-Hey maybe that could work! Thanks for the advice. How is everything back home? Are you still kicking ass with your non-profit?
-LOL, yeah it’s going well, thanks. As always, having trouble with ongoing transport, but I guess it’s just one of those things I’ll have to deal with until I’m too old to remember I even have a company to run :P
-Ha, nice. Good for you. You are such a good role model for me :D
-Haha, oh shut up lady. Tell you what, let’s trade the man problems for business problems. I could use some more of the former.
-Done and done. When I get home ;)
Alone, I got busy checking out travel details for Melbourne. A sparkling city on the coast, Melbourne was south of Sydney in the state of Victoria. It was apparently famous for youthful night life, art, food and theater. Beautiful photos showed San Francisco-esque burgundy trams running throughout the center of the city. Nodding to myself, I booked a flight for the next day and shoved my belongings back into the always-busy luggage set.
Not ecstatic at the idea of a two-way conversation with Adam, I considered leaving a paper note behind to explain my absence. Would that be entirely inappropriate? No, I decided, and wrote out a careful message on some cheap paper from the corner store.
Adam,
I’ve finished my work in the house, so I’m going to leave it to you and Dave to do the final changes. I’ve decided to go visit Melbourne for a week or so to see the sights and have some fun. I hope you’ll take the time to figure out what you may or may not want from me in the future, and let me know once you do.
I love you!
Speak soon.
Love,
Melissa
Chapter 16
A Variety of Emotions
In my dreams the night before my flight out of Sydney, I heard thunder and heavy rain pummeling the ceiling of the project house. The sounds, real or imagined - I never knew, provided an ominous bass soundtrack for a series of twisted sexual dreams involving the man I’d left at his brother’s house.
“Melissa,” Adam kept saying, reaching for me but never quite touching my skin. “Cum for me.” I watched his hands, apparently trying to soothe and rub my body, but they were too far to do any good. He felt and appeared distant, asking me to achieve orgasm but doing nothing to help. I was virtually alone, frustratedly trying to relax and let myself do what he wanted, but it was impossible. Each time I came near to orgasm, I needed his help pushing me over the edge – but he was still too far away.
Desperate for climax, I moved towards Adam’s floating body. Each time I went near, however, he turned his face and floated further out of reach. Over and over I tried, then lost myself in the murky fog of my own subconscious as his face receded. Then, once more, he would appear and urge me to cum, my incorporeal body responding strongly but not quite taking me to the finish.
I tossed and turned all night, sweating onto the nice sheets I’d carefully chosen for the only bedroom in the house. No matter how many times I woke and tried to shake off the dream, it returned every time I slipped away back to sleep. Early in the night, I blamed myself for my inability to reach satisfaction; by the time the pale dawn started to peek in through the blinds, I blamed Adam. It was a fundamental transformation that had had to occur, though of course my conscious brain had been completely unaware.
Sighing and throwing my bare legs over the side of the bed onto the warm floor, I gave up on the dream and on getting any real sleep. Anyway, I had a flight in a couple of hours. I’d need to wash the sweat off myself and the sheets before packing up and leaving the little house for good.
There was no water heating account for the house yet, so I bathed in cool water and cleaned the sheets in the tub with a bar of body soap. It was oddly soothing to clean things in such an old-fashioned way, with no noise and machinery. When everything was fresh, I rolled the fabric to squeeze out the water and hung everything over the shower curtain bar, plus the top of the bathroom door. Good enough.
As I strapped the smaller bags over my shoulder and pulled the largest behind me out the front door, I was greeted by a brilliant sun. The excitement of a new day put a smile on my lips and sent a tingle down my ribcage. Though part of me knew this vacation was partly just a way to prolong the inevitable with Adam, I reminded myself to be positive and soak up every bit of happiness I could.
