Lies & Lullabies

by Courtney Lane

  The irony wasn’t lost on me. “When are you going to fuck me?”

  He laughed softly as he settled next to me, his breathing pattern changed as though he’d begun to relax.

  “Catch?”

  “When you love me,” he whispered against my hair, fanning out beneath me.

  The thought swallowed me up into a place so deep, I couldn’t be unearthed. “I’ll never do that.”

  “You already do; you haven’t given in and realized it yet. You will.” He brushed his hands down my eyelids forcing them to close. “Goodnight, sweetheart. I’ll see you soon.”

  -15-

  SWEET LULLABY

  An alarm shocked me out of my sleep—a night’s rest felt more like an hour long nap. Instinctively, I reached out for Catch. My fingertips touched a cold, empty bedside.

  Feeling the frigidness dig deep into my bones, I sat up in bed and hugged my knees. Across the room, a dress hung on the back of the door with a note. I slid out of bed and approached it.

  The note contained an invitation to dinner for two with dessert to follow. The dress was more formal than anything in the closet.

  Fraying knots tied my stomach and heart, making them act erratically.

  I turned back to the bed, staring at the place where Catch would usually sleep.

  “Get a grip, Simone,” I said to the reflection of myself in the mirror situated in the corner of the room.

  I tried to remember why I hated Catch. I questioned if I had ever hated him. All I could recall was what pulled me toward him: The way he saved me at the hotel, and continued to save me from Michael’s crushing grip on me and my life. The lessons he taught me when I wasn’t ready to learn, even if it meant hurting me. The way he held me at night. He penned everything that made up pieces of me when I wasn’t ready to read the writing staring me down daily.

  There had to be a hidden reason and a purpose behind all that Catch had done; it was one of many things keeping me on the side of caution. His murdering tendencies and penchant for playing games were the other.

  My stomach was no longer in knots but on a rollercoaster my body couldn’t follow. Memories of Catch’s touch, smile, and his ways with me melted away the last piece of ice, opening me for what I knew would be my destruction.

  “I’ve fallen for a fucking psycho. I’m a self-fulfilling fucking prophecy. Just like my mother. Shit.” I slumped on the floor with the silk dress bundled in my arms. Remembering myself, I shot a look at the camera, hoping he hadn’t seen or heard my entire reaction. I quickly shuffled the dress into the bathroom to get ready. An arsenal of supplies were set up on the vanity with makeup, hair supplies, and hair appliances to make sure I looked like the ideal vision of myself.

  I stared in the mirror, sliding my hands over the silky material as it hugged my curves. Turning around, I eyed the deep plunging backline, thinking I’d never looked this way before—feminine.

  Soft music played out of nowhere. As I listened to the slow melody, the man methodically crooning about love, I couldn’t help but smile. Catch said he only had sex to R&B music, and if it was true, he was telling me tonight it would finally happen between us.

  My nervousness suddenly went into overdrive.

  As I descended the stairs, black petals led toward an area I’d never ventured to before. Down the wide hall, the door opened to a terrace; the length was the width of the house.

  The front door caught my eye for a passing second. Maybe I was fooling myself.

  On the terrace, a portable fireplace emitted an orange glow over a fully set table on heating plates. Catch appeared in a crisp black dress shirt and black slacks, appearing as good as he did the first day I met him. All the things I felt in the bedroom were stronger, and I couldn’t suppress any of the spellbinding feelings he brought out of me.

  “You’re shivering. Is the fire enough?” He picked up a stole and wrapped it around my shoulders, kissing my forehead. “You look incredible.” He took my hand, linking his fingers with mine and led me to the table, pulling out a seat for me.

  “Is this real?” I felt the soft fur as I sat down. “Michael gave me a fur coat once. I threw it out the window.”

  “It’s not,” he assured me.

  “It feels like it is.”

  “Expensive replicas usually do.” He poured me a small portion of wine.

