As for me, I’m still in the same rut. I can’t get a fucking job anywhere. No one is hiring, and it’s like Sulfur Heights is feeling the effects of something major. The steel plant I worked for has laid off several more associates, and it’s rumored they won’t be open for too much longer. Apparently, the Ohio plant is operating at full staff, and the Michigan one will eventually close. In fact, much of the factory-type jobs are leaving Sulfur Heights. My theory is the crime-infested community is bad for business, and they are deciding to skip out of town.
Anyway, all I do is sit on my couch, clean the house, and care for my girls. And I hate all of it except caring for my family. It should be me out earning a living. It pisses me off that I’m not contributing financially to our household. I know it is an old way of thinking, but I can’t help how I feel. I am trying to tolerate it, but it’s becoming impossible to hide from Zoe. She works so hard, often pulling double shifts, and I want it to be me. I almost asked her if we could switch places, but then I figured that would make me look like a pussy, so I didn’t say anything. I just continue to sulk and search for a job in this godforsaken town.
The only thing that seems normal is my visits to Presley’s grave. Now that I have more time, I find myself sitting in my car and speaking to her at the cemetery. I really do miss her, and I still feel incredibly guilty it isn’t me lying six-feet under. She deserved a chance at life, especially to be a mother, and Carter took that away.
Sometimes, I wonder how she would have reacted if it was me who died. Would she have fallen back into her depression? Would she have started up with heroine again? Or would she have risen above her weakness and remained the person she was when she died? I like to think the latter would have been her course of action. However, I’m not an idiot. She was sick and would always be sick. Odds are, she would have been depressed or worse.
So, here I am, sitting on my couch, watching mindless TV shows while trying to get the last several months out of my mind. I don’t have a relationship anymore with Jake, Reggie is gone, so is Jeremy, and Zoe is working all the time. The days are boring, and the only thing that keeps me semi-happy while everyone is away is working out.
I can’t hit the heavy bag anymore, but I can do resistance training and run on the treadmill in our bedroom. Once that’s done, I look for jobs and wait for Mia to get out of school. Ugh … this sucks.
My feet are screaming, and my stomach feels like I have the worst case of seasickness ever contracted. I am finishing up my double shift at the bar and looking forward to going home, showering, and passing out. I am so incredibly tired, and the fact that I’m six weeks pregnant doesn’t help.
I went to the doctor three days ago because I was late and felt like puking with every move I made. He confirmed I am pregnant. In all honesty, it didn’t surprise me too much, considering Drake and I are not all that cautious when we have sex. What worries me, though, is Drake’s reaction. He’s in a funk now that Reggie is gone, he’s jobless, and after what Jake said. He is trying incredibly hard to hide his frustration, but it’s as plain as day. I have been trying to work up the courage to tell him I am pregnant, but what I really want to tell him is I want to leave, too.
Now that I am going to have a baby, I have a say in what is going to happen. Although, I consider Mia my daughter, she legally belongs to Drake, so if I leave, she can’t come with me. The child I’m carrying can, but I want them to come, too. I don’t want to raise a baby here.
I have lived in many seedy places since I started out on my own, but Sulfur Heights is by far the worst. Although it was tolerable when I first got here, over the last few years, the town has really gone downhill. Even the wealthier side is starting to crumble. I can predict that, before too long it will be a cesspool of hell, as well. I won’t have my baby grow up in that. I refuse. Now I need to get Drake onboard with my plan, but how is the question.
I am standing at the cash register, closing out some tabs and making change for another customer. As I slip the twenty into the metal tray, my body freezes at the very familiar voice behind me. The tone is deep and has the twang of a southern accent. It’s unmistakable. I would know his voice from anywhere.
I can feel the chills inch their way up my spine as the sound of his voice gets closer to the bar. Do I dare glance in the mirror and confirm my worst fear, or should I make a run for it?
My stomach begins to twist, and I swallow down the urge to puke. Before I know I’m doing it, I slide my eyes up to the mirror in front of me and see the man I left over five years ago. The man I thought I loved, but soon became his punching bag. The only man I have been afraid of.
