‘You want some help getting her latched on?’ the nurse queried.
‘Um…I’d rather try by myself.’ Ellie ducked her head, embarrassed. ‘The midwife gave me the Don’t Panic Guide to Birth to read and it’s great. There’s a technique in it that should work just as well for a baby this long after birth as if I’d done it straight away.’
‘I’ve read that.’ The nurse nodded. ‘It’s about being skin to skin and letting the baby latch on by itself, isn’t it?’
Ellie nodded, shy but eager.
‘That’s supposed to be between the mother and baby, unassisted, but…’ The nurse was frowning. ‘Given that you’ve just come from the intensive care unit, I’m not happy leaving you entirely by yourself with baby.’
Mouse was crying in earnest now, sounding distressed, with a warbling cry Max hadn’t heard before. It was making him feel tense.
‘Maybe if the father stays,’ the nurse suggested. ‘That’s allowed, isn’t it?’
Ellie was rocking the baby. ‘Shh, shh…’ she crooned. ‘It’s all right…’
Except it wasn’t all right. Max could see his own tension in Ellie’s face and hear it in the escalating misery of the baby’s cry. Someone needed to sort this out.
‘Of course it’s allowed,’ he snapped. ‘Why wouldn’t it be? Might be a good idea if you all left us to it.’
They went, closing the door behind them. Max drew the curtains over the windows on the corridor side of the room.
‘What should I do?’
‘Nothing,’ Ellie said. She was peeling away baby blankets. ‘I need to undress…her.’ She was fumbling with the ties on the baby’s gown but then she looked up and Max could see the tears in her eyes. ‘She hasn’t even got a name,’ Ellie choked out.
‘Yes, she has.’ Max stepped closer. He knew how to take that gown off. ‘She’s Mouse. Because she’s tiny and cute and sometimes she twitches her nose. Do you need the nappy off as well?’
‘I…I don’t think so.’
‘Skin to skin, right?’
Ellie didn’t meet his eyes. ‘Mmm. I need to put her…um, Mouse, between my breasts.’
Max swallowed. ‘OK. I’ll hold her for a tick while you sort your gown.’
He was used to holding this baby when it was virtually naked. The movements of small, unfettered limbs no longer triggered alarm. He held the baby against his chest and, by some miracle, it calmed her. He could feel the rub of that tiny nose against his shirt and the high-pitched cries softened into noisy snuffles.
‘She likes you,’ Ellie said.
‘She just knows me. Maybe it’s a smell thing.’ Max was busy not looking at Ellie as she took her arms from the sleeves of her gown and pushed it down to her waist.
‘Mmm.’ Her voiced sounded oddly strangled. ‘That’s what the book said. The baby needs to see and hear you and smell and taste. I put her face down between my breasts and stroke her back and she learns my smell and then she should start moving her head around until she finds the nipple all by herself.’
‘Really?’ Max was surprised enough to look up and there was Ellie with her breasts exposed. Small and round, like the rest of her. Pale and firm looking, with a tracing of blue veins and nut-brown nipples.
Max had to swallow hard again. He shouldn’t be doing this. He really shouldn’t. He could see the same discomfort in Ellie’s eyes when he hauled his gaze away, a flush of something like guilt warming the back of his neck. For two pins he’d give her the baby and leave her to it but he couldn’t do that, could he? They wouldn’t let her do this alone and if she had a complete stranger watching, the chances of this going well might be greatly diminished.
So, instead, he smiled. ‘You look like a Madonna,’ he told her. ‘You ready?’
‘Mmm.’
Max had to position Mouse and that inevitably meant that his hands had to touch her breasts. He tried to ignore the awareness. The odd tingle it gave him deep in his gut. At least it didn’t take long and then he could step back and simply observe. Be there in case Ellie needed rescuing.
It seemed to be going well. The baby stopped even snuffling as it lay there against its mother’s skin. Ellie stroked her gently down the middle of her back and then raised her hand slowly to repeat the motion. Again and again.
So softly. Her fingers tracing a miniature spine. The movement had to be soothing.
