I’m Keeping You

by Jane Lark

  She nodded.

  “I won’t be long.”

  I took a clean hoodie out of a drawer before I left.

  Instead of heading to the elevators, I went to the stairs and, out of sight of any CCTV cameras, I changed my top, flicked the hood up, and stuffed my other top down in a corner. If this went to shit I didn’t want the cops tracing the call and tracking me down so they could charge me as a hoaxer.

  I went down to the reception desk and tried to look like I was on my way out for a run or a walk or something. “Can I make a local call?” I pointed at the phone on the end of their desk.

  “Sure thing, you’re welcome to, but there’s a phone in the office at the back you can use. That’ll be more private.”

  “Thanks, I’ll only be a minute.”

  The guy led me to the place where they managed the safety deposit boxes. There wouldn’t be any CCTV in there either; they could hardly film people taking the stuff in and out of their boxes. There was a phone on the guests’ waiting desk. “Here, sir.”

  “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.” He left me in there. I pressed 911.

  “Hello, 911 Emergency Services. What’s your emergency?”

  “Can I speak to the police, please? I have some information they’ll want to know…”

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  Jason

  When we went to bed, Rach laid up close against me, with her head on my pec and her hand resting over my abs as I held her and watched movie after movie from the hotel box office on the TV. She’d drifted in and out of sleep in a half-comatose state. The last time I looked at the clock before I fell asleep it was ten past two.

  I stayed in bed with her Friday morning too. In the same position, with the TV on more movies.

  I’d spent a lot of hours in this position when she’d first come out of the hospital, only at home I’d had Saint laying across my chest too. I missed him; there was an ache of longing deep in my chest.

  The digital clock on the nightstand flicked through the numbers as the morning progressed.

  When the time reached eleven, my heart was beating so hard it was like I was running. Mr. Rees must be on his way to the gym.

  I couldn’t lie still anymore. I bent and kissed the crown of Rachel’s head. “Do you want a coffee, and then you can take your meds?”

  “Okay.”

  My hands fucking shook when I made her coffee while the clock’s digits counted towards eleven-thirty.

  I wished I’d gone to the gym and stood outside to see what happened. But it was better Rach and I stayed out of it and left it as a police matter; if we got caught up in it, it could affect the case. I didn’t want to mess this up.

  “Here.” I put her coffee and her pill down on the nightstand beside her.

  She didn’t move, but the coffee was too hot to drink anyway.

  I walked over and opened the curtain to look out. The street below was busy. I glanced back at the clock. Eleven-twenty.

  Dammit, I couldn’t stand still. I had to do something, my brain was too full of what might happen.

  I picked up my cell from beside the bed and went over to turn the TV down.

  Rachel watched me without talking.

  Tomorrow would be Saturday, our lawyer wouldn’t be in his office. I touched contacts and slid them up ‘til I reached our lawyer’s number, then touched the call icon.

  “Hello, Goldman Law, how can I help you?”

  “Hey, can I speak to Mike, please, it’s Jason Macinlay?” I looked back out the window while I waited for her to transfer me.

  “Hi, Jason. How can I help?”

  “We’re in New York. We came to see him. I’m going to get him to sign those adoption papers. Would you fax them through to the hotel?” I had to prepare as if this was going to go down as we’d planned. I had to have faith or I’d go mad.

  “Sure, I can get them faxed through, but don’t do anything stupid.”

  “I’m not going to. I’m relying on him doing the stupid stuff.”

  “Okay, where do I send the paperwork to?”

  The hotel’s fax number was printed on their notepaper; I went over to the desk and read it out, then gave him our room number. After he ended the call, I rang the reception desk to tell them a fax would be coming in for us. Then I looked at the clock.

  Eleven thirty-nine.

  Would they arrest him when he got to the gym and miss any exchange? Would they follow him and watch him until it happened? What if it happened in a restroom cubicle and they missed it? What if they hadn’t even responded to the warning and he was just now starting on a machine at the gym and nothing would happen?

