But Sarah resisted this time. Her hands slid over his shoulders to rest on his chest. She even pushed at him faintly. And she shook her head. She seemed ready to say something but no words emerged from her parted lips. Rick could sense a growing distress. Capturing her hand, he led her to one of the armchairs. He needed to reassure her somehow. Good grief, this wasn’t that big a deal. He was talking about sex here. Potentially mindblowingly good sex. But it wasn’t as if he was planning to disrupt her entire life. Or his, of course.
Sarah’s legs buckled without hesitation and she sat down. He perched on the edge of the adjacent chair, still keeping her hand firmly clasped in his.
He raised an eyebrow as he smiled gently. ‘Problem?’
Sarah shook her head but then she nodded. ‘I can’t. we can’t.’
‘Why not?’ It seemed such a no-brainer to him now that he knew she was as interested as he was. They’d be seeing quite a lot of each other from now on so why not make it a whole heap more enjoyable?
The tiny huff of breath from Sarah told him that the answer should be obvious.
‘Because of Josh.’
Rick considered that. He might have expected her to say because of Lucy. Or because she knew he was a rat or because she wasn’t really interested. No, he knew that one wasn’t true. He had to hide the way his lips wanted to curl again. Nobody could kiss like that if they weren’t interested. Very, very interested.
‘This is about us, Sarah,’ he said slowly. ‘It has nothing to do with Josh.’
‘How can you say that? You’re his father.’
‘True.’ Amazing how he didn’t have the slightest hesitation in agreeing to that statement now. He couldn’t imagine denying it, in fact.
‘You’re going to be part of his life, for a long time. I hope,’ she added after the tiniest hesitation.
This wasn’t the time to be talking about prognoses. ‘I will,’ Rick said confidently.
A faint warning bell was sounding somewhere in the back of his mind. Heralding concern about that ‘part of his life’. That more could well be expected of him than he felt willing or capable of giving.
‘And I’m a part of his life, too. It’s all connected.’
The bell got louder. Connections. Expectations. Rick could almost feel a mental door closing, shutting off the sound. Listening instead to the husky note in Sarah’s voice that advertised her arousal. This was about now. About them. The strength of his desire for what the next hour or two could hold was more than enough to make any further thought into the future irrelevant.
He nodded, more an acceptance of the direction of his own thoughts than anything Sarah had just said. He had loosened his hold on her hand now and was stroking her palm with his thumb. Feeling the shape of all the tiny bones in there. When he moved his fingers as well, he could feel the way her fingers and knuckles moved. Whether she was aware of it or not, her hand was responding to his touch. A discreet, intimate little dance.
‘And that’s a bad thing?’ he queried softly.
He heard another small huff. Or maybe it was a sigh at his lack of comprehension.
‘My relationship with Josh is one thing,’ he said. ‘My relationship with you is something else. We could be—’
‘Friends,’ Sarah interrupted. That huskiness in her voice had increased. She sounded almost hoarse now. ‘Friends would be good.’
‘Absolutely.’ Rick closed his hand around hers to increase the pressure of his touch. ‘Good friends.’ He waited until she looked up. ‘Very good friends.’
He smiled at her with the most winning expression he could muster. It wasn’t a hard call. He had a lot to lose.
Sarah’s hair rippled with the subtle shake she gave her head. It was enough to catch the light over the reception desk and send a shower of golden sparks over her head. ‘And if it didn’t work? If we stopped being such good friends?’ There was another play of light through her hair. ‘It would be Josh who’d catch the fallout, Rick. I can’t let that happen. You’re important to him. I don’t think you have any idea how important you’ve already become to Josh.’
Rick stifled the urge to catch a handful of her hair and move it so he could see more of those glints. She was worried that whatever was happening between them was going to fizzle out in no time flat. Maybe she thought all he wanted was a one-night stand like he’d had with her sister.
It wasn’t true. This was a very different proposition. He was a very different person. He didn’t want a one-night stand. Good grief, no. He wanted…he wanted.
The answer wasn’t there but it didn’t matter because Rick at least knew what he didn’t want and that was to lose the opportunity to get to know Sarah a lot better. To just be with her. The future would take care of itself. It always had, hadn’t it?
‘Josh is important to me, too,’ he said sincerely. ‘So are you, Sarah. I’m attracted to you.’ He grinned. ‘Just in case that wasn’t already clear.’
Sarah ducked her head with an endearingly shy movement. ‘It was,’ she murmured.
Rick grinned. ‘Well, you did say you needed to understand what was bothering me.’
He let his breath out in a sigh. ‘I want to be with you,’ he continued in a much more serious tone. ‘So much that it has been interfering with how often I’ve been coming to see Josh. I’m sorry about that. I was trying to avoid torturing myself and it was selfish and. immature.’ He tried to smile again but it was a crooked effort. ‘I am trying to grow up. Honest.’
The huff was laughter this time but he could also see a shine in Sarah’s eyes that had nothing to do the light over the reception desk so it had to be from tears.
‘I’m sorry I ever said that you needed to grow up, Rick. You’re perfect just the way you are.’