It was certainly soothing Max.
Mouse was moving now, pulling her little legs up and then pushing them down again.
‘Do you think she needs a blanket?’ Ellie spoke in a whisper.
‘It’s pretty warm in here. See how she goes.’
The baby had looked up at the sound of Ellie’s voice.
‘She’s watching me.’ There was wonder in the whisper now.
Max watched Mouse. He saw her put her hands up to her mouth and then fling an arm sideways to make contact with a breast. She started to move her head from side to side, rubbing her nose on Ellie’s skin the way she had been doing on Max’s shirt not so long ago.
He opened his mouth to make an encouraging comment but then shut it again. He didn’t want to break whatever magic was happening here. Voices and other noises from beyond the door faded into irrelevance and there was a silence in this room that had a very different feel to it. Both Max and Ellie were watching the baby, totally caught up in something they had no need to interfere with. Something primaeval and instinctive.
Something very wonderful.
Mouse was bobbing her head now. Then she stretched her neck and her whole head jerked so that it landed on top of Ellie’s breast. With a tiny gasp, Ellie moved her hands to support the baby who had opened her mouth to poke out her tongue and lick the skin right beside a nipple.
Max held his breath. He could swear his heart stopped in that final moment when the baby’s mouth closed over Ellie’s nipple. And then he could hear the sound of sucking. When a tiny hand came up and pressed against the pale skin of Ellie’s breast, he actually had to swallow past a constriction in his throat that felt horribly like tears were not far away.
Ellie looked up then and she had tears she wasn’t bothering to swallow away. They rolled down her cheeks and her eyes shone with more of them but Max had never seen such an expression of joy in anyone’s face. He couldn’t look away. Couldn’t swallow quite hard enough either but it didn’t seem to matter that his own eyes got so wet.
This was a moment he would remember for the rest of his life. This joy. This connection. Between Ellie and her baby. Between Ellie and himself.
It made everything that had happened in this crazy week worthwhile because if he hadn’t pretended to be the father of this baby, he wouldn’t be here right now. He wouldn’t have witnessed that little miracle of nature.
He and Ellie had shared the magic. No one else could be part of it or even begin to understand it. It was Ellie who finally broke that eye contact and he could sense what an effort it had taken. She looked down again. So did Max.
And there was Mouse. Sucking blissfully and staring up at her mother. Ellie wouldn’t look up at him again. Max knew what it felt like to be caught in that gaze. He could blink away the moisture in his eyes now. Take a deep breath and let it out very slowly. He could even smile.
His work was done.
CHAPTER FIVE
‘HAPPY birthday, dear Mouse…Happy birthday to you.’
Ellie was laughing. ‘She’s only a week old!’
Max was holding a bunch of rainbow-hued balloons. He tied them to the doorhandle and then ducked outside the room again. Ellie’s jaw dropped when he returned moments later with his arms overflowing with parcels. He put them on the end of her bed where there was plenty of room because Ellie was sitting crosslegged, her back against her pillows and her baby in her arms, seemingly engrossed in being fed.
‘Max…what have you done?’
The intent look she received from those dark eyes was out of kilter with the satisfied smile that was fading a little.
>
‘You didn’t have a whole lot of baby stuff ready, did you?’
‘No.’ Ellie bit her lip. ‘I thought I had plenty of time and…and I had other things on my mind.’
The smile brightened again. ‘I thought as much. And they’re talking about letting you guys escape so I thought you’d need a few things to start you off.’
‘Oh…Max…’ It was embarrassing how easily tears came to her eyes these days. Ellie had never been one to cry much. ‘As if you haven’t done enough for us already.’
Max shrugged. He stepped closer and peered down at the baby. ‘Is she done? Looks like she’s asleep.’
‘She is.’ Ellie slipped her little finger into the corner of the tiny mouth to break any remaining suction. It also exposed her nipple to Max but any embarrassment over something like this had long since vanished. It had probably evaporated that very first time, in fact, when they had shared that amazing experience of Mouse finding Ellie’s breast by herself.
‘Maybe I could hold her for a bit, while you open her presents.’
