‘You know what?’ she asked finally.
‘What?’
‘I think he’s scared of you.’
Josh looked puzzled then shook his head. ‘I’m just a kid. He’s a grown-up and he rides a motorbike. Why would he be scared of me?’
‘Being a parent can be scary,’ Sarah tried to explain. ‘Especially if it just happens. One minute you’re not and then—bang—you’ve got someone else to be responsible for and take care of and…and love. It can change your whole life.’
‘I s’pose.’ Josh was watching her carefully. ‘Were you scared of me?’
Sarah smiled. ‘You bet I was. But I still wanted you and you know I love you to little pieces, don’t you?’ She had to hug him now. And give him a big kiss on the top of his head.
Josh made a disgusted noise. ‘He’ll have to come and see me,’ he said decisively when he had wriggled free.
‘How’s that?’
‘When he gives me his bone marrow.’
Sarah was silent again. It was quite possible that the only part of Rick Josh would get to meet would be the bone marrow donated arriving for infusion. The frustration was familiar now, the anger still simmering quietly on Josh’s behalf. The desire to protect this lad from rejection was redundant. The fact that he knew the identity of his father and was waiting for a visit that might never happen meant that the rejection was already real.
‘You can tell him it’s not so scary,’ Josh said.
‘Oh, Josh…’ Sarah gave a huff of laughter. If only it was that easy. ‘I will,’ she promised, ‘but don’t get your hopes up too much. Rick might be more scared than I was and…it just happened for me, didn’t it? You turned up on my doorstep, pretty much. And…’ she smiled at this little boy with all the love in her heart ‘…it was the best present I ever, ever got.’
Josh’s nod was thoughtful. ‘Maybe you should give me to my dad, then,’ he said calmly.
‘What?’ For the second time in the space of only minutes, Sarah was utterly shocked.
‘Not for ever.’ Josh was frowning again, thinking things through. ‘If he found me on his doorstep, he might stop being scared.’ Big, brown eyes were alight with sparks of both determination and what looked worryingly like hope. ‘He might think I was a good present, too.’
Sarah had to close her eyes. Out of the mouths of babes. The countless scenarios she had played with in the last few days paled in comparison to the bold genius Josh had just come up with. But she had to shake her head.
‘He um…might not be too happy about that, hon.’
Except that she could hear Ellie’s voice now. The conversation they’d had just before she’d taken off for her honeymoon. When she’d given her Rick’s address in case she needed help while they were away.
He’ll help if he possibly can, she had said with complete conviction. He’s a great guy. They all are. I’d trust any one of those three guys with my life. With Mattie’s life.
That’s what Sarah would be trusting him with, wasn’t it? Because Josh was her life these days.
‘It’d be OK,’ Josh was saying. ‘He’d see I’m not so scary. And, besides, I’d kind of like a ride on his bike. He said I could have one.’
Sarah’s eyes flew open. ‘No way!’
Josh looked mutinous. ‘You said I could do anything I wanted to do before I have to come back into hospital and I want to ride a bike.’
‘Why? They’re horrible, dangerous things.’
‘Mum said my dad rode a bike. She said he had a leather jacket and he was the nicest, handsomest man in the world.’
Good grief…Had Lucy known the real identify of Josh’s father all along? Or had she seen something in Josh as he’d grown older that had reminded her of the man who’d been her secret? Or…maybe…she’d just wanted to give him a hero image to feel proud of. Sarah could understand why. She could only hold her breath and hope like hell that Rick would live up to his status.
‘I might die,’ Josh said matter-of-factly. ‘What if that happens and I never got to find out what it’s like?’
Sarah groaned inwardly. Talk about emotional blackmail.
But Josh was grinning now. He had her over a barrel and they both knew it.
He’d been thinking about Simon when the doorbell rang.