  I dropped my cell on the desk in sudden disgust. My hands lifted and gripped the back of my neck.

  Fuck. I wished I knew what was happening. I looked up at the ceiling. But then I remembered Rach was awake, just quiet.

  My hands dropped and I turned around.

  She was watching me. Her pill was still beside the bed.

  I went over to the bed. “Sit up, honey.”

  She leaned up on to her elbows first, then straightened up further, sliding up the bed until she was sitting up against the headboard. I sat beside her and handed her the coffee. “Here, sip it, then take your meds.”

  “Thanks.” She wasn’t saying thanks for the coffee. She was saying thanks for the care.

  I gave her the pill and smiled at her. She took it, then sipped the coffee.

  “We’ll stay in the room today, okay?”

  She nodded.

  I looked at the clock as she sipped her coffee again. Eleven forty-five.

  How were we even going to know if he was caught?

  “Would you turn the sound on the TV up?” Rach asked.

  “Sure.” I got up and fetched the remote to do it, then went back over to her. “Do you want to sit up for a bit?”

  She nodded.

  It was going to be a long day.

  I helped her put a couple of cushions and pillows behind her, so she could sit up comfortably, then I sat beside her.

  It was twelve o’clock. I stood up and looked out the window again.

  “Jason, go for a run if you want, I’ll be okay here.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yeah.”

  I didn’t want to leave her, but running would make me feel better. “I wish you’d come with me but I know that’s a dumb hope, because you aren’t up to it today. I’d rather have you with me, though. Just for the record, Rach.”

  She shook her head, in a don’t-be-stupid way. “You can go and don’t feel guilty. I won’t be nasty about it. I promise. I don’t mind.”

  I put a knee on the bed, leaned over, and kissed her on the lips. “Thanks. I love you, sweetheart.”

  She gave me a weak smile.

  I wanted Mr. Rees out of our lives, so she and I could carry on just having to think about us—and Saint.

  I got changed, looking at my cell all the time. It didn’t ring, or vibrate. I picked it up once. It still had a signal.

  By the time I left the room, it was twelve-twenty. The appointment on his calendar had been for an hour.

  Had they caught him?

  I didn’t run so fast today, I ran at a pace more like a jog, but I had a good rhythm going. I tried to let the movement, the adrenalin, and the world around me absorb my thoughts, but I didn’t succeed. All I could think about was Rach lying quiet and exhausted, in a black mood, back in the hotel, and whether or not the police had caught Mr. Rees in the act.

  My heartbeat followed the pattern of my footfalls on the sidewalk.

  Come on. Come on. The words ran through my head. I pictured the cops arresting Mr. Rees. It was my only hope of stopping him.

  The digital clock in the room read one-forty when I went back in and pulled my top off, my heart pumping in a crazy beat.

  Rachel was lying down on the bed again, asleep.

  I showered, then lay own beside her. It was like someone had pressed a
pause button; nothing could carry on until I knew. Was he in jail? Was he being questioned? Was he walking free, driving around Manhattan in his fancy chauffeur-driven car? How could I know?

  I wanted to ring every fucking police station in New York to find out. But that would raise suspicions against me, and then maybe he’d claim he’d been set up. I didn’t want to risk this going wrong… But had it gone right?

  I got up to make a cup of coffee. To have something to do.

  Rach woke up. “Hey.” Her fingers reached out and brushed my hip, before I could walk away to make it. “Did you have a good run?”

  “Yeah, thanks.” I lay back down, on my side, so I faced her. My fingers combed into her hair.

  “Have you heard anything?”

  “Nope.”

  “Sorry.”

  I laughed a little. “I hardly think you can take responsibility for that.”

  She smiled slightly. “Can we have sex?” She said it quietly. “Not because I… Just… I love you, I want to do it with you. I want to feel loved again and I want to show you that I love you…”

  My fingers stroked through her hair. “I love you too and I don’t really mind if you have sex with me for whatever reason you want.”

