‘Nothing about it made sense; that was the worst part to accept. The investigators told me that there was no way to prove if the car had been tampered with, considering it had to be destroyed upon transportation to be impounded.’ He shook his head, sitting up straight. ‘The idea that her anger at me led to her driving dangerously never sat well with me. I have spent years trying to find evidence that someone deliberately caused the accident other than Priya herself. It’s only now...saying it out loud... that I realise maybe that’s just my way of coping with my own guilt and sense of powerlessness.’
Cressida leaned forward, pressing her cheek against his bare back and sliding her arm around his abdomen. The gesture was so intimate and so comforting that for a moment he felt himself tightening, the urge to pull away strong. But then the warmth of her skin seeped into his own and he found himself accepting her comfort, grateful for the fact that for once he was not alone in his recollection of these painful memories.
* * *
They sat in silence for a while, Cressida listening to the beat of his heart thumping in rhythm with her own. ‘I find it hard to believe that you were ever a bad husband.’
To her surprise she felt him tense beneath her skin, pulling away from her slightly. She sat back, wondering if perhaps she had touched a nerve even after all he had just disclosed.
‘We had a son,’ Khal said, a strange emptiness to his voice as he spoke. ‘He never lived, stillborn in the eighth month of pregnancy. But we had a son.’
Cressida felt something inside her break as the words hit her with full force. She had no idea what it was like to bear that kind of tragedy and pain in one’s life. The very idea of Khal going through such a loss was unbearable.
‘When I say that I was a bad husband, I don’t mean that I was a bit selfish or that I forgot to put the toilet seat down. I was a bad husband because my wife’s needs were never taken into consideration. All that mattered was ensuring that my need for tight security and safety was prioritised. I overreacted to everything. She got swarmed in the markets once, early on in her pregnancy, and I decided that I needed to keep her under tighter security, even if it meant keeping her confined to the palace. Priya told me on numerous occasions that she was unhappy but the final straw was when she was rushed to hospital, pregnant and terrified. I was halfway across the world being the grand Sheikh of Zayyar. And when I was finally given the news a day later, there was absolutely nothing I could do. We had only been married a year at that point.’
‘You blame yourself for so much...’ Cressida began, not quite knowing what to say in the face of such an admission.
‘I’m sorry. I said that I don’t like to share and yet here I am, unable to stop.’ He turned, taking her hands in his and looking deep into her eyes.
‘There is no need to explain yourself to me,’ Cressida said firmly. ‘I am simply grateful that you trusted me enough to share what you have.’
He nodded once, taking her in his arms. The embrace began innocently enough, but then the sheet slipped down between them and suddenly she was being swept away on another wave of passion. Their lovemaking this time was slower, a tentative sliver of intimacy seeming to show in the way he held her face in his hands as he kissed her and looked deep into her eyes. Afterwards, he fell into a deep sleep with impressive speed, leaving Cressida staring up at the ceiling, physically satisfied but emotionally distracted.
She found herself absolutely livid that he had been subjected to such harsh scrutiny in his time of grief.
The world lauded her own father, a man who had held his wife and daughters to emotional ransom their whole lives, and yet Khal was shunned, based on rumours and gossip. She felt something within her changing, a strange protectiveness of this new life she had entered into. It scared her, to think that she felt such loyalty to a man she had only known a matter of weeks now. But she did trust him with all of her heart. It was keeping that heart protected when it was becoming more and more in danger of being broken...that was the real problem.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
AFTER THREE FULL days of an impromptu honeymoon spent mostly in bed, Cressida mourned the arrival of their departure for the official visit to Monteverre. They spent a large portion of the flight hidden away in the master bedroom. While Khal might have introduced her to the pleasures of the mile-high club, she had the pleasure of giving him a tour of her home town through her own eyes once they touched down.
Her decision to leave Monteverre at the age of nineteen to study abroad had held no bearing on her love for her kingdom. She had simply needed freedom from the oppressive disdain of her parents and the effort of hiding her secret from her siblings.
Even as their limousine moved slowly around the main square and she pointed out her favourite ice cream shop and the library where she had spent many an afternoon hiding away, she felt anxiety rising steadily within her. The thought of speaking to her sisters now that they had been made aware of the great family secret was daunting. At least, with her parents, she knew what to expect. She didn’t know if Olivia and Eleanor would be upset, hurt or even angry at her for keeping such a secret.
Truthfully, she did not know if Olivia would show up at all. Last she had heard, she and her fiancé Roman were sailing around the Caribbean after becoming formally engaged shortly before Cressida had moved to Zayyar.
‘You are very quiet, habibti,’ Khal said as they shared a speciality Monteverrian vanilla ice cream on a narrow side street. ‘Don’t think I haven’t noticed that you are delaying our arrival at the palace.’
Cressida bit her lower lip, hating that he seen through her so easily but also enjoying the fact just a little. ‘I’m delaying the unknown. My sisters were always kept in the dark when it came to the secret of my parentage. As far as they knew, there was nothing different about me other than the obvious facts that I have poor fashion sense and a strange attachment to books.’