His young patient in Intensive Care was starting to breathe on his own and it looked like he’d be able to come off the ventilator very soon. Survival was seeming more likely but at what cost? How brain damaged might he be? His parents had adapted to their new environment remarkably quickly and they’d actually been overjoyed at the news of progress today but how happy would they be further down the track if their son couldn’t talk or walk? Or maybe not even recognise them?
To see the bright, inquisitive eyes of an intelligent child looking up at him when he opened the door was light years away from where his thoughts had been. It was so unexpected that Rick was totally floored. His brain was having difficulty joining the dots.
‘Josh? What on earth are you doing here?’
‘Sarah dropped me.’
‘Huh?’ Rick looked over the boy’s head. A small, red car was at the end of his driveway. It was a tricky manoeuvre at this time of day to back out onto what was essentially a main road. It could well take a minute or two.
‘I’ve come to visit,’ Josh said.
Rick dropped his gaze. Josh had a look on his face that could only be deemed supremely confident. Triumphant, almost. It was a look that said, You can’t send me away cos I’m your son. He also had what looked suspiciously like an overnight bag at his feet.
‘Hang tight for a tick, buddy.’ Rick pulled his lips into the best semblance of a smile he could manage. ‘I’ll be right back.’
He’d never walked down that driveway with such powerful strides. Driven by outrage. What the hell did Sarah think she was playing at here?
He almost missed his opportunity. She didn’t see him approaching because she was looking over her shoulder and she’d found a gap in the traffic and started to back out. As she turned the wheel to change direction, Rick stepped out in front of her car. It was a pretty stupid thing to do but Rick was past thinking clearly. Did he really think he could stop the vehicle from running him over by thumping his fist on the bonnet like that?
Whatever. It worked. Sarah jammed on the brakes and the car stalled with a lurch. Rick took another two strides that brought him to the driver’s window, which had been rolled down to aid visibility. Sarah was staring straight ahead, still gripping the steering-wheel.
‘ What’s going on here?’ He kept his tone quiet. Deliberately dangerous.
Sarah flinched but didn’t meet his unfriendly stare. ‘Josh wanted to visit you.’ Her voice was high and tight. ‘He seems to think that you offered him a ride on your bike and he wants to take you up on it.’
This didn’t make sense. When he’d suggested that at the wedding, Sarah had acted as if he was planning to murder her nephew. Not that he was going to be distracted by trying to find out why she’d changed her mind. There were more pressing issues to get sorted.
‘So you just left him on my doorstep? What kind of guardian are you? What if you’d got the address wrong? If I hadn’t been home?’
The flinch had become semi-permanent. Sarah radiated tension.
‘I got Mike to check your roster. I already knew your address. And…and I waited until I saw you open the door.’
She slid him a sideways glance that was an oddly appealing mix of defiance and guilt. Rick recognised something in that glance from way back. Teenage stuff. When you were doing something you simply had to do but knew damn well you would get into trouble if you got caught. Again, Rick wasn’t going to be distracted and certainly not by some misguided feeling of empathy for this woman.
‘Is this some kind of game? You think I’m going to change my mind about telling him I’m his father just because we’re face-to-face?’
Sarah turned her head this time. He could see the movem
ent of muscles in her throat as she swallowed. ‘You don’t have to change your mind. Josh already knows.’
Rick made an incredulous sound. ‘You told him? After I specifically said that I didn’t want—’
‘No,’ Sarah interrupted fiercely. ‘I didn’t tell him. I thought he had a right to know but I didn’t tell him because I didn’t want him to know that you didn’t want to acknowledge him. Josh told me and I couldn’t lie about it.’
Something cold was folding itself around Rick. Fear? Or maybe it was actually something hot. Like fury.
‘I don’t believe you.’
‘Your prerogative.’ Sarah’s tone was clipped. ‘But for what it’s worth, Josh wanted to meet you. This was his idea.’
‘It’s a very bad idea.’ Rick’s words were just as clipped as hers had been. ‘I don’t like being pushed around.’
‘No. I don’t suppose you do.’
