I was wrong.
Big time.
A combination of patient and loving, Chase had given me exactly what I needed without taking something that I hadn't offered. Reading my reactions without error, he'd pressed forward when I wanted more and pulled back when I'd reached my limit and needed to regain my bearings.
He'd promised to go slow.
And he'd sworn to never look away.
As always, he'd kept his word.
And it was because of him—the man I'd fallen irrevocably in love with—that I'd been able to conquer a handful of my demons and take back a part of me that was stolen long ago, all the while learning to enjoy the pleasure he could give me.
"What's the matter now?" Ty asked, carrying the eggs to the table where I sat.
My guy didn't reply as he sat the bowl down onto the countertop and shoved his hand into a box of cereal, fishing around the contents. What he was looking for exactly, I didn't have a clue.
"These assholes forgot my stickers." Scowling, he pointed at the front of the package. "It says right here that they're included with my purchase. They cheated me."
Lord have mercy...
Here we go.
"You're kidding me, right?" Ty asked, his hand on the back of the chair across from me. "Seriously, tell me you're joking."
"I'm not kidding you, and hell no, I'm not joking," Chase replied, face twisting in annoyance. "The stickers were the entire reason I bought this nasty, sawdust tasting crap instead of my regular Lucky Charms. I was gonna give them to Gracie."
My heart warmed at my little sister's name. Though she was a tiny terror who was convinced she ruled the house—gee, I wonder where she got that from—she was one of the best things to ever come into my life.
Full of sass and smiles, I loved her so much.
So did Chase.
"Guess you'll just have to find another way to bribe her into liking you," Ty mumbled, taking a seat.
Pushing my hair back from my face, I rested my elbows on the table. "He doesn't need to bribe her. Gracie already loves him," I said, pushing a lock of hair from my face. "Lucca, though"—I smiled—"that's a different story."
Chase scowled harder, his eyes narrowing. "It's because he knows your dad hates me."
I rolled my eyes and blocked him out as he went on a tirade, each word he spoke a tad harsher than the rest.
"My dad doesn't hate you, nor does he despise you," I said, once he was finished. "He just doesn't trust you."
And that was a fact.
"He has no reason not to trust me."
That wasn't exactly true. "You have a penis," I whisper-hissed. "That's reason enough."
At least it was in my dad's eyes.
Ty chuckled. "Your girl makes a solid point, bro. If I were Anthony, I wouldn't trust you either."
Chase looked ready to come out of his skin. Eyes narrowed, he fired back, "Thanks a lot, big brother. You're supposed to be on my side. Ya know, teammates and shit."
"I'm just saying," Ty replied, with a shrug. "When I have a little girl, you can bet your ass I'm not letting any man with a fire hose dangling between his legs come within fifteen feet of her before she's thirty, maybe even forty."
I'd burst into faux laughter to hide the fact that my heart was cracking at Ty's words. Obviously, he was looking forward to having a little girl, and yet I'd had one, but I didn't have her.
And it was all because of Dominic.
Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry!
"Can't you have a son?" Chase's words cut through the heart-wrenching fog surrounding me. "I mean, damn, Ty, I can't handle a girl. What if she wants to play dress up? Or have tea parties?"
A mess of emotions, I was going to blow a gasket. Speaking before I could put myself in check, I shot a glare Chase's way. "If she does, then you'll put on a pretty pink dress and sit down for a cup of imaginary tea." His mouth gaped, but I wasn't done with him yet. "Let me tell you a little secret, Jock." I forced a smile. "When it comes to little girls, you swallow down every ounce of pride you have, and you do what makes them happy. Since you and my father can't seem to have one civil conversation, how about you ask Hendrix? He'll tell you."
Angry and on a roll, I didn't let up.
"Want to know how many times I've seen that man have a tea party with Melody and Maci?" I tapped my fingers atop the table. "He even lets them paint his fingernails and put bows in his hair. He and Pop both do."
It's what any good father would do, and what I would've done as a Mama if I'd been given a chance.
El diablo ruined that for me.
"Hey, Ashley," Ty said, giving me something to focus on other than the geyser of anger and hurt that spewed inside me. "Next time you see Cap getting his nails painted, send me a picture."
A genuine smile crossed my face. "That I can do."
"I'm not letting anybody paint my fingernails," Chase mumbled, starting back up where he'd left off. "My toenails maybe, but—"
Boom, boom, boom!
I jumped in my chair when someone slammed their heavy fist against the apartment door three times in rapid succession, then paused before doing it once again.
Boom, boom, boom!
Jumping up so quickly my chair skittered backward, I hollered, "I'll get it! I'm sure it's my dad... or my mom." I bit my bottom lip. "Oh God, please let it be my mom."
Knowing full-well what would happen if it were my dad and Chase answered, I ran out of the kitchen and through the living room. Reaching the door, I disengaged the deadbolt and yanked it open without bothering to check the peephole.
It was a huge mistake.
Because right there, standing directly in front of me, was a man that I'd seen many times before. And that man? He was Dominic's main fixer, a corrupt cop with an unquenchable thirst for underage girls.
