by Iris Blobel
Niall let out a long breath. “Sorry, mate. I wasn’t sure how much you knew and didn’t want to be the one…anyway, yes I’m in charge of that area.” He chuckled. “At least I don’t work directly under Ethan.”
The comment earned him a small slap over his head, and again Connor felt some jealousy within him.
Niall leaned forward, resting his elbows on his legs. “Mate, I’m so sorry about what happened all those years ago.”
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath when Connor leaned forward and placed his hand on Niall’s shoulder. “It’s not your fault.”
“Damn it, Connor. I heard ‘It’s not your fault’ for the last twenty years. Show me some respect and give me a chance to apologise.”
Connor was taken aback by the outburst, but deep inside he wasn’t surprised. With all the conflicting stories floating around about what had actually happened, it made sense for Niall to live life with a good chunk of guilt weighing on his shoulders.
After a long moment, he nodded. “I suppose that means you owe me free beers while I’m here.”
He hoped the little bit of humour would break the ice. There’d be a time and place for the two to talk about it more. The time and place was not today, though.
Niall raised his head and met his gaze. Slowly, a small grin appeared on his face before he finally said, “You play a hard bargain, but…okay. Free beer it is.”
***
Emily sat in her mother’s kitchen, enjoying a sandwich for lunch. “Nice sandwiches, Mum.”
“These are a few leftovers from Jack’s order this morning.”
“Jack’s order?” Emily asked without looking up.
Pouring some tea, Jacqui sat next to her daughter. “Jack took the boys out to the waterfalls.”
Stopping the sandwich halfway to her mouth, she stared at her mother. “What do you mean?”
A smile spread across Jacqui’s face. “Don’t be jealous. From what I heard, you had Connor all for yourself last night.”
Emily felt her cheeks burning. She’d been prepared for the local gossip. Nothing was safe, not even the smallest little secret, but to have her mother know about it so soon? Placing the sandwich on the plate, she rested her head in her hands.
“How on earth do you know already?” she whispered.
Her mother leaned forward and rested her arms on the table. “Well, since about a minute ago, not at all, or, well…just a rumour.”
Looking up from the safety of her hands, she met her mother’s gaze.
“Jack mentioned something like Connor left last night to have dinner with you and only returned this morning. Darling—”
“Mum, please.”
“He’ll break your heart. His life is on the other end of the world. I just want you—”
“To be happy. I know.” Emily stood. “I appreciate it.” She let out a long sigh. “Mum, I’m almost thirty—”
“I know. The more reason to start finding somebody. Get settled.”
She knew her mother was right, but deep inside she also knew that until now, she hadn’t been able to settle with just anybody. She’d lived in her own dream world, waiting for Connor. Of course, she’d known how crazy it sounded, or how crazy it made her seem, but in the end, whenever she’d met someone, he’d had no chance to compare to the person she’d made up Connor to be.
Last night, though, she’d found out he was exactly what she’d always imagined him to be. He’d made her feel sexy and desirable, in a way she hadn’t expected to ever feel with a man.
And he’d stayed until the morning. Didn’t run, didn’t hide.
“I’d better go, Mum.”
Jacqui stood and placed a hand on her daughter’s shoulder. “Darling, I just want you to be happy.”
“I am happy. Being with Connor makes me happy.”
“It’s a fantasy world—”
“It’s not. He’s here. And so am I. Let me enjoy the time with him. I’ve waited so long, tried so hard to like someone else. Give me a chance to finally understand, close the door to that chapter, and move on. But to move on, I need to be with him. Why don’t you understand?”
There was a slow, but hesitant nod from her mother. Emily leaned in and placed a kiss on Jacqui’s cheek. “I’ll catch up with you over the weekend.”
Then she left, her emotions riding a massive rollercoaster, making her feel queasy. How could she make her mother understand when she knew herself that every word sounded silly—the words of a dreamer.
The afternoon dragged along as Emily had only a few more patients to visit and spent most of the time in the office, dealing with the bureaucratic side of her job. She didn’t like it. It made her think too much, gave her mind too many opportunities to drift off.
Her phone buzzed as she was about to call it a day. It was Ethan.
“Hello, pumpkin. How are you?”
She was wary at his question, wondering how much he knew. Was Connor the kind of person telling everyone about their night together? She recalled her mother’s words and remembered Jack had only mentioned the dinner and Connor returning in the morning. For all they knew, Connor could’ve stayed the night because he’d had too much alcohol.
She sighed.
“Emily?”
“I’m here. In the office, having just spent two hours on paperwork and forms and—”
He laughed.
“How was your day at the waterfalls?” she asked.
“You heard?”
“Mum told me.”
“Is that why you’re in a lousy mood?”
The comment stopped her in her tracks. Was she in a bad mood because of her mother?
“Possibly. But doing all this bureaucratic crap doesn’t help either. Anyway, tell me about your day.”
“How about you come over for dinner? Debbie’s brought over a nice stew.”
“Your assistant Debbie? She cooks for you?”
“I know. But hey, it tastes really good.”
“That is weird.”
