As if nothing had changed.
Well, he was reading his scriptures again. And just that morning, he’d knelt by his bed and tried to talk to God. It had been awkward at first, and Lucas felt like his words weren’t even reaching the ceiling, let alone heaven.
But he’d kept trying, and after a while, he’d sensed a stirring in his chest he’d assumed was gone forever.
And it had felt good.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
After knocking several times with no answer, Esther slowly pushed open the door. “Lou? Anyone home?” It was after lunchtime, so her best friend should’ve been washing up after feeding her four perpetually hungry brothers.
After working most of yesterday helping Sarah plan the wedding day lunch and dinner menus, Esther had actually gathered the nerve to tell Louisa what she’d been up to the last two weeks. Never great at keeping secrets, she shook out her hands in preparation, getting rid of any final jitters.
The living room was empty, but muffled sounds of a conversation floated in from the kitchen.
“Lou, are you—? Oh! Sorry!”
Louisa and Levi jumped apart from each other. There hadn’t been time for Esther to see clearly what she’d interrupted, but she could’ve sworn Levi was holding her hand.
“Esther!” Lou’s face was bright red as she stared straight ahead. “He wasn’t… I mean, nothing’s going on.” She shot a glare at Levi. “I told you never to come here again. Go now, before I call my father to throw you off the property!”
Levi, looking amused and oddly confident, tipped his hat to both of them, then left out the back door, whistling the whole way.
“And don’t come back!” Lou called after him, wiping her hands on her apron. “I mean it, you hear?” She sighed in what was obviously forced frustration. “Oh, that man. I really should tell Daed how he’s been coming here uninvited—”
“Uninvited?” Esther said with a sly smile. “Confess it, Lou; you’re sweet on him.”
Louisa whipped around. “Sweet? On him? That’s insane. Why that’s…” She began wiping down the already clean kitchen counter. “That’s just the wildest talk I’ve ever heard!”
“Uh-huh,” Esther said. When it was evident her friend wanted nothing more than to suddenly rearrange the living room furniture, Esther wordlessly helped her move a heavy armchair. After a few silent moments, she said, “You could do worse, you know.”
Lou didn’t look up. “Don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“He’s tall and handsome.”
“Who?”
Esther rolled her eyes. “You know exactly who. And he’s the best around at metalworking. My daed bought his last two buggies from Levi. They never break down, and Daed says they’re the sleekest in three counties. That’s a noble skill.”
“I suppose,” Lou said, dragging the armchair back to its original spot.
“Talk is, he’ll inherit his uncle’s business when they retire to Ohio next year. With his good reputation and all the plain folk around here, he’ll make a fine living for himself…and for anyone else who might live with him.”
Louisa looked at Esther and planted her hands on her hips. “Esther Miller, what on earth are you going on about?”
“I saw you two—right here. I wasn’t spying, but you certainly weren’t trying to hide it. Any of the kinnahs could’ve walked in. Or your maam.”
“They all went to a neighbor’s after lunch.” Lou spoke softly as she looked down at the wooden floor. “Won’t be back till nearly suppertime.”
“So you planned for him to—”
“We didn’t plan anything.”
“We?”
“Stop it, Es.” Lou groaned. “It’s nothing.”
Finally, Esther walked over to her friend and touched her elbow. “It’s obviously not nothing. He’s been coming around your place for years. We all thought he’d ask to court you two seasons ago.”
“Ya mean there’s been talk?”
“Nothing bad.” Esther gave her friend’s elbow a gentle squeeze. “And mostly from Eve and her friends.”
“Your little sister loves to gossip.”
“Courtships are interesting to folks.”
Lou groaned again. “How will I face everyone? This is so mortifying.”
“There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. And if you want to talk about mortifying, listen to how I—”
Like pulling a boiling pot off a hot burner, Esther completely lost her nerve. No way was she ready to breathe a word about being with Lucas. She loved her best friend to bits, but Eve wasn’t the only one around who loved gossip. If Louisa caught the slightest whiff of this, it would be spread all over the village like a wildfire.
