by Sarah Morgan
Sam.
He frowned, curious at how attached he’d become to the boy. And he loved Sam’s honesty. Unlike Lucy, who’d clearly been mortified by his announcement that he wanted a father, Joel had been intrigued and moved. Dealing with adults was so much more complicated, he reflected. They rarely said exactly what they meant and you were left trying to read body language. But children just said what was bothering them…
He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.
You didn’t need to be a genius at reading adult body language to realise that Lucy had been horrified by Sam’s comments. What had scared her the most? he wondered. The fact that Sam wanted her to marry again, or the fact that Sam wanted her to marry him?
If he hadn’t been so worried about Lucy, he would have smiled. He’d been on the receiving end of plenty of match-making in his time, but never from a six-year-old boy.
But he was worried about Lucy. Especially worried about the amount that Sam said she cried.
It must have been incredibly hard for her, trying to hide her own emotions from Sam. The thought of her crying on her own in the bedroom at night made his insides twist into knots.
He glanced at his watch and saw that it was ten o’clock. Sam would be asleep by now. And what would Lucy be doing?
Crying again?
Swearing softly, he stood up, picked up his keys and quietly let himself out of his apartment. He’d just check that she was all right, he told himself, otherwise he wouldn’t be able to sleep.
Lucy took a long time to answer the door, and he was just about to give up, assuming that she’d gone to bed, when the door opened slowly and she stood there wearing a white fluffy dressing-gown, her hair damp and loose around her narrow shoulders.
He could see in an instant that he’d been right. Her pale face wore the evidence of recent tears, and he realised that there was no way he could go back to bed and leave her like that.
‘Did you want something?’ Her voice sounded slightly hoarse—another indication that she’d been crying.
‘I wanted to check on you,’ he said quietly, stepping forward into the flat even though he hadn’t been invited. ‘That was a very heavy chat we had over the pizza.’
‘Yes.’ She closed the door, tied her dressing-gown cord tighter and gave him a formal smile. All the closeness they’d achieved over the past few weeks seemed to have gone. ‘I apologise for that. Please, don’t let Sam’s comments panic you. He’s obviously just desperate for male company. I hadn’t realised how desperate.’
She was obviously still feeling awkward about what Sam had said.
‘He didn’t panic me,’ Joel said slowly, ‘but he obviously upset you.’
‘Well, it’s not every day your six-year-old son proposes to a man for you.’ Her brave attempt at a joke made his heart ache.
‘Is that why you’re so upset? Because you were embarrassed by what he said to me?’
She was silent for a long time. ‘Partly,’ she admitted finally. ‘I suppose I was most upset that he’s so desperate for a father. I thought I was doing so well, especially since we moved here. I thought I was giving him everything other families had. Clearly I was wrong.’
Joel frowned. ‘Don’t be so hard on yourself.’
‘Why?’ Her expression was bleak. ‘I’ve obviously done a lousy job of hiding how upset I’ve been. The poor child will probably be scarred for ever by hearing me cry in my bedroom.’
‘That’s nonsense,’ Joel said softly. ‘Children are stronger than that.’
‘I thought that coming to Cornwall would be a fresh start.’
‘And have you cried in your bedroom since you arrived?’
She looked at him and shook her head. ‘No.’
‘Until tonight, you mean,’ he pointed out with a wry smile.
‘I feel like a really bad mother.’ Her eyes filled and he ignored all the alarm bells sounding in his head and pulled her into his arms, folding her against his chest. He felt her feeble resistance but there was no way he was letting her go.
‘You’re a great mother Lucy,’ he said gruffly, gritting his teeth as he felt her sob into his chest. Damn. He hated to see her cry. His arms tightened around her body. ‘Do you really miss Sam’s father that much?’
‘No.’ She shook her head and pulled away from him, wiping her eyes on her sleeve like a child. ‘I thought I did. But I think what I really missed was the safeness of it all, you know? Being with someone who’s always known you gives life a predictability. When that went I felt like a ship without a rudder. For ages I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to cope on my own. But I have, of course. And as for the way I feel about Tim—well, I suppose part of me can’t forgive him for what he did to Sam.’
