I don’t want to forget this moment. I want to take advantage of it.
I roll to my side and settle my face into the warmth of his chest. I take a deep breath in and smell the only scent that can be classified as Jake. He smells faintly of cologne and whiskey mixed with his scent. The smell is intoxicating.
Like I did earlier, I absorb as much of him as I can because I know we will not last. Then I lean up and press my lips to his neck. The day’s stubble tickles my skin, but I welcome it.
The daylight creeps through the blinds as I crack my left eye open. Assessing where I’m at, I look down and see Delilah latched onto my body. My first thought is to wonder what the hell happened last night. I appear to still have my jeans on, so I don’t think we had sex, but why am I lying in her bed? A better question may be how the hell did I get to the house? I remember closing down the shop and tipping back a few before I got into my chair and drove to The Slab. I don’t really know why I went there, lonely I guess, but not much after that is clear. I assume I drank way more than I normally do, and by the pounding in my skull and ache in my gut, I believe it.
Delilah lets out a small moan then nuzzles her face into my neck, something I have come to really miss. I never knew I was a cuddler, considering I never attempted to lie with a woman in bed until Delilah. However, I haven’t had a good night sleep since I stopped sleeping in this bed, cuddling her.
We have had a lot of great memories created in this very bed, moments where I would hear her call out my name in ecstasy as I tasted her body or watch her straddle my hips as she rocked into mine. Every moment, every memory spent in the bed, was great, even the nights we would go to bed angry. We would always manage to make up in the morning. Then the evenings spent in anger carried over to the day, and morning make outs were replaced with glares and reminders of what a fuck up I am. Soon, all that was left was the anger. Currently, not much has changed. The night Reggie announced he was leaving was the final straw for Delilah.
She claims I attacked her. She claims I pinned her against the wall and held my hand at her throat. She claims our twins watched as I threatened her to never leave me. She claims. However, I don’t recall any of that.
I remember drinking heavily after I left Reggie’s. I remember driving around, trying to shake my anger over him leaving. After that, I don’t remember going home. That’s why I say she claims I did those things. I don’t believe I did. I would never lay my hands on her, and I certainly wouldn’t do it in front of my children. But she didn’t want to risk it. She said that, until I get my drinking under control, I have to find some other place to live, which is why, for the last few months, my residence has been the shop.
Delilah stirs in my arms, but I keep my grip tight around her. I don’t want her to wake yet, and I don’t want her to realize I am in the bed. Once she does, she will freak out, call me a drunken idiot, and kick me out. I don’t want to be kicked out. I simply want to stay in this moment forever. It’s a little piece of what we used to have, and a piece I can’t come to grips with leaving.
Before long, I can feel her eyelashes tickle the skin on my neck, confirming she’s awake. Delilah leans back slightly and looks into my eyes. We only gaze at each other. She says nothing, and I say nothing. Although I want to tell her I miss her and miss having her waking up in my arms, something keeps my mouth closed. I only look at her and fall into her sapphire eyes, hoping to God she says something first. And it’s not something hateful.
“How … how are you feeling?” Her voice is gravelly in the morning yet sounds like Heaven.
“I’m okay. How are you feeling?” I’m not sure why the hell I asked that, but I said it anyway. Do I really want to know how she’s feeling? Am I ready for that kind of discussion this early in the morning?
“I’m hot, actually.” She yanks the covers back and giggles. My heart skips, and I can’t stop my smile from forming.
“Well, cupcake, I’d have to agree. You are quite hot.” Thinking with the very hard and manly part of myself, I go for it. “Would you like me to show you how hot you truly are this morning?” I wag my brows up and down just as she rolls her eyes.
It’s been so long since I have had sex. In fact, I don’t know how long it’s been. Feeling her, seeing her, smelling her, yearning for her, has my will fading away.
“You’re ridiculous.” As she attempts to suppress a laugh, her hands sweep up through her hair, piling her golden strands on top of her head.
