by Jay McLean
“How did you know what to get?” I ask.
He shrugs. “I looked it up online and went to this herbal store on one of my lunch breaks.”
“Josh…” I press up against him, my hands on his stomach. “You did that for me?”
“Well, yeah,” he says, like it’s the dumbest question in the world. He touches my neck again. “I know it hurts you sometimes. I just thought it might help.”
With a pout, I wrap my arms around his waist, my face on his chest while I fight back the tears. His hand finds the back of my head and slowly strokes my hair. “You sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah…” I say, picking at his shirt. “I don’t know. I just feel like I spend my days waiting for you to come home and as soon as you get here I’m kind of all over you. I just don’t want you to get sick of me or anything and today—” I break off on a sigh. “I just really missed you today, is all.”
He pushes me back a little and makes me face him again. He’s biting down on his lip but I can still see his smile forming. “And that makes you what? Sad?”
“Scared,” I admit.
“Why?”
I shrug.
He smiles wider. “Becca, I’m buying you herbal tea on my lunch breaks. I think about you all the time. I miss you like crazy when you’re not around. If anything, I worry you’re going to get sick of me asking you to hang out with me. I get it. It’s scary. But it’s mutual, right? So that kind of makes it okay.”
He doesn’t wait for a response, just leans down and kisses me softly. At first. But then his arms tighten around me and his mouth pauses on mine, before slowly lifting to a smile. His lips part and skim mine from side to side.
“Daddy?”
Josh groans, frustrated, and I can’t help but laugh. “Yeah, buddy?”
“I think I’m going to wee in da bed.”
“What?” Josh shouts, his arms tense. “ You’re going to or you have?”
Tommy shouts back, “I’m going to! No. Now I have!”
Ten minutes later, Tommy’s in the shower cackling with laughter while Josh changes his sheets, cursing, and glaring at me while I try to suppress my laugh. “It’s not funny!”
“I’m not laughing because it happened,” I say. “It’s the way he said it. So cute.”
He shakes his head and finishes making Tommy’s bed, then throws the old sheets out in the hallway. “I’m going to wash you and you’re getting right back in bed and going straight to sleep,” he tells Tommy when he walks into the bathroom.
Tommy laughs harder.
“Okay?” Josh says in his tough-dad tone.
“Okay, Daddy!”
I pick up the sheets and throw them in his washing machine and a few seconds later I hear Josh growl. “Tommy! I’m all wet now,” he huffs. I walk out just in time to see Josh’s shirt and jeans flying out of the bathroom. I take them, too, and bring them to the laundry room. I empty his pants pockets before throwing them in. After switching the washer on, I go through the scraps of paper and coins and that’s when I see it.
A note.
A name.
A number.
I stand, frozen, still looking at it when Josh walks in minutes later. “You doing my laundry?” he asks, and I can hear the smile in his voice.
For the first time, I’m glad I don’t speak often because it’s given me the experience to formulate proper words instead of just blurting them out like most people do. Only now, I can’t think of anything to say.
His hand settles on the small of my back as he looks over my shoulder. His breath catches—he knows he’s been caught. “Becca?” he says through a sigh. “It’s not what it looks like.”
Slowly, I turn to him and try to ignore the fact that he’s standing in front of me wearing nothing but boxers. I do my best to ignore the muscles on his shoulders, the ripples of his chest and the dips of his abs, and that perfect V of his that turns my insides to dust. I look back up at him and clear my throat. “Who’s Angela?”
He doesn’t skip a beat. “She’s just this mom from Tommy’s daycare. She invited Tommy over for a play date and gave me her number. That’s all.”
“So… what? You go to her house and drop Tommy off?”
“Well, no. I’d stay there while they played. I don’t feel comfortable leaving Tommy alone with someone I don’t know that well.”
“So you’d be there… with her.”
He nods. “And our kids.”
“Is she pretty?” I ask, even though I really, really don’t want to know.
