Josh was not only looking awake right now, his eyes were shining and his lips were curved into a dreamy smile. Thinking about the puppy he’d wanted for ever.
A dog would be my friend, he’d told her once. Then it wouldn’t matter if I was too sick to go to school.
‘You might not live in that apartment for ever.’
Rick’s gaze was on Sarah now and there was a question in his eyes that she could read remarkably clearly. Was it really a bad thing to let Josh dream about something that might help him get through the worst of this? Even if it didn’t eventuate? Yes, part of Sarah wanted to respond. She’d always been honest with Josh. False hope wasn’t necessarily better than no hope. Except. except that Josh was looking happier right now than she’d seen him look in ages. He wasn’t counting down the hours until he started throwing up or found himself in unbearable pain. He was thinking about something that might actually make going through everything that was to come worthwhile. And it wasn’t totally dishonest. It was highly likely they wouldn’t have to live in that apartment for ever, especially if she could start working again.
‘We could get a house,’ Josh said happily. ‘With a garden. Couldn’t we, Sarah? One day?’
‘Absolutely we could,’ Sarah found herself saying. ‘We’ll find a picture of one we might like, shall we? And stick it on the board?’
‘Yeah…’ But Josh sounded sleepy again. His eyes drifted shut and he seemed to melt further into his pillows but he still had a smile tilting the corners of his mouth.
Rick pinned the Polaroid snap onto the corkboard. ‘I’ll show you how to use this camera,’ he said to Sarah. ‘Then you can take pictures when I’m not around. I’ll show Josh how to use it tomorrow.’
‘It was a wonderful idea, Rick. Thank you.’
‘No worries.’ Rick shrugged off the praise. It took only a few moments for him to demonstrate the workings of the camera. ‘I’ve got a ton of the blank cards,’ he told her. ‘It all became redundant ages ago and ended up in my office for some reason. It’s nice to have a use for it. And now…’ the corners of his eyes crinkled as he smiled beneath the mask ‘…I’ve got to run. I’ve got a mountain of stuff to get through in the next couple of days so I can take some time off.’
‘Oh…of course. When is your procedure scheduled for?’
‘Wednesday, at the moment. Depends on how Josh goes with the prep.’
‘Are you going to get knocked out?’
‘No. I don’t want a general anaesthetic.’
Sarah nodded. She had expected he wouldn’t. ‘What about the IV sedation? I think I’d go for a bucket of that.’
‘They have offered me some jungle juice but I declined.’ A flash of something like embarrassment showed on Rick’s face. He had clearly been attracted by the prospect. ‘It would mean I couldn’t drive for twenty-four hours afterwards and I don’t want to have to spend the night in here.’
‘I could drive you home,’ Sarah offered. ‘And pick you up the next day.’
Rick didn’t meet her eyes. ‘I can cope with the local.’
He’d prefer not to have to, though, wouldn’t he? Anyone would. ‘Why make it worse for yourself than it has to be?’ she asked carefully. ‘Heaven knows, you’re doing enough as it is. It’s no big deal if I give you a ride home and pick you up the next morning.’
‘You wouldn’t want to leave Josh.’
‘It wouldn’t be for long. He’d be fine. I’d really like to.’ Sarah held Rick’s gaze. ‘What you’ve done…are doing for Josh. It’s really.’
The pleasure he had given. A chance to dream. Hope for a future.
It was beyond price. Beyond anything Sarah could find words to thank him for. She had to blink hard and turned slightly to look at Josh so that Rick wouldn’t see how affected she was. She almost missed the shrugging movement Rick was making for the second time in that visit. She heard the rustle of his gown as he headed for the door.
‘I said I’d give it my best shot,’ he muttered. ‘I’ll let you know…about Wednesday.’
Rick headed for the intensive care unit. He had time to check on how young Simon was doing before he was due in Theatre for what would be a long and probably difficult surgery on a two-year-old girl who had a brain tumour with tentacles surrounding her spinal cord.
