Karma

by Barbara Huffert

  “Yeah,” Abby agreed.

  “After listing all of Green’s offenses, he took quite a bit of time to explain how bad it would make Green look to his associates, especially since the majority of senior vice presidents are women. With his flagrant misuse of the bank computers, he stands to lose the reputation he worked so hard to create, not to mention his position. I got the impression it would be very difficult for him to ever find another job that involved any sort of implied status as well.”

  “But how can you be so sure that’s enough to discourage him?” Jesse wondered.

  “Because if you decided against the public humiliation a trial would generate, Green will be informed that this is his last chance to reform himself. Every government agency available will keep him under such close scrutiny that, if he so much as looks at another woman improperly, he will be exposed to every possible employer. Each and every business transaction will be picked through with a fine-tooth comb and I think it’s safe to assume Green cut a corner or didn’t follow some procedure at some point in his banking career. I’m sure press coverage will be mentioned. I’m also willing to bet Wyatt already tagged him. If any hint of impropriety pops up in any computer, he’ll know and his FBI buddy will reappear. Green will be looking over his shoulder for the rest of his life, waiting for the other shoe to drop. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that any future contact with you is absolutely forbidden, with or without an appearance in court.”

  She sat in stunned silence. “Jesse, I know you’ve never backed down from anything but I can’t go through with that. I’m not as brave as Gwen. Even though it might help someone else, I can’t do it.”

  “Abby, listen to me. You have been so strong for so long. You might not see your survival as bravery but I do. Think of how much easier it would have been to give up the first time he hurt you. Or every time since then. If you decide you’ve already been through enough, I will still think you are an incredibly courageous woman. That won’t change.”

  “Jesse’s right,” Dwayne said. “I’ve worked with other women in situations similar to yours and there isn’t one of them who walked away without my highest regard. Don’t think you’re alone, Abby. Some of them press charges. Some of them don’t. Some of them go right back to the men who mistreated them. But even those women deserve respect for at least trying. Unfortunately, public opinion in this country is severely lacking. Your own experience today exemplifies that. I don’t understand why people don’t always see the obvious but it happens much too often. There are far too many ignorant individuals who would question you even if Green was convicted.”

  “I hate this!” Abby declared.

  “So do we,” Jesse seconded. “I think you have your answer, Dwayne.”

  Dwayne picked up the subtle hint that it was time for him to go. “I’ll let the others know. I’ll be in touch with Green’s reaction.”

  “You really don’t mind?” Abby asked when they were alone.

  “No, not at all. I can understand why you don’t want to open yourself up to public opinion. Especially now that it’s truly behind you. I’d never ask you to keep reliving this.”

  She moved to look out the window. Trevor rested his chin on Jesse’s knee and stared up at him with a sad expression. The dog seemed to know Jesse was giving her space.

  “Thank you,” Abby said without turning around. “The way you said that sounded so believable.”

  “I meant all of it. Honestly I did. I wasn’t trying to pacify you.”

  Abby nodded from her spot.

  “Hey we don’t have to stay here if you’re not comfortable anymore. We can go to my apartment or a hotel if you prefer.”

  “I’m okay here. We don’t have to leave unless you want to.”

  “No. You’re shivering. Cold?” Another nod. “Want me to get your sweatshirt? Or I could light a fire?” He began to doubt that he was going to get an answer when Abby told him that a fire would be nice. Jesse was happy for something to do.

  Abby watched until the logs caught before she moved to sit nearby. Trevor immediately settled at her feet.

  “Can I get you anything? Hot chocolate? A sandwich?”

  “No thanks. I’m fine. You really don’t have to watch over me every minute, Jesse. I’m not going to vanish or lose my mind any more than I already have if you want to go put on some sweats or something. I know how much you didn’t want to wear that tie this morning. God, that seems like days ago.”

  “I’m sorry I’m hovering. It’s as much for me as it is for you.”