“Why? She’s kind and helpful.”
She laughed. “And you call me a dreamer.”
Ethan stared at her. “Want to enlighten me?”
“Oh for God’s sake, Ethan. It is so obvious how much of a crush Debbie’s got on you. I mean…” She smiled. “I’m the queen of crushes. I know these things.”
“That’s different.”
“You’re in denial. I know a thing or two about that, too.”
***
An hour later, Emily did her best to keep up with Nicholas on the Wii as he thrashed her in a virtual tennis game.
“So tell me, Nicky, who’s your teacher next year?”
The boy’s shoulder sagged. “Miss Ryker. She’s from Melbourne.”
“Why so disgruntled?”
“I really wanted Mr. Javier. He’s cool.”
“Miss what’s-her-name might be cool as well. You never know.”
Nick shrugged. “Want to have a race on the formula one track?”
Emily laughed. Nick’s subtle hint that he’d had enough of the subject was received. “I’d better beat you in this one.”
“No hope, Auntie Em.”
When Nicolas was finally in bed later that night and the kitchen cleaned, Emily sat next to Ethan on the couch.
“Thanks for getting the kid ready for bed. He’s so excited about the end of the year. About meeting Connor. Christmas.” He chuckled. “Basically about everything at the moment.” Leaning back into the couch, he said, “I booked a motorhome to travel around the south island of New Zealand in January.”
“Oh my God, Ethan, that is great. You’ll love it. Good for you to finally take some time off.”
He nodded, but his smile didn’t reach his eyes.
“But?” she asked in a whisper.
Shaking his head, he replied, “I hope the old man will make it either way.”
“Either way?”
He gazed up to the ceiling, and Emily assumed it wasn’t the easiest topi
c for him to talk about. Jack’s illness sat heavily on everyone’s shoulders.
“I don’t want him to die before we leave or while we’re away.” Covering his face with his hands, he added, “Or die at all.”
Emily moved closer and rested her head on his chest as he placed his arm around her shoulder. Within her raged a war of early sadness and hope, and she assumed Ethan was consumed with the same emotions.
“Do you think Connor will stay after…after…?” Emily sighed, not able to say the words.
But she didn’t have to. Ethan placed a kiss on her forehead. “I don’t know, pumpkin. I truly believe he likes it here, but for good?”
She didn’t say anything.
“Don’t get your hopes up, Emily. He’s some hot shot lawyer back in London. Earns well. Bottom line, he’s got a massive life over there. Fermosa Bay would not only be a step back for him, but he’d have to start all over again.”
“He’s told you all that?”
“No, he didn’t. But it’s my conclusion of what he said. I thought you two had dinner last night. Didn’t you talk?”
Glad that Ethan wasn’t able to see her hot cheeks, she replied, “I was more interested in reliving our time as children.”
The gentle motion of his hand up and down her arm felt good. They sat quietly for a long time, each to their own thoughts.
“Why do you think they left?”
“I don’t know. It seems there are different stories around.”
She sat up and met his gaze. “Why can’t he remember anything?”
Ethan shrugged. “How many details of your childhood can you remember? Of course we remember the fall, because it was the event that changed a lot.”
“Or everything.” She corrected him.
His mouth curled in a smile. “Or everything. It seems his mum wasn’t keen on keeping any of his memories of this place alive.”
“Nothing?”
“Pumpkin, I don’t know the workings of the human brain. He knew about his father being Australian, but grew up with the idea that Jack had kicked them out.”
“I remember her and I never liked her.”
He laughed. “Hey, word is he’s taken a year off work and will definitely stay a few months. He will eventually need to head back because of the finances. That’s the official version anyway.”
“Official?”
With a shrug, he stood and said, “I’d say Jack will give him money to live here. He’d do anything as long as Connor stays here.”
Emily watched him as he searched for something in the bookshelf near the window. “Will he take over the hotels?”
Absentmindedly, he shook his head. “I don’t believe so.”
She stood as well and joined him in front of the shelf. “What are you looking for?”
Ethan pulled out a photo album and held it up. “This.”
And for the rest of the evening they reminisced over their childhood, the tears, and laughter they’d shared.
The fun they’d had.
And the heartache they’d felt.
***
Connor checked the time and tried desperately to calculate the correct time difference to England. Was it ten or eleven hours? Or even nine? He didn’t know, but picked up the phone anyway and dialled the familiar number.
“Oh, hello darling. So lovely to hear from you.”
He went into his room at the back of the house, pulled a chair next to the window, and sat. The view towards the dark horizon was still stunning. He hoped the scenery in front of him would keep him calm during the conversation he was about to have with his mother.
“It’s nice and warm,” he replied with a smile in his voice. “Hard to believe it’s close to Christmas, and I’m running around in a T-shirt.”
“Yes, I remember that ghastly heat.”
His mouth twitched with amusement. There wasn’t a thing in or about Australia she liked. He knew that for a fact from the very few times she’d talked about it.
“We went out to a really nice waterfall today and had a picnic. Remember Ethan and Niall?”