The words gave him a very odd sensation inside. As though something was melting. No…more like expanding. A bubble of something shiny that would pop and send a glow right through him. She thought he was perfect? Oh…man.
He had to concentrate on finding the right words. ‘Josh is my son,’ he managed. ‘And I’ll start being better at letting him know how important that is. Nothing’s going to change that, including whatever might happen between us…if we let it.’
‘But…’ He watched the way Sarah caught her bottom lip between her teeth and felt a stab of renewed desire deep in his belly. ‘What if it’s just…physical?’
Rick raised an eyebrow. ‘Are you going to avoid any kind of relationship because you’ve become Josh’s mum?’
‘I…um…haven’t given it any thought. It’s.’ Sarah sighed heavily, clearly releasing something she hadn’t intended to admit. ‘OK, I haven’t met anyone who’s made me think about it. The fact that you’re Josh’s dad makes it…complicated.’
‘But mightn’t it be even more complicated with someone who wasn’t Josh’s dad? Given what happened in your last relationship?’
That seemed to score a point, judging by the way Sarah frowned at the reminder.
‘I don’t—’
‘Sarah…’ Rick put both his hands over hers. ‘If you think about worst-case scenarios you’d never do anything in life. And if you live in the past or in the future, you risk missing what’s happening in the present and that’s…well, that’s your life.’
She didn’t say anything but her gaze was locked on his. She was certainly listening.
‘We’re in the present. The person I used to be—that Lucy met—is long gone. This is now. My attraction to you is now and it’s real. We’re both grown-ups.’ He paused just long enough for a quick smile. ‘I’m getting there, anyway. None of us know what the future holds. If this thing—whatever it is—between us doesn’t go anywhere, we can handle it. Look at all the divorced people out there who manage to co-parent their kids just fine.’
‘That’s true…I guess.’
‘And it’s not as if we’re planning something heavy like marriage.’ Rick did his best to make that sound like the only really big deal there could be. ‘Th
ink of it as stress relief if you like. You deserve it.’
Once more, he lowered his tone and slowed his speech so that when the words came out they sounded more solemn than anything he’d ever heard himself utter.
‘I promise I won’t let it hurt Josh.’
A silence fell. They were still connected by their eye contact and the way their hands were tangled together. He could feel her. Body and soul.
‘Let’s just think about the present,’ he said softly. ‘You and me. What we want. I know what I want.’ He paused again, holding her gaze and her hands. Trying to draw her closer to him by sheer willpower. ‘What do you want?’
‘You.’ The word was a whisper.
Rick leaned close enough to brush her lips with his. ‘Come with me, then.’
‘I can’t go home with you, Rick. It’s too far. Today’s been—’
‘I’m not taking you that far. There’s an on-call room that’s got my name on it for the night. It’s private. It’s got a bed.’
She caught her breath in a tiny gasp. He watched the way her pupils dilated, making her eyes dark with desire.
‘You might get called.’
‘I’m not actually on call. I just didn’t want to be too far away in case something goes wrong for Simon again.’
‘Simon?’
‘The boy in ICU. The one I’ve been struggling to get stable again today. He’s looking good at the moment. Better than he has been, in fact. It’s highly unlikely that I’ll get called.’
He stood up, still holding her hand, but he didn’t pull her to her feet. This had to be her choice.
He saw the way she took a deep breath as she made that choice. Time stopped for a moment, kind of like the way it had when he’d first seen her. This decision was as important as her arrival in his life. Right now, it felt as if his life depended on it.
Sarah got to her feet. He felt her hold on his hand tighten. Her answer was in the slightly tremulous smile she gave him. Rick didn’t feel the need to say anything more either.
Hand in hand, they went through the double doors into the main block.
Sarah was grateful for the strength she could feel in Rick’s hand and the way he was gently guiding her.
Her brain felt as confused as it had been for some time now but it was as though a coin had been flipped. Instead of that endless circuit of denial and frustration and worry and guilt, this was a jumble of the promise of ultimate pleasure laced with good reasons for permission to experience it.
She knew there were plenty of flaws in Rick’s point of view. Like the way some children could be used as pawns in the games played by parents whose divorce was less than amicable. And that while it was true her last boyfriend had dumped her because of Josh, he’d been presented with the unexpected addition of a child in the equation well after the relationship had started. It would be different if she met someone now.
Counter-arguments that could have undermined Rick’s persuasive efforts were locked away, however, and if Sarah tried to access that part of her brain, she became aware of a flood of irresistible sensation instead. The way Rick looked at her in the lift. The way he locked the door of the tiny room upstairs and pinned her against it to kiss her. Not on her lips but on the side of her neck, exactly where she could feel her pulse stumbling with unbearable anticipation. The feel of his lips and the touch of his tongue went straight into her bloodstream and coursed through her body, igniting fierce desire in her belly and making her legs weak.
He undressed her with the kind of expertise that should have reminded her of his past and rung alarm bells, but they’d been silenced along with the counter arguments. Worry about Josh needing her was tucked away as well. She had her mobile phone. The nurses could contact her if she was needed.
