She gasped and cried out. And I let go, let the waves of pleasure crash, and crushed her to me as I came and came and came with an intensity that took my breath away.
When it was over, I was breathing hard and she was smiling up at me with her eyes shining.
"I love you," I said, unable to stop myself. Like she would believe me after what we'd just done. Like she wouldn't think I was just saying it because it was the thing to do.
Yeah, this was the storm and it was lighting up not just the love I felt, but the danger that it would blow apart my whole life. I was the fool in the corner, the guy who would stand in the rain and let the warmth of her smile scorch me.
"I love you, too." Her eyes were alive with it.
My heart soared, beating for her. I pulled out, slid the condom off, and tossed it away before pulling my jeans up. I handed her her sweatpants and panties. "There's something I want you to hear."
My hands shook as I found the music I was looking for. "This is what saved my life." I grabbed my shirt and pulled it over my head, catching the wide-eyed look on her face.
She hooked her bra, pulled her top on, and sat up, listening with a rapt look on her face. I sat next to her. She took my hand in hers, lacing our fingers together.
My heart beat so loudly that I could barely hear the music over it. When the song ended, she turned to me with a look of shock and sympathy so fierce I knew she understood.
"That day in the woods?" Her voice was soft as she squeezed my hand. "You didn't tell me you had a gun."
I squeezed her hand in return. "I had the pistol to my head, a .357, ready to pull the trigger. But the song wasn't playing just then."
This was the part that was hard to explain and made me sound crazy. "I was just about to pull the trigger when I heard a voice. It wasn't spoken. It just was. It said, 'Hang in there. Two more years and you're free.'
"As I lowered the gun, the rabbit jumped out of the woods. I pointed my pistol at the bunny, but it wasn't afraid. It stared back at me."
She looked up at me. "Then how did the song save you? It sounds like the voice and the rabbit did."
"Yeah, they all did. I sat on the rock, still wavering. And then I listened to the song and heard, really heard, the lyrics. They spoke to me as clearly as the voice. I knew that if I killed myself, my mom would be getting exactly what she wanted—attention and sympathy. And I would be throwing everything away." I swallowed hard. "I went back in the house and put the gun away. And here I am." I looked at her, expecting to see horror.
Instead, she smiled at me with scorching heat. She made me so damned happy it was scary.
"I'm glad you did." She kissed me lightly. "I'm glad you listened to that voice deep inside you that knew best."
She thought the voice was my conscience. I didn't correct her, but I would swear it wasn't.
As I leaned down to kiss her, a loud tap on the window startled us. We broke apart like we were about to be caught by our parents.
"Zach!" Morgan's drunken voice was muffled through the window. "Zach, turn your damn phone on! I know yurinthere. I can't find my key. Get up here and let me in."
Shit. Perfect timing.
Chapter Thirteen
Zach
I knew this could happen, that we could get caught. "We have to sneak you out of here. I have to let her in. She won't go away. She'll stay there and puke in the window well."
"Stupid Morgan." Alexis's eyes were narrow, but her voice held a tinge of fear.
I took her hand and led her to the stairs to the kitchen. "Go! I have to let her in our entrance." I brushed Alexis' lips with a kiss and watched her disappear up the stairs.
"Zach!" Morgan was pounding on the door. Any minute now she'd wake Carol.
"Coming!" When I opened the door, she fell into my arms, smelling of weed and beer. "You've been smoking."
"I'm so hungry, Zach. So hungry." She clutched my shirt. "You're such a good guy to let me in. Such a great guy. Take me to the kitchen."
"Didn't you eat before you left?" I grabbed her arm and helped her up the stairs that led directly to the kitchen, hoping Alexia had disappeared. "I warned you, Morgs—you have to eat or you get drunk way too fast. And smoking always makes you hungry. You know better. I don't like cleaning up your shit."
Morgan laughed. "You're hot, even when you lecture. Zach"—her breath stank as she stuck her face right up in mine—"do me before we go upstairs."
If she hadn't been so wasted, she would have smelled Alexis' perfume and the scent of sex on me and gone ape-shit crazy. I lucked out that way.
