by Anna Katmore
“You’re leaving for London this fall. I already know that. It’s okay.”
“That’s not exactly the truth,” I whisper.
Eyes narrowed to slits, Justin cocks his head. “You’re not going to Europe?”
God, I wish I could brush the confusion out of his face with a gentle caress. But the pole is the only thing keeping me from turning around and running without giving him an explanation at all. So I can’t let go. Instead, my nails dig even deeper into the wood. “I am. Just not in fall.”
“Then when?” The mystified V between his brows grows even deeper.
I inhale a breath for courage before answering, “Tuesday.”
Completely not understanding, Justin shakes his head. A small, bewildered laugh escapes him. “What Tuesday?”
My heart pounds fast. One, two, three beats… “This Tuesday.”
The information takes a moment to sink in. Then his brows shoot up in shock, his face paling and his knuckles turning white as he grips the banister hard. “Tuesday, as in, the day after tomorrow?”
I nod.
“But you can’t! The counselor job is for the entire summer. You agreed to that.”
“I agreed to get my situation sorted out. It’s all over now. I’m free.” My gaze lowers to my toes. “You said so yourself.”
A moment of stunned silence beats away. All of a sudden, his voice booms across the porch. “Does Julie know that? Or-or Greyson? And the theater group?” Raking his fingers through his hair and pulling at the strands, he spins on the spot, looking elsewhere for comfort before he pivots back to me. “Or anyone else in this goddamn camp?”
Hoarsely, I say, “No.”
His pale cheeks take on a furious red color. “And when the hell did you intend to tell me?” he yells.
When I only blink, it’s answer enough for him. His voice calms to a lethal level. “You weren’t going to tell me at all. That’s why you secretly packed and tried to sneak off last night. It had nothing to do with what happened between us at the bonfire.” He blows out an incredulous breath through his nose. “I’m such an idiot. Of course! You clocked your hours, so why would you want to stay any longer than necessary?” He rubs his hands over his face then nails me with a menacing stare. “I should have known better—because I know you.”
My chest constricts. “Please, don’t be mad—”
“Don’t be mad? Are you freaking kidding me?” When he rushes forward, I lower my head, but he stops inches before me, his breath an angry stroke on my face. “After what happened down by the lake last night, or in there”—with an outstretched arm, he points toward the door—“I thought you’d at least give us a chance. I thought you’d stay and continue your amazing work with the kids. I thought I had a few weeks in which I could show you that, no matter what comes, plans can be amended and you and I could function together!” His eyes start to gleam with furious desperation. “I actually thought last night meant something to you!”
Like a lump of barbwire is lodged in my throat, it hurts terribly as I wrench words out of it. “It did.” How can he doubt that? Tears cloud my vision. I lift my hands to him, but he lances me with yet another lethal glare and steps back, out of my reach.
“You wouldn’t leave now if it really did.”
For the second time within a day, my heart breaks. “Can’t you try to understand? The flight is booked. Everything is set. My friends are counting on me.” I dab at my tears. “I have no other choice.”
“You always have choices in life, tiger. That’s exactly what we just talked about! Only, you choose to be selfish. Because two people are counting on you, you’re going to let thirty others down.”
“That’s not it!” I sob, my toes digging into the wooden floor, though the hypocrisy isn’t lost on me. From his point of view, it probably looks like I’m abandoning ship to just go and have fun elsewhere, with the one person who drove a wedge between us four years ago. But that’s only a fraction of the truth.
“Then what is it?” he blurts. “What’s your damn reason for running away?”
“Because I don’t want to fall in love with you when I do have to go in the end.” The words tear from my throat with a pain that is nigh impossible to cope with. Not to speak of the pain in my heart. “What if I stay and things between us get serious?” Because, darn it, it already feels like he’s moving to the top of my list. “What if I can’t handle saying goodbye then? What if you start to mean more to me than my plans? My career?” My future. Burning tears are trailing down my cheeks. “What if I can’t go anymore, after an entire summer with you?”