  Another weak smile lifted the edges of her lips.

  I got up and stripped off, then got into bed with her. We kissed slowly and I slid my hand beneath the tee she had on to grip her breast. After a couple of minutes, I stripped the tee off of her.

  She was beautiful. Her body was amazing, all muscle and soft skin, and her long arms and legs wrapped around me.

  We carried on kissing while I caressed her breast, squeezing it gently, and then my hand travelled down to slip inside her panties. Her hips lifted in a gesture of yes-please as her hand settled on the back of my head.

  After I’d helped her out of her panties I moved over her. Her hands shifted down to my hips and held me there. “I love you,” I said when I pushed into her. “I always will. You can trust me.”

  She gave me a weak little smile. “I know.”

  I looked down to watch myself slide into her as her legs lifted. Her inner thighs brushed against the outside of mine.

  I made love to her slowly, looking into her green eyes, making sure she could feel the sensations and know that this was because I cared about her—she was my everything. She had shown me a life I hadn’t known was in reach for me until I’d met her.

  We lay in bed after, naked, with my arm around her, but she wasn’t quiet, she talked to me, about Saint, about the future she hoped for, for him and for us.

  My cell started ringing and vibrating, rattling on the nightstand beside the bed. I reached over and grabbed it, with Rach still tucked under my other arm. The clock said four-fifteen and the name on the screen said Justin. My heart drummed out a heavier bass beat than it had when I’d been running. “It’s Justin,” I said to Rach.

  I touched the answer icon. “Hey.”

  “Jason…” It wasn’t Justin it was Portia, and she’d whispered my name.

  I sat up, my arm slipping free from Rach. “What is it?”

  “Mr. Rees is in jail. I just got a call from his lawyer, to cancel a dinner he’d planned for tonight. He can’t bail him out yet, he thinks it’ll be twenty-four hours at least. He wouldn’t tell me why, but I’m guessing they caught him buying cocaine.” I could hear her smile through the cell.

  “Yeah!” I roared as my free hand punched the air.

  Portia laughed when I shouted.

  “Thanks for letting us know, Portia. And thanks for helping. You’re an angel. And you and Justin are going to have to fly to Oregon and come meet Saint.”

  “That would be fun. I have to go now, though, I’m still in the office. I’m calling from the restroom.”

  “I’ll be in there on Monday. I’m going to bring the adoption papers in. I’m not going to give him any chance to think about this.”

  “Cool, get him before he can work out a way to get out of it, you know how slippery he is. Bye, Jason.”

  “Say hey to Justin.”

  “Yeah.”

  She ended the call. I turned to Rach, my cell clasped in my fist. “He’s in jail. He’s been arrested for something. Portia doesn’t know why, but it has to be drugs. We got him.”

  Rach sat up and wrapped her arms around my neck. “Wow.”

  I hugged her hard. “Everything’s going to be okay. See I told you.”

  “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  Even I actually fucking believed it.

  That felt good.

  My heart leapt with anticipation and anxiety when I looked at the text that had come in from Justin. ‘He’s in.’

  He’d texted at nine to say Mr. Rees wasn’t there, telling me not to bother taking the adoption papers over to the office. Now I could. “He’s in, Rach!” I called into the bathroom.

  All the paperwork was in an envelope on the desk.

  I walked over to the bathroom, where she was putting on her make-up. “Are you sure you’re up to coming? You don’t need to.” I wanted to get there. I wanted to fly there and get this over and done with. I wanted to be walking away with the signed papers in my hand, certain that everything was going to be okay. I didn’t want to miss him…

  She looked at me, her mascara brush hovering near her eye. “I want to.”

  “But will it throw you down again? If it will, I’d rather you stayed away.”

  “I can’t know, but I wanna be with you.”

  “If you’re sure.”

  She looked back at the mirror and applied her mascara, refusing to answer anymore.

  I guess she was coming. After the other day, I wasn’t happy about it, but I couldn’t deny her, Saint was her son, she had a right to be there.