I pushed her away, gently. "You're high, Morgan. That makes you horny and hungry. Between the two, food is the obvious choice. You won't regret it in the morning."
"I would never regret you, Zach."
We both knew that wasn't true. But that didn't matter. I wasn't interested. I took her arm and led her to the kitchen.
Everything was locked up. I hadn't grabbed my key and there was no way I was going back downstairs to get it. As I looked around, Morgan went to the one unlocked cupboard in the place. All it had in it were things the girls wouldn't grab to eat—shortening, jam, condiments. Morgan grabbed an industrial-size tub of raspberry jam. She hauled it to the counter, pulled a bowl from another cupboard, reached into the jam with her bare hand, and scooped a blob into the bowl.
"Crap, Morgan. Use a spoon," I said.
She ignored me, jumped up to sit on the counter, and attacked the jam with her bare hands, getting as much on her face as in her mouth.
"Damn it, Morgan!" I raced across the room and grabbed her wrist. "You're going to make yourself sick."
"Leave me alone, Zach. If you were really concerned about me, you would have made love to me. This is yummy." She held a scoop out to me to lick off her bare fingers. "Want some?"
"You're crazy." I backed off and watched as she scooped handful after handful into her mouth, until the bowl was empty and her face, hands, shirt, and arms were sticky with jam.
"More!" She hopped off the counter, leaving raspberry handprints for me to clean up.
I grabbed her by her sticky wrist. "That's enough for tonight."
"You're cutting me off?" She fell into me and left a sugary red jam print on my T-shirt.
"Friends don't let friends eat gallons of jam drunk." I led her to the sink and positioned her in front of it. "Let's get you cleaned up and put you to bed." I turned on the water and stood behind her, reaching around her to test the water as I waited for it to warm up.
Morgan rubbed the back of her head against my chest like a cat looking for attention. "You smell good, Zach." She giggled.
I smelled like sex with Alexis. I stuck her hands beneath the running water and lathered them up, washing them like I would a little kid's.
"Your hands are big and strong." She giggled like that was funny and backed her butt up against my crotch.
I imagined she was thinking about hand size being indicative of dick size and was trying to find out for herself if it was true. "Wash your face."
"Wash it for me." Her voice was petulant and flirty at the same time as she gyrated against my crotch.
I made a teepee around her, pulling my crotch out of rubbing range, and cupped a handful of water, playfully rubbing it on her face. She licked my fingers as I tried to rinse the jam off her. She caught me off guard and managed to suck my pinkie into her mouth.
"Need some help?"
My heart dove for my stomach at the sound of Alexis' voice. Alexis and Emily stood in the doorway to the kitchen. I wish I could have warned Alexis off. Coming in just now and seeing Morgan wasted and making a pass at me was asking for trouble. Morgan would have her head in the morning. The house rule was to ignore Morgan when she was in this state and let the house guys, particularly me, deal with her.
"We heard voices. Is everything okay in here?" Em took a step toward us.
I extracted my finger from Morgan's mouth.
Morgan glared at them. "Go away!
This is none of your damned business."
Her fierceness stopped Emily short. Alexis' eyes snapped. She was undeterred. She came forward, pushed me out of the way, grabbed a dishtowel, and handed it to Morgan. "Dry your hands. We'll take you upstairs and help you to bed."
Morgan made an angry growling noise.
Alexis didn't back off.
"As your little, this stays between us. It's my responsibility to help you when you need it. Just like you'd look out for me." She took Morgan's arm and looked at me. "Thanks, Zach. We'll take it from here."
The girl had guts. That was just one of the things I loved about her. And gave me more reason to worry.
Alexis
I woke up late Sunday morning with a smile on my face to my phone ringing. I grabbed it, hoping it was Zach. Nope. Mom. Bleh.
I answered groggily. "Hey, Mom," I whispered, trying not to wake the sleeping girls around me.
"Morning, Alexis! I guess it's still morning. For a few more minutes, anyway. Did I wake you?" Her voice sounded too perky and seemed to echo through the quiet sleeping porch. Half the girls were still in bed.