In that moment, she felt much more protective of Lucas than herself. He’d been in Honey Brook for six months. If he’d wanted his family to know, he would’ve told them himself, especially after all he’d shared with her the other night about his father.
“Finish,” Lou said, looking up at her. “What about being mortified?”
“Nothing,” Esther said, becoming fascinated by a blue-glazed pottery bowl on the table. “This is so pretty. Didn’t you want to move this chair?”
“Es?” Her friend stared at her as Esther felt blood rush to her cheeks. “You’re blushing.”
She cleared her throat. “I most certainly am not.”
“Ohhh. You’ve got a secret. You better tell me. I’m your best friend.”
“I’m your best friend. Explain to me what I walked in on?”
Lou immediately sealed her lips together and let out a low hum. “Maybe we should change the subject.”
Esther exhaled. “Good idea.”
“So!” Lou exclaimed with an animated grin. “Tell me about the wedding. Is your sister over the moon excited?” She sat down at the long wooden table and patted the chair beside her.
“It’s tough to tell with Sarah,” Esther said, taking a seat. “She gets real excited when she’s bossing me around. Nay, I take that back—yes, she’s very happy. Amos was over this morning. They sat on the porch swing for hours, just laughing and whispering.” She leaned closer to Lou. “I saw him kiss her twice.”
Lou lifted her eyebrows. “Scandalous.”
“It’s was cute, actually. Romantic.”
“Es, I haven’t heard you talk like that in a long time. Anyone special in your life?”
Lucas had definitely become special to her, but not in a romantic way.
He wasn’t a practicing Amishman anymore, he still hadn’t reconnected with his family, and most importantly, he was Jacob’s older brother. If she felt romantic about him, wouldn’t that be terribly improper? Not to mention a waste of time…
“No,” she said. “Not really.”
“But there is somebody?”
Esther didn’t know how to answer honestly, but she definitely didn’t want to lie. “Maybe,” she slowly offered.
“But you don’t want to talk about it yet.”
“Not yet.”
Lou smiled. “I understand perfectly.”
Esther’s heart slowed from its nervous pace, and she slumped her shoulders in relief. “So how’s choir rehearsal going?”
“Fine,” Lou replied, filling a teakettle. “To be perfectly honest, there isn’t much talent this year. All the best voices have married off, and for some reason, married women—even the youngest ones—don’t think it’s their place to sing with the youth.” Lou scooped heaping spoonfuls of tea, adding them to a pair of porcelain mugs.
“Maybe they feel too grown up.” Esther sighed. “After all, folks around here think I’m an old maid.”
“That’s nonsense,” Lou said, handing her a stirring spoon. “I’m two months older than you. What does that make me?”
Esther laughed at first, but too soon, her
thoughts turned sober. “Even before Sarah officially announced her engagement at the publishing, I’d been feeling left behind.”
Lou adjusted the flame over the propane burner. “I have just as much to do around here as I ever have. More jam orders, and I make visits to the neighbors almost daily now since my mother’s foot treatment. What in the world would I do with a husband?”
They cracked up laughing. “Shhhh,” Esther said. “Don’t let Bishop hear that kind of talk. He might take it upon himself to marry you off to a nice young man in another district.”
“I think he’s satisfied that I’m staying busy and not making trouble for the community.”
“You truly never feel like you don’t fit in?”
Lou squinted while concentrating on retying her apron. “Why should I?”
That’s a very good question, Esther thought. Why do I, then? Why does it sometimes feel as though I’m looking for a way out?
The thought caused a familiar and very heavy weight to sit upon her heart. Besides making Leah ecstatic every time she dropped off a new batch of soap, the only bright spots in her life lately were when she’d been with Lucas. And it was useless to feel romantic about him.
