My Sweetness was a mother.
She had a baby.
A little girl.
“Where is she?” I asked, gently rocking her and Gracie both.
Silent sob after silent sob jerked her body. “Because of him, she’s gone now too,” she whispered, every ounce of pain she felt bleeding into her voice. “Forever.”
At that, my heart shattered.
* * *
“Please don’t tell...”
Ashley’s whispered words were like a dart to my heart as we stood in the middle of her dark backyard, hidden in the shadows. Staring through the French doors that led to the kitchen where the rest of her family stood, each of them taking turns holding baby Gracie.
“Chase, please,” she whispered, nearing the edge of a second breakdown. “No one can know.”
I didn’t understand that.
At all.
“Why? Ashley, if you’re worried about someone judging you, you don’t have to—”
Slamming her eyes shut, she started to rub her tattoo. “It’s not about people judging me,” she said, her tone holding a bite. “It’s about not slicing open scarred wounds when doing so won’t do anything but hurt me worse than I already am. Addie was my baby”—hooking her thumb, she pointed at her chest—“mine.”
Pausing, she took a breath.
“You may think you know what I went through at the hands of Dominic, but you don’t have a clue.” Shaking her head, she crossed her arms and took a step back. “No one does, and it needs to stay that way.”
She was right.
I didn’t know what she’d suffered through.
But I intended to find out.
Knowing that she wouldn’t straight up tell me any of the stuff he’d done—well, no more than I’d already figured out—I asked, “What did he go to prison for?”
Gathering her long hair atop her head, she secured it in a messy bun, giving me a clear view of her beautiful face. “A lot of things. Possession of a firearm by a felon, drug trafficking, assault, attempted kidnapping.”
My spine snapped straight. “Attempted kidnapping?”
What. In. The. Absolute. Fuck!
My girl nodded. “Here’s a fun story for you in case you haven’t already heard it.” I had a feeling this story wouldn’t be fun at all. “After I managed to get away from him, I ran to the shelter for help. It’s how I met my Mama.” A small smile graced her lips, easing some of my tension. “But Dominic found me and tried to take me back by force. Lucky for me, the Mominator saved me”—her smile grew—“again.”
Well, hell...
“And my dad got the honor of arresting Dominic. You know, after he slammed his face into the concrete a time or two.”
That earned a laugh from me.
But any amusement I felt quickly died when Ashley’s face dropped once more, her unending torment returning full force. “My dad keeps tabs on him. He knows about every infraction he receives, is notified each time he changes cells, and even shows up at any court appearances he has, whether they have anything to do with me or not.”
That wasn’t surprising.
Most men were overprotective over their daughters, but Anthony took it to a whole new level. Didn’t blame him though. If I ever had a little girl, especially one as sweet and perfect as Ashley, I’d move heaven and earth to keep her safe.
“You sure he doesn’t know about Addie?”
She flinched, her heartbreak visible. “It’s not possible.” Before I could ask her what she meant, she continued. “There’s no record of me giving birth to her because I never went to a hospital.”
Her tears returned, cascading unchecked down her face. Unable to stand it, I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her into my chest, hugging her tightly. “Keep talking, beautiful girl. I’m listening.”
She nodded against me, grasping my shirt in her hands. “She was beautiful. Tiny but with a head-full of dark hair.”
Entire body trembling, I knew she wouldn’t be able to keep this up much longer. Seconds away from falling apart once again, she was barely hanging on.
“I only got to nurse her once,” she said, giving me most of her weight. I took it, holding her up when she couldn’t do it herself. Like I always promised I would. “I didn’t know what I was doing, but I tried so hard because even if it only lasted for a second, I wanted to be a good mama to her.”
“You were,” I assured her. “I know you were.”
Feeling her begin to fall, I reached down and scooped her up into my arms like I’d done many times before and held her against my chest. Unfocused eyes looking at the sky, her head lulled back as she stared off into the distance, her strength wholly depleted.
“But none of that matters because now she’s gone, and the only thing I have to remember her by are an hour’s worth of memories and a cheap tattoo.”
“Ashley,” I said, my voice unsteady. “Sweetness, what happened to her? I know you said she’s gone, but...”
“Not today,” she replied, doing her best to turn in my arms. “Please don’t make me say it... not today.”
I couldn’t force her to say a thing.
Especially not when she was this hurt.
And goddammit, she was hurt.
Pressing her face against me, she clutched my shirt once more, her white-knuckled grip nearly tearing the fabric. “Don’t let go, Chase,” she begged, trying to get as close as possible. “If you do, I’m afraid I may break.”
That wasn’t an option.
So, I did as she asked.
And for over two years, I didn’t let go.
Through the constant nightmares, soul-shattering panic attacks, and heart-wrenching tears, I held her, I loved her, and I kept her secret.
But it didn’t matter.
Because in the end, her demons still won.
Part Three
From Here We Fall
“Sometimes the darkness lives inside you, and sometimes it wins.”
— Alexandra Bracken
Chapter Twenty-One
Ashley
Two Years Later
He’ll be here soon...