Another glance and he had the impression there was a spark of…what, sympathy in her eyes? It could be amusement. Rick’s anger strained at the leash.
‘Did it not occur to you the risk you were taking? I’m not exactly happy about this, Sarah. What if I back out of this whole donor thing?’
‘You wouldn’t do that.’
Her calm assumption only pushed him further.
‘How can you be so sure of that?’
His menacing tone did the trick. He saw the flash of fear in her face. Oddly, getting the upper hand wasn’t as satisfying as it could have been.
‘I’m trusting my instinct,’ Sarah admitted. ‘I don’t think you’re someone who’d break a promise.’
She wasn’t talking about an offer to give a kid a ride around the block on the back of a bike here and they both knew it. Of course he wouldn’t back out of being a donor when a life was at stake but this had just become a lot more complicated.
Messy.
Full of emotional fishhooks that Rick could already feel catching in his gut. And he was angry. Angry at having his life disrupted by having to think about any of this at all. At being manipulated by a woman and a kid who were making assumptions when they didn’t know him at all. He didn’t want them to know him, he realised. That was what this was all about. If he let them into his life, nothing would ever be the same.
He was fighting for his life here. Life as he knew it, anyway. And he had the horrible feeling that he wasn’t going to win this battle. He folded his arms and stared down at Sarah. The anger was still fierce.
‘Bit of a gamble, though, isn’t it?’
‘Yeah…’ Sarah’s tone hardened, as though she was catching his anger. Or maybe because she was disappointed in what he was revealing about his character. ‘I’m gambling on you being a decent human being.’
He’d used those words himself to assure her that Josh’s father, if he was located, wouldn’t be able to refuse to do the right thing. Sarah’s tone suggested that she was prepared to find out she’d been mistaken in believing him. That he was about to break her trust.
The car was making a partial obstacle on the road. A motorist made a point of coming to a halt and leaning on his horn to advertise the inconvenience. Rick was still stinging from Sarah’s tone. He turned to glare at the driver and the man shook his head and pulled out to go around them.
‘If you back out,’ Sarah told him, ‘Josh will die. I’ll be working at Queen Mary’s and you’ll be reminded of him—and what you didn’t do—every time you see me.’
‘I could go somewhere else.’ Rick knew he sounded immature. Petulant almost but there was something close to desperation hovering over him. There was a small boy on his doorstep right now who knew that Rick was his biological father. When he went back up that driveway, he would be a father, whether he wanted to be or not.
Sarah’s gaze had softened. There was definitely sympathy in her eyes. ‘You’ll still remember,’ she said quietly. ‘Probably every time you see a kid.’
Another car went around them. Sarah was fiddling with her gear stick. Putting the car in neutral. Preparing to start it again and drive away?
‘What on earth do you think you’ll achieve by leaving him here? Just how long were you planning to abandon him?’
Sarah answered his second query first. ‘Josh was going to text me. I would have come back very soon if he wasn’t happy. What did I think I might achieve?’
Sarah’s gaze was locked on his and Rick couldn’t break the contact. ‘Josh has the right to know what kind of person his father is. You need to know what you’re missing out on if you don’t know what kind of person your son is.’ She gave a heavy sigh. ‘You’re already involved in this, Rick. I think you need to be invested in it as well.’
‘Why? He’s got you. That’s been enough so far. It’s still enough.’
‘No. It isn’t.’ Sarah’s voice rose. ‘Not for Josh or for me.’ Her voice shook now and her eyes flashed. ‘Have you any idea how much I’ve been ripped apart by all this? No, of course you don’t. You’d rather not even think about it. Keep it all at a nice, safe distance. Well, let me tell you something…’
She sucked in a quick, shaky breath. ‘This sucks. You said you don’t like being pushed into things. Newsflash, Rick—none of us do. And what did I get pushed into? Not only being a parent but having to deal with the kind of things that no one wants to face. It’s not that I don’t love Josh. He’s a loveable kid and I adore him but it hurts like hell watching him go through all this. Knowing he might die in the end in spite of it.’