‘I disagree, your fashion sense is no longer poor since you met me.’ He jabbed, smiling as she reached out to smudge ice cream on his nose in retaliation. ‘Your sisters may be a bit hurt at being kept in the dark, but they will not love you any less.’
‘I hope you are right.’ Cressida sighed.
They finished their ice creams and finally there was nothing else to do but make their grand arrival at the palace. Usually a high-profile guest was welcomed in grand style, with all the staff lined up at the foot of the wide concrete steps while the Royal family stood waiting at the top. Today, the steps were empty save for a single butler, who stood at the end. Cressida recognised him as Hansel, the second most senior member of the royal house staff. A harsh laugh escaped her throat at the thought that her father had not even deemed her arrival home after almost five years away to be worthy of the head butler.
‘Your Highnesses, allow me to be the first to congratulate you on your recent nuptials and to formally welcome you back to Monteverre.’ The older man bowed, escorting them inside and down the long familiar corridors to the grand salon.
Inside, the Sandoval family waited, her mother and sister sitting down while her father stood poised at the mantelpiece, just as she’d expected. It was his usual show of force, he was a tall man and he liked to stand in the position of power in a room when welcoming guests.
She had almost forgotten that Khal was by her side until her father stepped forward, greeting him before he greeted his own daughter.
‘Welcome back to my humble kingdom, Sheikh Khalil,’ King Fabian said loudly. ‘I believe you have already been introduced to my eldest daughter, Crown Princess Eleanor.’
Khal glanced uncomfortably from Cressida to her father, before stepping forward and making his introduction to her older sister.
Eleanor was thinner than she remembered; that was the first thought Cressida had before her sister stepped forward suddenly and embraced her.
‘Cress, it has been far too long.’ Eleanor did not gu
sh; there was nothing false about the way she held the embrace for a long moment before pulling away. For a moment it almost felt as though they were children again, before anything had ever changed.
The moment did not last long, however, her father booming across the little interlude in his usual fashion. ‘And here she is, the woman of the hour,’ he pronounced with mock pride.
Cressida felt Khal stiffen beside her, his hand tightening on hers.
‘Father, I hope you are well.’ She opted for the polite approach, ignoring the urge to simply speak her mind and address the very large elephant present in the room.
‘I’m quite well, considering the stress that I and the royal team have been under for the past three days.’ His lips tightened in what she supposed was an attempt at a smile. ‘I doubt you’ve been put under much pressure, hiding out there in the desert.’
He looked to Khal in a very male attempt at camaraderie, clearly expecting her husband to share in his joke. Khal did not.
‘Perhaps we should take things to a more business setting. Leave the women to catch up. It has been such a long time since Cressida has seen her family.’
Cressida tried not to react to the way the King referred to her mother and sister as her family, not his. He had no need to hide his true feelings now, she supposed. She had never been a Sandoval by birth but now she was no longer even a Sandoval by name. He could pretend that she had never existed and never feel the difference.
‘This matter concerns your daughter just as much as it concerns our kingdoms—’ Khal began, his shoulders straightening.
‘No, you should go. You are much better at all of this.’ Cressida squeezed her husband’s hand lightly. ‘I trust you to speak on my behalf.’
‘You are sure?’ He dipped his head, speaking quietly near her ear.
Cressida nodded, smiling as he placed a delicate kiss on her palm and left the room with a few long powerful strides, her father at his heels.
‘So you found love, after all.’ Her mother’s voice drifted across the room.
Cressida had almost forgotten that her mother was there at all, considering she had not stood once since she had entered the room. ‘We have a comfortable arrangement. It’s more than I could have hoped for, considering the circumstances.’ Cressida spoke evenly.
‘What your father and I had... Sorry, King Fabian and I...’ Her mother cleared her throat suddenly, the first sign of emotion crossing heavily lined features. ‘Our arranged marriage was comfortable at best. Dangerously passionate at worst.’ She took a long sip of her brandy, rising to her feet and swaying slightly. ‘What you want is something in the middle, something warm that will last, not burn itself out before you’ve even had a chance.’
Eleanor cleared her throat, ever the peacemaker of the family. ‘He seems quite fond of you,’ she offered kindly. ‘I’m happy for you, little sister.’
‘I was nervous about coming here today, considering what has been said.’ She met her older sister’s eyes, feeling her voice quivering slightly. ‘You must know that I would have told you, had I been allowed to.’
‘Yes, yes.’ Queen Aurelia sighed heavily, making her way slowly across the room towards the sideboard and the brandy decanter that stood upon it. ‘We would all have done a great many things, had we been allowed to.’
Something within Cressida seemed to stretch thin and snap apart. Years of hurt and emotional pain rose to the surface, her temper rising with it.
‘Your attitude is appalling, Mother.’ Eleanor spoke first, surprising Cressida with the backbone in her voice. Her elder sister had always been the strong, silent one. Never sharing the details of her own seemingly perfect marriage. Always simply moving forward with her duty and not getting involved in any of the family politics that might have arisen.
‘My attitude?’ Queen Aurelia laughed, filling up her glass almost to the top with amber liquid, not seeming to care that it was barely midday. ‘At least I did not run away the first chance I got. At least I put my family first.’
