Hiding his relief, he asked, “Could you wear something long enough to go shopping? I’d be happy to go for you but I think you should come too. Or we could send Milo?”
Her tears transformed into giggles against his chest. “Can you picture me, dressed like him?”
“Point taken.” He laughed with her. “So you’ll go? I need to pick up something to wear too, since I’m not in the habit of carrying a suit just in case I stumble across the woman I’m meant to marry. You can find something for you while I find something for me.”
“Oh. Okay. Sorry I disturbed you.”
“You should have woken me in the first place. I’ll never mind. I guess you’ll accept that in time.”
“I just got out of bed.”
“But how long have you been awake?”
“About an hour,” she admitted. “I was watching you sleep.”
“I hope I wasn’t drooling.”
“No. I had my hand on your chest so I could feel your heart and know you were real.”
“Then I woke up because I missed your touch. How’s your head?”
“Good. I’m in the beat-up-but-going-to live stage. With my head, I mean.”
“And the rest of you. But this is the last time the rest of you has to make it through that stage. I wish I could say the same for your head.”
“Thank you again for helping like you did.”
“No problem. I guess, since you were worrying about your clothes, I’ll be around to help the next time you get a migraine.”
“Jesse, is this really a good idea? I keep thinking that we’re both insane. Me, for believing I’m in any state to know what I want, and you, for suggesting it in the first place, knowing the kind of mess I am. But then I decided we may as well get married and be crazy together.”
“I don’t think we’re the slightest bit crazy. We’re just being decisive and should be admired for being able to hear what’s in our hearts so clearly. It’s only four thirty. Too early to shop. Come back to bed.” He remained still until Abby moved first.
“Mm.” Abby snuggled into Jesse’s arms. “Why does this feel like we’ve always been together?”
“Because we were always supposed to be together like this. We’re where we belong now. It feels so right because it is right.” He paused. “Can I ask you to do something for me? Something important?”
She twisted her neck, trying to see his face in the dim light filtering in from the city outside. “Um, all right,” she agreed timidly.
Jesse felt her stiffen, as if she were expecting it to be bad, and smiled reassuringly. “It’s a good something. Or I think so anyway.”
“Oh. Okay. What is it?” She visibly relaxed.
“You said you didn’t want to wear any of the things Earl selected for you so he isn’t here with us.”
“Yeah.”
“After Earl forced you, did anyone else ever touch you?”
“No! I never cheated! Not even when I knew that he was!” She pulled away from him.
“Abby, wait. I wasn’t accusing you. Hear me out. Please?”
After an extended silence, she murmured, “Go ahead.”
“I’m not asking about this to upset you, I promise.”
“Okay.”
“Did you take care of your needs yourself?”
“Oh,” Abby gasped, hiding her face against Jesse’s shoulder.
“No hiding when this is the subject, remember? Trust me. Please? I’m almost to the point I wanted to make.”
She took a deep breath and raised her head, nodding.
“So did you?” he repeated softly.
“Not really. I tried it a few times but I was too afraid that Earl would know somehow. He told me once that only perverts and sluts did that. It was stupid but I couldn’t… I mean, I didn’t… It, uh, didn’t work anyway. Those times I tried.”
“I understand. Tell me if I have this right. Earl never devoted any effort to foreplay. He didn’t bother to make sure you were satisfied and the last time you were with him, he forced you.”
“Why are you doing this?”
“Because I want you to understand why I want you to agree to what I’m about to ask of you.”
She nodded even though he could tell she was upset.
“It’ll be all right. You’ll see in just a second. I want to make sure I got it correct that, for the past five years, your sex life has been practically nonexistent and very unfulfilling.”
“That’s right.” Her voice quivered.
“Fine. My point is that you’re using clothes to banish Earl from the beginning of our life together. I want to banish his lack of, shall we say, manly abilities and neglect of your physical needs by giving your body something more pleasant as its last experience before we’re married.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I know I can’t erase what he did to you. I know you still have the physical and emotional bruises he inflicted. But I feel the need to prove that not all men are abusive. Before you say it, I do realize you already know that. I think I need the symbolism of treating you gently and with care. I know I can’t really kiss your bruises and make them all better but I’d really appreciate it if you let me kiss each of them anyway. To show how much I wish I could take away all the pain Earl put you through.”
Abby could feel his anxiety building while she considered his request. His words opened a place in her heart she thought was gone forever. She was trembling as she whispered, “Yes, Jesse. Kiss me and make it better.”
He strained to hear her response. When it sank in that she was going to let him do as he asked, he smiled as he caressed her cheek. “Thank you. I’d like to turn on a light so I can see you better.”
“Do you have to?” she asked, horrified again as she thought of how closely he’d be looking at her body.
“No, but I want to. I don’t want to miss an inch of your marred skin. I can probably find most of it with the light from outside but I’d rather see you and be sure I touched all of it.”
“But I’m so flabby.”
“Soft, Ab. Soft and luscious. Like a ripe peach. Succulent.”
“But you’re so solid.”