  Abby studied him and seemed surprised to see how shaky he was. Once again it was clear she had never experienced the aftermath of one of Earl’s moments with someone who cared before. “Go change. Take a shower if you want. I know we’re not done talking but I feel like I did in that room with you still dressed that way. I’m sorry. That’s stupid of me but I can’t help it.”

  “There’s nothing stupid about that.” Jesse cursed himself for not considering that. “I think I will grab a quick shower. Yell if you need me, okay?” Abby nodded, staring into the flames.

  In the short amount of time it took for him to return, she had curled into a tight ball, leaning against one arm of the sofa. Trevor’s head rested next to hers.

  Jesse reached for the light, intending to chase away the shadows that came with sunset but she stopped him. “Can I sit with you?” he asked uncertainly.

  “If you want to,” she replied.

  He was still afraid to reach for her, unsure of her reaction. After several minutes, he gave up and turned more fully toward her. “Abby, I don’t know what to do now. I’d like to hold you but I can’t tell if that would be okay or not. Please tell me what to do.”

  Instead of responding, she shifted until she was in his arms. When Trevor sighed, Jesse urged him to join them on the sofa.

  “Jesse,” Abby gasped.

  “It’s okay. You’ve seen Bear on the furniture. He needs to be with you as much as I do.”

  “This is unreal. I don’t know how to act.”

  “You don’t have to do anything. I was so scared when that alarm went off. I was in the back, waiting for things to get started. When Wyatt told me what was going on, I couldn’t breathe. Even though I knew you weren’t alone and Andie is more than capable of taking him, I felt so helpless. I knew Shane was only five minutes away but it didn’t matter. I was too far away to do anything for you. I’m sorry to be so clingy but I can’t help it.”

  “I didn’t think you were there. They stuck me in that room and I thought you changed your mind. I thought I was alone and no one was really waiting for me.”

  “I’ll never change my mind. Nope, I’m yours. Shane and Brett practically had to tackle me when Scott wouldn’t let me in. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Dwayne that angry. I can’t believe they didn’t even give you some ice.”

  “I don’t think it would’ve made much difference. I’m sorry you have to look at me like this.”

  “Why? You didn’t do this to yourself. You may be bruised but you’re still beautiful to me. How much does it hurt?”

  “Not too bad. Really, Jesse. You saw me before. Today was nothing.”

  “I wish that weren’t true.”

  After a prolonged silence, Abby tugged his left hand toward her face. She touched the ring he had placed there. “I didn’t expect you to do this. They’re perfect. I should have said that earlier. I should have put yours on for you.”

  Jesse removed his ring and handed it to her. “I love you, Abby. Will you keep me?”

  Sliding the ring back where it belonged, Abby sniffled. “Yes. I’m still having trouble accepting that you want me. Especially after today. But if you’re sure, then yes.”

  “I’m positive. What happened today could never make me not want you. Nothing could make me not want you. You’re my destiny, remember?”

  Abby smiled slightly as she snuggled closer to Jesse. She tucked her feet beneath Trevor. Their closeness finally seemed to
make her comfortable enough to doze off.

  When Abby stirred a few hours later, she found that Jesse and Trevor hadn’t moved the entire time she slept. “You didn’t have to sit with me the whole time.”

  “I wanted to. Hungry?”

  “Yeah, a little.”

  “Then I’ll make some sandwiches after I let Trevor out.”

  “Jesse, stop it. Please. I’m not an invalid. Why don’t I make the sandwiches and you can take the shrimp salad and flan over to Jordan and Kiley? I’m not ready to face anyone but I’d really like to know she’s truly okay.”

  “All right. I’m sure they’re wondering the same about you. Be right back.” Jesse sensed that she would prefer to get rid of the remaining food from their ruined brunch.

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Jesse was fully alert the instant he realized Abby wasn’t in bed with him. They had turned in shortly after they ate. Abby was clearly exhausted and Jesse wanted to keep her close. Briefly he wondered how he always managed to sleep so soundly with her. Especially tonight when he intended to stay semi-awake in case she had a nightmare and needed him.