His back is to the bar, but I recognize the three inch scar etched into his head. It’s a wound he received when someone cracked him with a glass bottle on his skull when he was a kid.
I take a moment to study the back of his body as the chills remain with every word he speaks. His broad shoulders are covered in muscle and appear to be larger. His hands are tucked in his pockets, but it doesn’t hide the bulge formed over his biceps. Terrance’s midnight skin is just as smooth as his voice. It’s no wonder I fell for him. However, I know what he’s really like, and I want to be far away from that.
I don’t recognize the men he’s with. One is very built and stocky, and the other has a large scar on his face. I overhear Terrance speak to the man with the scar, calling him Victor, and then it dawns on me; Victor, one of Jeremy’s old business partners. The man responsible for them suddenly leaving.
I look to the other man and assume he must be Tank. It all makes sense why I’m seeing Terrance here. He was in the drug game back in Louisiana and must have been doing well if he’s connecting with them.
Alarm bells are ringing all over the place. I need to get the fuck out of here and fast. If Terrance is in town and coming to this bar, I need to leave Sulfur Heights for good. I don’t want to be living in the same state as this asshole.
As smoothly as possible, I keep my back to the patrons, walk through the bar top opening, and then head for the back. I make a beeline for the women’s bathroom and rush into a stall just as the puke starts to dislodge from my throat. The burn and taste make me gag. My breath is rapid when I finish, and I take a moment to claim it back. I move to the sink, rinsing out my mouth, and then walk to the back room.
As quickly as I can, I pull on my coat and grab my purse before I head for my car. As I sit in the driver’s seat, I shoot Gavin a text, telling him I got sick and left. Seeing Terrance here only proves my time in Sulfur Heights is up. I only hope Drake is smart enough to come with me. It will only be his allegiance to Presley that will hold him back, but hopefully leaving with me is as worthy as staying for Presley.
“Your turn, Dad,” Mia says as she hands the dice to me.
We are sitting at the kitchen table, playing an intense game of Clue. Mia smirks as she drops the dice in my palm. She’s probably figured out the answer already. She is very inquisitive and excels at this game, more so than her old man.
I smile as I shake the dice in my hand and drop the cubes onto the board. They hit with a thud. “Eleven.” I move the yellow pawn eleven spaces, into the billiard’s room. Looking down on my clue sheet, I make an educated guess, knowing I don’t have a chance in hell of winning. “Okay … So I think it’s Mr. Green, in the billiard room, with the candlestick.”
The smirk hasn’t left her face, and her honey eyes glow with happiness. She has grown to be a beautiful young lady. She’s only ten yet seems mature beyond her years. She is tall for her age, getting that from her dad. She also has my dark brown hair, but hers curls in ringlets down her back. Mia has her mother’s heart-shaped lips, delicate bone structure, and of course, her honey-brown eyes. When she’s a grown woman, she will be a looker and sought after by a bunch of hormonal douche bags. I am not looking forward to that, especially when she really starts to notice boys. I’m hoping I have a good fifteen years before that happens. A father can wish, can’t he?
Mia flips
through the cards in her hand then flashes me the candlestick. “Sorry, Dad.” She’s not sorry; she’s just being a brat, an Uncle Jake characteristic for sure. The thought angers me. Not only for disowning me as his brother and calling me a stray, but also for breaking my Mia’s heart because we are on the outs. She’s the one that suffers. I will let her visit Delilah and the kids, but when it comes to Jake, I don’t want her anywhere near him. He’s poisonous. I don’t want her exposed to his asshole tendencies anymore.
The front door opens as Zoe slowly walks through. She looks beat. Her eyelids are barely open, and she looks pale and sluggish. In fact, she looks like she may have caught something. I think Gavin is working her too hard. Maybe it is a good idea to suggest we switch and she stay home. It’s apparent the double shifts are starting to wear on her. I’m sure Gavin wouldn’t care. I used to bartend when Presley was pregnant and when Mia was little to support my family. I had to quit once she went to rehab, but I’m sure it’s like riding a bicycle because it’s something you never forget.