Still, she couldn’t help remembering how he’d looked at her the other night at his house, and how she’d felt…understood in a way no one else had made her feel.
“Es, I know I’ve asked this a dozen times, but would you reconsider singing at the weddings? For me!”
Esther shook her head as another feeling washed over her. Even though he’d been gone two years, Jacob had drummed into her head that her voice was too beautiful to share. It would make her proud and stand out.
“Nay,” she said. “It brings me no joy anymore.”
Lou nodded. “If you change your mind, it’s never too late.”
“Danke, mein freund,” Esther whispered, throat tight. Before her mood sank another notch, she added, “I better go. Maam will need help with supper.” She didn’t add that, since she had plans that evening, she herself would be missing from the dinner table tonight.
Before departing, the women shared a tight hug—the kind only two best friends could share. Both with secrets the other may never learn.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
After closing the clinic at noon, Lucas remembered Eric had asked him to drop off an audiobook about overcoming addiction. His buddy had requested one with a Christian angle. Lucas had no trouble choosing which book.
He slid on his sunglasses and turned on the radio as he drove toward the small village of Nickel Mines. When the lyrics of the song made him feel uncomfortable, he switched to a classical station, then turned off the radio altogether, preferring to meditate on his day.
Eric was out mowing the front yard when Lucas arrived. “Hey-o!” he called out, pointing to a spot on the gravel for Lucas to park his truck. After “hiding” the keys above the visor, Lucas walked toward Eric.
“Brought you that book,” he said. “Audio, just like you wanted, ya lazy bum.”
“Excellent,” Eric said, pulling out one earbud. “Thanks, man.”
“You’re welcome. How’s it going?”
Eric shrugged and turned the loud motor to idle. “Some days are better than others. It’s probably a blessing that I have three acres and only a pushing mower.”
“Probably a huge blessing.” Lucas laughed. “Anything I can help with?”
“Just pray for me, dude,” he said, staring toward the sun. “I try my best, then leave the rest to the man upstairs.”
“I didn’t realize you’re religious,” Lucas couldn’t help saying. “You never mentioned it when I visited you in rehab.”
Eric shaded his eyes. “I suppose it’s not something I talk about very often, but lately… Well, we’ve lived in Amish country for years. Not like anyone around here would do a double take because we’re Christians.”
“Yeah,” Lucas said, agreeing wholeheartedly.
Besides a few select people, no one knew how deep Lucas’s religious roots ran. Well, his coworkers knew, plus anyone who’d ever sat in on one of his lectures at the Hershey Med Center.
Even though he wasn’t practicing any particular religion, why didn’t Lucas talk about what he used to believe? What he still believed even after being away from the church of his youth. Had his core beliefs changed?
He had a feeling he’d be mulling over that question for a while. “I will pray for you,” he said, clasping a hand on Eric’s shoulder.
The two friends talked about Eric’s mower for a minute, then about the changing fall weather. “The girls are all inside,” Eric added.
“Girls?” Lucas looked toward where Eric was pointing.
Eric rolled his eyes, then laughed. “It’s worse than before. They’re playing dress-up.”
“Who?” Lucas asked, feeling like he was missing a joke. “What girls?”
“Miss Esther,” Eric said. “And she brought her sister. Viv’s out of her mind excited for the company. Last I checked, they had those poor kid goats dressed like bunnies. Fluffy tails and all.”
Lucas whipped off his sunglasses. “Esther’s here?”
“Thought that’s why you’re here.”
“No, I…” He trailed off, glancing down at the audiobook in his hand.
“Viv’ll love that you dropped by.” He pointed his chin toward the house. “Go on inside. Maybe you can talk some sense into those crazy females.”
The news was dumbfounding, though Lucas shouldn’t have been surprised. When he’d brought her there before, Esther had gone bonkers over those tiny goats, and Vivian had made her practically swear in blood that she’d come back.
Giving Eric a final wave, he jogged toward the house.