We are still wrapped up in each other’s arms, smiling and happy. My body can’t help capitalizing on the moment.
I swallow the lump in my throat, ignore my obvious signs of a hangover, and move my face to hers. She freezes. My lips lightly press against her, and I can feel myself unthaw inside. She is the only person who can take every bit of doubt, self-loathing, and pain away. And she can do it with a simple kiss. I slowly start to melt as I hold my lips to hers. However, instead of getting lost in the moment, Delilah pulls her head away and tucks her lips in, as if she’s saying she won’t allow me access ever again to those beautiful, soft lips. My desires are extinguished and soon replaced by an irate fire. She’s rejecting me. It’s something I don’t handle well, something that stings beyond repair.
“Jake, please don’t look at me like that.” Her voice is calm, yet her eyes are cool.
I’m pissed, so pissed I could spit nails at her. “Don’t look at you like what, cupcake? Like I want to make love to you? Is that what this is all about?” I snap back angrily as I get out of bed.
My head spins as it simultaneously pounds into my skull. I feel like I could puke at any moment, but I swallow it down. I have more pressing things to deal with right now, like handling this woman and her bitchy attitude.
“Nothing will happen between us, Jake, until you get yourself under control.” Delilah stands from the bed and crosses her arms over her body. “I’m not going to budge on this.”
I take her in. Her skin has a rich tan, and the curves of her body haven’t changed from the moment I met her. Four kids later, and her body is still perfect, keeping my attention whenever I look at it. She has a body that deserves to be worshipped, but when my eyes connect with hers once again, the resentment settles back in.
All of the anger we have toward one another boils to the surface as it does every time we spend a significant amount of time together. I have admitted to being a fuck up, but I don’t deserve to be shut out. And that’s what she does whenever I see her. She just shuts me out. I can no longer take it.
“You know what, cupcake? I’m done. I’m done trying to keep you happy and working on this so-called relationship. I obviously came here last night to say something to you, to get closer to you,” I snap as her glare fades to hurt. Good, I’m glad she feels something.
I turn on my heel and locate my shirt on the floor. I pull my cell phone from the pocket of my jeans and note; it’s five-thirty in the morning. The kids will be up soon, and I don’t think I can see their sad little faces if they were to catch us fighting again.
Right as I pull my shirt over my head and step my feet into my boots, Delilah comes storming from the bedroom, hot on my trail and ready to rip me a new one. I make it as far as the kitchen before she tears into me.
“Fuck you, Jake.”
Out of pure shock, I freeze. She never curses. To say fuck means she is really, really pissed. As mad as I am at her right now, I do love her fiery side.
“Do you even remember coming here last night? How can you say all you’re trying to do is make me happy when the one thing that would make me the happiest woman in the world you can’t do? And last night was proof of that. You’re a drunk, and if anyone is done, it’s me. I’ve put up with all your antics, hateful words, and tried to repair every bridge you’ve burnt with your family. But no more. Do not step foot in this house again. If you want to see your kids, then you’ll have to consult a lawyer, because I will not have them around someone who can’t get their shit together. As of right now, w
e are done!”
I fall over the edge in a furious rage. It will be a cold day in Hell before she takes my children away.
While I stand over her and get my face as close to hers as I possibly can, she doesn’t move. She only holds her ground. There is no denying how serious this moment is. This is the end of Jake and Delilah, the end of something that could have been amazing. However, in this moment, I don’t give a fuck.
“Is that how you want to play?” Delilah nods her head, refusing to back down. “If you try to take my kids, you’ll be sorry. Believe that, cupcake.” I turn on my heels and storm out the door.
When I stomp to my truck, I can’t help noticing how it’s parked—half in the driveway and half on the neighbor’s yard—but I ignore the internal I told you so comment coming from my head. I won’t allow her to be right. I may have been wasted last night, but I can control it. Like she does with everything, Delilah has made a big deal out of something incredibly small.
