“I felt that way at first,” she admitted. “But I—we both had to know from the beginning it couldn’t work. I don’t know, it’s like I was pretending or hoping to get away with it, all the while knowing…” She shook her head. “Doesn’t Gott give us challenges to make us stronger?”
“Do you feel stronger?”
Esther thought deeply for a moment, then nodded. “I do. My faith is certainly more stable—I’m more committed than ever. I had the chance to make a different choice, to be disobedient, but I didn’t.”
She closed her eyes, offering another little prayer of gratitude. Then she opened them, glancing over Lou’s shoulder as the first buggy arrived, families gathering for the preaching service and then Sarah’s wedding.
“But that’s what Lucas did,” she continued. “He sacrificed everything for just the chance to help Jacob. He has more love of Gott in his heart than anyone I know.”
Tears clung to the corners of Lou’s eyes, while Esther’s tears had dried up days ago. She could wish with all her being that things were different, but to truly have the life she’d always dreamed of took a different kind of sacrifice—a very personal one that late one night, in the privacy of her bedroom, fingers clasped in prayer, she’d decided to make.
Slowly but surely, her broken heart would become whole again. Someday.
“The Hochstetlers are here.” Louisa dipped her chin toward another buggy. “I’ll pray for you.”
Esther smiled, grateful to have such a dear and trusting friend. “Danke,” she replied, then shook out her hands.
“Are you nervous?”
Esther made double fists, then shook them out again. “Not one bit.”
Louisa laughed and touched Esther’s shoulder. “Thank you for agreeing to sing with the choir and for doing a solo. The spirit of the performance will raise a level because of you.”
Esther closed her eyes and smiled, feeling an inner glow of peace, grateful she finally had the strength to share her favorite talent again after so many years. “It’s my honor.”
Lou placed the last hymnal on the last chair. “Okay, no more talking for you.” She pointed at Esther. “Save your voice for the concert.”
Esther giggled, then made the gesture of locking her lips and throwing away the key.
…
The words of the two preachers filled Esther’s heart with gladness, but it wasn’t until Bishop Abram’s sermon about marriage between a man and a woman symbolizing the love of Gott for His children that her soul began to fly. She even caught Sarah’s eye once or twice, remembering the conversation they’d had about husbands cleaving to their wives.
The purple dress looked perfect on her sister. And Esther took another moment of meditation to feel grateful that her heart had softened enough to make Sarah so happy.
Not until the moment she stood in the middle of the youth choir—two inches taller and probably three years older than the others—ready to burst into “Oh, Happy Day,” did the tiniest butterflies tickle inside her stomach.
When it was time for her solo, it was as easy as Rollerblading down a smooth hill. Courage and an inner willingness to devote herself once more, boosted her spirits until she felt like an angel’s voice was singing her words.
Oh, how I wish Luke was here, she couldn’t help thinking as she began the second verse. I wish he could see me now—how I’m stronger and more devoted, and how knowing him helped all this happen.
In an effort to share her jubilant spirit with everyone in the congregation, her eyes began to scan the audience. Maam was beaming, and even Simon’s little boys seemed fixated on the performance, though Esther knew that had little to do with her talent. As she started the last verse of the song, her eyes fell on the back row where a few standing people—obviously arriving late—moved into place.
For a moment, her body went into autopilot while singing the last few words of the song. How had just thinking about Lucas muddled her vision so much that she believed he was standing in the back? Could the hallucination really be wearing a black brimmed felt hat and a mutza suit, the traditional suit worn only by Amishmen to church and weddings?
She looked away, blinked, then looked back. The mirage stood tall and handsome, just like the real man. And then it…smiled at her.
Goose bumps slid up the back of her neck, causing her to tremble. She blinked again and again until realizing that, yes! Lucas was at the preaching service—at her sister’s wedding.
His smile broadened, and he tilted his head to the side. Only then did Esther notice he was flanked by his parents. His maam had a hand looped through his arm, while his father’s arm was holding him around the shoulders.
Both were in tears.
The scene was so dreamlike that Esther doubted whether it was actually happening.
Minister Abraham began speaking, one of the deacons said a closing prayer. The choir was then to sing one final song as people mingled to congratulate the newly married couple.
Esther’s focus began to mist over again but then suddenly sharpened when Lucas broke from his parents and began walking forward. Straight at her.
He wasn’t smiling now, but his features were carved with an expression of intense determination, those brown eyes holding steadily on her. She tried to sing along with the choir, but even those around her seemed distracted.
“Hey,” she heard someone whisper to another. “Isn’t that Lucas Brenneman?”
“He ran away years ago…”
The whispering chatter grew louder the nearer Lucas came. Esther’s heart pounded with wonder until it was all she could hear.
Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed someone approaching from the other side of the congregation. Bodies seemed to part like the Red Sea as the bishop made a beeline for Lucas.
She couldn’t think, couldn’t swallow, couldn’t breathe! A part of her wanted to shout out to Lucas that he needed to run before Bishop saw him if he wanted to protect his family. But wait, his parents were here.