Almost noon? Was it really that late? "No, I had to get up to answer the phone." I slid out of bed and went into the hall to take her call and have a little privacy.
Mom laughed. "Sorry!" She didn't sound sorry at all. "I couldn't wait to share. Good news, kiddo. I'm coming to campus on Tuesday!"
"What?" I leaned against the wall and rubbed my sleepy eyes. "Why?"
"Recruitment trip for the company," she said.
"But you don't usually do college recruiting." I was hoping I could talk her out of it. Mom was head of human resources. She usually sent less senior people on college recruitment trips. Only execs the company was interested in got her direct attention.
"I usually don't. But I'll make an exception when I can get a free trip to see my kid."
"That's great, Mom." It was horrible.
"I'm coming on Tuesday. Flying into that cow pasture the university calls an airport at the ungodly hour of eight in the morning and out at six in the evening. Exhausting. My flight leaves here at seven. I have to be at the airport before six and it takes at least forty-five minutes to get there from home. I won't get home until after eight that evening.
"I have a busy, full day of interviews and meetings, but I kept lunch open for you."
"Excellent." I let out a sigh of relief. How much trouble could she cause me in a lunch hour? "Where do you want to meet for lunch?"
"At the house, of course!"
"What? Why? The food is really not that great here." I said a silent apology to our cook Betty. Lunches weren't actually that bad. But I didn't want to chance Mom running into Zach.
"I don't care about the food. It's the company that's important to me. And I want to see your room and the house and meet your sorority sisters. We won't have much time, but we'll just have to make the most of the little we do have. Tell the cook to set an extra plate for me!"
She meant Zach, Seth, Dillon, and Paul. The houseboys set the table.
"Sure, Mom."
"Fabulous! Now, tell me, are there any cute guys? What about that frat president who seemed interested?"
"No, Mom. There are absolutely no cute guys on this campus," I said.
"Tightlipped about your love life?" She laughed. "I'll extract all the details out of you on Tuesday. Right now I have to run. See you soon, sweetie. Love you."
She wouldn't be extracting any details. Not if I could help it. I texted Zach, reminding him he owed me some coaching. I wanted to warn him in person to stay away from the house during lunch on Tuesday. But mostly I just wanted to see him.
I got a big, dumb smile every time I remembered the way he'd said he loved me. And how he proved it by being so vulnerable and sharing his private song and secrets with me.
I had to put a lock on that smile when I was around him in the house. Or maybe just period at the house. I didn't need any questions.
I went to my room, grabbed my towel and bath tote, and headed to the showers.
Morgan entered the bathroom at the same time as I did, her eyes red and puffy, hung over. She glared at me. "Your phone call with your mommy woke me up."
"Sorry. I don't have any control over her."
Morgan's eyes narrowed. "Then turn your phone off or keep it in your room." She grabbed my arm. "And a word to the wise, my drinking is my business. No one interrupts when I'm around Zach. Word of that raspberry jam gets out, I'll make your life hell. Tell your roomie, too. I don't need your help. Either of your help." She squeezed tightly.
I refused to wince.
Which irritated her more. "Got it?"
I stared her in the eye and nodded.
"Good." She dropped my arm. "Consider this your first—and last—warning. I'm only giving you slack because you're my misguided little. I haven't been doing my job about educating you on how to be a valuable part of our community. Consider this your first lesson, too." She walked into a stall and slammed the stall door behind her.
When I got in the shower, a finger-shaped bruise was already forming on my arm. I didn't need a hot shower. I was already steaming. Morgan had been coolly aloof and conspicuously missing as far as being a big went. Em, Sarah, and Laurel all got along with their bigs with varying degrees of compatibility. But their bigs were all reliable mentors and genuinely tried to help. Even if Em's was usually so busy she had little time for her.
It was like Morgan had chosen me so she could make sure I was isolated and ignorant and stepped in as many messes as I could without the guidance of a big. She didn't scare me. Not now that I had Zach.