Jade in particular.
The things he'd done to her, the pain he'd made her feel...
Every bit of it came rushing back, making my stomach churn as bile climbed the length of my esophagus. I can't tell you how many nights Carmen and I had taken turns cleaning her up and then holding her close as she cried herself to sleep after spending a mere hour in his sadistic presence.
I hated him.
So damn much.
Hovering between rage and gut-wrenching agony, I briefly wondered why he was at Ty and Chase's door. But with one look, the question floating around my head was answered.
His hair, eyes, and bone structure...
They were identical to both his sons.
Oh God...
With the realization that my boyfriend's father was not only the man who'd terrorized the girl I'd once considered to be my sister but that he'd also been the one to later dispose of her and Carmen's bodies on Dominic's orders, I stumbled back a single step.
"This isn't happening," I whispered, tears blurring my vision. "It's not."
The fixer, whose real name I didn't even know, smiled. "Well, I'll be damned," he mumbled, running a shaky hand down the side of his stubble-covered jaw. "It's D-boy's Tesoro." Moving into the doorway, he leaned against the frame and raked his bloodshot gaze over me, stopping at my chest. "I know someone who would be real interested in seeing you again."
Without having to think, I knew exactly who he was referring to.
Ellington.
Panic rising, I slapped my hand against my mouth and fought to bite back the scream climbing high into my throat.
Sucking on his teeth, he rubbed his finger along the dark bag beneath his right eye. "Reckon I should arrange that little meeting. Would make for a nice payday for me." He paused. Then, "But maybe I'll try you out for myself first. You're not my type, but—"
The man snapped his mouth shut and smiled deviously when Ty's booming voice rang out. "You son of a bitch," he snarled. "You made one hell of a mistake by coming here."
Ty swooped around me, putting himself in between his father and me as Chase yelled, "Get the hell away from her!" Grabbing my wrist, he pulled me into him, wr
apping one arm around me. "Did he touch you?"
"N-no," I stammered.
The smile on the fixer's face grew as he watched Chase hold me tight while running a hand all over my body, searching for any injuries.
My world crumbled at the sight.
He knows what I really am.
Now he's going to tell.
And I'll lose Chase.
Forever.
Chest tightening, my hearing dulled as Ty and the fixer continued to speak, throwing one verbal barb after another at each other.
But though I was spinning out of control, I still heard the fixer when he said, "Chase, stop hiding in your brother's shadow and come on over here, son. You and I need to have a little chat about our future."
My insides splintered.
I didn't know what type of future the monster was referring to, but I knew without a doubt that there would no longer be one for Chase and me.
"How about you bring your pretty little girlfriend over here too?" he continued, sending me spiraling more than I already was. "I'd love to get to know her better."
My legs began to give way as Ty shoved his forearm into the jerk's throat and pushed him out into the hall, slamming the door closed behind him.
I started to fall, but Chase caught me just in time, taking my weight. Scooping me up, he cradled me like a baby against his chest just as Heidi bolted down the hall toward us, her terrified eyes the size of saucers.
Her mouth moved, but I couldn't make out a single thing she said.
After shooting me one last glance, she bolted out the door and straight into the hall, disappearing from sight just as the apartment walls began to close in on me.
Feeling myself detach, I looked up at Chase for what I thought may be one of the last times. "Chase." My words were strained, barely audible. "Please..."
Rushing back to his room, he laid me on his bed and climbed in next to me, holding me close. Cupping the side of my cheek with his hand, he said, "Ashley, baby, you're fine, just concentrate on the sound of my voice. It's just a panic attack."
Hearing his voice hurt, because I knew I wouldn't hear it much longer.
How long until he walks away?
"Sweetness, you're safe." He hugged me tighter, holding me just as he had through dozens of panic attacks in the past. "Just breathe for me, beautiful girl."
Tears fell from my eyes, but the pain in my chest began to dissipate, vanishing into thin air.
Numbness took its place.
"Goddammit, baby. Fucking fight to stay with me. Just breathe!"
I had no fight left in me.
As for breathing...
Once he left me, I'd suffocate.
"Ashley"—a tear fell from Chase's eyes and landed on my cheek, mixing with my own—"I have you. I always will have you." He paused. "And I will never let go."
He was wrong.
He would let me go.
Because in the end, I gave him no other choice.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Ashley
Everything was falling apart.
That truth was crystal clear as I sat on the floor next to my bed, my back pressed against the box spring, clutching Ellington's phone in my hand; the same one I'd stolen from him seconds after thrusting Carmen's knife deep into his thigh.
A move that I wished had killed him.
Unfortunately, I wasn't that lucky.
Though I didn't stick around to see what happened next, I'd scoured the local newspapers from the safety of the shelter the week that followed, searching for any news of what had come of the incident.
I'd found plenty.
Hailed District Attorney stabbed in botched carjacking, the headlines had said. Suspect, an unidentified black male, remains at large.
Just as I'd predicted, he hadn't gone to the police with the truth. He wasn't that stupid. Sick and psychotic? Yes. Dumb? No.
