“My bad. You’re hot, too. Why are you here?” Graham cut to the chase, which earned him a smack on the back of the head by Tate.
“Watch it. She’s with me,” Tate reprimanded as he shut the back door and got back into the driver’s seat. “Sorry,” he whispered to me before grabbing my hand and squeezing lightly. I loved how he wasn’t scared to show his affection.
It warmed my insides that he stuck up for me. Graham stayed quiet for most of the drive over, but I felt like I needed to break the ice with him and show him that I was not like my sister, at all.
“Graham, I heard you have a little niece and nephew. How old are they?” I started simple.
“Three and seventeen months. They stopped by yesterday, and we all went to dinner together. My sister and I were always close, and her kids are pretty cute.” His voice seemed off, but there was definitely love and compassion laced throughout.
“That’s a fun age. Maybe you can bring them by my shop someday. Get them a cupcake or cake pop. My treat. Kids love the store and we make mini cupcakes for them.” I wasn’t sure what else to say or offer. I was trying to keep the mood light, but he was closed off. I noticed that Tate was in his own little world, too.
“Yeah, they’re little monsters, but I love ‘em and don’t know what I’d do without them.” He was looking out the window, and I decided that was enough for now.
Baby steps.
We rode the rest of the car ride in solemn silence, each of us lost in our heads with memories of the past and what could have been. So much had changed in such a short amount of time, and we were all still learning how to deal with the pain and grief one day at a time. I’d grown to know how Tate dealt with his emotions but wasn’t sure about how Graham was doing.
Cylas’ funeral/celebration of life was beautifully heart-wrenching. The church was standing room only. Watching grown men, coworkers, and a surprisingly large number of students say goodbye to him was harder than the other funerals. He touched so many people on different levels. The students made him cards and set them by the casket, each taking a moment to say their goodbyes. Their young minds not used to death, not realizing the finality of it all. Next were his coworkers, mostly women who were bawling their eyes out. The boys were next. Tate, Trevor, Matt, Graham, and Tyler walked up to the podium together and as a group, gave their respects.
The stories shared gave testament to the kind and giving man Cylas was. He put others first and was always looking out for those he loved. Trevor told of his courage that saved Sophia by taking the bullet aimed at her. I had looked around for her but didn’t have any way of contacting her and I didn’t see her in the crowd. Cylas died protecting her and she probably wasn’t even grateful.
His parents spoke as well, about how he’d grown up always thinking of others before himself. They talked about their hopes for him finding the one and settling down. How great of a father he would have been. I didn’t know Cylas well, but I couldn’t agree with them more. I held Tate’s hand the entire time, only letting go while he went to the front with his friends. I could tell he was trying to keep it together, but there were a few stray tears.
The guys, along with Cylas’ dad, were the pallbearers. I walked along with the crowd behind them as they took him to the hearse. Their faces were solemn, but they held it together for those watching. The gravesite was just a mile away, and I couldn’t help but feel like an outsider. Tate and Graham were lost in their thoughts, and anytime I thought to say something, I worried that it’d come out insincere.
It wasn’t until we were seated for the grave dedication that Tate leaned over, gave me a kiss on the cheek, and whispered, “Thank you for being here with me. I know you’re over thinking this right now but don’t, please.”
This man was too good for me. After the service, we took Graham home and made plans to have dinner with him the following week. I’d like to think that today provided a little bit of closure for them. Tate picked up dinner for us on the way back and seemed to be in a lighter mood now.
We were seated cross-legged on the bed as we ate our takeout, quietly talking about the people we had seen at the funeral. “Did you see old Mrs. Whethers? I won’t lie, she was blessed in the chest, but that shit needs to be kept under wraps. I’m pretty sure I saw nipple. Did you see nipple?”
“I totally saw nipple! I had to turn my laughter into a cough so others wouldn’t think I was a morbid person who laughed at funerals. The dress was borderline see-through, but the low cut was way too severe. I just wish my eyes hadn’t witnessed that,” I confessed. I thought I was the only one who’d noticed.