‘Has he never been in touch with him?’
Lucy shook her head, her expression bleak. ‘Not once. He said that it wouldn’t be fair on Sam but I think that’s nonsense. He just didn’t want a child any more.’
‘We’ve never talked much about Tim,’ Joel said softly. ‘Had you known him long before you married him?’
She gave a watery smile. ‘You think that if I tell you the whole sordid story then I’ll feel better?’
Joel shrugged helplessly. ‘I don’t know. Perhaps it’s worth a try.’
Lucy looked at him and then walked over to the window and stared out into the darkness, her eyes fixed on the lights of the fishing boats. ‘When we were children we were next-door neighbours. We played together all the time. I suppose you could say that we were inseparable.’
‘So he was the boy next door?’
‘Literally.’ Lucy nodded and hugged the dressing-gown closer. ‘Everyone assumed we’d marry and that’s exactly what we did. As soon as we both finished training.’
‘Training? What did he do?’
‘He was a nurse, too, but we weren’t at the same hospital.’ She sniffed quietly and rummaged in her pocket for a tissue. ‘So, anyway, we did as everyone expected and married, and then we had Sam almost straight away. And it was pretty hard because Tim didn’t earn enough on a nurse’s salary and I had to go back to work, too.’
‘Were you happy?’
She turned to look at him, her expression considering. ‘I thought I was, but now, looking back, I’m not so sure. I’d known Tim for so long that it was impossible to imagine life without him. When he left my whole world fell apart, especially when I saw what it did to Sam.’ She shook her head and looked at him blankly. ‘Why did he have to do it that way? Why couldn’t he just have sat me down in a civilised way and told me how he felt? At least then we could have prepared Sam together so that he didn’t feel so rejected.’
‘He seems like a pretty well-adjusted little boy to me,’ Joel said quietly. ‘I’d say you’ve done a damn good job bringing him up on your own. I didn’t realise that you married the first man you met. Was he really your only relationship?’
She nodded slowly. ‘Hard to believe, really, isn’t it? Shall I tell you something funny?’ She gave a short laugh and bit her lip. ‘I’ve only ever kissed one man in my life. Just Tim. I’ve never even kissed anyone else. Can you imagine that?’
‘Not really.’ He shook his head and gave a faint smile. ‘Weren’t you ever curious as to how it would be with someone else?’
There was a long silence and he felt his pulse rate increase as her eyes locked with his.
‘No…’
Something in her eyes told him that she was lying.
And suddenly he couldn’t help himself. He walked across the room towards her, his eyes never leaving hers for a moment.
‘You’ve never once wondered what it would feel like to be kissed by another man?’
Her lips parted and he saw her breathing quicken.
‘Never, Lucy?’
He cupped her face in his hands, his eyes dropping to her soft, pink mouth. He’d wanted to kiss her for so long, the tension was almost unbearable.
He lowered his head, waiting for her to pull away,
but she didn’t. She didn’t speak at all. She just stood, immobile, her small hands clenched by her sides, her eyes trapped by his.
And then, incredibly gently, his mouth found hers.
Forcing himself to exercise restraint, he kept the strength of his desire firmly reined in, concentrating instead on exploring every millimetre of her mouth.
With a thrill of triumph he felt her hands creep slowly up to his chest and then slide tentatively around the back of his neck.
Still keeping one hand behind her head, he slid the other one down her back, pulling her gently against him, letting her feel what she did to him. He felt a shiver run through her body and knew that, whatever he was feeling, she was feeling it, too.
His hand slid over the full curve of her bottom and he deepened the kiss, knowing that he was fighting a losing battle with his will-power. He was fast discovering that he didn’t want to hold back. He wanted to discover more of Lucy. He wanted everything she had to give.
But it was too soon, of course.
Realising that if he didn’t stop torturing them both he’d be in trouble, Joel summoned up his flagging will-power and lifted his head.
