James pulled back from her. “What do you mean? What do you see?” Hurt laced his words.
Fen shrugged and said with quiet dignity, “Pity. I’ve had my fill of compassion and pity. Of people treating me as if I’m a strange fragile creature who mustn’t be upset.”
James opened his mouth to remonstrate, but Fen held her finger over his warm lips, enjoying the feel of him, savoring it. Today could be the last time she would touch him in such an intimate way.
“Let me finish, James. I know it’s sad. I know I’ve lost my career. I wish I could run and dance and walk without my damn crutches. But I can’t. But I am getting stronger. I will resume more mobility given time. The bottom line is I can feel sorry for myself, but I don’t want others feeling obliged to be sorry for me. It’s nothing to do with them.
“When you came on the scene, you treated me as an equal. You didn’t know I was crippled. You yelled at me, insulted me, laughed with me, kissed me, and all because you thought I was perfectly normal and could handle it. You don’t know how precious that was. A lot of people are put off by my injuries. They’re disgusted. Disability makes them feel uncomfortable.”
James cursed but Fen ignored him.
“I didn’t want to put you off until the last possible moment. I knew all about your Gorgeous Gazelles, those perfect young women who were models or actresses or simply beautiful creatures, whom you constantly dated. I knew I couldn’t compete with them.”
She sighed and swallowed against a burning throat. “It was very hard keeping my disability secret, but I selfishly wanted to enjoy our friendship on an equal level for as long as possible. I’m sorry if I’ve hurt you or disappointed you. I didn’t mean to. I hope you can forgive me.”
James flung away and resumed his frustrated pacing of the room. He ran his fingers through his hair, rumpling it to within an inch of its life, and then shoved his hands deep into his pockets and glared at Fen.
“I can’t believe you’d shut me out of such an important part of your life,” he bit out, the anger back in full force. “Forgive you? I can forgive you for trying to protect me from what you perceive to be unpleasantness. But I take issue you’d think I would be so crass as to not date you because you can’t walk unaided. It doesn’t disgust me you need crutches, Fen. It’s just another facet of you.” He stalked up and down the room for several tense seconds and then declared, “And for the record, I don’t only date models and actresses!”
“When was the last time you didn’t, James?” she asked and waited, wondering what he would say. They both knew his track record.
James opened and shut his mouth. He frowned as he thought about it. A wariness sprung into his eyes and Fen waited patiently as he confronted his past. And then his expression cleared and turned smug. “Okay, Lucinda and Gail, not including you.”
Fen could have laughed out loud if it wasn’t so sad. “But you only dated us because of Discreet Liaisons,” she pointed out.
“I didn’t intentionally set out to date models.” His chin jerked up in a defensive tilt, challenging her to deny it. “It just happened that way.”
“Well, you’ve slummed it with us Discreet Liaison girls long enough. It’s time you picked up with your Gorgeous Gazelles again.”
“Will you stop using that phrase!” he said as he jammed a hand through his hair.
“I think it’s very appropriate. It was a stroke of genius when Annabelle coined it.”
“Annabelle’s only stroke of genius was to introduce me to you!” He swung around and hauled her into his arms. He sat back down on the couch with Fen cradled in his lap.
“I’m not hurting you?” he said anxiously as Fen sucked in a breath and winced as her sore limbs protested.
Fen struck him on the shoulder. “See. There you go. If you hadn’t known about my accident you wouldn’t have cared two hoots if I hurt or not. You would have just picked me up and be damned.”
“Actually, I would have checked. I know you had a bad fall two nights ago. That would have been enough to arouse my concern. You were in a bad way, sweetheart.”
“Hmph.”
“But I’m not going to ask you if it’s all right to kiss you.” With that his mouth descended on hers and he kissed her with satisfying thoroughness.
When they came up for air, James said, “I’ve wanted to kiss you ever since I arrived today.”
“And very nice it was too,” said Fen with a deep sigh. She snuggled closer to him even though she knew she would have to stop. Their relationship was doomed to fail. “But—”
“No buts, Fen.”
“Yes there is, James. A big, ugly important one we need to discuss before we go any further.”
“We’ll talk about it later. Not now. Kiss me instead.” He cupped his hands around her face and regarded her tenderly. “I love you, Fenella Grant.”
Fen felt herself drowning in his loving gaze and allowed herself the indulgence of one more kiss. And then another…
Lynette knocked and came crashing into the room. “Oops, sorry. Do I need the fire extinguisher or is it safe to come in?” She flapped her hand in front of her face and grinned.
“Just,” said James, raising his head from Fen’s and grinning back.
“Good. Mum and Dad are here and lunch is almost ready. I wondered if you’d like to stay and join us, James?”
“I’d love to, if there’s enough to go around.”
There was plenty and James joined in the rowdy lunch, sitting next to Fen. He enjoyed having her close so he could just reach out and touch her and link his fingers with hers. She was a little quiet, but he presumed it was the fall-out from their emotional exchange. As for him, he was feeling great. He was with the woman he loved. There were no more secrets between them. Life was fantastic.
Towards the end of the meal, Lynette handed out Christmas crackers, which were festive table novelties made of brightly colored paper and foil. They contained trinkets, jokes and paper hats and made a small bang when pulled apart. Much laughter ensued as Ashley won a false mustache, her mother a fake finger and her grandfather a pink whistle the shape of a parrot.