“Everyone noticed. She must be in her seventies now. Cylas had told me once that he caught her and some dad from the school on the playground one night when he was working late. Said she was flexible and then I closed my ears. I don’t think she even knew Cylas, now that I think of it. She was probably just there to be some guy’s shoulder to cry on.” He shook his head as if to rid him of those thoughts, and I was still laughing at the situation.
“Now that you’ve seen him, how do you think Graham’s doing with all this?” I hadn’t planned to bring him up again, but it just came out.
“He internalizes things like this. He’d rather be alone while he gets through the hardest parts, but I’ve made sure that he knows we’re there for him and I think he finally realized it. Having dinner with him will be good, though. I still worry about him being all alone,” Tate told me as he finished his dinner and settled his body by lying down. I quickly took my last few bites and chugged my water before scooting up next to him. We were like an old married couple, content on staying in and enjoying our time together.
THE NEXT DAY, TATE surprised me by taking me ice skating in Maggie Daley Park.
“I’ll keep you from falling. I’ve got you,” he said as he laced up my skates. That morning, he’d woken up with a lighter attitude and a smile on his face. Even though I knew I’d probably bust my ass repeatedly, I couldn’t say no when he was this happy.
“I trust you, Tate. You’ve been warned about my suckage, so when I pull you down with me, you can’t get mad.” He placed both hands on my knees and gave a light squeeze.
Leaning in, he nuzzled his nose to mine and whispered, “Always trust me. Whenever you’re in doubt, remember that everything I do, I do with your happiness in mind. I’ve made so many mistakes in my life, and I won’t always be perfect, but I’ll be there to catch you when you fall.” Then he kissed me, a slow kiss that showed how much he cared for me. I tried returning the same amount of love as we kissed in front of dozens of people who were nearby.
When we broke apart, the look in his eyes gave me hope. He was being sincere and for once, I wanted to be vulnerable and to let him in, fully. I wanted to share my dreams and my desires with him, and maybe one day, my nightmares and past. I had no reason not to.
My entire life, I had watched as Sophia was treated like a princess, so fragile and desirable. Did I not deserve the same?
When I stood, I felt like a newborn fawn, walking with unsteady legs. How in the hell did people walk, much less skate, on these things?
Tate held onto my arm with hand and held onto my back with the other. “You got this, Stell. Once we get on the ice, it’ll be much easier. Just a few more steps.” He guided me to the side of the ribbon where we could enter. There were quite a few people going around, some going fast while others were more leisurely. A few kids were learning to skate too, having their parents coaching them and catching them when they fell.
Tate gently rubbed his thumb on my back, bringing me back to the present. “Promise?”
“Promise.”
With that, he took one step onto the ice and held his arms out for me. “What do I do?” I asked as I put one foot on the ice and immediately slid. This sucked.
“Hold onto the railing. Use it to start with and keep your body loose. Don’t fight the glide.” I carefully grabbed onto the metal railing and brought my other foot onto the ice, hop
ing that he was right. I stood there for a moment or two, gliding my feet back and forth, letting myself get used to the ice. “Atta girl. You have it. Ready to go around? We can stay close to the railing for the first lap if you’d like.”
We skated around the ribbon slowly but surely, and Tate patiently waited for me to acclimate to the new surface. Everyone was passing us, but it didn’t matter. Tate muttered quietly, “I wouldn’t mind if you never got the hang of this. Me getting to hold you like this? Pure heaven.” He made my heart melt a little.
“Lies. I feel like I’m being babysat right now. We can go a little faster. I think.” I gave him a nod of assurance, and while he looked unsure of my skill level, he pulled away an inch and picked up his pace just as I did.
I was ice skating! It had never really been on my bucket list before, but now that I was out on the ice, I realized the beauty in it. The cold air, the smoothness of our bodies gliding around, the ability to go with the movement and not fight it. Plus, having Tate next to me with his arm around my back wasn’t so bad either.