Sarah had tears on her face. She scrubbed at them angrily. ‘I’m only his aunty,’ she said, her voice raw. ‘You’re his father.’
Still, there was no way Rick could break that eye contact. Spare himself the accusation in her face.
‘Grow up and take some responsibility,’ Sarah snapped, turning the key and revving the engine of her car. ‘You owe this much to Josh. Hey…maybe you owe it to me, too, for doing your job for so long.’
It was Sarah who broke the eye contact. The car was moving now and all Rick could think to do was to step back and let it go.
And when it had gone, he had a clear view up his driveway.
To where a small boy was sitting on his doorstep.
Sarah had to pull off the road just as soon as she could find a space that would be out of sight.
She could barely see with the tears flooding her eyes and her hands were shaking so hard she couldn’t steer the car safely.
Having come to a halt, she sat there, gripping the wheel with both hands together at the top, her forehead resting on them.
What she’d just done—leaving Josh alone with Rick—was the hardest thing ever and she wasn’t even sure she should have done it.
The thought of Josh being given a ride on Rick’s motorbike was bad enough. Terrifying. His body was so fragile and would be far too easy to break. But leaving him with a man who could break his heart was infinitely worse.
She couldn’t even stay and watch because if she had, the whole point of this exercise would have been negated.
So she couldn’t know what was happening and all she could do was wait.
She had to have faith, she told herself.
And she did. She had the utmost faith in Josh. In his intelligence and courage and maturity.
As her sobs subsided and she got her breathing under control again, Sarah was aware of something else.
For some unknown reason, she also had faith in Rick.
CHAPTER FOUR
THE confidence had vanished from Josh’s face.
He couldn’t have overheard anything that had been said down at the end of the driveway and he couldn’t have even seen any facial expressions because Rick had been bending down on the far side of the vehicle and Sarah had turned in his direction, but he must have sensed the tension and he would have seen the car driving away. Had he noticed that Sarah hadn’t given him a backward glance?
It might explain why he was looking so bereft.
Rick felt an odd pang in his ches
t that morphed into a kind of squeeze. He took in how pale Josh was. How he had less hair than he’d had even a few days ago. This kid was sick. There was a real possibility that he could die in the not-too-distant future and he was, essentially, an orphan. You’d have to have a pretty black heart not to respond to that package. And he might look a bit lost and vulnerable right now but he still looked determined.
Rick felt his lips twist into a lopsided grin. He had to admire the kid’s guts. Not to mention his enterprise. If he could apply the same tactics to beating his disease as he must have to get something he wanted—like the bike ride—he might have a good show of succeeding.
The car had taken Sarah away physically. Rick was making a supreme effort, as he walked back up the driveway, to push her out of the considerable mental space she was still occupying. This was about him and Josh. It would be totally unacceptable to take out any of his anger for Sarah on this child.
This was no big deal, really. It wouldn’t even take that long. He’d give him what he wanted and then Josh could text his aunt and get taken home.
‘A bike ride, then?’ he offered.
OK, maybe he was sidestepping the major issue here but he could hardly jump right in and talk about their biological relationship. Josh wasn’t to know that he knew Josh knew the truth and at least he could sound casual about a bike ride. Friendly, even.
‘Yeah…’ That lost look was wiped from Josh’s face as he grinned. ‘That’d be awesome.’
‘You’d better come inside, then, and dump your bag.’
The loft apartment was a warehouse conversion and the door led into a massive living area with a wall of glass that looked straight down on a busy wharf. Container ships were being loaded and unloaded. Trucks and cranes and forklifts and people wearing hard hats and bright orange high-visibility vests made the scene a hive of activity. Josh walked over to the windows and his jaw dropped. Rick was happy to let him stand there and take it in.
The Honourable Maverick / The Unsung Hero Page 19