When I got out of the shower, I had a text from Zach. He wanted to meet at an intramural field across campus far away from Greek Row. This one bridged the edge of a big dorm complex and the outer edges of university-owned apartments. It wasn't a place any of the girls were likely to go.
Don't wear any sorority gear.
Like he had to warn me.
I caught the edge of brunch and grabbed a bowl of cereal just before Seth and Dillon cleared it away. There was no way I was going to have any toast with jam. Not after seeing the way Morgan had dug into it.
I headed out of the house toward campus. Zach was waiting for me by the main library on the mall at the heart of campus. I grinned when I saw him with an athletic bag slung over his shoulder. I ran into his arms and kissed him like I didn't care who saw. It was careless, but it felt right. Besides, the mall was deserted this time of day.
He caught me and held me tight as the athletic bag banged against my thigh, returning my kiss with the bruising passion I felt.
"Wow. That's some greeting. You can say hello like that to me any day." His eyes sparkled. He looked as happy as I felt.
"Even at the house?"
"Maybe not there." He let me go. "Until we figure things out."
My heart flew at the thought of him wanting to figure things out. The simple statement spoke to me of commitment. "Until then, our status is 'in a secret relationship'?"
"Yeah, I guess that's it. Can you live with that?"
"If it's the only way to be with you. It has a thrilling, dangerous excitement to it."
"Good thing I like danger." He smiled, took my hand, and squeezed it. For a second, I thought he was going to let go. Then he laced his fingers through mine, like fate be damned, as we walked to the play fields.
I think we both felt nervous. I know I did. I felt the tension melt away when we were well out of Greek territory and into the heart of Geed land, where no one knew us and there were no expectations and stupid, artificial class differences between us.
It was a sunny afternoon, and warm for late September. When we reached the field, Zach set his bag down and pulled out a football. The play fields were on a hill and had views of the surrounding rolling hills. It was a gorgeous time to be out with the guy I loved. I looked around, so happy that I tried to commit this moment to my memory as something I would never forget. I
just hoped it never turned into a melancholy memory.
He pulled his sweatshirt off and tossed it on his bag, revealing a tight black athletic shirt, sculpted biceps, and the tender inner skin of his arm that held the tribute to his little sister. The beauty of him, all of him, inside and out, made me emotional and fierce. I knew we were right together.
The walk up the hill had made me warm, too. I stripped off my sweatshirt and dropped it next to his. "Are you ready to play some fierce football?" I was laughing and flirty. In love with being with him.
He frowned and caught my arm. "What the hell is this?" He ran his thumb lightly over the bruise Morgan had given me.
I sighed. "Morgan grabbed me this morning on my way to the shower and warned me to keep my mouth shut and leave you to her."
He swore beneath his breath.
"She doesn't scare me," I said.
"She should," he said. "Leave her to me next time. I can handle her." He paused. "What you saw last night—"
"Was nothing. I know." I took his hand. "I trust you."
He cupped my face and kissed me. In his embrace, everything in my world was warm and sunny. I never wanted to leave that place, but the kiss ended too soon when two Geeds walked by and yelled at us to get a room.
Zach grinned at me. "Jealous douchebags." He bent and pulled a football out of his bag. "Time to play ball, QB."
"QB?" I said.
"Come on. No false modesty. You're the only girl in the house with any game sense at all. The only girl who gives the ball a spiral. Dak has already singled you out as captain. That means you'll be QB1. We need to work on your arm and your throwing form." He tossed the ball to me and started running. "Hit me, QB."
Watching him run, I wondered why no one had recruited him for college ball. His form was perfect. And I mean every aspect of his form. He was pure eye candy and smooth motion as his muscles rippled and he pulled away from me.
He waved at me to throw the ball. I shook my head, giving him more distance on me. Waiting until he was at the edge of my range. Then I let the ball fly. And threw short. He had to dive for the ball, but he caught it. So much for me showing off. However, he could not show off enough for my tastes. He got up. "Too much elbow, pledge. Keep it in. Like this." He threw the ball back and hit me in the chest.
Rushed (The Rushed Series) Page 14