We’d gone around three times, and I was starting to get braver. Tate followed my pace and stayed next to me the whole time. He was a pro and never once faltered. As I turned on one of the curves, I startled as I saw a tiny pebble right in my path. Unable to turn out of the way, my right blade struck it and both legs came out from beneath me, taking both of us down with a hard hit to our bottoms.
“Oomph!” I cried out as the ice-cold temperature seeped through my pants; I closed my eyes in humiliation. “I had been doing so well,” I told him, and his arm came around my shoulder.
“You were. It happens, though. We just have to get back up. Come on, Stells.” He carefully stood and brushed off his pants. He held out a hand for me, still smiling.
“You sure you want to take my hand? I’ll probably pull you back down on top of me.”
He gave me a sly look, and I realized just how that sounded. “I’ll take my chances. Keep your knees firm and lift up with your quads.”
Now I was the one looking at him like he was insane. “Umm. ‘Kay?” I took his hands and my legs instantly starting sliding back and forth, but he kept pulling, and eventually, my legs straightened out when I used my quads like he said. “Thank you. Is it time for a break yet?”
He chuckled lightly. “One more time around and then we’ll take a break.” I could handle that.
We went around one more time before stopping for the day. After we got our skates off, we walked around the rest of the park, taking in the beauty around us.
“Have you ever been here before?” I questioned as we turned around another curve, passing two women who were walking their dogs.
“No. I mean, I drive by it all the time, but I’ve never had anyone to enjoy it with. Some people don’t mind going places alone, but personally, I don’t like it. The gym is the only place I really go where I don’t mind being alone. Probably because I know most of the people there. Coming down here by myself just seems, I don’t know, lonely and sad,” Tate opened up as we strolled along.
“I think we’re the opposite there. I love getting away and having time to myself. Growing up, I think that’s why I loved the airport observation area so much. It was my place for me, just me.”
“You didn’t go there with your sister or friends?” He looked genuinely curious.
“No. I sometimes needed a place where no one would find me. No one ever thought to look there, I guess.”
That was when he stopped walking and turned toward me. “You and your sister. Why do you hate each other so much?” He held onto both of my hands, and I blew out an unsteady breath. I shouldn’t have divulged that much.
“She wanted the life I had. Thought it was better than her own. She only saw a tiny portion of it though and didn’t realize that she was the one I was envious of. I would never ask to trade places, but for years and years, we fought because of wanting what the other had. She was so blind to it all though, only seeing what she wanted to. Eventually, I was tired of persuading her otherwise, and she accepted what she’d created in her own mind. That was over ten years ago, but we’ve never really recovered from it.”
“Sounds like a big misunderstanding. Do you ever think you’ll be on good terms again?” Tate asked as we started walking again. The breeze was picking up and the clouds were coming in.
“I’d like to hope so. We were young and I realize that. It’s just hard being nice to someone who is always trying to make you feel worthless.”
Tate didn’t say another word and we walked in comfortable silence as I thought about how he was the first person I’d ever really said anything to. I just prayed that he wouldn’t ask any more questions about back then. I wasn’t ready to open up old wounds.
One Month Later
I WAS STARING AT THE confirmation email. I’d been staring at it for a while now and knew I needed to get ready to leave, but fuck.
Tate had bought us plane tickets to San Diego. Together. He wanted me to come with him to see his best friend who was a new mother. He’d mentioned it last week but hell if seeing those tickets didn’t make it real.
Seats 8A and 8B, nonstop from Chicago to San Diego. Shit just got real.
“Freaking out a little bit?” I jumped as I heard his voice. He settled his arms on my shoulders and gave me a kiss on the neck. “You’ve been staring at the screen for over five minutes. It doesn’t have to be more than you want it to be. I wasn’t trying to move too quick, but I figured since we spent most of our free time together, why not take a trip together. You’ll love Payton, and I need to squeeze Emilynn’s fat cheeks in person. It’ll be fun, I promise.” He sounded confident about the trip, about us.
His kisses continued down my neck and his hands found my breasts, massaging them through my shirt. My head leaned back and gave in to the feeling. He was trying to distract me, but I wouldn’t let it work. Sitting upright, I pulled away from his embrace and gathered my senses.