Immediately her eyes opened and she dipped her head, her forehead resting gently on his chest.
Was she afraid to look at him?
‘Lucy?’ He tucked a finger under her chin and lifted her face so that she had to look at him. ‘I know I’m supposed to say I’m sorry, but it would be a lie, and I won’t lie to you—ever.’
She wriggled away from him, clearly embarrassed. ‘Well, at least I know what it’s like to kiss another man now.’
Her tone was light, but he could sense her confusion and he didn’t know what to do about it.
‘It was just a kiss Lucy,’ he reassured her softly. ‘It doesn’t have to be any more than that if you don’t want it to be.’
But he desperately hoped that she did want it to be something more.
CHAPTER SEVEN
LUCY stared at the peak-flow meter in her hand and tried to concentrate.
But all she could think of was what it had felt like to be kissed by Joel.
She still wasn’t sure what had happened to her.
She’d been kissed by Tim a thousand times over the years they’d been together, and never, never even once, had it felt like that.
And if that was what kissing Joel could feel like, then what would it feel like to…?
She shook her head slightly, shocked by her own thoughts.
What on earth was happening to her?
She sat down on the chair in the treatment room with a plop, wondering suddenly if this was what Tim had felt. Was that why he’d left? Had he suddenly discovered a new, exciting feeling that the two of them had never experienced together?
Stunned by the direction of her thoughts, she lifted a hand to her mouth. Even after he’d left, she’d never questioned her feelings for Tim. She’d always been so sure that he was the only man for her. But she’d never felt one tenth of the excitement when Tim walked into a room that she experienced when she saw Joel.
So what did that mean? Had Tim been right all along when he’d said that they were wrong for each other? She tried to remember some of the things that he’d said in the letter he’d left on the kitchen table, but she’d been so devastated by his actions that she’d barely read further than the first line.
She looked up as the door opened and Ros walked into the room.
‘Dear me, you look white as a sheet!’ She was across the room in seconds, concern clearly visible on her face. ‘Has something happened?’
Yes.
After Joel’s kiss the night before, her whole world had been turned upside down. She’d always thought that there was no excuse for what Tim had done. And of course there was no excuse for the way he’d treated Sam. But as for their relationship—she was beginning to wonder whether there was more to a relationship than what she had shared with Tim. ‘I’m fine, Ros,’ she said quietly. ‘Just a bit tired.’
And confused.
‘I’m not surprised,’ Ros said briskly. ‘You’re on your own with a child and you’re working—it’s no wonder you’re tired. Sit there for a moment and I’m going to bring you a cup of tea.’
‘My asthma clinic is about to start,’ Lucy protested weakly, and Ros snorted.
‘They can wait five minutes.’
She bustled out of the room and was back minutes later with a steaming mug of tea.
‘Here, drink this.’ She handed the mug to Lucy, who took it gratefully.
Aware that Ros was hovering, watching her like a mother hen, she drank the tea and felt instantly better.
‘Thanks, Ros. You’re a lifesaver.’ She stood up and smiled. ‘OK. Bring them on!’
Her first patient was Mrs Lambert, who was due for a routine check.
‘I’ve been blowing into that funny little machine, just as you said,’ she said briskly, delving in her bag for her chart. ‘And so far, touch wood, I’ve been fine. I haven’t even had one of my chests this winter.’
Lucy scanned the peak-flow readings carefully. ‘Well, you had the flu jab, Mrs Lambert, and the pneumonia jab so those will have helped. And we increased the dose of your puffer.’
‘I never had jabs before this winter.’ Mrs Lambert sniffed. ‘Frankly, I thought it was all a load of nonsense. But I was so ill last winter that Dr Richard gave me a telling-off. Bullied me into having them, he did.’
Lucy smiled, knowing full well that Annie Lambert adored Richard Whittaker.
‘Well, they’ve made a difference, Mrs Lambert,’ she said quietly, ‘so perhaps it’s just as well he bullied you. These readings are good. No problems, then?’
