As he scrambled back and put some much needed distance between them, he saw the blush spread across her features while she wrapped her arms around herself. What the heck had he done? What had he gotten himself into? As much as he’d been telling himself that this was all a job, right now it didn’t feel like it. Right now it felt very much like a relationship, one that he wanted.
He’d screwed up. Big time. He was falling for the woman on the other end of the couch from him, and that could never happen. Nothing would ever come of it. It would be a monumental mistake.
As she continued to shift uncomfortably in front of him, Mitchell cursed himself. He couldn’t undo it, and he couldn’t afford to walk away from it all. Kendra trusted him, at least she had. He’d worked hard to get her to open up to him, and he couldn’t let all of that work go to waste. He was close to getting through to her. He was close to succeeding.
With that realization he made a decision. One that he had the very bad feeling would come back to haunt him. He was going to keep up the pretense. He was going to carry on with the charade. He was going to complete his job and ignore his desire for her. He was going to do what he’d come here to do. Then he’d get over the ramifications later on. He’d deal with the fallout afterwards.
Unfortunately, Mitchell had the very bad feeling that one of the consequences of his actions would be him having to fix a broken heart.
Silence reigned for a few minutes, and Kendra scrambled about in her brain for something to say, or do. Or, well, anything to break the oppressive feeling in the room.
When Nick had broken away from her she’d been surprised but had understood the move. They’d been losing control. Things had been getting out of hand. As much as she’d proclaimed to him that she wasn’t easy and wouldn’t be going to his bed, suddenly she hadn’t been convinced of her own declaration. There was a very real chance that Nick could convince her to throw away her standards and give in to him.
She didn’t know what his opinion on the whole matter of intimacy was, but judging by how slowly he’d been taking things with her she hadn’t thought him the type to engage in any sort of activity in a casual manner. Which was what they were. Yeah, so they’d gone out on dates, but he was moving on soon enough, and she’d figured that she’d be safe from him.
A few minutes ago she hadn’t been so sure of that though. A few minutes ago she’d thought that maybe he had wanted to take things further. With the way that he’d abruptly distanced himself from her though, Kendra figured that her initial assumption was probably correct.
The man wasn’t interested in seducing her.
As she continued to watch him, while she wrapped her arms tightly around herself, Kendra was surprised to see the wariness on his face. The confusion. The uncertainty. And the guilt. She could understand that, she was feeling pretty similar right about now as well.
She was definitely wary. Incredibly confused. Particularly uncertain about everything. And yeah, feeling bloody guilty about her actions. They’d been out of character and incredibly misleading to the man. The way she’d responded and behaved with him was a direct contradiction to what she’d told him.
The idea that Nick could affect her so much was humbling, and embarrassing. She’d always thought that she had good enough self-control. Okay, so there was one aspect of her life that she was particularly susceptible to tripping up with and giving in to her body’s demands, but with everything else she’d always been in charge.
Until now. And that scared her. Nick could get her to lose herself. To lose her perspective. As much as she’d been telling herself to just enjoy everything, she was beginning to think that that was a very bad idea at the moment.
Nick might be leaving soon, but there was a chance that it wouldn’t be soon enough to stop her from making a monumental and colossal mistake with regards to him.
“I guess that’ll put those rumors to bed,” he said nervously with a shaky smile aimed her way, and Kendra looked at him in surprise. Managing a fleeting smile herself, she just shrugged at him. What did that mean exactly?
Watching her closely, Nick took in her tense and silent form, and Kendra looked away from that intense blue stare of his. To be honest, looking at him at the moment with his disheveled blonde hair and his nervous expression wasn’t the most comfortable or calming thing to do anyway.
“That’s good then,” she finally managed to get out as her eyes darted around the room.
“Kendra,” he said softly, and she looked over at him to see him looking at her in concern. “I’ll never push you. I don’t sleep around. Not to start you doubting my masculinity again, but I have never slept with anyone, and don’t plan on doing so until I’ve made a commitment, in front of a judge, or a preacher, or some sort of officiate,” he explained, and she stared into his eyes to verify the truth of that statement.
“Okay,” she said softly to him in understanding with a simple nod.
“So don’t ever worry about that,” he added, and she nodded at him again. “I’m really hoping that I haven’t messed things up tonight,” he said, and Kendra found herself looking at him in confusion.
“What do you mean?”
“You seem kinda … scared. Distant. I’m worried that I’ve done something to lose your trust,” he said as he waved at her form, and Kendra looked down at herself to see her tightly wrapped arms clinging onto herself.
With a concerted effort, and a subtle sigh, she let go of herself and smiled up at Nick’s worried face.
“I’m fine,” she proclaimed. “I guess I was just … taken a little by surprise, that was all.”
“You and me both,” he said with a wide smile, and Kendra found herself smiling back at him in relief. At least it wasn’t just her then. That made her feel infinitely better about it all. Made it seem as though she weren’t the weak one in it all.
“It was kinda …,” she said, trying to search for the right word.
“Intense,” Nick provided, and Kendra nodded in agreement.