Lucas noticed Bishop Abram—the man who’d once wrongly blamed him for vandalizing his barn. Instead of fleeing, Lucas actually turned toward him. Esther watched in complete awe as the two men shook hands, both smiling ear to ear. As he continued to pass, Bishop pulled Lucas near, whispered something in his ear, then they both looked at Esther. Lucas nodded at the bishop, then patted him on the shoulder.
With his intense brown eyes fixed on her again, Lucas pointed. When he spoke, she read his lips perfectly: “I’m coming for you.”
Another set of happy goose bumps danced along the back of her neck, tingles spreading across her chest. Just an arm’s length away now, she lifted a hand, reaching out to Luke’s already outstretched hand.
Sparks shot through her the moment their skin touched; then, with a little tug, he pulled her forward, away from the choir. She didn’t fight but felt like she was actually floating on air.
“Luke,” she said, trying so hard to piece everything together. How he’d shown up with his parents, walked through the crowd unmolested, but especially that quick exchange with the bishop. The smile they’d shared, the joke, the pat on the shoulder as if everything…
As if everything was okay.
“Luke,” she repeated, but he didn’t reply. He simply led her by the hand, out from the middle of the still-singing choir. A few steps later, when they had a bit more breathing room, he stopped walking, turned to her, and gently pulled her close into a warm, firm, welcoming hug.
Like she was the one who’d finally come home, Esther’s eyes fluttered closed in relief. She wrapped her arms around him as securely as she could, holding on to the back of his coat, her face happily buried in his clean white shirt.
Behind the blissful buzzing in her ears, Esther heard gasps and giggles and tinkling whispers. “I knew it all along.” This voice she recognized as Lou’s.
Just as she needed to fill her lungs with air, Luke relaxed his grip, though lowering his face so it was mere inches from hers. “Hi,” he whispered.
“Hiya,” Esther replied, knowing her face was glowing. “Mind telling me what’s going on?”
He laughed quietly. “Do you want to hear the whole story right this second?”
She laughed in return. “I guess not. How about a recap?”
“Gute mariye, Lucas,” a man said, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Welcome back.”
Without loosening his grip on her, Luke glanced at the man. “Danke. It feels great to be home.”
“Home?” Esther said, gazing into his eyes.
Luke grinned sweetly, though with a definite mysterious glint. He took her by the hand and quickly pulled her away from the gathering and around the corner of the house. Other than a few men setting up long tables for the wedding lunch that she was supposed to be helping with, they were alone.
“Esther,” he said, pulling her in again. She sank into his arms, her face nuzzling against him. “I missed you—”
“Brief recap,” she said, stepping away so she could look up at him. Just seeing his cheerful smile made her heart skip.
“You saw the beginning of it at my folks’ house.”
She nodded. “When I left, I wasn’t sure if it was going well or badly.”
“It was pretty tense at first, but in the end it went well,” he said. “Daed and I…we forgave each other. There was a lot neither of us knew and a lot of unnecessary resentment—mostly on my part.” His gaze drifted to the side. “But we talked and listened and I told them about my life.” He ran a finger down her cheek. “I told them about you.”
A breath froze in Esther’s chest. “What did they say?”
“They love you.” One of his hands began rubbing her back. “And they easily saw that I…” His eyes grew intense as he leaned close. “I love you, Esther,” he said in a whisper.
It felt like she’d swallowed her own heart, but then it began to beat true and robustly inside her chest. “I love you, too,” she said, the words flowing out like a song. “I told my maam.”
He pulled back an inch. “Your mother knows?”
“Well, she didn’t know I was talking about you at the time. She just knew I was sad over a man.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t handle any of that very well.” He dipped his chin and pressed his lips together into a line. “Lizzy swore she knew it from the first time she saw us together at their house.”
“Lizzy knows?”
“Sweetheart.” He pulled her into another hug, swaying her back and forth. “Everyone knows now.”
She couldn’t help giggling, sighing against his body, relaxing into him as if she belonged there forever.
“That very day,” Luke continued, “Daed took me to the church leaders. We talked for a long time. I’ve been back to visit with them every day. Last night, Bishop Abram said I could come home.”
Hearing the crack in his voice, Esther looked to see tears in Luke’s eyes, yet they shone clearly with a virtuous glow.
“What about your job?”
“I have a better one now—or I hope to soon. And with folks who really need me.”
“Here?” She couldn’t help smiling.
He chuckled. “We haven’t worked out all the details yet, but it’s looking really good. And my father supports my decision.” When he blew out a long exhale, Esther felt his body relax. “I can’t tell you how much that means to me.”
Esther beamed up at him. She had an inkling about the relief he was feeling but didn’t want to interrupt.
“It’s been ten years,” Lucas continued. “Ten productive yet empty years. I can’t regret my education and experience, but you know how much I’ve missed home. All this time, I thought it wasn’t possible to even hope.” He pressed his lips to her temple. “Until you made me think.”
“You made me think.”
“You gave me hope again, and I’ll be grateful to you for the rest of my life.”