  She’d recovered enough to run with me this morning, and that had pulled her further out of the blues, but she was vulnerable. She’d always be vulnerable, though, and I guess that wasn’t a reason to stop her from living life as she wanted.

  I put my leather jacket on, then picked up her scarf and coat. I wrapped her scarf around her neck when she came out of the bathroom, then held up her coat for her to put on.

  My heart played out a low, steady rhythm.

  “Come on.” My hand settled on her waist as we turned to the door.

  I was twenty times more protective toward her today. There were the same feelings inside me that had been there after she’d walked into the river. I wanted to wrap her up and push the world away from her. When I saw her in her weakest moments it drove a wedge of compassion deep inside me, like it had the first night I’d met her, only then I hadn’t loved her; now I loved her the wedge opened up a chasm of pain too.

  My hand touched her waist, hovered near her, or held hers all the way to the office. I wasn’t worrying over what Mr. Rees would do or not do anymore, not this time, I just cared about how this was going to impact on Rach.

  Fuck him.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Rachel

  Jason’s body was barely an inch away from mine when we stood in the car on the subway, and he stayed close to me all the way to Declan’s office, on hyper-drive protection.

  When I saw the tall building that had once been where Jason worked, and was still where Declan worked, Jason’s hand held mine. The grip was gentle—reassuring—offering a sanctuary—and love—a wall to defend me rather than a sword to help me fight. His grip said he treasured the thing he clasped.

  Today there wasn’t even a single grain of sand of doubt in me. I knew he loved me. But I knew my lack of trust would return with my next bout of madness. I wanted to hang on to this feeling, though. I wanted to be able to remember it when I was low.

  I would let him keep checking that I’d taken my meds if it meant I felt like this. I’d returned from hell. But it would only be for a while if I didn’t stay on meds. Hell was behind me, stalking me and waiting to take me down.

  But I was free again today. T
he sky was blue and bright, and I had Jason’s hand to hold, and I wasn’t high, but neither was I really low. I was in limbo land, but today it was lovely.

  Jason led me through the crowd. Like he’d led me through my madness—fixing us again.

  We walked into the ground floor of the office block and rode the elevator up to Declan’s offices.

  In the elevator Jason let go of my hand. We stripped off our gloves, then his arms surrounded me. I pressed my face into his neck and breathed in the smell of his aftershave.

  He let me go when the doors opened and then clasped my hand again and led me out. “Ready for this?” he said, looking back at me.

  Nope. Not at all. But… “Yeah.” I was gonna get Saint officially and forever. I was. He’d be Jason’s son. Declan would have no claim on him, and Declan and the past that hovered around him would be out of my life.

  “I love you,” I said to Jason, in the form of a thank you.

  He opened the door into the office, then smiled back at me. “I love you too.”

  We walked on, through all the desks and working people. I looked across the room to where Justin’s and Portia’s desks were. Justin stood up and lifted a hand, but then he turned away and walked over to a printer. I guess he didn’t want to make a big deal of us coming back in; the people in the room must know I’d thrown water at their boss, a few of them stared.

  Jason’s hand gave mine a little squeeze as we neared Portia.

  When we reached her he leaned down. “Would you come in with us? We’ll need a witness to sign the papers and you’re his PA, so it’s a good call for you to do it, he can’t blame you for getting involved.”

  “Okay.” She stood up when Jason straightened.

  The papers were inside Jason’s zipped-up jacket, against his chest, near his heart. He loved Saint. I knew he did. We were in New York because he loved me and Saint. With a clear head I knew it in every cell of my body.

  The three of us then, me, Jason, and Portia, a little posse, walked toward Declan’s office door.

  This was judgment day for him. The moment of retribution. He’d done me wrong and Jason was putting it right.

  On Halloween I’d known we were falling apart and the only way we could be put back together was if Jason chose to fix us. He had. He was picking up all my broken pieces and putting them back together again—so he and I could be us again.