He was very pleased with the effect his brain wave about the old Polaroid camera had had. It had obviously distracted Josh from what was happening around him, albeit for only a short time, but, even better, he’d seen how Sarah had reacted. That initial surprise that he had actually come to visit. The quiet respect that he’d thought of a gift that could make a difference to how difficult this admission would be. There’d been that bristling at what she’d seen as stepping on her toes as a parent when he’d suggested that dreaming of a time when he could have his own dog wasn’t so farfetched but then he’d seen…what?…acceptance? Relief?
No, that wasn’t quite it but there’d been something. A connection. Maybe she believed now that he was prepared to try being a father figure for Josh and that she now had someone who was stepping up to share the burden. A partner.
Yes. Rick liked that idea. Sarah was more of a parent to Josh than he’d ever been but he had applied for a jobsharing arrangement and, so far, it was going well.
Better than he’d anticipated, in fact. Maybe this being a father thing wouldn’t be so bad.
Josh was a good kid. He had looked pale and sick and had been through a fairly major procedure that morning. He was also confined to a small room where his only visitors had to be shrouded like alien beings and he was going to be in there for what must seem like an eternity to a nine-year-old, but he hadn’t been whinging about any of it. He was a tough little nut. He’d wanted a photograph of him throwing up, for heaven’s sake. Rick found himself grinning as he walked into Intensive Care.
Simon’s parents were beside his bed. They both looked pale and were sitting very still. Their world had caved in on them, hadn’t it? They were used to being in here now. Familiar with the machines and the new kind of care their son needed. Small things had become incredibly important but their focus was entirely on what was happening in here. World War Three could have broken out but they would still be totally focused. Watching for any signs that their precious child was going to survive and be all right.
Simon still lay like a small, reclining statue. Breathing on his own now but not showing any sign of coming out of the coma. Josh had been this pale but what a difference to be able to see the spark of life in a child’s eyes. To be able to make them smile.
It wasn’t that Rick had ever lacked any sympathy for the parents of his young patients. He would be going from this room to talk to the distraught family of the very sick toddler on his theatre list for this afternoon. He had seen too many parents suffering through this kind of experience. He’d seen the courage with which some of them faced inevitable failure and the agony of dealing with its aftermath. But he’d never felt quite like this. As though he knew the real level of pain it could cause because he could imagine what it would be like if it was Josh, lying here in Intensive Care. Or waiting in the ward to be taken for surgery that might save his life but could, quite possibly, end it.
He barely knew his own child but he knew that Josh had dreams. He wanted to go back to school. He wanted to live in a house that had a garden and a dog to play with. And Rick wanted him to have all those things. The desire to make it happen was sudden and fierce and almost threatened to overwhelm him.
He had to clear his throat as he looked up from reviewing Simon’s chart.
‘The intracranial pressure is coming down,’ he told Simon’s parents.
‘That’s good, isn’t it?’
‘Of course it is, honey,’ the father said.
Simon’s mother looked like she was holding her breath, too frightened to accept good news unless it could be trusted.
‘It’s very good,’ Rick told her. ‘Along with everything else that’s settling down,
it means that Simon’s condition is stable. We’ll be able to send him to Theatre to have his leg dealt with properly.’
‘And will he wake up? After that?’
‘I don’t know,’ Rick had to admit. ‘I’m sorry, but I can’t give you any definite time when that might happen. It’s a matter of continuing to look after him and waiting to see what happens as the swelling keeps going down.’
‘But it’s a step in the right direction, isn’t it?’ Simon’s father had covered his eyes with his hand. He gave a huge sniff and his wife reached out to hold his other hand. Then they smiled at each other and Rick could actually feel the strength being passed from one to the other.
They were a partnership. They could help each other get through this and because they had each other, they were far more likely to cope. Whatever happened.
He wanted it to be like that for him and Sarah. A partnership that really meant something. A support that would get her through whatever was coming. It gave him a good feeling, imagining himself in that supportive role. Being her rock. A hero, even. And who knew? It might end up being one of the most worthwhile things he would do in his life.