“Isn’t that how it’s supposed to be in a classic sense? A solid, sturdy man and a soft, supple woman. I took a good look at you yesterday, remember? And my face has already been up close and personal with your breasts. I held you on my lap with your nicely rounded bottom against my thighs. And I have every intention of making love to my wife tonight and every chance I get in the future. Please don’t hide your body from me. If you do, you’ll be letting Earl influence our relationship and neither of us wants that. Let me see you. Let me touch you. Let me kiss you. Let me start the foreplay I intend to keep adding to all our lives. Please, Abby. Let me replace your body’s memory of Earl’s touch with mine.”
“Do I get to touch you too?”
“I won’t insist that you don’t but I’m asking you not to. This is about you, not me. About showing you that you can trust me never to physically hurt you. Never to neglect you and never to leave you in need. Never to let you feel undesirable or unattractive. Never to make you think you need to change one thing about you for my sake. I want you, Abby. Physically, emotionally, sexually and any other way you can think of. But most of all, I want your trust. I want you to trust me enough to give me the gift of you. You are a gift. A treasure I will hold in my heart, worship with my body, enjoy with my mind and protect with my life forever.
“Can you trust me with you? Can you open yourself enough to let me show you how you make me feel? Can you trust yourself enough to accept that I’m being honest when I tell you I started to love you the instant I saw you in Henderson’s office? That I loved you even more when you didn’t reject me after I told you what I’d done? I do love you, Abby. And, if you say no now, I will still love you forever.
“I want to do this but only if you want it too. If you have any doubts or fears, then this can wait until you’re ready, no
matter how long that takes. It’s all up to you. Say yes and I will demonstrate how I intend to cherish you forever. Say no and I’ll kiss the tip of your nose, tuck you in next to me and lie here until the stores open.”
“Jesse.” She sobbed his name.
“Please don’t cry,” he soothed. “You don’t have to be upset. Really. Nothing will change if you tell me no. That wasn’t an ultimatum.”
“That’s not it,” she interrupted. “I’m not crying because I’m upset. I’m crying because I believe you. I gave up thinking I’d ever hear anyone say those kinds of things to me. I do trust you. And I’m beginning to think I can trust me. I think my heart opened to you as soon as you asked if my head hurt on the left side. My mind is still unsure but it’s starting to function again, accepting that I can make accurate judgments. Believing I’m right to trust my own instincts when they urge me to trust you. Believing everything is going to be all right because it feels that way. Help me please. Show me you believe in me, in us. Kiss away Earl’s marks and show me how it feels to be cared for. Show me how it feels when someone loves me.”
Abby was still crying as Jesse wrapped her in an embrace. “I will, precious. I will. Shh, don’t cry anymore.” He kissed away her tears. “I believe in us. I believe what we feel is true. I believe we’re going to last forever.”
“Turn on the light,” she urged when she regained control over her emotions. “Just not a really bright one.”
“Thank you.” Jesse brushed her lips with a kiss as he slipped from the bed. He settled on the bathroom light with the door barely open. It cast a glow into the room but not enough to make her feel she was under a spotlight.
Before returning to her side, Jesse raised the temperature on the air conditioner. It was still pumping out cold air to ease her migraine and he obviously didn’t want them to freeze once they were uncovered. They had spent the night almost naked, as they had been the day before, but stayed snuggled together for warmth. Abby chuckled to herself. They both might start out a little chilly but she was positive it wouldn’t last. Not with the heat they were sure to generate between them.
Chapter Fifteen
Jesse climbed on the bed and slowly eased the covers from Abby’s body, following their progress with his eyes. When she was completely exposed, he let his gaze touch every inch of her. He could sense that she wanted to cover herself, hiding from his perusal, but didn’t.
“Can I take off your panties?” he asked, running one fingertip along the elastic at the waistband.
“You want me completely naked?”
“Yes, if it’s okay with you. I can’t get to the bruise on your hip. And I’d like to kiss the one on the inside of your thigh while I look to see if you’re at all excited by the time I get there.”
Not breaking his gaze, she raised her hips and slid out of them. She used her foot to toss them away from her. “I’m already excited,” she admitted.
He chuckled softly. “Me too.” Stretching out next to her, he rested his hand over her bruised ribs, keeping his touch light. “Try to relax. Feel free to make any comments that cross your mind. I’d like it if you told me what you’re thinking, what you’re feeling.” He claimed her mouth. “Always, Abs. Not just now. Any time you feel like sharing your thoughts, I will gladly listen.” He gave her a longer kiss. “I want to know you. I want to tell you what’s going on in my mind too so you can know me.” He nibbled gently on her bottom lip before caressing it with his tongue. “I want what my brother has with his wife. The kind of partnership where we know each other so well it scares the rest of the world. Frank and Shelby really are part of one another.” He kissed her more thoroughly. “Be part of me. Make me whole.”
“Yes,” she managed before his mouth locked on to hers.
The kiss was incredible. Hot and full of passion but tender and full of promise all at the same time.
Abby prevented his lips from trailing along her throat, seeking the bruise at the base of her neck. “Wait,” she said. “Please?”