Before he’d even reached the door, he heard the giggling.
“This way, Milo. Come here, boy. Come to Auntie Esther.”
Lucas was already laughing as he opened the door. “Is it safe to come in?” he asked, poking his head around the corner.
“Lucas, sweetheart!” Vivian called out. “Just look at all this cuteness!” She was holding up one of the goats. Instead of a bunny costume, the helpless thing was dressed as a fat pumpkin.
“I heard about what you’ve been doing,” he said, giving Vivian a half hug after she’d slid over to him across the hardwood floor in her stockinged feet. “Eric’s ready to call a psychiatrist.”
“Oh, whatever.” Vivian shoved the goat into his arms. “She’s been thinking about you all day,” she said in a low voice.
Lucas lifted his eyebrows. “This thing?”
“No, you silly boy.” Probably trying to be sly, she slid her gaze over to Esther, who was sitting on the stairs, pulling a black cat costume off a goat.
He chuckled through an exhale. “How do you know what she’s been thinking?”
Vivian shrugged and gave him a nudge. Lucas didn’t need the hint. “I better grab that,” she added when the phone rang.
“Hi,” he said to Esther, carrying the goat toward the staircase. She was surprisingly soft and yeah, okay, cuddly. “Why am I not surprised to see you here?”
Esther smiled up at him. She was wearing a long black skirt with a brown sweater on top. The sweater looked like it belonged to a much larger person, maybe her father. It was covered in goat hair.
“Hey,” she said. “What are you doing here?”
“What do you think?” He held the tiny animal away from his body, so the goat was facing him. He immediately began licking Lucas’s nose. His tongue felt warm and rough. Despite being raised around all kinds of animals, it was starting to gross him out. The way it was making Esther laugh, however, he was not about to stop.
“Milo,” Esther said. “You must allow him to breathe.” She was by his side, taking the goat into her arms. “We talked about this, remember?” The goat gave a little
bleat, then stuck out his tongue.
“Children,” Lucas said, shaking his head in playful frustration. “Sometimes they just won’t listen.”
“It’s this modern generation. I blame all those cooking shows on television.” She smiled, gave him a wink, then walked away.
He knew his smile was huge and didn’t bother trying to hide it. He was really starting to love hanging out with Esther. She was fun, made him laugh, and didn’t treat him like…well, like he assumed the Amish folk would treat him.
Only a few days had passed since he’d seen her, but he couldn’t deny how being around her made him feel good, especially after talking about Jacob. They’d both been carrying that burden too long. He wished they were alone so he could tell her, well…he didn’t know exactly what he wanted to say.
When he heard her giggle—being smothered by all three goats—another soothing wave swept up his body, followed this time, however, by a slow-burning type of warmth spreading through his chest, just from being near her.
“I’m actually glad we ran into each other,” he said, following behind as she walked toward the couches.
“We seem to do that a lot,” she said.
“Yes.” He sat on the other side of the couch so she wouldn’t feel crowded, even though he knew how good it would feel to sit right next to her. “This time, we couldn’t have planned it better.” He allowed the smallest, brown-and-white kid to climb onto his lap like a kitten. “They are pretty cute,” he admitted, scratching her behind the ears.
“They’re adorable,” she said, cuddling one to her chest. “The very best remedy for a bad day.”
Catching the tone in her voice, he held the goat back from licking his forehead so he could face Esther properly. “You’re having a bad day?”
She was looking down, her lips pushed to one side. “Kind of, yeah.” She took in a deep breath, then let it out. “I almost stopped by your—”
“Who are you?”
They both turned to see a girl, maybe thirteen, standing halfway down the stairs.
“Eve,” Esther said, gently pushing all the goats off her lap so she could stand. “How did you like Vivian’s powder room? Isn’t it pretty with all the lilac wallpaper? It’s your turn to pick the next costume for this little guy.” She pointed at the tan baby goat as he rambled away.
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