“Yeah, intense,” she agreed. “I don’t think I’ve ever felt like that before,” she confessed hesitantly. Unsure if she really wanted to let him know that fact.
“Neither have I,” he said in response, and Kendra looked at him again to see if that was a line or the truth. Seemed to be the truth, from what she could read in his eyes.
“What exactly … uh, what exactly does all this mean, Nick?” she asked uncertainly, and shyly. She was feeling incredibly vulnerable at the moment, the man seemed to be capable of bringing feelings and emotions out of her which she’d never experienced before, and it was leaving her feeling exposed and nervous.
“I have no idea,” he said at her as he ran a hand through his hair while sighing. “It’s kind of taken me by surprise as well.”
“Right,” she said with a tentative smile before they both slipped into silence again, obviously busy with their own thoughts on the matter.
While Kendra tried to figure out the next, and correct, course to take with regards to the man opposite her, Nick was obviously doing the same thing as well.
“I just don’t know,” he finally said with a sigh, and Kendra looked up at him, wondering what that statement meant. What was it in reference to?
When she continued to just look at him in puzzlement he sighed once more and looked straight at her while explaining himself. “I have no idea what all this means, where we’re going. All I do know is that I like spending time with you, Kendra. I like you as a person. I enjoy it when we’re together and I don’t want to give that up because I’ve managed to freak you out. I don’t want to have to stay away while I have the chance to be around you.
“I don’t know where this is headed, how this will end, but right now I don’t even want to think about that. Right now I just want to be with you. And I won’t lie to you, I also really want to be able to kiss you. If that scares you, I’m sorry, but if you let me, I’m going to kiss you whenever the urge takes me, and I’m not going to apologize for do
ing so.
“But I don’t want to lose your trust, or your friendship. So if you want things to be different, then that’s up to you to tell me,” he finished, and Kendra stared at him while hugging herself more tightly. There had been a lot of emotion and honesty in that little speech of his, and she wasn’t entirely sure how to respond to it.
She had to admit that she enjoyed her time with Nick, and she’d definitely enjoyed that kiss. But he scared her, the ability that he had to make her feel exposed and open to him wasn’t something that she was sure she could deal with. Opening herself up meant leaving herself vulnerable to being hurt. Could she cope with that? Would she be able to deal with the fallout from their time together?
Was it worth it?
That was the real question. There wasn’t much chance that things with Nick would be long-term, and she knew that. Which meant that she had to make a choice to get out now or enjoy whatever time they had left together. Would the risk be worth it? Would the time spent together overshadow the hurt to come after?
As she was running all of her doubts, her scenarios, her questions through her mind Nick had been studying her. With a sigh he stood up, and the action caught Kendra’s attention.
With a look full of remorse and sadness he said, “Let me know if you change your mind, Kendra. I’ll be around for a while yet.” With that said he turned to leave, and Kendra made a snap decision. One that she knew she might end up regretting eventually, but one that she knew she’d regret immediately if she didn’t make it now.
“I trust you,” she said quickly as his hand gripped the doorknob to her front door. Kendra watched as his head turned to look at her over his shoulder and she noted the confused look on his face. “I still trust you, Nick,” she said and swallowed nervously while gripping herself even more tightly. “I still trust you,” she said once more and hoped that that was enough of an answer for him. She couldn’t bring herself to be any more explicit than that.
With a nod of his head and a slight smile he didn’t say anything else before he left, and Kendra almost deflated in relief as the door closed behind him. She’d made her decision. She’d made it and she’d stick to it.
She just hoped that she wouldn’t regret it.
Chapter Nine
The ringing of his cellphone startled Mitchell and he winced when he noted who was calling him. His boss. He’d been putting them off for over two months now and they were getting restless. They were getting impatient. They were getting more and more irritated with Mitchell and his stalling tactics.
He knew that he couldn’t keep putting them off as well. The fact that he’d been given this long to succeed in his mission was surprising in the first place. If he were truthful, he’d expected some interference days after he’d discovered Kendra’s whereabouts. It hadn’t happened though. His boss trusted him. There were a lot of people doing that lately, and Mitchell cringed at the thought that that trust was being sorely misplaced.
Kendra had opened herself up to him. A fact that had humbled and marveled him. A fact that had him experiencing that pang of guilt almost incessantly. She trusted him and she had no reason to. She shouldn’t. She was wrong to do so. It’s what he wanted from her but it felt so incredibly bad to have it.
Not only was she letting him in emotionally with her, sharing her thoughts and feelings and emotions, but she was letting him in physically. Their time spent together had changed since their fourth date. When they were alone together they couldn’t seem to keep their hands off each other, and Mitchell had had to repeatedly tear himself away from her and rush out of her apartment abruptly before he forgot that he was a gentleman and had promised not to seduce her.
It was getting increasingly difficult to do so as well. He’d justified his actions by telling himself that by progressing their relationship together in a physical way it meant that he was securing her trust even more so. He told himself that she’d be more amenable to hearing his thoughts and be swayed by his opinion.
