normal. Oliver. Yeah, the name didn’t do much to inspire her or make her think of some big, sexy guy, but that didn’t mean it was the case. If anything, there was no big sell on him, no over-the-top promises; he just seemed like a decent guy who—like Charlotte—was looking for the chance to meet someone new.
So she was hopeful.
All week she’d been hoping to catch a glimpse of Julian, without any luck. Deep down, she knew it was for the best. Even if he wasn’t recovering from a bad breakup, what would someone like him—a world-famous musician—want with a small-town social worker? There wasn’t one glamorous thing about her, and he was living in million-dollar-plus homes and probably had more than one of them.
And multiple cars too, no doubt.
They were as opposite as any two people could be. When he was comfortable enough to get involved with someone again, he’d more than likely gravitate toward someone in his own social circle.
And that definitely wasn’t her.
Never had been, never would be.
One More Moment Page 9