He shrugs. And it’s all I need to push him out of the way. He doesn’t let me though. He stands in front of me, his shoulders squared. “What’s wrong?”
I drop my gaze. “Don’t be dumb. You know what’s wrong.”
“Say it.”
I glare right at him.
“Say it,” he says again, smirking this time.
“Say what?”
“You’re jealous.”
“You’re mean.”
He chuckles lightly and bends down so his mouth’s to my ear. “You’re crazy cute when you’re jealous.”
“Shut up,” I try to say, but it’s barely a squeak because his bare chest and arms are wrapped around me now, forcing all the air out of my lungs.
“So cute,” he murmurs, his mouth on my neck. “I was kidding, by the way. She’s like forty and goes to church with your grams.”
I push against his chest but he doesn’t move, just chuckles louder and a second later I’m being lifted onto the washer.
“Why would you make me feel like that?” I whisper.
He settles between my legs and pulls me closer to him. “Like what?”
“Josh…”
“I’m sorry,” he says, but he’s not. I can see it in the stupid smirk and the stupid amusement dancing in his eyes.
“No you’re not.”
“So I like it that you got jealous. Sue me.” His hands drift down my back and settle on my ass while his eyes drop to my chest. And the amusement in his eyes is gone and replaced with something else completely. He licks his lips, his eyes moving to mine.
“What?” I whisper.
He squeezes my ass, pulling me fully against him. “You know what.”
I curse my hands when they move, almost on their own, to his bare chest, the tips of my fingers warming from the heat of his skin as I lower them to his stomach—my gaze following my movements.
With one hand on my back, the other in my hair now, he tugs lightly and tilts my head back. His lips lower; already parted when they cover mine and my eyes drift closed just as he kicks the door shut and reaches over to switch the light off. “Let’s play in the dark,” he says, and there’s absolutely nothing sexier than feeling him between my legs, his breaths warm and heavy against my neck and his hands everywhere all at once. The sounds of my breaths mingle with his while his mouth trails from my mouth down to my neck, kissing every inch like he kisses me. I run my hands all over his torso, his shoulders, his arms. Goddamn, his arms. His muscles flex beneath my touch. His hands are on my thighs now, moving higher and taking the hem of my skirt with them. His kisses are soft against my throat, and my legs tense when I feel his fingers skim the fabric of my panties. “Fuck,” he spits, pulling away and gasping for breath. I take the opportunity to return the favor and kiss down his neck to his shoulder. His fingers dig into my thighs as I lick down his chest until I find his nipple. My tongue flicks across it, eliciting a deep guttural moan from him. “Jesus, shit,” he whispers, cupping my face. His thumb searches for my mouth in the darkness of the room and when I open my mouth and wrap my lips around his thumb, he loses it.
We both do.
Our lips crash together, our hands searching for something, anything. Between our frenzied kisses, we gasp for air. His hand covers one of my breasts, squeezing gently and my hips jerk at his touch but it just makes it worse because now I can feel him hard against my sex. He’s pushing into me and I’m pushing back and he’s kissing me h
arder until I’m forced against the wall behind me. My hands skim down to his stomach and—“Shit.”
His thumb rubs against my panties, between my legs, slowly moving up and down.
My hips jerk forward. The backs of my fingers run through the tuft of hair just above the band of his boxers—the band I’m slowly lowering…
He whispers another “fuck” as he pulls down on my top, revealing my bra. His lips, wet, skim the top of my breast just as my hands find their way to his—
“Daddy!”
“DAMMIT, TOMMY!”
14
-Joshua-
I double check the measurements against the list Chazarae had given me as I stand in the middle of the driveway planning out my day. Soft hands cover my eyes and Becca’s breasts press against my back. “Morning,” she whispers and I can’t help but smile.