  He found her on the floor in the smallest bedroom, staring blankly at the full moon, with her arms wrapped around Trevor’s neck.

  “Hey, Abby.” He spoke softly so he wouldn’t frighten her before sitting next to her. “You been up long?”

  She shrugged without answering.

  “You’ve been crying. You should have woken me. Want to talk?”

  Abby sighed. “Can I ask you something?”

  “Anything.”

  “Dwayne said something. Before you came in. He said…he said that if you’d been there instead of Andie… He said that you…that Earl…that you would have killed him. Was he right?”

  Jesse thought for a bit before answering. “I’d like to deny it but honestly, I don’t know. I would have wanted to. I don’t know if I would have come to my senses or not. I’m sure you would have tried to stop me but I don’t know if I would have heard you before it was too late.”

  Silent tears flowed down Abby’s cheeks. She was remembering how distraught he had been when he told her how he felt after he shot the two men. Abby hated the thought that she could have put him back in that situation. The longer she considered it, the more she felt there was only one choice for her.

  “I can’t stay here. I have to go.” Abby started to stand but Jesse’s hand on her arm stopped her.

  “Fine. Where are we going?”

  “No. You don’t understand. I meant I have to go. Just me. Not us.”

  Jesse looked as if someone had punched him in the stomach. “Why? I’d never hurt you. You don’t need to be afraid of me.”

  “I know. I’m not. It’s just, well, I’m afraid for you.”

  “For me? I don’t understand.”

  “If you ever did that…I mean, if I ever caused you to have to…Jesse, I can’t…I won’t let that happen. I couldn’t live with myself if I made you go through that again.”

  “He’s gone. It’s not going to come up.”

  “But something else will. I have to go. I have to.” She swiped angrily at her tears, ignoring the stab of pain when she forgot about her bruised cheek.

  “No, Abby,” he pleaded.

  “Yes. I’m sorry.” She lost the energy to move.

  “Wait. Let’s talk about this. I mean, what about the house?”

  “You should live there. You were going to buy it anyway. Before me.”

  “But you said you loved it too.”

  “I do. But I have to leave. Now.” She shifted again.

  “Please just wait. Where are you going to go?”

  “Oh.” She hadn’t gotten that far. “Where I was before I guess. Harry said I could have that job if I ever wanted it.”

  Jesse took a deep breath. “It’s the middle of the night. You can’t leave instantly. And you really should call him first. It’s too late for that now. You’ll have to stay until morning at least.”

  She could hear the hurt in his voice. “Okay.”

  “You don’t have to go. I don’t want you to go. We can work this out.”

  “No. I have to go. For you. Don’t you see?”

  “Honestly, no.” Jesse looked as stressed as she felt. “But, if you need to do this, I won’t stand in your way. Damn, this sucks! Sorry. If you are determined to go, okay. I’ll help you. But I need to ask something of you in return.”

  “You want a divorce.” Abby was shaking.

  “Gods, no! How can you even think that! Christ, Abby if we ever get divorced it’ll be because you choose to. As far as I’m concerned, I’m in this marriage for life.”

  “Oh. Then what do you want?”

  “I want you to consider this separation as temporary. I want you to let me ask Harry if you can stay with him and Milo. He offered us space the first day we met and I think he would again. I hate the thought of you being alone. And yes, I do know you’re perfectly capable of taking care of yourself. I want to be permitted to call you every day and know you’ll answer and speak with me. I promise not to make a nuisance of myself but I’ll go crazy if you just vanish from my life. I’ll get the house for us if you agree to at least think about coming home someday.”

  “Jesse, I don’t know.”

  “Please, Abby. I’m begging you. Don’t say this is the end of us. Don’t make this permanent until you have plenty of time to consider it. I promise I won’t push you. It’ll kill me but I won’t pressure you to set any limit on how long you’ll be gone. Please?”