In my pocket, my cell phone beeped and vibrated. Notes from Adam? Maybe. Quite possibly not. But definitely from my blog readers. Julie included, perhaps! I laughed to myself and pulled the bags out to the curb, where a slim taxi cab was just pulling up. The driver nodded to me and popped the trunk.
“Airport, right?”
“Yes, thank you. That’s right.”
“Heading home, I expect?”
“Actually, I’m going to Melbourne. Prolonging the vacation a bit longer,” I explained thinly.
“Ah! Good on you. Make it last!”
I daydreamed in the back of the car as it sped towards the city center, thinking of Adam’s eyes and lips and hands as they were in my dream. I swallowed hard, realizing how starved I was starting to feel for his touch. “God damn that man! And my libido, too!” I decided to work on my next blog post while waiting for my flight. The website was just what I needed to stay centered and focused.
I felt a pang of regret upon remembering that no one would be there to greet me in the next city, but pushed it away. The readers were with me, even if my friends and boyfriend, if I could still call him that, were not. And anyway, what had I been telling myself for so long now? “Stand on your own two feet! It’s time to be strong on your own!”
I balanced my laptop on my thighs while sitting in a moderately uncomfortable chair at the boarding gate for my flight, and logged into my web publisher. Tapping my fingers lightly for a moment, I looked around at the faces surrounding me and wondered which of them were all alone in the world, like me at that moment.
Sigh.
Thinking of my chosen blog topic, my face colored red with suppressed anger and embarrassment. Julie. That conniving little witch! What kind of person pulls such a stunt, spying on a perfectly polite house guest and ruining her relationship?! It was the stuff of a teen drama, and though days had passed, I was far from over it. In fact, I was only feeling more irritable towards the hateful woman with her emotional claws in the man I loved.
All the same, I still felt the only course of action was to remain calm and in control. Beating her to a pulp probably wouldn’t solve anything. And yet…visions of stabbing sharp objects through that bitch’s perma-shades were sooo comforting.
No! I had to keep my wits about me and show Adam – as well as myself – that I truly was a capable, intelligent adult. If I were going to be ruled by emotions, they needed to be positive emotions. None of this cat-fighting that Julie was trying to provoke.
Chapter 17
Sharing the High Road
Step #7032.5 to Stability as a Single Woman
Well, ladies, like I said last time: just because we’re on the right path doesn’t mean we get to stop figuring things out along the way. No matter how stable and self-controlled we become on our journey, there will always be people around you who are selfish, scheming and just plain manipulative. They’ll try to take us down simply because we are in their sights. It’s wrong, and it’s weird, and it’s off-putting, but it doesn’t have to affect us long-term.
So, yes, I’m talking about sabotage, here. A LOT of you have emailed me and commented on past blogs on this subject. The world is apparently full of sociopaths, and that just makes it tougher for the rest of us. How do we keep finding ourselves in these situations, a lot of you want to know? Honestly, I think it’s just a normal part of life. Just as we find ourselves mingling, chatting with and sometimes even dating people from different faiths, different political parties and different backgrounds, so too do we often come into the domain of a sociopath.
Extract yourself. If someone loves you, they’ll follow your lead. None o
f us have time for childish behavior at this point in life, am I right?
The most respected psychiatrists and counselors in the world tell us to step aside and remove ourselves from the presence of these soul-sucking creatures, but when you find yourself in one’s presence it becomes easy to buy into the drama. I have just such an opportunity at the moment! Yes, try not to be too jealous. It would have been so easy just to regress, and play his/her passive-aggressive, manipulative games. Easy and, for a while at least, satisfying!
Instead, I took the high road, said the kindest things I could to the person I love, and carefully extracted myself from the physical location of said shit-stirrer. If the person I want to be with is determined to be swept up in the drama, it will do neither of us any good if I stick around and, 1.) Pretend everything is fine, or, 2.) Say/do things I won’t be proud of. Right? Yes, I think so too.