“I know how important your year abroad is. And also what a huge chance this acting school is for you.” He hesitates then continues in a much softer tone, “I wouldn’t hold you back.”
He might not. But I would. If Justin became the most important thing in my life, I would do everything to be with him. Right ahead is the point of no return. One tiny step toward him, and my dream of Guildhall would go down the drain.
“I can’t stay,” I whisper. Not a single day longer. “I’m sorry, Justin. Please try to understand.”
A fathomless moment passes between us. His cold stare hurts like ice pricks all over my body. I shiver. A couple of seconds later, he clenches his teeth and hisses, “Like fuck I understand.” Then he turns on his heel, walks into the cabin, and slams the door shut in my face.
Staring at the closed door, I wrap my arms around myself and rub the icy chill from my forearms. My lips tremble, but I refuse to let more tears spill over. Eventually, I pull myself together, slip on my shoes, and dash down the stairs. It’s only a few minutes until breakfast, and noise from the other two cabins announces that the place will soon be filled with boys heading to the dining hall. They can’t catch me here, with red-rimmed eyes and a blotchy nose.
At the side of the clearing, where the fire burned so brightly last night, I find my forgotten wedges still under the round, high table. Clutching them to my chest, I run.
A detour through the woods takes me back without bumping into any kids on their way to breakfast. Julie is exiting the Squirrel cabin and starting off with the last group of girls by the time I reach the bushes behind the campsite. Only when she’s far out of sight do I leave my hiding place and hurry inside.
She brought my suitcase in last night. It stands next to my bed, waiting for me to grab it and decamp. But as much as I wanted to do that last night, I can’t today. I owe Julie and Greyson, and also the kids, an explanation. And an apology.
It’s a damn mistake to open the suitcase, because things explode out of it as soon as the lid lifts. But with the changing weather, my summer clothes aren’t the right choice for the homeward journey. After I find a pair of dark-blue jeans and a plain gray sweatshirt, I settle down on my bed with my phone, knees pulled to my chest, and dial. Brinna answers immediately.
“Hey, girlfriend! Your rescue call sure is early.” She laughs. “I didn’t expect to hear from you before midnight.”
“Change of plans,” I tell her, struggling to keep my voice even and clear. “Can you pick me up sooner?”
A long pause fills the line before she says in a stern tone, “What happened?”
“Long story. I’ll tell you everything later.” Sniffing, I rub the back of my hand over my nose. “You aren’t still in San Francisco, are you?”
“Don’t worry, I came back yesterday. Do you want me to get you right now? It’ll only take an hour.”
“No. I have some things to sort out first.” The drama group needs a new teacher, and I’m pretty sure, after our most recent conversation, Justin won’t cover for me. “Can you be here around two?”
“Sure.” I’m waiting for her goodbye, but it doesn’t come. Instead, her deep, compassionate breath whizzes out. “Troubles in Justin-land? Lesley said she ran into the two of you this week.”
I only nod at first, pressing my lips and eyes closed. Then I croak, “Kind of.”
“Hang in there, swee
tie. I’ll see you after lunch. Call if you need me to get you sooner.”
“’Kay.” As she hangs up, the phone slips out of my hand and drops to the mattress. Arms folded over my knees, I bury my face in them. The morning started so beautifully. Now, all I want to do is cry.
*
I must have been sitting on my bed way too long, because when the door bursts open, it startles me. My head snaps up as Julie enters, her face bright and happy, like every morning. “Hey, you’re back,” she says cheerfully while shutting the door. “I thought you were still at Justin’s when you two didn’t show up for breakfast. I brought you a blueberry muffin. No time for food when you’re in love, huh?” Giggling, she turns around, but the sound dies in her throat the moment she looks at me. “Goodness!”
Julie sets the muffin on a napkin on the table and rushes to my side, curling up against the wall next to me on my bed. One arm gently wrapped around my shoulders, she leans forward to look me in the eyes. “Do you want to talk about it?”