‘OK.’ Max was the one person in the world that Ellie could hand her baby to without a qualm. He took Mouse and positioned her upright against his shoulder and he began rubbing her back gently.
Ellie opened a parcel to find a selection of tiny stretch suits in pink and yellow and the palest green. Another had tiny singlets and hats and one was full of bootees, including a soft yellow pair that looked like ducks. There were toys. Rattles and small, stuffed animals and a brightly coloured play rug. Sleep suits that buttoned up like tiny sleeping bags at the bottom and even a dress that was a smocked white affair with a scattering of exquisite, embroidered flowers and a matching bonnet.
Ellie had to blink back tears yet again as she held it up. ‘It’s gorgeous.’
‘I know it’s probably a bit big but, hey…she’s growing pretty fast.’
‘Max…I don’t know what to say.’
Mouse did. She gave an impressively large burp that made both Ellie and Max laugh and broke the potentially awkward moment.
Except that she had caught his gaze as they laughed and the eye contact held and became something else. Something huge that squeezed Ellie’s heart so hard it was painful. It was Max who looked away first and she hurriedly dropped her own gaze and bit her bottom lip as the silence took on a heavier feel.
Max cleared his throat. ‘I’ve been thinking,’ he said.
‘About?’
‘You.’
Ellie’s heart gave another squeeze and it was a noticeable effort to draw a breath.
‘And Mouse, here.’ Max had tilted his head so that his chin was touching the top of the baby’s head.
‘I know. I really have to decide on a proper name.’ For some reason Ellie was feeling nervous now. What was Max about to say? Give her some last advice before disappearing from their lives? ‘I’m thinking maybe Amelia? Or…or Charlotte?’
He frowned. ‘Definitely not Amelia though I’m sure Jet would approve.’
‘Why?’
‘You know, Amelia Earhart? The famous female pilot?’
‘Oh…’ Jet had been up to visit once in the last few days and Ellie had had the impression he didn’t approve of her at all.
‘I wouldn’t be in a hurry,’ Max said. ‘The longer it takes the better, really.’
‘Why?’
‘Because if you can’t think of the right name, you won’t be able to register the birth and the longer you leave that the better.’
‘Mmm. I’ve been thinking about that myself. I’ll have to use her real surname for that and if Marcus found me because I bought a plane ticket, he might well be able to trace that.’
‘Especially seeing as he had an idea of when the baby’s due.’ Max smiled at Ellie. ‘Good thinking, having her a few weeks early. Gives you a bit of time to play with.’
‘Except that I’ll be registering her birth at about the time she was really due.’
Max nodded but he wasn’t meeting Ellie’s gaze. ‘What if you could legally register her as McAdam?’
‘You mean, change my name by deed poll or something?’
‘No.’ Max turned his head and his gaze locked with hers. ‘I mean I could marry you.’
The world stopped turning for a heartbeat. Ellie had to close her eyes and then open them very slowly just to make sure she hadn’t fallen into some parallel universe.
‘Did…um…did you just say you could marry me?’
‘Yep.’
‘So that Mouse could have your name?’
‘And you. You need a new name, too. It’s not as if I’d be giving away anything I couldn’t still keep myself as well. The perfect gift, if you put it like that.’
‘Apart from ruining your single status.’ Ellie’s breath came out in a huff of laughter. ‘I ‘ve seen the way the nurses around here look at you, Max. There’s more than a few disappointed by your pretend marriage. A real one might take a lot more explaining.’
‘Hey, am I complaining?’ Max flashed her a grin. ‘To tell the truth, I’m quite glad of an opportunity to be unavailable. Could be the making of me, being celibate for a while.’
‘A while? That’s like a piece of string, isn’t it? How long were you thinking?’
Max looked serious again. ‘As long as it takes, just like the string. How long do you think it will take you to settle into motherhood? Find a place you want to be and get your life on track?’
Ellie was silent. The future was huge and blank. The only goal she could focus on was to look after her daughter and keep her safe.
‘Six months?’ Max prompted. ‘A year, maybe?’