Honestly, though I may not win any prizes for my approach, I think this is the only way I can react that will have the best effect on my own future. If I – and any of you – can have nothing more than the satisfaction that we have had the most refined and positive attitude through strife, and used the most logical and clean approach…I guess that will have to be enough.
So on a not-entirely-unrelated note, I’m headed to Melbourne, Australia, today! I’m fairly unprepared except for the fact that I’m really excited. Any Melbournites out there, or visitors? Let me know what not to miss!
Until next time, here’s a wee little to-do list for those that want to follow along with me. The purpose is self-care, plus a way to fill the hours without going crazy waiting for an answer or decision from someone else…
1. Spend a day with yourself.
2. Give some love to another person or creature that genuinely needs it.
3. Finish a project that has been left hanging.
Love to all you wonderful ladies
Xo
Blog Comments
Sheri – Good for you, girl.
Irene – Where do these people come from? I feel like a magnet for negative, harmful people :( Sometimes it’s best just to stop socializing.
Mel – I hear you. I don’t think permanent isolation is good for any of us though. I need lots of time alone, I’ve realized the last year or so, but I can still really come alive with the right people!
Barb72 – Melbourne is so much better than Sydney! So much to do and less expensive. Head to Fed Square and see what kind of free events are going on. There’s theater, concerts, fitness classes, food and drinks.
• Mel – Great tip, thanks!
CatLady – My sincere best wishes that you find some peace and your love comes to find you <3
• Mel - <3
AgateStone14 – I straight out punched my ex husband’s lady friend when she came to our house the fourth time in one day, crying and hugging on him. Patience? I dunno. Not really in my blood.
• Mel – I can’t deny that sounds fun ;) I’d better stick to the non-violence though.
Anonymous – What is this running away business? You seem to do it over and over. What happened to fighting to keep the person you love?
• Mel - ....hmm. I thought I WAS fighting?
• SassyGal75 – You ARE fighting, Mel! You’ve just learned to stay out of other people’s messes! If “Anonymous” wants to judge then she/he should step up and register on your blog properly!
• CatLady – Yeah she’s not running away, she’s living her life!
Bernie – I MADE $10,000 IN MY FIRST MONTH WITH THIS ONLINE BUSINESS! CLICK HERE TO JOIN ME!
Irene – Shut up Bernie
CatLady – I did #2! Yesterday I took my daughter to the animal shelter and we cleaned up after all the cats AND dogs, and snuggled with everyone <3 What sweet little creatures and definitely deserving of love. Thank you for the inspiration!
AussieGrrl – Forget Melbourne, go to see Uluru in the desert. It’s good for a spiritual cleansing. Ask any aboriginal ;)
Mel – Thanks for the support guys! And the travel tips, keep them coming! Spending a week in this beautiful place, at least! Keep up the good work, all of you, I’m always so proud of all of you, trying your best every day! Stay positive, and I promise I will too <3
Bernie – Free training to bring in $10,000 per month! Never go to work another day in your time!
Comments Closed.
Chapter 18
Time to Think
The closer the calendar moved towards Christmas, the warmer the weather became. It was surreal, and Melbourne was just as wonderful as its loyal inhabitants had promised. I found a meet-up group of solo visitors and spent the majority of the week with them, bar-hopping, tasting Aussie delicacies and sunbathing on the beach. Adam didn’t bother getting in touch, a fact I pushed aside with more than my share of large cocktails and mindless dancing. Among the single travelers, I fit in perfectly.
Of course, there was one other problem I had trouble tossing aside so flippantly: Cole. My ex-husband’s brother. He was back in touch, and the things he said were making me blush. I wondered, did Julie have some sort of surveillance on my email account, or was she just good at snooping around when I wasn’t in the house? One thing was for sure: if Adam saw these messages, he wasn’t going to let me explain them away one more time. I groaned. Seriously, at this point, he must think I was a complete skank. No wonder it was so easy for poor, misunderstood Julie to manipulate him.