After Zoe walks to the table and flops down, she leans back in her chair and faintly smiles. She’s so exhausted. I hope she’s not sick. I can’t help thinking of Mrs. Fields and her illness. I never want anyone I love to suffer the way she did, but Zoe is her blood, and I hope the cancer she had wasn’t genetic.
“Watch this, Zoe,” Mia calls out, bringing my attention back to her. She rolls the dice and gets a twelve. She heads for the middle where she’s going to call out the answer and win the game. Then she makes her prediction. “I think it was Mrs. Peacock, in the kitchen, with the knife.” Mia hands the small manila envelope to Zoe who pulls out the cards.
Zoe studies the cards, trying her best to keep a face of indifference, and then clears her throat. “Mia, your streak of kicking your dad’s butt is still intact because your predictions are correct.” She slaps the cards on the table just as Mia lets out a shrill scream of victory. She pops up from her chair and begins to dance around in circles.
Mia comes to my side and plants a kiss on my cheek, “Sorry, Daddy, but it’s just really hard to beat me at this game. I’m gooood.”
I can’t help laughing at her gloating and pull her in for a hug. She can be an arrogant little shit sometimes, another annoying Uncle Jake habit she’s picked up.
I fold up the game board and start putting the pieces in the box. “Okay, I challenge you this weekend to a game, and I will win this time. For now, it’s time to get your homework done.” Mia smiles her confident smirk and takes the game with her, heading for her bedroom.
I look over to Zoe who still looks exhausted. “Are you hungry?”
She nods her head and stands from the chair. “I could eat a little, but I’m not that hungry. Maybe just a sandwich or something.” She leans in and kisses my cheek, and the smell of stale beer floods my nostrils. “I’m going to shower before you get drunk off my clothing.”
As I grab her arm and hold on to her skin, she looks back to me, giving me the same tired smile. She really has me worried. I’ve never seen her look so worn out.
“Are you okay? You’re looking a little pale and exhausted.”
“Yeah, I’m just tired. I’ll feel better after a hot shower.” She moves in close and kisses my lips then pulls back and lifts her hand to my cheek. She is looking very deeply in my eyes, and I feel slightly alarmed once again. “I love you, Drake.”
Before I can answer, she kisses my lips again then abandons me in the kitchen, leaving me to wonder what the hell is going on.
The water rushes over my skin as I rinse the day away one lather at a time. I cannot get Terrance out of my mind. I was initially surprised to see him in Sulfur Heights, but once the shock wore off, fear soon replaced it. I’m not sure what he will do when he sees me. I say when because there is no if. He will come back to The Slab, and more often than not, I will be working.
I spent a year with Terrance, and it wasn’t until I was away from him that I realized how crazy he really is. I overheard him saying horrific things, but in my so-called love-induced trance, I chose to ignore them. This now makes me believe he’s still a loose cannon, making it hard to predict how he will react when he sees me. I can’t afford to get hurt. I don’t want anything to happen to my baby or my family.
I tip my head under the spray and rinse the conditioner from my hair. I finish the rest of my shower with bleak thoughts of Terrance. This first thing I need to do is tell Drake I’m pregnant. It’s apparent I cannot hide how miserable I feel, and if I want any chance of convincing him it’s best we leave, then now is the time.
After drying and dressing, I find my love sitting on the edge of the bed, holding a plate. He’s made me a turkey sandwich, my favorite. Despite the crap I’ve been through today, this actually sounds really good. I can’t wait to take a bite.
I move to his side and take the plate from his hand. Before I can stop myself, I pick up the sandwich and take a huge bite. It is scrumptious and hits the spot. It doesn’t take long for me to finish it and guzzle down the bottle of water. The nauseous feeling is finally gone.
I put my hand on my belly, knowing that my little one is enjoying the treat as much as I am. I know I’m ready to tell Drake, but I’m not sure how. I hate not knowing how he will react, but the bigger shock for him will be me wanting to leave. However, before I get too crazy, maybe I should ask someone about raising babies in this fucking place. And there’s only one person who would have that answer—Delilah.
***
Drake said nothing when I told him I wanted to visit Delilah for a little bit. I know she’s feeling very down since Darcie left, and her and Jake’s volatile relationship doesn’t help things, either.