Still Ellie said nothing.
‘Think of it like an insurance policy,’ Max suggested. ‘Think about it, anyway. The offer’s there and I don’t offer anything I’m not prepared to follow through.’ He got to his feet and Ellie watched his hands as he shifted Mouse. One hand was under her small bottom and the other cradled her head to protect her neck. He moved her so gently she didn’t stir in her sleep. ‘I have to go,’ Max said quietly. ‘I’ll leave you with the birthday girl but I’ll be back later. We can talk about it when you’ve had a chance to think.’
Left alone, Ellie unwound her legs and climbed very carefully off her bed. She should put Mouse back into her crib to sleep but, instead, she found herself walking slowly around her room.
Thinking hard.
‘You did what?’
The CT scan technician glanced sharply sideways at the two doctors standing in front of the screens that were about to show images of their patient’s head and neck.
‘We’re almost good to go,’ she said nervously. ‘I’ll just check on Stephen.’ She ducked behind the glass screen to where two nurses were preparing a teenaged boy for the scan.
‘I suggested that Ellie married me,’ Max repeated patiently. ‘It’s no big deal.’
‘Are you kidding? It’s a huge deal. Marriage?’
‘Keep your voice down. I’m supposed to be married to her already, remember? This would just make it legal as far as the paperwork goes. I’m talking name only. Ellie needs a new name. The mouse needs a name. I’m trying to make sure the poor kid doesn’t end up being a “Jones”.’
For once, Rick wasn’t smiling. ‘I suppose you’re planning to put your moniker on the birth certificate, too?’
Max shrugged. ‘I’ve gone this far. What’s the harm in going a bit further?’
Rick whistled silently. ‘The kid is going to grow up thinking that you are her biological father.’
‘Not necessarily. I’m sure Ellie will tell her the truth when she’s old enough to understand. It’s not as though she’ll remember me. I’m talking about a limited time, here. A few months maybe and then we’ll get a quiet divorce. No harm done.’
‘And fifteen years down the track? When a teenager you’ve forgotten about turns up on your doorstep because nobody got round to telling her the truth? What then?’
Max was silent for a mo
ment. He wouldn’t have forgotten about Mouse. No way. Rick cleared his throat as a prompt. ‘I’ll tell her the truth.’
‘Don’t forget to tell your wife and the three kids of your own you’ll probably have by then. Might throw a bit of a dampener on a peaceful evening at home otherwise.’
‘I won’t have a wife and three kids.’ He could sound quite confident about that. Was it because the prospect was distinctly uninviting? An as-yet-unknown woman. Babies. Good grief, he’d been through more than enough in the last week to put him off babies for a very long time. Quite possibly for ever.
‘What if it turns up with an adoptive mother?’ Rick continued relentlessly. ‘Like that Sarah who had your apartment? And they’re there because you’re the last hope to save the kid who desperately needs a bone marrow-transplant or a kidney or a bit of liver? How are you going to feel then? I’ll tell you, mate. You’ll feel like crap. Like you made a very big mistake a very long time ago.’
Max sighed. ‘If you thought the worst-case scenario was going to happen you’d never do anything in life.’ He wanted to change the subject. ‘Like that kid in there. Stephen. He wouldn’t have even started playing ice-hockey if he’d thought about getting tripped up and head-slammed into a wall.’
Rick gave a huff of laughter. ‘Your logic’s flawed. You’re supporting my side of the argument, here.’
Max ignored him. He looked at the technician who was still sending anxious glances towards the windows he and Rick stood behind. He pressed the microphone button. ‘Good to go in there?’
She nodded and started the scanner. The bed began to move slowly into the mouth of the huge machine.
‘We’ll be right here, Steve,’ Max heard her say reassuringly. ‘Keep as still as you possibly can.’
A nurse ushered Stephen’s frightened mother away. ‘He’ll be fine,’ she was saying. ‘It won’t take long and his doctor’s right here to watch him. He’s got an expert from Neurosurgery to check the results as well. Try not to worry.’
The Honourable Maverick / The Unsung Hero Page 6