He was going to give it his best shot, that was for sure. For both Josh and Sarah.
The combination of a heavy drug regime and the radiotherapy were taking their toll on Josh.
By Wednesday he was running a temperature and his platelet count was so low he’d needed a blood transfusion. His joints hurt enough to need some serious pain relief and the nausea and vomiting were only just under control.
He was miserable.
‘Katie’s on duty today. She’s your favourite nurse, isn’t she?’
The assent was reluctant.
‘Do you want to look at the book Rick brought yesterday? The one about dogs?’
Josh said nothing. His eyes looked blank, as though nothing mattered any more. Sarah covered up her need to blink and swallow back the tears by reaching for the Encyclopaedia of Dogs that Rick had apparently found in the well-stocked hospital bookshop. She edged her chair even closer to Josh’s bed and laid the book where he could see it, flicking through the pages and showing him pictures.
‘Look at that! It’s an Irish wolfhound. It’s twice the size you are, short stuff. Imagine how much it would need to eat. I think something a bit smaller would be better, don’t you?’
Josh gave a half-hearted shrug that reminded her rather strongly of the way Rick had reacted to praise the other day.
‘It’s Wednesday today,’ she said, after a moment’s silence. ‘Rick’s going to have his bone marrow collected this afternoon. Do you think he’ll be as brave as you are with that kind of thing?’
That got a reaction. A look of disgust almost.
‘‘Course he will.’
Was there an element of hero-worship in there already? It wouldn’t surprise her in the least. Rick had appeared in Josh’s life like a thunderbolt. Larger than life. Tall and handsome and clever. He lived in what would have to be a small boy’s paradise with a constant live action show of trucks and ships and machinery doing important things. He had taken Josh for a ride on his motorbike. He’d become a regular visitor to this room and often arrived with a surprise. Like the camera and the book about dogs.
Was it a bad thing, that Josh might see his father as the new sun in his universe? It certainly added a very new dimension to his life. The visits were something to look forward to in an otherwise bleak environment and the new development of having a father who seemed to care about him was…absolute magic.
As long as Rick kept up his promise of involvement. Sarah didn’t want to contemplate the consequences if he changed his mind and disappeared from Josh’s life for whatever reason. Not that he was showing any sign of regretting his choice. He’d be taking the next step in a matter of hours, in fact. Going through what would probably be a painful and unpleasant medical procedure.
‘You haven’t forgotten that I’ll be out for a while later? When I drive Rick home?’
Josh stared at her, that frightening blankness still in his face.
‘It won’t be for long. And Katie’s going to stay in here to keep you company. That’s OK, isn’t it?’
The telltale wobble of a bottom lip made her heart sink like a stone. She couldn’t leave him if it was going to cause further distress but she had promised Rick and she didn’t want to let him down either. What was she going to do?
Trying to think, Sarah’s gaze went back to the book lying on the bed cover. She turned a random number of pages.
‘Good grief, look at that. Looks like a rat with a wig on, doesn’t it?’
Josh barely glanced at the photograph of the hairless Chinese crested dog. Sarah’s level of desperation increased.
‘I might see that other dog again when I drive Rick home,’ she said. ‘You know, the one that was outside the coffee shop?’
That did it. The spark of interest made Josh’s face come to life. Sarah’s heart gave a painful squeeze.
‘What will you do if you see it?’
Uh-oh…She was getting into dangerous territory here but she couldn’t bear to see that blank look return.
‘If it doesn’t have someone looking after it, it might be lost. Or abandoned or something.’
Josh nodded. ‘It would need someone to take it home, then, wouldn’t it?’
‘I guess.’ Sarah mentally crossed her fingers, hoping that she might see the dog wearing a collar and lead. Being walked by a responsible dog owner.
‘So you’ll look out for it?’
‘Yes.’
‘When are you going?’