The truth was that he wanted her though. He wanted to feel her in his arms and in his hold. He wanted to be as close to her as physically possible. It had absolutely nothing to do with his job. Nothing in the slightest.
Another part of him was also screaming at him, telling him to take what he could get while he got it, because Mitchell knew that as soon as Kendra discovered the truth there was no way she would ever let him anywhere near her again. It would be over. She would wash her hands of him. And rightly so. Mitchell couldn’t even pretend to think that she’d be wrong in doing so.
He was in the wrong. He was the one doing something that was unforgivable. He knew it, and right now he was using that knowledge to spur him in his actions with her. He was an ass. That was for sure.
The ringing of his phone centered his thoughts again, and he thought of his employer once more. His boss who had such trust in him. A trust that he was abusing. He was putting off doing what needed to be done. As soon as he did though the truth would come out, and he’d lose Kendra, he’d lose the opportunity to spend time with her. It was selfish. Utterly selfish. And he didn’t care that it was.
Unfortunately, his boss would. His boss would care very much that he was putting things off, and Mitchell had the feeling wash over him that time had run out. There was no more postponing the inevitable. He knew it as he picked up his cell and answered the call. This was it. D-day.
“Hello?” he greeted and waited for the voice on the other end to speak.
“Astley. You’ve been avoiding my calls.”
“I’ve been busy.”
“I would hope so. That’s what I’m paying you for. I would hope that all of that hard work is paying off. Or rather that that hard work has paid off.”
“Almost,” Mitchell hedged.
“Almost,” the voice repeated, and Mitchel didn’t miss the disapproving tone in it. “You keep saying that to me, Astley.”
“Because it’s true.”
“It’s been two months. Two months in which I’ve been inordinately patient. You told me that you would have everything settled in a day. You told me to trust you with this. You told me that everything would be settled and sorted out quickly.”
“Things were more complicated than we first suspected. She wasn’t quite like I’d expected to find,” he said quietly, aware of the fact that he was having this conversation in a public setting. Namely the diner. Luckily he was sitting in a corner table, away from everybody else.
“So you said when you first called me. Then you said you’d need a few more days.”
“I’ve been trying. It’s taken me time to ingratiate myself to her. You couldn’t expect me to just barge in and dictate to her, could you?”
“You know full well that’s not what I wanted. But what I’d wanted was to have things wrapped up long before this. Two years ago you promised me that this task would be simple for you to complete. Two years ago you promised that you could handle it easily. I trusted you then.”
“Two years ago I was close. It wasn’t my fault that she disappeared from under my nose. How was I to expect that?”
“If you were so close after one night two years ago, I would have expected you to have gotten her cooperation this time around by now. Two months, Astley. It’s been two long months.”
“She’s changed,” he said.
“Which you keep telling me. She can’t have changed that much.”
“She’s more guarded now. It’s taken time to earn her trust.”
“If you don’t have it by now, you never will. If you can’t get this done, Astley, I’ll take matters into my own hands,” the voice said forcefully, and Mitchell froze.
“I can do it. I assure you.”
“You keep assuring me.”
“This time I’m sure. This time I promise I’ll get the job done.”
“Friday, Astley. I’m giving you until Friday to do what needs to get done, otherwise I’ll think you can’t succeed.”
“I promise. Friday. Everything
will be ready by Friday,” he assured.
“It had better,” the voice said before abruptly hanging up, and Mitchell stared at the phone in his hand. Friday, he had five days to garner Kendra’s cooperation, to get her to agree to a course of action that he wasn’t sure she’d be amenable to. Five days left in her company as ‘Nick’. Five days until the mask was stripped away and his lies were exposed to her.
He had five days before everything he’d been cherishing lately was ripped away from him. Five days before he hurt her more than he could bear thinking about.
Five days before he lost the woman he loved.
* * *
With a contented sigh, Kendra snuggled in more firmly in Nick’s embrace. After their first date the man had given up on trying to come up with complicated dates and had instead settled for enjoying their time together and the nature that surrounded them.
It was cold, granted, but they always managed to find enough ways to keep themselves warm while spending time together outside. Sometimes they managed to find ways to end up getting incredibly hot as well, she thought with a blush.
As surprising as their first kiss had been, what had surprised Kendra was how every kiss since had been just as astounding, just as breathtaking, just as frantic. She’d thought that maybe she’d get used to the feelings that were evoked when they kissed, but that hadn’t been the case. Every subsequent time left her feeling even more shaken than the time before. And there’d been plenty.
Not that that was all that they did. They spent a lot of time just talking and enjoying each other’s company. They spent time discussing a variety of topics and subjects. Kendra had been surprised at how well suited they really were and she felt a pang at the idea that he’d be moving on.
She’d miss Nick when he left. Really miss him. But he had a life to lead, and as much as she knew she’d done the unthinkable and fallen in love with the man, the fact was that to him this was temporary. Granville was a resting spot, somewhere to relax and unwind, somewhere that wouldn’t be his final destination.
Masks and Lies Page 8