The silence hung heavy in the air and when she didn’t reply, he asked, “Mother, what happened all those years ago? Jack told me you left more or less overnight.”
“Oh, darling, that is such a long time ago. Let’s not—”
“Quite the opposite. Let’s do. Mother. Did Jack ask you to leave?”
He heard background noise and imagined her reaction of utter annoyance. “Connor. This is ridiculous. I don’t really feel comfortable talking about this over the phone.”
The view didn’t do the trick, and anger rose within him. “For Pete’s sake, Mother. I’m on leave for twelve months. Did Jack ask you to leave?”
There was a long moment of silence during which he was able to hear his mother’s breathing. She wasn’t happy with his question, but he needed to know. He gave her some more time to choose her words.
“Yes, he did,” she finally whispered.
“Tell me the truth, Mother. For once, tell me the truth.”
“He didn’t have money, Connor,” she nearly screamed. “He was constantly on my back for spending too much money. Yes, I left. Are you happy now?”
No, he wasn’t happy. In fact, he didn’t feel anything but emptiness. A big hole of nothing inside. Most of his life had been built on lies and again he wondered how his life would have turned out if she’d left him behind.
“Why did you lie to me?” he asked, barely above a whisper, trying not to give in to the frustration and tiredness he felt inside.
“I didn’t lie—”
“Mother!”
“I couldn’t just leave you behind.”
Connor rubbed a hand over his face. “Apparently you did most of the time anyway.”
“Connor!”
He ignored her reprimand.
“I wanted you to be better off than Jack. He was a nice man, but—” She sighed. “I wanted you to grow up without missing on anything. And I can proudly say, I’ve done well.”
The last comment annoyed him to his very core. Yes, she could be proud. Proud of marrying a man who never really accepted him as his son, or sending him to boarding school, or never visited him while he studied in Oxford.
“You lied to me all these years,” he said again, trying hard to hold back the tears.
“Darling—”
“Don’t, Mother. Don’t you darling me. Simply tell me why you lied.”
“I’m having a headache, Connor. I need rest. I’ll call you—”
“Don’t hang up on—”
But she did. She had the audacity to just hang up. Letting out a scream of frustration, Connor stood, leaned against the window with his arms stretched out, trying to breathe in and out.
And again he wondered how his life could’ve been. Listening to Ethan and Niall earlier that day, he’d reflected on his life in London. Could or would he seriously consider a life here?
Chapter Five
Connor carried the two camping chairs across the oval, following Jack’s direction.
“She’s over there.” Jack struggled to talk above the noise of all the children. “There’s little Emmy.”
Connor followed his gaze, but didn’t have to search long until he saw Emily as well. Her curly red hair, shining in the sunlight even more so than usual. She turned and met his gaze. The big smile appearing on her face did something to him, something unexpected, yet welcomed. It lit something up inside that left him feeling home.
“Over there,” Jack said again.
“Yeah, I see her, Dad.”
The old man stopped and turned around. Then he stared at Connor. Long and intense before a lonely tear began to fall down Jack’s face. It was like they were on their own on the oval and time stood still giving him the strangest feeling he’d ever had before Jack mouthed a hardly noticeable thank you.
Connor took a moment to figure out what happened until he realised he had called him Dad. And it had come naturally t
o him, but his father’s reaction, the faint light in the depth of Jack’s eyes, left Connor momentarily overwhelmed. A torrent of emotions rushed through him which he wasn’t able to handle, yet.
Calling Jack Dad had been a slip of the tongue, yet, most possibly a Freudian slip of the tongue.
He’d been in Fermosa a week, and although the conversations with Jack were short and most of the times frustrating as he had a tendency to wander off in his mind, they’d talked a lot. He’d learnt a lot, yet still not everything. They’d sat in front of the television and watched some of Jack’s favourite movies or TV shows. They’d laughed, screamed at the TV when watching the cricket as opponents, or shook their heads at some criminal TV series. Something he couldn’t remember having ever done with his mother, let alone Duncan, the man he’d called Father for such a long time.
Yet, it’d nearly brought tears to his eyes as well to see Jack’s reaction.
Emily stepped closer. “Are you okay, Jack? What happened?”
Connor saw the smile on his father’s face as he replied, “I was just given my Christmas present. And I’m loving it.”
And hearing those few words, Connor had to take a deep breath and blink a couple of times, amazed at the effect his word had on Jack.
She looked down to his hands, then to Connor, and back to Jack, obviously not understanding what he meant.
Jack gave her a little wave with her hand. “Let’s go and sit down. I can’t wait to hear all the Christmas songs the children have prepared.”
Still puzzled, Emily looped her arm through Jack’s and walked with him to a free spot where they were going to sit. “Ethan brought a few chairs as well. Niall’s coming and so is Sabrina.”
Jack nodded. “Let me sit next to Sabrina.”
Connor unfolded a chair. It took him a minute to figure out how to, and wasn’t impressed at all when Emily had already unfolded the second chair within seconds. “Show off,” he said to her.
She laughed.
“Where is Ethan?”
Emily pointed into the distance. “Over there, smothering Nick with suncream.”
He looked up.