Sarah gave herself up to what she wanted most and she wanted to believe everything Rick had said. And it was easy because she recognised the truth of it. Angsting over the past—including Rick’s playboy antics and her sister’s part in them—or worrying about the future that encompassed how she could deal with the fallout this might produce could totally override what was happening right now and this was the moment she was living.
As herself. Not as an aunt or mother or sister. Or a guardian or nurse.
This was about what was at the centre of her being. What she loved and wanted. And it tapped into long-neglected hopes and dreams. It was.
Heaven.
Rick’s hands and lips roamed her body and brought so many nerve endings to life her skin was on fire. Her own hands and lips were further conduits of the incredible heat as they made contact with Rick’s skin. The firmness of his chest, the silky skin interrupted by whorls of soft hair. The softness of his lips and the delicious scrape of a rough jaw. The fresh taste of his mouth and the heady musk of far more intimate parts of his body.
This was urgent, this first time. Pent-up desire claimed precedence and Sarah heard herself begging for Rick to take her. She wanted him inside her. She wanted to wrap her legs and arms around him and hang on for dear life as they rode this unbelievable wave of sensation.
They were both gasping for breath by the time reality had a chance to intrude. A tangle of limbs in a bed that should have been too narrow for what they had just accomplished. This was the moment when things could have become awkward. When any doubts in her head were released to roam free and potential complications could bring a vanguard of regret.
Sarah was afraid to open her mouth in case words were the key so she stayed silent, trying to hold on to the astonishing feeling of being exactly where she was supposed to be. The place she’d been searching for her whole life without realising it. Rick was also silent.
Verbally, anyway. His hands were speaking for him. Touching her body with what felt like reverence. Smoothing long strands of her tumbled hair from where it had stuck to perspiration-dampened skin on her breasts and face.
And then he kissed her lips. Slowly. With a tenderness that washed away the possibility of allowing any doubts significant head space. She couldn’t let this go. It was worth keeping, no matter what. It was worth fighting for with everything she had.
‘Next time,’ Rick murmured against her lips, ‘we’ll go slow. OK?’
Sarah simply smiled. He felt it and let his breath out in a satisfied sigh.
Next time wouldn’t be tonight. They both knew that. This uninterrupted privacy had been a gift. Too precious to risk by taking advantage of it. But Rick seemed as happy as Sarah was to linger just a little longer. She was loving the latent strength she could feel in the arms holding her so gently. She wanted to soak in the rise and fall of his chest against hers. The strong, steady beat of his heart and the soft tickle of his breath on her face.
She would remember all these things with such clarity. She would be able to pull them around her like the softest blanket when she needed comfort as she went to sleep alone in the corner of Josh’s room.
The need to be back there returned so gradually it seemed a mutual agreement when they untangled themselves and got dressed again. The process was interrupted more than once as they brushed against each other in the small space and had to pause and touch properly. To hold and kiss each other.
But finally they were back at the double doors leading to the bone-marrow unit.
‘Shall I come in? In case Josh wakes up?’
‘I’ll tell him you’ll be coming tomorrow. In the morning?’
‘First thing,’ Rick promised. ‘I’m going to go and check on Simon now and then I might go home for a bit. There’s something I should check on. It might need feeding.’
Sarah blinked up at him. ‘Feeding? It’s alive?’
‘If it hasn’t been caught.’ Rick was smiling. ‘That dog Josh saw that day? It followed me home last night and it was still sitting in my driveway this morning.’
‘Oh…’ Josh would be so happy to hear that. So excited. He would be pulled into his dream of a perfect future. Transported.
Kind of like the way she�
��d felt in Rick’s arms such a short time ago?
‘Should I tell him, do you think?’
Rick understood instantly. The concern that darkened his eyes to ink showed how fast his thoughts meshed with hers. He knew how much it would mean to Josh. What the repercussions might be further down the track.
‘Leave it with me,’ he said. ‘I might have an idea.’
With another soft kiss, he was gone. Sarah was left watching the space he had vanished into beyond the doors.
She wrapped her arms around herself. He had understood. He cared enough to take a share of the burden with the intention of making it lighter somehow.
For her? For Josh?
It didn’t matter. She loved him for it.
Or maybe she’d already been loving him and the combination of tonight’s revelations had simply allowed her to recognise the truth of it.
There was no going back. It was frightening but it was wonderful and it was happening now.
‘One day at a time,’ she whispered. Only now the mantra held the promise of a dream. Something to hang on to, not endure.
CHAPTER NINE
THIS day just kept getting better and better.
Rick had had a very early start. He’d been dreaming about Sarah and he was still thinking about her as he watched the sun come up over the harbour and bring the world back to life. He didn’t bother with breakfast because he had too much to do but when he finally got close to arriving at work, he stopped in at a fast-food restaurant and bought bacon-and-egg muffins and French fries. A supremely unhealthy meal but Josh seemed to be through the bad spell of the last couple of days and it might tempt him to eat something.
It did. He took several bites of the muffin and slowly nibbled his way through half the little paper bag of salty fries. Sarah looked so happy it was hard not to grin like an idiot every time he looked at her.
The Honourable Maverick / The Unsung Hero Page 26