He actually wanted her to go now. If nothing else, it had solved her most immediate dilemma. ‘Not till this afternoon. You’ll be asleep, I expect.’
He was looking ready to sleep again now. Struggling to keep his eyes open. ‘But you’ll wake me up when you get back? And tell me?’
‘Absolutely.’
Josh gave a big sigh and his eyes drifted shut. ‘That’s good,’ he mumbled.
‘I didn’t see it.’
‘See what?’
‘The dog.’
‘What dog?’ Rick wanted to make that crease on Sarah’s forehead disappear but he had no idea what she was talking about. It probably had something to do with the dramatic increase in his level of pain, having had his long frame folded into her small car for what seemed like a long time now. Or maybe his brain was fuzzy due to the after-effects of the IV sedation. No wonder you weren’t allowed to drive for a while.
‘That scruffy mutt we saw outside the coffee shop that day. Josh is worried about it. He wanted me to keep an eye out and rescue it if I saw it wandering around.’
‘And take it to the pound?’
Sarah’s laugh was a little hollow. ‘I think he’d prefer me to take it home.’
It was Rick’s turn to frown now. ‘Might be just as well you didn’t see it, then.’
‘Yeah…I guess.’
‘What, you think you could cope with having an illegal
hound in your apartment as well as having Josh in hospital?’
‘No, of course not. It’s just.’
‘What?’ Rick had to suppress an urge to reach out and touch Sarah to encourage her to keep talking. He smiled at her instead, which seemed to do the trick.
‘Well…he was so unhappy today. Sick and sore and miserable, and I’ve never seen him look quite like that. Blank, you know? Like he would just give up on everything if he was given half a chance. But when I mentioned the dog, he…came alive again. It was…it was.’ Sarah pressed her lips together and squeezed her eyes shut.
Rick did touch her this time. Just a friendly squeeze on the arm still holding the steering-wheel.
‘I get it,’ he said. ‘Hey, I’ll keep an eye out for it myself. I often go past there, on my way to the hamburger shop.’
‘Oh…that reminds me. Have you got something for your dinner?’
‘I’m not exactly hungry. Might just take som
e of the nice painkillers they’ve given me and wash them down with a shot of something tastier than water.’
Sarah’s eyes darkened with sympathy. ‘Poor you. Um…do you need a hand getting up the steps?’
He didn’t, of course. Sure, he was pretty sore but it wasn’t about to incapacitate him. But he rather liked the way she was looking at him right now. As though how he felt mattered enough for her to be sharing his pain. Jet would have given him a thump on his arm and told him to ‘harden up, man’.
‘That would be nice,’ he heard himself saying in a voice small enough to make him very glad Jet wasn’t around to overhear. ‘If you’ve got the time, that is. You must be wanting to get back to Josh.’
‘He’s fine. He had a big dose of painkillers himself just before I left and went out like a light. His nurse thought he’d be asleep for a good few hours.’
She put her arm around Rick when he started climbing the steps and that felt so nice he probably went a lot slower than he actually needed to go. And then they were inside and there was no reason for her to stay any longer but Rick didn’t want her to leave just yet.
‘Can I make you a cup of tea or something?’
Sarah hesitated, gave Rick a long glance and then took a deep breath. ‘Why don’t I make one for both of us? That way I can make sure you feel OK after you have your pills. I don’t want to rush away and have you fall over and hit your head or something.’
They both went into the kitchen. Sarah boiled the jug and found some mugs while Rick threw down a couple of pills with a shot of whisky. He couldn’t help noticing the glance she threw at him.
‘Don’t worry, I’m not about to down the whole bottle. The faster these pills work the quicker I’ll get to sleep. A good night and I’ll be as right as rain by the morning.’
‘If you say so.’ Sarah took the steaming mugs to the low table near the chairs.
Rick lowered himself very carefully.
‘Is it really bad?’
He shrugged. ‘Feels a bit like I came off my bike and landed on my bum.’
The Honourable Maverick / The Unsung Hero Page 22