But back to Cole - the bad-boy biker ex-brother-in-law. Apparently he was having some sort of early mid-life crisis, and looking for someone to cling to. Not usually one to text message, or call, or email, Cole seemed to think our one-night tussle in the sheets was the key to his future.
“My brother still talks about you, and how much of a shithead he was to fuck things up with you. I can totally relate. Even just that one day with you was so amazing, Mel! You really have your life together. When I saw your apartment and watched you deal with my dickhead brother in the hospital it was totally a wake-up call. I want that kind of a level head, you know?”
Even while I sat on the yellow sands of Brighton Beach, Cole’s messages ran circles in my mind. Who knew that the second you start to get a handle on your own life, others would break down and try to grasp at the calm sensibility you’d cultivated? I was flabbergasted that a man like Cole, such a seemingly hard and toughened character, could break apart like this. Should I feel flattered? Maybe. But right then all I felt was a bit panicked. He’d mentioned coming out here to spend time with me – even asked if he could “house-sit” for me until I returned to the States. Yikes.
The tour group chattered happily around me, snapping digital photos of the colorful little bathhouses that lined the beach behind us. What to do, what to do? First Frank, now Cole…I needed to be more careful in the future. No more random hook-ups! No more casual sex or flirting as long as my heart belonged to someone else, whether I was dating that person or not!
Fortunately, even the biggest problems shrink in the light of day – particularly when that light is as strong as the Australian sun reflecting off the ocean and sand. I stood up from my beach towel and stretched, skin pulling taut underneath my white floral bikini. “Time for a game plan, lady!”
I started by plunging into the Tasman Sea. The salty waves enveloped my body, allowing me to move easily under the surface of the water. I butterfly-stroked a few paces southward before surfacing, and found myself in a perfect spot to think. The conversations on the beach were muted, and most of the noise I could hear was pure nature. I fell backwards and floated that way serenely, folding my hands over my eyes to block the bright sun.
For the millionth time, I went over my predicament.
“Adam is more dedicated to Julie’s situation than he is to me right now. But he knows he has only a few more days to make a decision on that. So – it’s out of my hands. Enjoy Christmas in the sun, then get back home and work on the blog and try to pick up some more interior decorating projects. Great.” I nodded to myself,
satisfied with my first round of commitments. “But how to deal with Cole? And should I call out Julie on her pact with the devil?”
I couldn’t help thinking of that Anonymous comment on my last blog, criticizing my passive behavior towards Julie. Was that really a thing, being “too” calm in the face of a shit-stirrer? I really didn’t know, but the more time that passed, the more I wondered if I needed to confront Dave’s wife in order to really bring an end to this chapter of madness in my life. I imagined what I might say to her if we were to come face-to-face once more, and adrenaline surged through me at the possibilities.
“You need to think about how you’re dealing with life,” I would say. “Because where I come from, people call the cops when they are threatened, spied-on and have their possessions stolen. And if you pull this shit with another kind of person, you’re going to get punched. Is that really what you want out of your life? I mean, how old are you exactly? Because I think old enough for a face lift is old enough to lay off the teenage dramatics, don’t you think?” And then I’d wink. Ha!
I laughed at myself, shooting ripples out into the water. Even in my vicious daydreams, I was totally self-controlled. Couldn’t I at least slap her?
“Hey Melissa!” someone called from the shore. I put my legs back underneath me and treading water while crinkling my face and trying to locate the source of the voice. It was Theresa, one of the solo travelers. I waved.
“We need lunch! Come on!”
“Good,” I thought. “I need some brain food.” I swam into shore slowly, replaying different scenarios with Julie as I went. In that moment, I knew I was going to see her before I left Australia. We had some words to exchange.
Chapter 19
A Different Christmas
Christmas in Melbourne was like nothing else I’d ever experienced. As a weathered traveler and citizen of a great American city, I’d been to some amazing urban holiday parties. But here? Celebrations were intense.
My Burning Temptation Page 6