Jesse raised his head and gazed into her eyes. “Second thoughts, precious?”
“No.” She nibbled on her lower lip.
“What is it then?” At her hesitation, he continued, “You can say anything, Abby. Anything at all.”
“I was just wondering… About later… After today… What are we going to do next? You didn’t tell me what’s going to happen.”
“Tell you? The only thing I can tell you about after we get married is how happy you’ll have made me and how much I’ll be looking forward to making love with my wife. We’ll have to discuss anything other than that.”
“But…” She was clearly unsettled by his words.
“But what? We’re both going to be part of this marriage. I know we have a lot of decisions to make over the next few days. We’ll work it all out together.”
“But what are we going to do?”
“Hmm.” He was propped on his elbow, caressing her face. “Let’s see. We can either stay here or we can pick somewhere else we’d like to be. I really hope we spend lots of time naked, exploring each other intimately. Often. I suppose we’ll need to eat occasionally to keep up our strength. We can talk when we’re too exhausted to make love.”
His grin was contagious. “Jesse, I’m serious.”
“So am I. And you’re right. We have to decide what to do next. I told you what I was considering. But I’m not committed to that plan. I think we should take Milo up on his invitation to join them all for dinner. We can celebrate without them knowing it’s a celebration. You can meet Harry and see what you think about his restaurant.”
“I don’t have to.”
“I know you don’t have to. But you were on your way there for an interview yesterday. You told me how much you liked your job in college. If you want to do that again, you should. If you like Harry’s, then you should give it a try. Now before you ask, Wyatt has contacts everywhere. I could just as easily work for him from here as I do from there.”
“But what about your family? And Earl?”
“My family will support us no matter where we are. And I do mean us, Abby. You’ll feel better once you meet them but I’m already positive they’ll love you.”
“Won’t you miss having them nearby?”
“Sure I will. But we’ll visit. The most important thing, though, is that we’re somewhere you feel comfortable. If it’s in my current apartment, fine. I’d like to show you the town I told you about. If we choose to stay there, great. If you fall in love with Harry and want to live here, okay. If we decide we’ll be happiest in some remodeled lighthouse on the coast of Maine, then that’s where we’ll be. I really am flexible. I’m sure we can find something to do anywhere we end up. As long as we’re together, I think we could make figuring out where we want to make our home into an adventure.
“Perhaps I should mention that, thanks to Wyatt and Jordan, we can afford to take some time off before we have to think about earning more money. And I haven’t taken any vacations other than family ones ever so Wyatt won’t object. I just need to let him know not to schedule anything until we’re settled. In fact, other than a roundtable discussion in three weeks to wrap up my gun research, I’m at your disposal. That should only take a day, two tops.”
“But…” She seemed overwhelmed at the thought he was willing to let her help determine where they would live.
“But what about Earl? I’d like to say we should just forget about him but you seem so sure he’ll come looking for you. So can I suggest that we hang out somewhere and celebrate being together for a few days? Then we can go pick up Trevor and any of the things from your old life you want to keep. We’ll enlist Wyatt to keep Earl innocently occupied while we collect your stuff so he doesn’t walk in on us. Once we know he has nothing left to hurt you with, we’ll confront him. We’ll make it perfectly clear he no longer has any claim on you. We’ll also let him know without a doubt there will be consequences if he attempts any future contact.”
; “He’s not going to just let me walk away. It’s not going to be as easy as you make it sound.”
“I don’t expect it to be easy. But I can be very persuasive when I set my mind to it. I’m pretty sure he has some sort of weakness. In addition to you, that is. We’ll get Wyatt to help us find it and then we’ll use it to convince Earl it’ll be better for him to give up on you than it is for him to pursue you. You have me now. Me and my family. None of us are going to ever let him get close to you again. He can’t hurt you anymore. We’ll pick the time and place and then we’ll make him understand you’re out from under his control and then we’ll get on with our life together and live happily ever after.”
“You sound so sure.”
“I am sure. None of this is going to happen instantly. We have lots to talk about. Tons of decisions to make. We don’t have to rush, though. We’ll take it slow, one day at a time until we come up with a plan that suits us best.”
“This is so strange.”
“What? Being asked what you’d like to do instead of ordered to do what someone else wants you to?”
“Yeah.”
“You’ll get used to it again.” He smiled broadly. “I have faith in us. As long as we’re honest with each other, we’ll be just fine. I fully expect you to actively participate in all parts of this union. Never hesitate to say anything. Ask me questions. I’ll be doing the same with you too so don’t be surprised. And don’t feel pressured to respond. If you don’t want to answer something just tell me.”
“I’m sorry.” She hid her eyes under her arm. “This is so hard.”
“It doesn’t have to be.” He snuggled with his head along her neck. “You’ll find I can be very patient. You don’t need to hide from me.”
Abby slowly removed her arm. “I’m having a lot of trouble remembering you’re real and this isn’t all just some cruel joke Earl set up so he has a good reason to hurt me again. I mean, I do know you aren’t making this up. I do trust you. I want what you’ve been describing so much. You really think we’ll be okay?”
Karma Page 14