  My gaze wandered over the peaceful terrain. The shimmers of white juxtaposed with a dark midnight sky, dressed the snow-topped mountains in a moody blue hue. A quiet rushed at my ears; the perfect background music.

  “This place really is beautiful.” I turned back to my food, taking a bite. The small portion of food disagreed with my floating stomach and made it ache.

  Sitting across from me, Catch’s eyes reflected the orange flickers of the fire. He clasped his hands in prayer position over the table. The steeple of his fingers pressed against his mouth. “I’ll admit when I’m wrong, and this is one of those rare times. I can’t expect you to trust me when I’ve given you nothing about me. If there’s something you want to know, ask.”

  I reached across the table and fingered the tattoo peeking through the rolled up sleeves on his muscular forearm. “Why did you get this?” I traced the veins and the branches. The warmth in his eyes made me withdraw.

  He caught my hand halfway to my lap and held it. Standing, he circled the table to sit next to me. My fingers fit into the spaces between his. Every patch of my skin was hyper sensitive to his touch. I would’ve fallen apart if he touched me in the place he’d relentlessly teased.

  “It’s a long, drawn out story,” he replied. “Are you sure you want to know all of this?”

  “This is an ask you anything session, right?”

  With a delay, he searched my face as though waiting for a signal to indicate I changed my mind about my question. When he didn’t find what he was looking for, he made himself comfortable and began. “William Di Stefano was a smart businessman who made a lucrative earning in legal and illegal businesses.” Violet-tinged blue eyes fell away to the distance. “He went into business with Michael—a horrible decision. Michael funneled the profits into his illegal businesses to expand his own interests. He gave William the responsibility of paying more than he could afford, with interest. You see, Michael had an ulterior motive. Envy is the death of loyalty, and Michael wanted to keep William from amassing too much power. It was thought that Michael killed William and forced Denice, his daughter, into working for him.

  “William’s son decided he was going to take revenge. Michael beat a lesson into him he would never forget. Michael’s parting words to the son were a threat; he promised he would never kill him, but he would take everything he loved until he had no one left in his life to love him.”

  I froze, staring at him in wonder, waiting for the bottom to fall out. “Why didn’t Michael kill him—the son?”

  The muscles in his face tensed, and I could have traced a line from his cheekbone to the prominent indentation around his mouth. “Michael didn’t kill William, the mother lied and blamed Michael for her own secretive reasons. And the sister, Denice? She went willingly to work in one of Michael’s brothels.” He searched my eyes for a moment. “That story isn’t why I spent a considerable amount of time preparing to meet Michael. Everything has a chain reaction and sometimes innocent lives are lost due to one person’s mistake or the lie of an unscrupulous and power hungry person.”

  “Chain reaction?” I glanced from the ink on his forearm to him, wondering the connection. “What happened?”

  “You’re familiar with the organizational structure of the syndicate? Have you heard of the commission?”

  I nodded that I had; Deana was my information source. “It’s comprised of the bosses from each area. They get together and decide who lives, dies, and who expands—business stuff, I guess.”

  “Partly true,” he replied. “Most want you to think each syndicate acts separately from one another but that’s no longer true. The Feds involvement ch
anged things. The commission isn’t comprised of only representatives from the families and the administration anymore.

  “You may have been lead to think the Feds can touch anyone and keep them down. The commission has never been completely taken down. There’s a very good reason for that.”

  If it were true, they had to be powerful heavy hitters. “Are you saying that…the commission contains members from government factions? It would have to be—maybe independent contractors?”

  “For the record, I’m not stating anything to confirm or deny.” His mask returned. “The syndicate deals in drugs and money; Michael is into something no one can get behind. Every situation has exceptions.

  “Michael isn’t happy about the Di Stefano family’s rise in Los Angeles despite his acts to keep them down. He’s even less happy with being denied the request to wipe out the entire Di Stefano family, and he’s anxious to do it soon.