‘Is that how you justify your actions to yourself?’ Cressida asked quietly. ‘I have often wondered if you were entirely oblivious or if you simply never cared about your children or the consequences that your selfishness had on them.’
‘Selfishness?’ Her mother’s eyes widened, her hand abandoning the brandy glass entirely as she swung around to face her two daughters across the grand salon. ‘I gave up everything for my children. Don’t you dare speak of things when you have no idea of the truth.’
‘What have you ever given up?’ Cressida shook her head, amazed at the vitriol and the energy in her mother’s voice all of a sudden. The woman had been a living ghost for as long as she could remember, now all of a sudden she seemed full of life as she defended her own poor choices.
Queen Aurelia shook her head, emotion seeming to overtake her momentarily as she turned her back to them and walked towards the window. Her pale blonde hair caught the rays of sunlight as she stood silently for a moment and looked out at the sea in the distance.
‘Did you know that he had died?’ Queen Aurelia finally asked, turning slightly to meet Cressida’s eyes for the first time.
Cressida did not need to ask who she was speaking of; the emotion in her mother’s eyes spoke clearly enough. By her side she could see Eleanor begin twisting her hands together, a rare show of discomfort from the Crown Princess.
‘I think perhaps I will go and sit in on the meeting,’ Eleanor said quickly. ‘Perhaps you would both like a moment alone.’
Before Cressida had a moment to respond, Eleanor swept from the room. Her mother turned fully to look at her, still waiting for her answer.
‘No, I did not know. The newspaper article was the first I had heard of it.’
Silence fell once again in the room, the only sound a gentle sniff as her mother took out a handkerchief and gently dabbed her eyes. ‘I did not have lovers, despite whatever poison Fabian may have put in your mind. I had one true love and I never had the chance to say goodbye to him.’
Tears streamed down her mother’s face in earnest now, though she tried to turn away.
Cressida took a handkerchief from her purse, walking to her mother’s side and offering it.
‘You hated me for it. I saw it on your face the day that he dragged you into my room with my letters in his hand.’ Pain was evident in her mother’s tight features as she reached out to take Cressida’s hand in her own. ‘I have never been good at communicating with my children. I have never been good at communicating at all. I have wasted so much time.’
Cressida could hardly believe what she was hearing. This was all she had ever wanted as a child . For her mother to sit her down and explain it to her. To show her that she wasn’t the awful mistake that her father saw her as. Even if one of her parents truly loved and accepted her, it would have been enough. It would have made her feel less alone. But seeing her mother now, so broken and lonely, she did not say any of that. Instead she simply embraced her and held her while racking sobs filled the air around them.
‘I loved Vincent with all of my heart, you see. He was the only one who listened to me, who made me feel protected. I never told him that he was going to become a father. I think, had he known, he never would have allowed me to stay here. I thought that I was doing what was best for you and your sisters... I thought that I could fix things with Fabian. But he never forgave me, despite me knowing that he’d been taking mistresses for years. He had left me feeling unwanted and abandoned in our marriage long before I strayed. But my mistake carried a lasting consequence, one that he could use against me and hold me to ransom with, and so I drank to avoid the misery. I slowly retreated from my life.
‘When you found out the truth, I tried to contact Vincent, fearing what your father might do. I found out that he had married. He was happy, so I stayed away. I dreamed of him coming back for me, fool in love th
at I was. But I had broken his heart when I refused to go with him before, and so he took the money your father offered and we never heard from him again.’
Cressida fought the lump of emotion in her chest at the pain that spilled from her mother after decades of withheld emotion.
‘You could have talked to me,’ she said quietly. ‘If anyone in this family would understand feeling alone and unwanted it is me.’
‘Cressida... I stayed in Monteverre to give you a better life and it seems as though I achieved the exact opposite. I was selfish. I let my own pain distract me from being there as a mother. You look so much like your father... Every time I looked at you for the first few years I cried. The weight of it was too much for me so I ran from it. I was a coward. I still am, really.’
‘You don’t have to be,’ Cressida said simply. ‘Your children are adults now.’
Queen Aurelia shook her head slowly. ‘I have nowhere else to be. Not any longer.’ She stared out of the window for a moment before turning back. ‘I just needed you to understand... I could never regret the choice that resulted in the happiest time in my life, despite the fact that I knew it was wrong in so many ways. That love resulted in you, Cressida.’
They were interrupted by staff coming to ask the Queen for instructions for that evening’s dinner. Cressida took the opportunity to slip away under the guise of retrieving her older sister so that she might have a moment to breathe and gather her own thoughts in the aftermath of such a tumultuous conversation.
As she wandered through the halls of her childhood home in search of Eleanor, she found her mind lingering on the first words her mother had spoken to her. ‘So you found love after all,’ she had said. Knowing now what her mother had been through in her own pursuit of love, the statement stuck in her mind. She desperately wanted to go back and ask what she had meant. Had she seen something in Khal’s face? A gesture perhaps, or the way his eyes lingered on her? Did she know how to tell if a man was falling in love, even if he had sworn against it?
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