She will regret what she’s said to me. It’s not over, not by a long shot.
The last two days have been a nightmare. From the horrible fight with Jake to Zoe getting assaulted at the bar, I feel like I have been going out of my mind.
I pull my suburban into the driveway and put the shifter in park. There is only a handful of times when I can go somewhere without my children, and I owe that to Joanna. I met her at the children’s shelter when I first came to Sulfur Heights. We got close while I continued to volunteer there until I had Jett. Not as close as Darcie and I are, but enough I trust her to babysit my kids if I’m in a bind.
When I saw Drake, he was a mess. He was full of anger, and characteristics of his former self flashed from his eyes. I know he wanted to get revenge on the man that hurt Zoe, but I kindly reminded him of what he had. I told him, if he doesn’t really let go of the anger over Presley’s murder, he will lose the people he has in this life. I reminded him what’s done is done, and you can’t change it, so he needs to stop dwelling on it and look to the future.
Presley is still with him, but he doesn’t have to be in Sulfur Heights to be reminded of that. There are elements everywhere that will remind him of her. When he sees a patch of wildflowers or looks into Mia’s eyes, Presley is there. He doesn’t need a headstone to be his only reminder of her. It was like a giant, light bulb went off, and all he did was hug me. Later this afternoon, once Zoe was awake, they decided they are moving to Eden Heights to join the rest of his family in a happily ever after. I’m sure it won’t take long for them to pack up and head north, leaving my family here in this hell hole.
Lately, I have been coming back to the conversation Zoe and I had in my kitchen. She told me it was okay for me to leave, too. I didn’t have to go back to Memphis to face my wretched mother. I could find somewhere quiet to live with my family and raise my children in a safe environment.
However, how am I supposed to do that with Jake and me at odds? I threatened him with our kids, something I vowed to never do, but I couldn’t stop myself. He has to know he has a problem, and if he doesn’t come to that conclusion himself, then I need to be there to make sure he does know.
After he left yesterday morning, I crumbled to the floor, knowing I couldn’t take back what I said. As much as I love him and don’t want our relationship to end, I cannot live in this limbo anymore. I have to make a drastic move to either get his head on straight or get myself away from his poisonous way of life.
I close my eyes and picture the pure hate coming from his gaze. I have no doubt he will go down fighting when it comes to our kids, and if we do end this thing for good, it will get worse before it gets better.
Leaning my head forward to rest on the steering wheel, I can feel the loss already as it bubbles under the surface of my skin. I am heartbroken. My chest and soul ache to forget everything I’ve said. I want him. I love Jake Evans, and I want him in my life. I want the good, the bad, and the ugly with him. However, it’s the ugly we cannot seem to shake. And it’s about to get worse.
Feeling his arms around me in bed was like that old comfortable blanket you wrap yourself in to feel safe and secure, the blanket you know will take all your aches away. I want Jake to take this pain away, but until he gets sober, we don’t have a future.
I finally release the pain and cry my eyes out. I can no longer choke it down and wish it away. The pain is too great, the loss too real. I allow my heart to bleed as it yearns over the only man who will captivate me with a single glance. I don’t hold back. I cry. And cry. And cry. I mourn. I ache. I wish. I need as I feel the pain rip up my spine and obliterate my heart in its wake.
The tears are still flowing freely when my cell phone distracts me from my sobbing. Assuming it’s Joanna or Zoe, I pull it out of my coat pocket and answer it. Big mistake.
“Honey?” My mother is on the other end, her voice faint. I roll my eyes, knowing she’s probably drunk. She likes to give me her two cents when she’s wasted. “Delilah, is that you?”
“Yes, Mother,” I say, trying to sound as normal as a person can after crying their eyes out.
“Oh, honey.” She breaks into a painful roar as she cries deeply into the phone.