  “Michael made a mistake. He singled out a member of the commission, who he thought was a double agent and did freelance work for the government, to do what he wanted. Michael had an intermediary approach him, and she promised a sizable stipend if it was done. Of course, this man took offense to a syndicate boss indirectly asking him for favors when the man had taken down people of more importance. Michael wasn’t able to accept the word no, and he retaliated.”

  The bitter wind pained my skin like a rubber band snapping at the exposed parts repeatedly. “And now…the commission wants Michael dead?”

  “They do. But death, for Michael, is simple…asinine. It’s not a fitting end.”

  I folded my hands in my lap, increasingly bothered by the night air. “How do you know all of this? Who are you in the story?”

  “You’re smart, Simone. Figure it out. Take your time, and tell me when you think you’ve guessed correctly.”

  “I…don’t know.”

  The furrow of his brow and the tensing of his features made him appear terrifying in the seconds between us. He fit my chin between his fingers. “Tell me what you do know. Tell me your story. Pretend we’re strangers.” Slipping into a more relaxed mode, his hand dropped, taking its time to work from my lips to my chin down the center of my body. It came to rest on my lap, drawing my eye.

  “Michael’s been married to the same woman for thirty years,” I began, staring at his hand, “and couldn’t keep it to one woman. When my mother had me, I don’t know what happened. I was too young to know. I had no idea who my father was until she died. I met him after her funeral. The fear he elicited in the man who adopted me—the man I considered my real father? I’d never seen Jasper that way.

  “After keeping me on lockdown in a one-bedroom apartment until Jasper died, Michael put me up in a house with a nanny to raise me and forced me to go to a prep school my senior year where I was treated like a pariah.

  “I wanted to go back home. I wanted freedom. Everything meaning anything to me was taken away. If I made a female friend, he would scare them away. If I made a male friend, he’d beat them to near death or did worse. I was only allowed two places, the house and school. He picked out what I wore. He wouldn’t allow me to wear anything that made me feel or look feminine. Makeup was a no-no. Heels were a hell no. Every time I tried to buy something with my own money, it was taken away. Michael ruled over my life throughout college.

  “I thought if I got a degree and a job, he’d let me be free someday. I went through bodyguards like water because I always slipped them. Then came Sam. He was the only chance I had for freedom.”

  I intended to sip the entirety of my wine when I tipped it to my lips. Catch stopped me halfway there. His brows furrowed in a warning to slow down as he set the wine glass on the table.

  I hoped to circumvent the horrible memories from actualizing inside my mind and replaying for a second experience. I was losing my grip on my ability to remain cold. “I met Deanna somewhere in between. Her life was so different from mine. She took me in like I was family, and made me feel like I was family.

  “Deana was everything to me. My friend, my sister, and my family. I told her everything and she told me everything. For the first time, I had a friend. My relationship with Deana didn’t last long. Michael tried to end it after we went to a party together. I did something out of character, and in the end, Michael was waiting for me. The night was a curse and a blessing. It allowed Michael to take Deana away from me. It also gave me Sam and this determination to see another part of the world—to find a piece of myself somewhere where no one would tie me to Michael.

  “I didn’t know what I was doing. I wandered around the most dangerous neighborhoods with a death wish. I heard one of the women on the street speak about how much money she made. After she was killed—robbed on her way to a match in front of me and there was nothing I could do to stop it—I took her phone and did her match for her. Her hotel room became mine, and I made a promise to send everything I earned to her son.

  “The first time I fought…I lost. But they allowed me to come back. The things I felt in the ring? I wanted more. I became so addicted, I never had any plans to stop.”

  I took a breath and drank a sip of wine as I debated my next question. A question where the answer used to be clear; it wasn’t anymore. The smile on his face told me he knew he had me completely. I’d finally opened up to him and told him the truth. “Was taking me about revenge?”

  “We want the same things,” he replied, his tone devoid of expression. “Everything I’ve done has a purpose; to make you better and to make you mine.”