“Luke.” She tipped her chin. “You changed my life. I don’t know how I’ll ever thank you.”
A crooked smile curved a corner of his mouth. “I think I know a way.”
Esther mirrored his flirty smile. “Oh?”
“Close your eyes. Trust me.”
Willingly, she obeyed.
“Picture your house,” he said, his mouth at her ear, swaying them again. “Picture your bedroom, the closet. See it?”
“Jah,” Esther whispered.
“Now picture that dress, the one your sister is wearing right now.”
For a moment, she didn’t know what he meant. Then her heart began to pound. “I see it,” she said as a warming tightness grew in her chest, knowing it would take only a slight alteration for that light purple dress to fit Esther again.
“Picture putting it on next November,” Luke continued. “Then picture me.”
Esther couldn’t help opening her eyes now. When she did, Luke was down on one knee. It wasn’t traditional for the Amish to kneel like the Englishers, but since when was anything with Lucas Brenneman traditional?
“Aren’t you supposed to ask to court me first?”
He dropped his chin and laughed. “I thought that was implied.”
Esther had to press both hands over her heart, fearing it might leap right out. “I love—”
“Shhh,” Luke hushed, making her giggle. “I love thee, Esther Miller, with the breath, smiles, tears, of all my life, and, if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death…”
Of course, Esther recognized the Sonnets from the Portuguese by Elizabeth Browning. Hadn’t they recited number forty-three to each other more than a month ago? That windy night they’d sat on his couch with his scrapbook.
How could she have ever imagined the impossible was finally possible?
“Will you have me? Marry me?”
For another moment, Esther allowed her eyes to flutter closed. She could picture herself in that dress, and Luke in his new black suit, bowtie, black brimmed hat. She saw their families, their farm, Luke’s future medical office in the barn behind his house—their house. Then she saw the rest of their future.
“I will.”
“Gut,” he said, nearly cutting her off. “Because I’ve been near aching to do this.”
He stood tall, tossing his hat boyishly over his shoulder, then cupped her face.
At first, his lips swept across hers lightly, enough to make her knees buckle, causing him to slide his arms around her to stabilize her wobbly stance. His second kiss—holding sweet promises of days to come—solidly covered her lips, making her rise onto her tiptoes to meet him. They may have shared a third kiss, traced with a hint of passion, maybe even a fourth—perhaps Esther had instigated their fifth, but she couldn’t tell because her spirits were floating over her body.
“Liebchen,” he whispered, his soft breath tickling her ear. “My only love.”
“You’ve given up so much,” Esther couldn’t help saying, her insides feeling soft and gooey.
With tender brown eyes and a smile so loving it took her breath away, Luke ran his thumbs over her cheeks. “Nay,” he said, pressing his forehead to hers. “Because of you, I’ve gained everything.”
Epilogue
The sunshine felt warm and bright as Esther stared out the window. It still wasn’t barefoot weather yet, but the April showers had finally made way for May flowers. The pint-size white and yellow primulas had become her favorite to plant in early spring. Though for some reason, the light-purple wildflower known as Jacob’s ladder had appeared in full bloom at the base of practically every tree no more than a week after the last frost.
Esther had come to love those beautiful, delicate flowers. Not only did they have a way of brightening even the shadiest of corne
rs, but their light, fresh fragrance had given the perfect amount of scent to the most recent batch of soap she’d made for Leah. Though that had been more than a month ago.
Lately, it hadn’t been as…comfortable to work in her tiny soap nook space.
“Whoa. Careful there.”
Esther couldn’t help smiling as Luke picked up the folder she’d accidentally knocked off the desk and onto the floor. There were four folders down there now. And it wasn’t as though she’d purposefully displaced them. It wasn’t her fault her stomach stuck out like she was carrying a watermelon.
If she wasn’t careful, her growing girth might hit the wall and knock down all of Luke’s framed diplomas and medical certificates.
“I think even my office is getting too small,” he said as he rubbed a hand over her belly. The simple gesture made her feel so safe and loved, thrilled at the future to come.
“Nay, I’m getting too big for any room.”
When he laughed and kissed her cheek, her heart fluttered anew, just like that day in November when he’d pulled her from the crowd to propose, then kissed her for the very first time. And just like that November day a year later when they’d married, and he’d kissed her as husband and wife for the very first time.
“You’re so beautiful.”
Almost like he was reading her mind, Lucas set his hazel eyes on her, pulled back a smile, then leaned in, kissing her until that familiar buzz came into her ears, her knees feeling like cooked spaghetti noodles.
“You’ve got a patient,” Esther whispered, needing to hold on to his suspenders so she wouldn’t fall.
“Not for another hour,” Lucas said, his breath warm and sweet against her skin, his six months’ growth of beard tickling her cheek.
“This is a new one. She called just a few minutes ago.”
This made Lucas pull back. “Called?”
“Jah.” Esther nodded as she patted the side of her head, making sure her white kapp was in its proper place. Then she glanced down at the cell phone on the desk. “I answered it and told her to come right in, though it sounds like nothing more than a spring cold.”
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