My gut plummets to my feet, instinctively knowing she is about to share with me horrible news. My mother never cries. In fact, the last time I heard her cry was when my grandmother died, so I know something awful is going to soon follow.
“Your father had a heart attack this morning.”
My heart races, I hope she will tell me he’s still alive. Please say he’s alive, Mom, please.
“He’s dead,” she wails into the phone, and I join her.
This can’t be happening. I can’t lose my father. He is the rock in my life, the quiet barrier between my mother and me. He is the one who told me to follow my heart and go after Jake.
His beautiful face flashes in my eyes, and I wail out once again. I’m losing Jake, too. The men who have meant the world to me are gone, and I’m left alone to suffer through the agony.
“See you tomorrow, Randy,” I say to my newest shop employee as he walks out the door. Like every night, he simply waves goodbye and quietly exits the building.
I move to the office and log onto my computer to start adding in my profits for the day. Running a business sucks. When Jeremy and I were younger, we never talked about the adult shit we had to do to keep track of the profits and expenses, but man, does it suck. On top of working all day, I spend another two hours, at least, going over the books and boring crap. I considered getting an accountant, but in this town, I don’t trust a single person to handle my money except me.
I finish working on the computer and close the lid to the laptop. That’s when I see the picture on my desk from this past summer. We were at a barbeque at Reggie’s place. Delilah didn’t know I took the picture at the time. It encompasses her as a mother. She’s kneeling down to Jett, looking deeply in my son’s eyes as the twins make a funny pose toward me, while Quinn is latched onto her body. She looks beautiful as the wind captures her hair, blowing it gently away from her face. This picture encapsulates our daily life before everything went to shit.
I still haven’t forgotten what she said about threatening to take my children away. It only goes to show you how much of her mother she has underneath. The Delilah I fell in love with would have never used my kids against me. The very thought makes me fume.
I walk to the mini fridge and pull the glass bottle from the shelf. I haven’t had a drink since the day before yesterday. I admit I didn’t sleep worth shit last night, but I wanted to prove something to her. I wanted to prove to her I wasn’t a drunk and didn’t need the booze to function.
Last night, I lay on the couch and felt my body ache. My bones hurt and stomach churned. The thirst for the bottle was very, very real, but I don’t think it’s a problem. I think it’s because of all the stress I have in my life right now. It’s how I have dealt with shit for as long as I can remember. Besides, like the old saying goes, if it’s not
broke …
There’s a pounding on the outside door which breaks me from my random thoughts of booze. I grip the neck and wait out the random idiot who can’t read the sign displaying the hours of operation. However, the pounding knock sounds again. Then again.
“Dammit!” I toss the bottle back into the fridge and pull open the shop door. I round the front counter and yell, “Can’t you fucking re—”
Standing on the other side is the last person I want to see, yet she’s also the only person I want to see. I twist the lock and push open the glass door.
When I look at her, she looks like I feel inside—a complete mess. Her eyes are swollen and red from crying, and her hair is falling from the bun on her head. If she’s here to tell me she’s sorry, I won’t accept it. She took a low blow when she told me I couldn’t see my kids.
“Look, D, if you’re here for anything other than my kids, you can turn around and get the fuck out. I don’t want to see you.” My words are cold, and I can see what they are doing to her as the tears leak from her cheeks. I feel like an asshole, but it needs to be said. I can’t deal with our shit right now. Like she said yesterday, we’re done, so why continue to fight about it?
“My dad’s dead,” she barely gets out as she pulls her hands to her face and sobs.
I feel like the biggest dick in the world right now. Delilah was very close to her father, and this news has to be devastating. Quite frankly, it’s devastating to me, too. Delilah’s father was a great man who would do anything to make his daughter happy. He’s been by our side since we started this shop, and when he found out we were in the market to get a house but got rejected by the bank, he simply took matters into his own hands and bought a place for us to raise our family. He was a selfless man, and it’s a tragedy he is no longer alive.
Everlasting Love Page 16