I stood next to the brightly lit Ferris Wheel amid the Toluca County Fairgrounds. Anxious as could be, I fidgeted in place, the yellow sundress I wore twirling around my thighs with each of my movements as I waited for Chase to show.
Twenty-two lonely days had passed since I last saw him, and I was ready to burst right out of my skin. Busy with conditioning camp at Charleston Southern, he hadn’t been able to make the hour and a half commute home like he normally did every weekend.
I’d wanted to drive up and see him, if only for a second, but we both agreed it was an idea that was guaranteed to backfire. Hearts and souls entwined, there was no doubt in either of our minds that once our gazes locked, he’d blow off every responsibility he had at CSU in favor of spending time with me.
That wasn’t an option.
With less than a year to go until he officially announced that he was forgoing his senior year in favor of entering the NFL draft, stepping out of line now would be both detrimental and foolish.
He’d worked so hard.
I wouldn’t let him throw it all away.
Even if waiting to see him did suck.
Like, majorly.
But luckily for me, I’d been able to keep busy. Between taking classes at the community college, working full-time at Morgan Law Firm—the same job I was offered two years before in almost the exact same spot—and volunteering at the shelter on weekends, I had plenty on my plate.
Plus, I had my family.
I had my friends.
And I had my crazy dog.
Each of them made the wait for Chase’s return that much more tolerable. Between my nutty overprotective parents, my hyper little brother, and my sweet as pie little sister, there was never a dull moment around the Moretti house.
And don’t even get me started on Felix and Angel.
Completely blind, Angel knew his w
ay around the house just fine, but even if he hadn’t, it wouldn’t have mattered. Felix, bless his heart, carried him everywhere. He and Gracie—whose adoption was finalized over a year before—took Angel and Ziggy on walks every night.
Ziggy pranced around on a leash.
But Angel? He rode in a babydoll stroller.
It was frickin’ adorable.
And let’s not forget Grandmama.
Crazy as ever, she always kept things interesting.
Between zipping around town in the pink Cadillac convertible Brantley had bought her as a thank you gift for setting him up with Clara and meddling in everyone’s business, she was always on the go. The woman may have been in her eighties, but she had more energy than I did at twenty.
It was complete insanity.
But it was Grandmama so what—
My thoughts were suddenly lost when the hair on the back of my neck stood on end as an eerie awareness washed over me, one which I only felt when my guy was near.
Yes, my guy.
Though we still weren’t officially boyfriend and girlfriend—I had issues, y’all—we still belonged to each other without question. We had since the very beginning, but it had taken me almost two years to reach the point where I found the courage to start breaking down every wall I’d constructed.
It was a work in progress, much like the Sistine Chapel. It was a labor-intensive, slow, methodical process. Nothing about it had been easy. But I was hoping for a beautiful outcome.
As hard as I fought, my demons pulled me in one direction, while Chase pulled me in the other, trapping me in a constant game of tug-of-war. But thanks to the family who chose to love me, the boy-turned-man who had stuck with me through it all, and the friends who I couldn’t get rid of even if I tried to beat em’ off with a stick, my heart was healing.
Slowly but surely.
Though the darkness still came for me most nights in the form of nightmares, and the soul-crippling panic still found a way to bloom in my chest when the memories became too much, I was managing it better.
Keeping my promise to Carmen had helped too.
Since escaping Dominic, I’d graduated high school, I’d fallen for a boy my own age, and I’d even started working toward my degree.
Just like she wanted.
And although I didn’t know where she was or if Heaven even truly existed, I prayed that I’d made her and Jade proud. Because I certainly was proud of them. No matter what society thought, I saw my girls for who they truly were.
Beautiful and smart with hearts of gold.
I still missed them. Fiercely.
Not a single day went by where I didn’t think of them, and not an evening passed in which I didn’t sit at my bedroom window and talk their ears off. And sometimes, in the quietest part of the night, I could’ve sworn I heard them whisper something back.
Which shouldn’t have surprised me.
My guardian angels in life, it was apparent they’d continued to watch over me in death.
“Miss Ashley!” I turned my head to the left, spotting Ethel Baucom, one of Grandmama’s bingo buddies right away. Smiling from ear-to-ear, she pointed toward the fair entrance from where she stood next to the funnel cake stand. “I spy with my little eye something that belongs to you.” If possible, her smile grew. “Girl, you better go get him before someone else tries to snatch him up.”
“Thanks, Mrs. Ethel!”
Mirroring her smile, I followed the trajectory of her finger.
A heartbeat later, I saw him.
Chase...
Dressed in the same style grey sweats he always wore, a navy fitted t-shirt, and his favorite ball cap, he looked similar to what he did two years before when he saved me from faceplanting into the cafeteria floor.
Only now, he was more beautiful.
If that was even possible.
Eyes already locked on me, he came to a standstill forty feet away. “Yo, Sweetness!” he hollered, drawing more than one set of eyes. Arms stretched out to the side, he quirked a lone brow. “Do I get a hug or what?”
Unable to contain myself, I took off, completely uncaring that so many were watching the scene before them play out. Flip flops slapping against the gravel-covered ground with each step that I took, I pumped my arms wildly, running as hard as I could without tripping over myself.