‘None at all, but I do think this asthma thing is all nonsense. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I don’t wheeze, for goodness’ sake!’
‘You don’t necessarily have to wheeze,’ Lucy told her. ‘Small children with asthma don’t always wheeze. Sometimes their only symptom is a cough. In older people the only symptom may be breathlessness.’
Mrs Lambert looked unconvinced. ‘I’m seventy,’ she reminded Lucy stoutly. ‘I’ve never had asthma, or any other sort of illness come to that, until the last few years. How can I suddenly have asthma now?’
‘Sometimes people are diagnosed with asthma for the first time later in life,’ Lucy explained. ‘And the reason that Dr Richard encouraged you to have the vaccinations is that in older people it can be triggered by flu, colds or other viral infections.’
‘Well, I was certainly very breathless last winter, when I had my awful chest,’ Mrs Lambert told her. ‘But I wasn’t very co-operative when Dr Richard tried to start me on all sorts of inhalers.’
‘Don’t worry about that now.’ Lucy gave her a warm smile and handed her chart back to her. ‘All that matters is that you’re doing really well, and you are.’
She talked to Mrs Lambert for a few more minutes and then called her next patient.
It was Margaret Patterson, who had returned for her repeat spirometry.
‘I’ve stopped coughing now,’ she told Lucy with a smile, ‘so perhaps we’ll have more success this time. I wrote down my peak-flow results, by the way.’
She handed the piece of paper to Lucy, who scanned it quickly.
‘OK, I want to do the spirometry now.’ She handed the machine to Margaret and this time she was able to blow without coughing.
‘That’s great.’ Lucy recorded the results and then asked her to inhale a drug that would dilate her airways. ‘The results we get after you’ve taken this drug will help us decide if it’s COPD or asthma.’
But the results weren’t what she’d been expecting, and later on that day she tracked down Joel, trying not to think about that kiss.
‘Her spirometry showed a moderate airflow obstruction, but then I did reversibility testing with 5 mg salbutamol.’ She showed Joel the results and he whistled with surprise.
‘That degree of reversibility is sug
gestive of asthma.’
‘But her serial peak flow readings suggested COPD.’
He grinned. ‘Who ever said medicine is an exact science?’
Despite herself, she found herself responding to that smile. ‘So now what?’
Joel inhaled deeply and gave it some thought. ‘We give her a trial of high-dose inhaled steroids. I’ll give her beclomethasone for six weeks. Get her to come back at the end of that time and we’ll test her again. If her lung function is back within normal limits, we’ll know that it’s asthma, not COPD. Send her into me when you’ve finished with her.’
Lucy returned to her treatment room and explained the results of the tests to Margaret.
‘So I need to see Dr Whittaker again?’
Lucy nodded. ‘He’ll give you a prescription. He’s free now, so you can pop straight over to his room.’
She worked her way through to the end of her asthma clinic and then looked up as Joel walked into the room.
‘What are you doing at lunchtime?’
She stared at him. ‘H-having a sandwich, I suppose. Why?’
He grinned. ‘Tina’s just called me. She’s just found a dress that she thinks is made for you.’
‘A dress?’ Her eyes widened. She’d completely forgotten about the Valentine’s Ball. In fact, since he’d kissed her, she’d pretty much forgotten about everything.
‘Don’t look so surprised.’ He looked at her keenly. ‘Are you changing your mind about coming with me?’
He had a way of looking at her—as though she were the only woman in the world—and her heart beat faster.
‘I’m still coming.’
‘Good.’ His voice was soft. ‘I’m going to make sure you have a night to remember.’
She looked into his eyes and swallowed, wondering what he had in mind. Were they still just friends, or had that kiss moved the boundaries of their friendship? And did she want it to?
Tina’s boutique was on the harbour front and Joel parked the car right outside.
‘The advantages of the middle of winter,’ he said with a laugh as he switched off the engine. ‘In the summer season you can’t even drive along this road, let alone park.’