  She searched his face in the moonlight. “You’ll keep Trevor?”

  “Of course. We can miss you together.”

  “I don’t know.” She hugged Trevor tightly. “I guess I’ll have to tell Harry what’s going on. Because of my face, I mean.”

  “I can do that when I ask if you can stay with him. I’m sure it won’t make him treat you differently. Milo, on the other hand, well, I have no idea what you should expect from him.”

  “He and Petey will probably try to fill up every moment for me.”

  “Probably. Think you can stand that? I could ask Harry to talk to them before you get there.”

  “No, thank you. It might not be so bad to just go with the flow for a while. Do you hate me?”

  “Never. I hate that you feel you need to do this but I’m trying to understand. I don’t want to lose you and I know I will if I force you to stay.” He sounded numb. “Come back to bed.”

  “Jesse.”

  “Please. Come to bed and let me hold you. This might be the last time I ever get to. Please give me the satisfaction of feeling how perfect it is to have you in my arms one more night. Just let me hold you. Nothing more. Please, Abby.”

  Abby knew she had made the right choice in deciding to leave. It was the only way to protect him. Even though she agreed to what he asked, part of her felt it was just to appease him. She felt guilty for misleading him but didn’t want to hurt him any more than she already had. In time, he’d come to agree that her leaving was for the best. The whole thing had been a wonderful fantasy but it couldn’t be real. She was even sure he would divorce her eventually, no matter what he had said. As Abby walked back to the bed they shared, the other part of her wondered why it felt so awful to do the right thing.

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Frank helped Jesse carry the last of his possessions to the truck he had rented. “I just don’t get it. None of it. And why the hell didn’t you call me last week after you took her to the airport?”

  “I needed time to figure out what to say. And to make sure I wouldn’t go to pieces on you. I mean, more than I did earlier.”

  “Like I care about that. Damn it, Jess. You shouldn’t have been alone the last few days.”

  “I have Trevor.”

  “That’s not what I meant.”

  “I know but he was exactly what I needed. He’s really kind of amazing, the way he seems to know what’s going on. It’s like he knows h
ow much I miss her because he does too.”

  “That’s great. You and your wife’s dog can commiserate together while she’s four hundred miles away, feeling just as miserable as you are. This doesn’t make any sense.”

  “No but it’s what Abby needs to do. I have to respect that, Frank.”

  “But it’s killing you.”

  “Yeah but it would have killed her if I hadn’t let her go. I call her a couple times every day. We talk a lot.”

  Frank snorted his frustration. “I’ll just shut up now. I probably said too much already. You tell Wyatt yet?”

  “Had to. I convinced Abby to keep his phone. He had to know where she was in case she has any trouble.”

  “And?”

  “And what? You can figure out how he reacted. I told him to call and talk to her. I don’t think she knows how to reach out so she won’t call him but I know she’d like to hear from him.”

  “He won’t.”

  “Nope. He’s back to grunting again.”

  “Maybe Shelby could…”

  “No. Don’t take this the wrong way but I promised Abby I wouldn’t pressure her. I know Shelby wouldn’t intentionally do anything but I think just her calling would look that way to Abby.”

  “I guess so. Damn Earp! Can I at least try to explain to him why he should call her?”

  “You can try but you know it won’t work. Even though he and Abby have that weird link, I don’t think he’s ready to get openly involved in her personal life.”

  “Fuck, Jess! This sucks! Big-time.”

  “Yes it does. Can’t do much about it though, can I?”

  “No. Just don’t go into hiding, okay? I get that you don’t want us all to descend like a plague of locusts and it makes sense that you’re holding off with your business plans. If Abby asks you to come to her, you’ll be on the next plane. You gotta stay in touch though so I know you’re hanging in.”

  “I will. Hey, Frank? Thanks. For everything, you know?”

  “Shut up. Don’t even think you need to thank me for being your big brother. You’ll make me think you’re worse off than I already do and then Shelby and I will come and stay with you.”