Within arm’s reach, I launched myself forward, slamming my body into his. He caught me, then stumbled back, my hundred and ten-pound weight knocking him off balance. For someone who was used to being tackled by guys nearly three times my size on a regular basis, I thought it was hilarious.
“Jesus, beautiful girl,” he said, wrapping his strong arms around me tight. “When I go back to camp next month, I’m telling Coach to put you on the team since I know damn well you hit harder than most defensive ends.”
I’d heard that before.
And after spending two years at Chase’s side, I finally understood what he meant.
Well, sort of.
“I only tackle you.” Wanting to be closer to him, I looped my arms around his neck and pulled him down to me, his chest nearly touching mine. “And you know it.”
“I do know it,” he replied, smirking. “Now, are you going to kiss me, Ashley Jo? Or do I need to steal what I want?”
Pulse skyrocketing, I raked my tongue over my bottom lip. “You can’t steal what I give you freely,” I whispered, lightly trailing my acrylic-tipped nails over the back of his neck. “Just like you can’t steal what’s always been yours.”
His gorgeous blue eyes stared into mine, irises twinkling. “Yeah?” he asked, sliding a single hand into my hair. “And what exactly has always been mine?”
There was no hesitation on my part. “Me.”
A surprised squeak slipped past my lips when he tugged on my dark locks the slightest bit, forcing me to bend back over the arm he had wrapped around my lower back. Then, with my face tilted toward the gorgeous night sky, he dusted his full lips over my gloss-covered ones in a teasing caress that seemingly came as natural as breathing.
“I’ve missed the hell outta you.” Emotion clogged my throat, making speaking an impossible task. “And I’m about to show you exactly how much.”
It was the last thing he said before taking my mouth in another kiss, this one both heated and passionate, stealing my breath and stirring my soul as a vortex of emotions whirled around us, blanketing us both in warmth and security.
I want to stay just like this.
Forever.
Lost in the moment and completely mesmerized by the way it felt to be, wrapped up in his strong arms, one of the few places I felt utterly safe, I didn’t take notice of the person who’d walked up next to us, holding a hot pink teddy bear in one hand and a smoked turkey leg that was nearly bigger than her in the other.
But I sure heard her when she huffed out a breath and said, “Lord have mercy, you two. Don’t you know this is a dadgum family event? Y’all can’t be neckin’ like that in front of God and everybody. That’s what dark parking lots are for, ya big dummies! Besides, the boy is just home from football camp. It ain’t like he just got back from blasted war!”
Frustrated as could be, Chase pulled his lips from mine and growled. “Swear to Christ, every time I kiss you, it attracts some type of crazy.”
I smiled, the corners of my eyes crinkling. “Sure does. And it seems this time we captured us a Crazy Old Biddy,” I whispered, knowing full-well that Grandmama would overhear me. “I hear they’re soon to be on the endangered species list.”
“You little hussy!” Grandmama barked, her tone teasing. “I’m gonna put your butt on the endangered species list right next to me if you keep talking that sorta way. Don’t you know I can’t croak for at least the next fifty years? I’ve got grandbabies to protect and townspeople to terrorize!”
People to terrorize?
I didn’t doubt that one bit.
Chase slipped his hand free of my hair as I stood, straightening my dress. “Ar
e we on the list of people you plan to terrorize?” he asked, clamping an arm around my waist. Spinning me in place, he pulled me into him, my back meeting his front. “’Cause if not, we’ve got stuff to do.”
“Yeah? What’cha got to do?”
Waiting for Chase’s response, she took a bite of her turkey leg, smearing her fuchsia-colored lipstick in the process. Grease and turkey juice dripped down her chin, making her look a hot mess, but she didn’t seem to care. The only thing she was focused on right then was Chase and me.
A blind man could’ve seen the curiosity burning in her eyes, and heaven knows I could only imagine the thoughts running wild through her head. For the past year, she’d been waiting on Chase and me to announce that we were officially dating, and with each day that passed, she was just getting more and more impatient.
Truth be told, so was I.
The problem was, though their voices were quieter, my demons still stirred, and I simply couldn’t stomach the thought of them causing Chase more pain than they already had.
Over the years, I’d fought to distance him from the darkest parts of me. But after holding me through dozens of panic attacks and witnessing the PTSD-driven bouts of depression I slipped into from time to time, he’d seen it all; the good, the bad, and the hideous included.
But I was still scared to take that final step.
Terrified really.
The fact that I still harbored a thousand secrets didn’t help matters any. Chase may have known about my sweet Addie, but she was the only pure thing that ever came from me. If he found out about the life I’d been forced to live while under Dominic’s thumb, he’d walk.
After all, whores weren’t meant to be loved.
It was a fact the voices in my head never let me forget.
With a gentle caress of his knuckle down my cheek, Chase captured my attention, pulling me from my murky thoughts. I leaned into the touch, my eyes fluttering closed. “When we planned to meet here earlier, you promised me a ride on the Ferris wheel, Jock,” I whispered, the butterflies in my belly coming to life. “You’ve never broken a promise before. Don’t start now.”
Every Kiss You Steal: A Redeeming Love Novel (Book 7) Page 18