I walk up to her ranch-style home and knock on the front door. I can hear the running of kids and Delilah telling them to get back when she opens the door. She smiles and looks exactly how I do—exhausted.
“Zoe, what a surprise to see you here. Come in, please.” She opens the door wider for me, and I step into the entryway and remove my shoes and coat.
When I walk into the vast living room, I see it is scattered with toys and Mickey Mouse is playing in the background as I get swarmed by kids. I love Delilah’s kids. They are all so sweet and fun. Even though I’m not, they call me Aunt Zoe. I hope Drake and I can make that official before I have this baby.
I scoop up Quinn, and she immediately starts playing with my necklace. Mia used to do the same thing when she was little. It was a gift from my Aunt Connie, a gift I will cherish for the rest of my life. She died far too young, and I wish she could be here to watch me become a mom myself.
“Pretty, Auntie Zoe,” Quinn says as she twists the diamond in the light.
Quinn is a funny child. She is so naughty, loves to explore, and isn’t afraid to get her hands dirty. She is very passionate about things, and I find it amusing you can tell this all from a toddler. In my opinion, the reason why Quinn is so mischievous is because she’s so smart. The girl is a great talker for her age. Not that I know a lot about kids, but I didn’t think you could really make out what they are saying until they are at least two years old. And even then it is still sketchy. However, little Quinn can form small sentences and can speak better than the drunks that frequent The Slab.
“Kids, time for dinner!” Delilah shouts from the kitchen, and then seconds later, three little boys come barreling down the hallway and through the living room, dodging the toys in the process. “Zoe, do you want to join us for dinner?”
I feel bad saying no, and in all honesty, I’m still a little hungry, even after my sandwich, so I nod my head as Quinn and I walk to the kitchen.
We line up around the table: Kade and Hale on one side, Jett and Quinn on the other, and Delilah and I on the ends. When I strap Quinn in her booster seat and take a seat next to her, she grins then takes a drink from her sippy cup.
“My daddy is supposed to sit there, but he’s never here,” Jett informs me. I look to Delilah who is blinking back the te
ars as she begins to pass the food around the table.
I nod to him and smile. “Is it okay if I sit here, Jett?”
“Sure!” he shouts and takes a bite of his bread.
Delilah only shares a look with me. I know she’s hurting. It makes me glad I came here. Not only to talk to her about my issues, but to simply be with her. She has to be lonely and needing a little cheering up.
We all enjoy our spaghetti as the twins do a rundown of their day at preschool. They ask me several times where Mia is, and I tell them she had to stay home to finish her homework. They love hanging out with her, and I know she likes bossing them around.
After supper, Delilah shoos the kids to the bathroom for baths. I don’t offer; I simply clean up the supper mess, load the dishes in the dishwasher, and wipe down the table. Once that is done, I move to the living room and start picking up toys. When I’m done, Delilah makes her way to the room, followed by all her kids. The bottom part of her shirt is wet, and her hair is falling from its bun on the top of her head. Despite her appearance, Delilah looks lovely. She glows when she’s around her children. I hope I’m the same when I have my baby. I feel like I glow when I’m around Mia, but no one has said anything, so perhaps I don’t.
Every kid is bathed and smells of baby lotion as they line up one by one and kiss me goodnight. I hold each little body in my arms and kiss them on their cheeks. Delilah follows them down the hall, and I decide to go with her. . I want to watch a pro at work as she tucks her babies in for the night.
The twins are in their beds, tucked in under their WWE blankets and blinking back at me with heavy eyes. Delilah moves to Kade first and leans down. She whispers her love, kisses his lips, and tucks him in. Then she moves to Hale and repeats the process. I swiftly kiss the boys’ heads again and follow Delilah to Jett’s room.
He is sitting on the edge, looking at a book when we walk in. He looks up to his mother and stands on his bed. Like a little monkey, Jett latches on to the front of her, wrapping his arms around her neck and legs around her waist. She plants lots of kisses on his cheek as she pulls him from her body and lays him under the blanket. Like with the twins, Delilah gives Jett her love and kisses him goodnight. I follow her out, and we walk to Quinn’s room.
Everlasting Love Page 13