As cowardly as I could be, he knew that if he'd pointed the finger my way, I would've turned the phone, along with every sick piece of evidence it held over to an authority that was out of Ellington's corrupt reach.
But none of that mattered now.
No matter what steps I'd taken to ensure he never came after me, and despite how hard I'd fought to escape the demons from my past, everything was coming back around to destroy all the precious things I'd gained.
And it was all thanks to a man who'd spent his life hurting others in the vilest of ways possible. If Clyde Jacobs, a man whose name I'd only just learned, had never shown up at Ty and Chase's door, I could've continued to cope.
If only I'd been left alone, I knew I would've kept getting better, and most importantly, my secrets, the very ones that meant my end, would have stayed buried in the blackness which resided deep inside me.
Exactly where they belonged.
It was a moot point now because Dominic's most used fixer not only knew where I was, but he was fully aware of how much I meant to his youngest son; the very one he was trying to sink his claws into in order to secure a payday in the near future.
It would only be a matter of time before Ellington was aware of my location as well. That's if he didn't how already.
Which, I had a feeling he did.
Knowing him and with my luck, he'd probably had somebody watching my every move for the past two years. Honestly, part of me was surprised that he hadn't tried to retrieve the phone already.
Doing so would've been a risky move, one that had the potential to backfire if not executed just right. Also, my dad was a cop. That had likely been my only saving grace.
But as I said before, it didn't matter any longer. Because soon, whether I was ready or not, my sins would be revealed, and with them, my darkest secrets would be thrust into the light.
Hiding was no longer an option.
Not as long as Clyde Jacobs was still breathing.
Which brought me to the reason I sat all alone in my room, his phone clutched tightly in my shaking hand. If the truth was going to come out, which it soon would, then I couldn't be around when it did.
My heart was already broken.
My stained soul beyond salvation.
As horrible of a person as it made me, I refused to sit back and wait for the moment my family and friends, the very people who'd chosen to love me even when I couldn't love myself, found out every one of my ugly truths.
Truths that would warp how they saw me once they learned of the horrible things I'd done and allowed to happen.
Forever.
So, right or wrong, I was going to do what I did best and run, because leaving was my only choice even when I realized that in doing so, I would break everyone's hearts.
But what other choice did I have?
When my parents found out about Addie—a story that Clyde knew all too well—they would see me for exactly what I was.
A coward.
As for Chase, the moment he found out that Dominic hadn't been the abusive boyfriend as I'd allowed him to believe, but rather a sadistic pimp who sold me to any and everyone who offered him a couple hundred dollars for the chance to do anything they wanted to me instead, he'd walk away.
Well, almost anything they wanted.
There were two exceptions.
One, their lips were never allowed to touch mine, a rule that Ellington broke without fear of the consequences. It was an action that led to me being grazed by a bullet and to Carmen and Jade being murdered right in front of me.
He killed them because of me.
Every bit of it is my fault.
Two, a condom always had to be used; no exceptions. It was a rule that was followed without fail by everyone except the man who'd made it. The same man who, within months of finding me standing in front of the bus station, my life in tatters, had gotten me pregnant with his baby.
A baby he wouldn't allow me to keep.
When it's born, he'd said. I'll handle it.
And by handling it, he meant that he'd toss my child—mine!—into the swamps out on High
way 9 the moment she took her first breath. It was a threat he'd meant, and one I never allowed him to follow through with.
In the end, it didn't matter.
She was still gone, and a piece of me would be missing forever. Because without her, the beautiful little girl that I'd given life to, my soul would never be whole again.
Just as my life would forever be empty with Chase. For two years, he'd been my entire world, my rock, and the main person who held me together each time I felt myself beginning to fall apart.
And soon, he would be gone.
But it wasn't just knowing that I was about to lose him that tore me to shreds. It was the fact that I knew—I frickin' knew—that once he learned each of my ugly truths, that he'd never look at me the same again.
No longer would I be his Sweetness.
Instead, I'd be the whore who'd been passed around to dozens, if not hundreds of men, numbers that most couldn't fathom.
Already teetering on the edge of losing what remained of my mind, there was no way I'd be able to handle seeing the love he had for me vanish the moment he found out that the girl he once thought was beautiful, was instead hideous.
Both inside and out.
"Ashley..."
Startled by the sound of my father's deep voice, I jumped in place and swung my teary-eyed gaze to the door where he stood, his shoulder leaning against the frame.
"Can I come in?"
Quickly slipping the phone beneath my thigh to hide it from his eyes, I nodded. "Sure."
He moved toward me and sat down next to me, his back pressed against the bed just as mine was. Blowing out a breath, he reached over and took my hand in his, twining our fingers together.
His warmth seeped into me, causing my tears to fall faster. I would miss my entire family so much, but my dad was special. Always had been. Without him...
I didn't even want to think about it.
"Principessa, I need you to tell me about Sergeant Jacobs," he said, squeezing my hand tight.
I closed my eyes, replaying the scene from hours before through my head.
Every Kiss You Steal: A Redeeming Love Novel (Book 7) Page 23