I’d rather not, but I owe her an explanation before I disappear, and there isn’t an endless amount of time left for that. Drawing in a deep breath, I begin to tell her everything, starting at the very beginning, twenty months ago.
“…and now I have to leave, repack my suitcase tomorrow, and fly to London on Tuesday. It’s all set. Everything’s booked.”
Julie’s face is pale, like someone dunked her in a bowl of flour. Her arm slipped away from my shoulders a few minutes ago. “Whoa. That’s tough.” Twiddling one corner of the pillow, she fixes me with a wide-eyed stare. “Why didn’t you tell us at the beginning?”
“Because I didn’t think I would ever care about anyone at camp or what would happen after I left.”
“But now you do.” Her gaze turns half reproachful, half amused. On Brinna’s face, this would be the typical told you so look.
Sighing, I lean my forehead on my folded arms once more and whine, “Obviously.” But who could have guessed that two weeks ago? “I’m so sorry to disappoint everybody. The kids. You and Greyson.”
Justin…
“I can’t stand everyone hating me for running off like this.”
The sheets rustle next to me and the mattress moves as Julie climbs off the bed. “It’s a tricky situation for sure.”
Lifting my head, I watch her walk to the window, sit down on the desk, and plant her feet on the chair in front of her.
“But no one hates you.”
“Because no one knows the truth yet.”
“I do.” She casts me a tiny smile. “And I don’t hate you.”
“You don’t?”
“Of course not.” She shakes her head, her shaggy hair flapping around her face. “It certainly would’ve been nice to know a little sooner, but your passion for acting is amazing. If I had the chance to get such a big wish come true, I’d do everything to make it happen.”
“You would run away from camp and leave thirty kids in the lurch?” I probe, arching my eyebrows.
Elbows resting on her knees, she leans forward, a shrug rolling off her shoulders. “If I could do a year of development aid in Tanzania or help out at an elephant shelter in India for a while? Yep, I’d totally abandon camp.”
Her understanding creates a warm spot in my heart, but it’s only a teensy chip off the rock weighing down my chest. I blink. “Justin knows the truth. And he does hate me.”
Julie purses her heart-shaped lips. “You know he couldn’t hate you if he wasn’t totally in love with you. Give him a couple days to get over it. He’s a smart guy. He’ll understand.”
The trouble with her brilliant plan is that I don’t have that time. My knees tip to the sides, and I cross my arms over my chest. “In a couple of days, I’ll be in Europe.”
Scratching her brow, she deliberates. “Yeah, that could make things a little difficult.”
When the door rattles with a knock, my head jerks around, my heart pounding. I don’t know why I hope it’s Justin outside, come to tell me that it’s all right and he’s forgiven me. Because that will never happen. A glance at my watch makes it clear that it can only be the theater girls reminding me that practice should have started five minutes ago.
Pushing a dreary sigh through my nose, I drag myself off the bed and open the door. A twinge zooms through me when there’s no kid on the porch, though. Instead, Greyson’s accusing gaze fixes on me. “Is it true?” he demands. “You’re leaving?”
Great. He must have run into Justin.
Behind him, down on the pebbled space between the cabins, the girls are gathering for the first lesson this morning. They all look up at me with questioning faces as I peek over Grey’s shoulder.
The air is thick, the sky is dark, and in the distance rolls a lonesome boom of thunder. It won’t be too long now until the first raindrops. Moving my gaze back to Greyson, I tell him, “Yes. It’s true.” Then I draw in a deep breath and call the girls up onto the porch. I might as well tell everyone the truth right now. One by one, they file in under the roof. Some sit down on the porch swing, the others stand by the railing and wait for my news.
“There’s something I need to tell you,” I begin, leaning against the doorjamb with my back, hands clasped in front of my stomach. “Today is my last day at camp.”
Shocked gasps travel through the crowd, chins smacking downward. Addison jumps up from the swing, her face pale and eyes wide. “For heaven’s sake, why?”
“Before camp—”
“Because a huge opportunity has come up for Chloe,” Julie cuts me off, startling me as she steps forward. “You all know how important acting is for her.” Everybody nods warily. “So she got this amazing offer to attend one of the top drama schools in England. A dream come true for every aspiring actor.”