“You’re probably right. I’ve never been there before so I’m excited for that. It’s just that seeing the tickets feels so serious. What if you hate me next week and then you either wasted a ticket or have to sit by a girl who you can’t stand to look at.” The moment I said it out loud, I regretted it. I didn’t feel that way, and to be honest, it was nice knowing that he took us so seriously.
The look on his face made me want to punch myself.
“I didn’t mean it like that. I’m sorry, Tate. I love how our relationship is progressing and am grateful that you want to take me to meet Payton. You talk about her like you’ve known each other for years. How’d you two meet?” I asked, partially to redirect the conversation and partially because I really was curious. I had an appointment in just over a half hour and needed to get my things together for it but was secretly hoping Tate would decide to join me.
Tate grabbed the back of his neck, seeming to contemplate his answer. “We’ve—uh—been friends for a couple years now. I met her on vacation and it came natural. She’s happily married now, but we’ve worked hard at staying friends.” He walked out of the room, and it seemed that our conversation was over. I would press the issue later, but to be honest, I wasn’t really worried or jealous about their relationship.
I hollered to him as I picked up my purse and headed for the kitchen, where I knew I’d find him. “You sure you don’t want to get pampered with me? It could be fun.” I knew it was a long shot, but I had to try.
“No. I’m not doing it. That’s a girl thing; go bond with your sister. Just come over to my place when you’re done, and we’ll go out and do something fun. All right?” He wasn’t budging on this one.
“Please! There are always a few guys in there and they have a couple’s room for massages. We can switch the reservation to include you too, I’m sure.” I was begging, and if it were in the bedroom, begging for something else, it would probably turn him on. To be honest, I was nervous about being in the same room as Sophia for that amount of time.
> “Your sister booked the package for both of you. Four hours of pampering. Remember? She wanted to reconnect with you and bond. Maybe the brush of death changed her view on life. Hell, I don’t know but I do know that I don’t do pampering, babe, and you need the time with your sister. We’ll go out and have a nice dinner once you’re all relaxed and refreshed. Plus, knowing you were naked on the table next to me, I’d have a hard-on the entire time,” he joked, but he probably would and that would be awkward as hell.
“Ugh. Fine. I’ll give you a massage later tonight, though. I’ve been dying to try out the candle made out of massage oil,” I purred in his ear. My body was flush against his and damn if thoughts of reddening skin from the hot wax didn’t make me hot. I had confessed about how I was curious about using wax in the bedroom, but he hadn’t brought any out yet. I was hoping tonight would be the night.
I was wearing yoga pants and a sweatshirt that allowed me to feel how much he wanted me. He held me close as he asked, “I get to use the wax on you? Any hard limits on where I can’t put it?” Thoughts of my nipples glistening red, my stomach, trailing down to my core—I wanted it all. I wanted to push the boundaries with him. Only him.
“Anywhere. I think?” I questioned myself. “I want to try it on you, too. Not everywhere, but maybe your back or chest. I’ll be wet all day just thinking about it. I should go, though. See you in a little over four hours. Thank you, Tate.” I got on my tippy toes and gave him a slow, intimate kiss. Our tongues glided together in perfect synchrony, and I couldn’t help the moan that escaped my mouth. His smile told me that he liked it. So did his hard erection. I needed to leave before it went any further.
We’d been spending more and more time together and it came naturally. I was hanging with Tate and his friends more now and they all mentioned how they couldn’t figure out how Sophia and I were related. They kept ragging on Tate about how superficial he was in high school and how clueless he was since he had picked the wrong sister back then. He spent a lot of time apologizing for the past and letting me know that he’d pick me over Sophia any day and for me not to worry about her. He knew about my insecurities with having her as a sister and his reaffirmations seemed to be true. Sophia had called him after Cylas’ funeral and tried to play up the sob story of how affected she was by the ‘event.’ How she’d love them to reconnect. He outright turned her down, and it seemed to have successfully gotten the idea across that he wasn’t interested in her anymore.
Deceitfully (Sinfully Series) Page 10