  I was humming with questions and had no idea how to navigate the conversation. It would’ve been the first time we’d had a real one where both of our guards were down. “Y-you did all this…to be with me?”

  “Because I could’ve done it out in the world?” A grin of mock innocence crossed his lips. “What happened to all the men you became involved with, Simone?”

  I nodded in defeat.

  He lifted my chin to level with his gaze. “I know you’re scared, but you’re not your mother, and I’m not your father.”

  My eyes stretched open in alarm. “You heard me?”

  “Yes.” His grin could’ve been considered coquettish, for him. Compared to anyone else who attempted the expression, it was anything but coy. “And you meant for me to.”

  “Why do I have feelings for you? You kill without remorse. You’ve made me kill. You…you…”

  “I never forced your hand, and I never made you kill innocents.” His smile brightened, but the tone behind it didn’t bring me any comfort.

  The knot disappeared to give way for a gaping and hungry hollow. Admitting I felt anything for him left me with a sense of dread. One thought loomed over my head; he was going to kill me emotionally.

  “All you’ve wanted was a father.” He tucked a hair wandering in the cold breeze behind my ear. “A man to love you the right way. You had one with Jasper, but because of your mother, and his issues, he had to work several jobs to support the both of you. You barely saw him between your studies and the many things he had you participate in to keep you busy. I know them all. The piano lessons. The dance lessons. He loved you when he could, when he was able to be there for you, which was barely; it wasn’t enough. It left you empty. You tried to fill that eternal void. Fucking someone you didn’t know because you clamored to feel anything outside of the numb? Rebelling against Michael when you could? Deana? The fighting?”

  The information he knew was information I’d only shared with Deana. To know she might’ve told him everything he wanted to know, I questioned her loyalty and I further questioned the kind of relationship she had with Catch. I wondered why she would tell him anything about me, and wondered why I became the focal point of Catch’s attention.

  Catch had an unfair advantage in winning me over, and it pained me like hell to think beneath my heart’s need to be ignorant, I was right about Catch.

  “Did you ever have Deana?”

  “No, the recording was faked.”
>
  “Why would you or Deana do that?”

  “I needed time and influence to keep you with me until you wanted to stay of your volition.” His smirk couldn’t have held more consuming darkness if it was a black hole. “Deana gave away everything there was to know about you freely.”

  I tried to swallow and moisten the dryness forming in my throat. It was of no use. A thousand different emotions were consuming me at once. “I-I don’t understand why you would do that. What is it you want from me?”

  “Stop asking the same question. My answer will never change.” He sank his teeth into his lip for a moment and stroked the side of my face with the back of his fingers. “I wanted—want—every part of you, Simone. I saved you. I made you feel wanted, cared for, safe, desired. I filled you with everything you’ve been missing. As much as you put up a fight against an opponent who had you outmatched, you know it. I made you fall for me by doing all the right things and making you do all the wrong. You fought because you knew what was happening, and you gave in because you knew it was of no use.”

  “I-I don’t think I’m hungry anymore.” I jumped up so quickly I felt dizzy. The fur fell from my shoulders onto the floor.

  For every step I took back inside the house, Catch took a step forward. I had nowhere else to go. He had me cornered inside the house with my back against a wall.

  “To possess you is to destroy you.” A smooth cadence wrapped around his words. His hand trailed a strand of hair down to my collarbone. His eyes shot up, twinkling with excitement. “I think it’s time we played with the final animal in the basement, but not tonight. Tonight, I’m going to fuck you.”

  It all came back to haunt me. I fought and gave in. Now that I had, he snatched my rationalizations from underneath me and left me standing in a dirty truth.

  He grabbed my hips pulling me toward him. “If you’re trying to take a stock of your feelings and figure out if you still can hate me, let me save you the trouble.” He pushed my hair away from my ear and whispered in my ear. “You can’t. You never did.” He scooped me in his arms and carried me up the stairs.