I turn slowly, removing her hand at the same time. The morning sun beats down on her, making her skin glow and her eyes the brightest shade of green. “Morning.” I kiss her quickly, not wanting my mind or my body to remember how her lips made me feel last night. You know… until Tommy ruined it all. “How’d you sleep?”
She shrugs and glances at Tommy scooting up and down the driveway. “I missed you.”
I cup her neck and run my thumb across her throat, waiting for her to tilt her head back before leaning down and kissing it. “Me too.”
“Next Friday, right?” she says, her hands fisting my shirt.
“The next week is going to be so slow.”
“It’ll be worth it.”
A delivery truck pulls into the driveway and I open the gate for it. Chazarae had asked me to build some garden beds in the back yard for her and Tommy so that’s how I’m spending my weekend—which I guess will help keep my mind and my hands off Becca.
I wait for the truck to reverse into the driveway and introduce myself to the driver when he hops out. “Brad,” he says, shaking my hand, but his eyes are on Becca and Tommy sitting on the porch steps blowing bubbles. His gaze moves from her face to her legs and back again.
I’ve never wanted to punch someone. Hunter and I have come close a couple times but that’s just boys being boys. But this guy—I want to punch him. And if he keeps looking at Becca the way he is, I will.
Because I’m frustrated.
Emotionally.
Sexually.
All of it.
We unload the truck. Well, I do. He’s too busy looking at her. “You want to do your job or should I just keep doing it for you?” I snap, taking another bag of soil from his truck.
He’s silent as he finally looks away, his eyes narrowed, before he grabs the end of a piece of timber.
It doesn’t last long though. A couple minutes later I catch him doing it again. And I’ve had enough. I drop the supplies and for a moment question whether or not I can actually take him. He’s a few years older, but I’m bigger. Plus, I have a reason to fight. He doesn’t. I take the steps to get to him and his eyes widen when my fists ball his collar and I shove him against his truck.
“What’s your problem?” he says, like I’m the one with the fucking problem.
I glance at Becca quickly—she’s rushing Tommy in the house and calling out to her grandmother. My fists ball tighter. “You’re my fucking problem.”
“Josh,” Becca calls out, her voice strained. She steps up beside me now, her hands on my chest pushing me away. “Stop, babe.”
I release my hands but not my anger. “Quit fucking looking at her.”
“It’s a free world,” he says, smirking as he looks her up and down.
Becca stands in front of me when I take a step forward. “Please,” she says, her eyes pleading and filling with tears. “Just don’t.” She rises to her toes, her hands on my shoulders, and kisses me until my anger fades.
“Okay, I get it,” Brad says, but still—we don’t pull apart.
He sighs and starts to actually do his job, the entire time, my lips don’t leave hers and I know it’s just going to add to my frustration but her kisses, her touch—they’re like my drug… and I can’t quit.
Once the truck’s unloaded and the asshole’s left, Chazarae and Becca take Tommy with them to run errands and go shopping while I work alone in the yard. Alone with me, myself, and my thoughts—and sometimes, that can be a deadly combination.
I knew I’d lost it—which is something I rarely do. And it wasn’t just because that dick was looking at her the way he was. It’s because deep down, I knew he could’ve had her. And he would’ve been better for her than I was. Everyone would be better for her. At least they could actually do things without being weighed down by a kid. They could date, properly. They could get intimate without worrying about being interrupted. They could have the freedom to enjoy each other, fall in love even… without all the extra baggage. And these are the thoughts that make me question everything to do with Becca. That and the fact I still don’t know anything about her. Not really. But like I said, I’m addicted to her. To every single thing about her. And even though I know it’s bad, it feels so damn good.
These thoughts still plague my mind hours later when they all return. “Hey,” Becca says, beaming up at me. Her smile falters when I don’t return it. She walks toward me, her head tilted as if assessing me. “You okay?”
“Yeah,” I lie, leaning against my truck and wiping the sweat off my face with the bottom of my shirt. “What did you guys get up to?”