The wariness in the girls’ eyes changes to utter awe. Something I don’t feel I deserve, but with Julie’s way of coating the truth—that I’m actually a deserter—the expected wave of scorn doesn’t materialize. “The bummer is,” she continues, “that Chloe has to get to London this week. Which means she’s leaving us today.”
“Justin told the story a little differently,” Greyson whispers in my ear.
“And everything he told you is true,” I confess quietly, heaving a deep sigh.
His brows knit together with suspicion. For some reason, he looks like he can’t decide whether to shout at me or just accept it with a shrug. I don’t blame him for thinking the worst of me. When his mouth shifts to one side and he chews on his bottom lip, his glare prickles on my skin. Then his gaze switches to Julie, who’s still doing what she can to put my escape in the best possible light. Perhaps it’s her attitude that finally sways him to cool acceptance, and he says, “It’s a shame you have to go.”
I think so, too.
“But what’s going to happen with our play?” Kristina demands, the corners of her mouth pointing down. “Who’s going to help us finish it?”
“Julie will,” I blurt out, shrugging when the Owl jerks around to me. “I’ll give her a crash course in being a director before lunch. You’ll do great with her in charge.” With a tiny, hopeful smile, I prompt her to agree.
A snort escapes her, but she can’t pull off the unhappy act for long. Moments later, her mouth stretches into a grin as she turns back to the kids. “What do you say? Shall we try it?”
The girls cast me a final, sad look before they start cheering for their new director. Some Owls high-five her. I expel a relieved breath. That’s one disaster averted.
*
I’m not hungry at all as Julie and I walk around the lake, heading for the dining hall at noon. It’ll be our last lunch together. A small part of me hopes Justin will be there and we can talk again. But the bigger part of me is afraid he’s going to avoid me all day until I’m gone.
“Well, that wasn’t so bad,” Julie says, stepping around a puddle on the path. When the rain started two hours ago, we had to relocate the practice of Romeo & Juliet onto the Tigers’ porch an
d inside the cabin. Although it was fairly crowded there, the entire morning was wrapped in a nostalgic coziness that’s still floating around me.
I pull the hood of my sweatshirt lower down my forehead to keep the rain off my face and answer quietly, “You’re a great director.” Without a doubt, the kids will shine in the final performance at the end of summer.
“Are you going to write me when you’re in London?”
Her request surprises me a little. “You mean emails?”
“Yes. I’d love to hear how you’re doing over there.”
“I can do that.” And what’s more, it would be nice to keep in touch with the Owl after everything we’ve been through together. She’s become a good friend to me these past couple of weeks. “Perhaps we can meet for lunch when I’m back next summer.”
Julie seems delighted at the idea, and the prospect makes me wish for the coming year to go by really fast.
We arrive at the boys’ campsite a few minutes later, and my heart starts pounding awfully fast when I catch a glimpse of Justin following Greyson into the dining hall. He doesn’t wait for us by the door.
“They didn’t see us is all,” Julie says, trying to cheer me up when she notices my shoulders slumping, “or they would’ve waited.”
We join them at our table, and I sit down quietly. Justin doesn’t look up. He grabs his fork as Grey’s little brother dishes out roast pork for everyone, and starts picking at the veggies. His stomach must be on strike, because apart from one piece of chopped carrot, he doesn’t eat anything in the following three minutes.
Our table is wrapped in oppressing silence. Julie and Greyson seem to be waiting for us to start a conversation, but for the life of me, I don’t know what to say. Eyes still on his plate, Justin shoves another carrot into his mouth and chews with what looks like great effort. After he swallows, his gaze moves to Julie under the strands of his tousled hair. “I told Cybil what’s going on,” he informs her—not me. When Julie lifts her head, he continues, “She wasn’t happy, but she said the three of us can keep the camp running. She’ll try to send us a replacement counselor as soon as possible. It might take a few days, though.”