When it came to James’ turn, he won a green plastic ring. He picked it up and stared at it for a few seconds, feeling the rush of blood to his head and heart. The ring was a sign. His throat convulsed at the enormity of what he now intended to do and he sucked in a steadying breath. Slipping his arm around Fen’s shoulders, he leaned towards her and whispered, “Fenella Grant, will you marry me?”
“Marry you?” Fen gasped, her eyes widening in dismay. Her cheeks flushed rose-pink and then bleached.
“I know it’s not a diamond ring, but I’ll buy you one just as soon as the shops are open. Promise,” he smiled, holding the green ring between his finger and thumb.
The family members around the table fell silent. Everyone held his or her breath.
Fen squirmed in embarrassment.
James watched the struggle of emotions warring across her pale face. There was dismay, pain, sadness, but no joy.
She clenched her hands together and looked wide-eyed towards him. “I told you,” she whispered through pinched lips. “There’s an important ‘but’.”
“And I told you we could deal with it,” he said, his voice low to match hers.
“Stop whispering together like a couple of love-struck teenagers,” declared Lynette. “Are you intending to keep us in suspense?”
“Lynette,” admonished her mother. “Marriage is not a matter to be taken lightly.” But she stared intently at Fen, waiting.
“Say yes, Auntie Fen,” piped up her niece.
“Do say yes,” added Lynette, ignoring her mother’s frown of disapproval and giving her daughter the thumbs up sign.
“Lynette!” said her mother again.
James ignored them. His focus was on Fen, who looked stricken and trapped. “I love you, Fen, for better, for worse, in sickness and in health. Marry me!”
“If I wasn’t a damn cripple,” she cried out.
“I would walk out of here with my head held high. Instead I have to sit here while we both suffer the embarrassment of me declining you.”
James felt he’d been struck, but then he saw tears pooling in Fen’s eyes. He realized she hadn’t turned him down because she didn’t love him. She had refused him because she did.
He scraped back his chair and threw his linen serviette onto the table. “You want to leave the room, sweetheart, then we’ll leave it. Excuse us, everyone.” He slipped the ring in his pocket, pulled back Fen’s chair and scooped her into his arms.
“Put me down,” she said, her body taut, her eyes large and dark and haunted with misery.
“Not until you tell me everything.” He strode into the living room, kicked the door shut with his foot and laid her on the couch. He then stood tall and brooding, staring down at her, his hands stuffed in his jean pockets and his face set. “Talk to me, Fenella. Tell me what I’m missing, what I need to know.”
“I can’t marry you,” she said on a whisper.
“Because you’re crippled?” He gave a snort. “I love you, regardless of whether or not you can walk. I love you. All of you. Don’t you understand?” Frustration bit deep. What could he say to her that would convince her of his sincerity? Would make her change her mind?
“Yes. But you don’t understand. I don’t think I can have children. My pelvic injuries were so severe. I need to have tests. To find out if…if…” Her words tumbled over themselves in her effort to spit out the depressing facts. Tears shimmered and clung to her lashes.
James continued to stare down at her, forcing her to confront her self-erected barriers that were keeping them apart. “So?”
“But you want a family, James!”
“Yes, but I want you more than I want a family.” He ached to touch her but knew he had to finish. “I want you as my family. I only want you. I need you.” His voice cracked unashamedly. “Only you, darling Fen.”
“But James, Annabelle said you’ve been talking of establishing your own dynasty.”
“I love her dearly, but Annabelle talks too much and often misses the point.”
“But—”
“Fen.” James held up one hand to silence her. In the other hand he held the green plastic cracker ring. He dropped on one knee, took her small pale hand in his and asked, “Will you marry me?”
She stared deep into his eyes and saw the love and sincerity radiating from them. How could she refuse him? She loved him more than life itself. If he didn’t care about her infirmities, then why should she? “Yes,” she whispered, her voice tremulous with joy.
“Thank God for that.” Raw emotion shook his own voice. He’d nearly lost her, but now she was his, his own darling girl. James then fitted the ring on her finger and kissed her nose. “Now let’s go back and put an end to Lynette’s suspense. Though first I’m going to kiss you thoroughly. We both deserve it.” His lips came down on hers with a sure, firm boldness that was coupled with warm, sensuous promise and left them both breathless and lightheaded by the time the kiss ended.
James then picked her up and Fen wound her arms around his neck. “I love you, Mr. McAllister,” she said with simple sincerity.
“I love you too, Ms. Grant.” And he kissed her again for several long, throbbing moments before succumbing to duty and carrying her back into the dining room.
As they stepped into the room, the family’s conversation stopped. Expectant gazes were turned towards the rumpled but grinning couple.
Fen held her hand aloft to show off her green plastic engagement ring and her family erupted into noisy congratulations.
“Thank goodness for that,” said Lynette, wiping her moist eyes, her smile almost as wide as Fenella’s. “I think this deserves a toast. Here’s to the happy couple.” She held her glass high.
One of the children let off a party-popper, which prompted the others to follow suit until there was a hail of bangs and streamers gaudily wreathing the table, chairs and family.
“Not just happy, we’re ecstatic,” declared James. His gaze met Fen’s and his heart flipped and dipped at her shining countenance. All traces of doubt and hurt had been wiped away in the sure flood of their love. “Isn’t that right?” he whispered, bending towards her and tenderly kissing her soft lips.
“Oh, yes, my love.” And she kissed him back wholeheartedly.
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THE DATING GAME Page 11