Her smile returns. “Grams got me a new printer! I’ve only got this little portable one and she bought me this one that does all these things and I’m going to play with it all weekend!”
The excitement in her voice is reason enough for my mood to switch. With a chuckle, I link my fingers with hers and just stare at how fricken’ perfect she is.
“What?” she asks, her smile wide.
“You’re such a cutie when you get excited.”
“I’ve never had anything like this before. Not for myself.”
My smile widens with every word she speaks. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you this excited before. Ever.”
She shrugs and looks down, her cheeks darkening. “It’s a big deal for me.”
“I know,” I tell her. “I love it—seeing you like this.”
“It’s big,” she says, spreading her arms out as wide as they can go. “And it’s in the trunk. Can you get it and haul it up to my room? Please?”
“Sure.”
The second I release her hand and take a step away she smacks my ass. “Thank you.”
★★★
“How the fuck old is your computer?” I ask, looking down at it while I set up the printer on her desk.
“Not that old. It was like, three years old when it was given to me.”
“How long ago?”
She shrugs. “Four years ago.”
“And it still does what you need? I mean, you have to run some pretty heavy stuff on there for your photos, right?”
“It’s not so bad. It’s better than not having one at all.”
“I’ll be back.”
“Where are you going?”
“Just wait here.”
I return a minute later with my laptop—one I was conned into buying. Well, not so much conned, but the guy at the store talked it up so much that I was convinced I needed all the pixels and aspect ratios and graphics—whatever the hell they meant. One thing led to another and the next thing I knew I was handing him my credit card.
I’ve used it twice.
“Here.” I dump the laptop and charger on her desk.
“What’s this?”
“It’s my computer. It’s a year old and I don’t use it. Like, at all. You can borrow it.”
“Josh, this is MacBook Pro.”
“See, at least you know what it is.”
“I can’t—”
“You will.” I sit down on her desk chair and switch it on. “I’ll just change my password and get rid of any and all incriminating evidence.
”
She laughs just as Chazarae calls out, “Becca!”
“Becca!” Tommy repeats.
“Oh no.” I sigh. “Has he been playing echo with you guys all day?”
She shrugs. “I don’t know. Has he been playing echo with you guys all day?”
“I’m sorry,” I laugh out. “But it’s your fault. You taught him about echo.”
“You taught him about echo.”
“That’s so annoying.”
She giggles. “That’s so annoying.” Then she tilts my head up from behind me and plants a kiss on my nose. “I’ll be back,” she says, before practically skipping out of her room. Her steps thud, fast and free, down the stairs and regardless of how I felt no more than fifteen minutes ago, I realize I’m happy. She makes me happy. Especially this side of her. Because with Becca—there are two sides. And I’m pretty sure I’m in love with both.
The front door slams shut and I hear Tommy’s voice, but he’s outside and a minute later, I hear Chaz’s car start.
I hit the right keys, change the passwords and delete my porn just as Becca walks in with two cans of soda and, going by the look on her face, she knows exactly what I’ve been doing. “Porn?” she whispers.
“Pshh! I barely know how to use this thing let alone download porn on it.”
She smirks, setting the cans on the desk before pushing me back in the chair and sitting down on my lap. She scoots back until her ass is pressed up against my stomach, then takes my hand and places it on her bare legs. I rest my chin on her shoulder and try to fight off the excitement stirring in my dick. “Where’s your grams?” I ask, kissing her neck while her index finger moves the curser to a trash icon on the laptop screen. She clicks it twice, and the first thing that pops up is a folder titled Porn.
“You’re supposed to empty the trash if you want to hide things from me.”
I chuckle lightly and drop my forehead to her shoulder. “Shut up.”
Her fingers comb through the back of my head as she shifts on my lap. I hold my breath, my hands moving higher on her legs, taking the hem of her dress with them. “The store forgot to give us the paper we bought so Grams has taken Tommy with her to get it. She said she might take him to a park after,” she says.
