by Sara DeHaven
As she took careful inventory, she discovered that while Gelsenim in his human form was less overtly upsetting, there was also something disturbing in deliberately allowing him access to her most intimate thoughts and feelings, which he appeared able to tap into during the possession. Then a wry thought hit her. This must be how Daniel felt about allowing her to read him, especially the deep reads. Hoist with your own petard, she told herself. Just get on with it.
“Okay, I’m ready,” she told Gelsenim. “Go ahead and meld with me.” She deliberately chose not to use the words ‘possess me.’ It probably didn’t matter what words she used, but it made her feel marginally better.
It happened more slowly this time than it had in the past. It was the first time she’d allowed it when she wasn’t in the middle of a battle situation, and perhaps the demon felt the lack of urgency in her request. His form wavered, went back into the orangish mist he had arrived in, then moved toward her, entering her with a tingling sensation. I am here, my host, Gelsenim’s voice whispered in her mind.
"Just give me a minute to see how that feels," she replied. She felt almost hot, not like a fever exactly, more like the feeling she got when she’d been out in the sun for awhile. A kind of solar powered feeling. It was energizing. She felt good, ready for action. She focused on vision next. She’d heard possession described as being a bit like being on hallucinogens, that there was a richness to one’s perceptions that was pleasurable. She looked across at Daniel. The clouds outside had parted, and he was standing in a patch of sunlight coming in through the window. She could see the brown highlights in his black hair, the gold tips to his eyelashes as the sunlight struck them. His skin seemed to glow a little. In this light, his eyes were a deep, dark brown, not black. Her glance moved down his body, taking in how his chest and biceps filled out his shirt. He was basically a slender guy, but he'd been a rower since he was a teenager, and he had nice upper body definition. She knew he went out most mornings on Lake Union, even in the rain, in a solo shell.
You appreciate his form, Gelsenim said in her mind. He managed a fairly neutral tone, but Bree knew Daniel wasn’t his favorite person right now.
Yeah, I do, she conceded. But the question is, am I appreciating it more than usual? She turned to look at Sophie to try to form a basis for comparison.
Sophie’s long, wavy hair was hanging free to her waist. Her round face held an intent, focused expression, her caramel colored eyes were fixed on Bree. Certain details leapt out as she regarded her friend, details she didn’t think she would normally key into. For one thing, she didn’t often dwell on Sophie’s generous breasts, and they seemed to be rather front and center in her perception. That had to be the influence of the demon. Gelsenim seemed to hear her thoughts. Well, they are nice breasts, he said unapologetically.
She turned to face Bruce. The auburn undertone to his hair and beard was vibrant, and she was particularly tuned into his physical bulk. He was built like her husband Seth had been.
Finally, she looked at Kevin. As expected, he looked a little tense and worried, but she found the blue of his eyes behind his glasses to be a particularly beautiful shade. And she’d never quite noticed before what nicely shaped lips he had. Yep, she had to conclude she was more tuned into the sensual world in some way. She hadn’t noticed that during the previous possessions, she’d been too busy trying to avoid getting killed.
“Well?” Daniel prompted.
“I’m just getting a feel for any differences in my perceptions,” Bree replied, turning back to face him.
“And?”
“I’m seeing details I usually wouldn’t, but it’s not all that distracting.” Or maybe it is, she thought as her gaze narrowed in on his mouth. She had a burning desire to go to him and bite his full lower lip. Are you making me want to do that? she asked Gelsenim.
I don’t think so, my host.
“Why don’t you try a little casting and see how your abilities are affected?” Daniel suggested. “I think that would be a good test since casting isn’t usually your strongest ability.”
Before the last few months, Bree would not have considered herself a Caster at all. She’d tested as having some low level ability at school, but she’d never tried to develop it. Under Daniel’s tutelage, that had been changing. Unfortunately, all he’d been teaching her so far had been offensive and defensive spells. “One of you is going to have to come into the wards for me to try that out.”
“That had better be me,” Daniel said. Kevin nodded and raised his hands, and made a subtle motion, as if he were turning doorknobs. Bree felt a shift in the inner ward, and Daniel stepped through. Bree considered her options. What offensive spell would affect him but not really hurt him if it was more powerful than usual? She waved her right hand across her body, casting the dizziness spell without specifically asking for Gelsenim’s help.
To her dismay, Daniel spun hard and bounced off the ward, then down onto the floor face first so fast that he didn’t have time to brace himself well for the fall. Without thinking, she bent over him and put a hand on his shoulder. He jerked away from her touch as quickly as he could. There was a red mark on the side of his forehead and on his cheek where he’d hit the floor.
“Don’t touch me,” he commanded, an edge of panic to his voice. Lord, she’d forgotten. His Demonsense must be on full alert. Touching him when she was possessed would be highly unpleasant for him. At least there probably was no real risk of Gelsenim trying to jump bodies. He clearly preferred possessing Bree over possessing Daniel.
“Sorry!” she said. “I don’t think I focused the spell right.”
“Oh, I think you did the spell just fine,” he answered ruefully, climbing slowly back to his feet. “There was just more power to it than you’re used to.”
“I didn’t ask for Gelsenim’s help. I just tried to do the spell as I normally would.”
“Well, that’s mighty interesting,” Bruce mused. “Looks like there’s an automatic upgrade to your powers when you’re possessed. I guess that’s pretty much how I thought it worked, that powered get a big lift in their abilities when they’re possessed.”
“I guess I thought it took a more specific focus to call on that,” Bree admitted. “When I was possessed before, I asked Gelsenim for help.”
The large one is right, Gelsenim put in. Your abilities are naturally greater when we are together. But you are right as well. If we communicate, we can help one another in specific ways.
The ‘large one’ has a name. His name is Bruce, Bree chided, then told the others what Gelsenim had said
“I guess that’s the best of both worlds,” Sophie said reluctantly. It was clear from her tone that she wasn’t thrilled to learn there were some definite pros to being possessed. She and Kevin had been the hardest to persuade that this particular experiment should go forward.
“Ask him how he’s feeling,” Daniel suggested.
Well? How are you feeling? Bree asked the demon.
I feel no hunger. I feel clarity. I think you would say ‘My mind is clear.’ It is extremely difficult to focus energy when the hunger is so strong.
“He says he doesn’t feel any hunger and that helps him feel clear and able to focus energy.”
“And how is that different than what it feels like for him during other possessions?” Daniel inquired.
When possessing other powered, I still feel hunger. The hunger is lessened if my host will perform certain activities.
Yeah, like murder and rape, Bree answered darkly.
Those are the richest source of food for me, it is true, the demon conceded. His voice in her mind sounded nearly sheepish. He clearly knew the knowledge did not make her happy. I have never known why this is so. Daniel has asked me many times, and I truly do not know.
You have said it wasn’t like that with the Seldenai.
With the Seldenai, all was as it should be.
I don’t know what that means. Bree felt a stir of emotion that didn’t feel lik
e her own. Frustration mixed with sadness was as close as she could come to describing it to herself, though the words seemed somehow inadequate.
There was no strife. It was natural to be one with the Seldenai. They wished it, and it did not harm them. We felt no hunger. It is nearly like that with you.
“Bree, is everything okay?” Sophie asked.
“I’m just talking to Gelsenim,” Bree replied, brow furrowed in concentration.
How is it different with me?
You do not want me to stay, he said sadly.
Bree paused to seriously ask herself if that was true. She felt perfectly fine right now, better than fine. But not so much better that it was uncomfortable. For her at least, it didn’t feel like being on drugs. Her senses were slightly heightened, maybe her libido was a little up, but nothing truly unusual to her experience was happening, apart from the increase in power. And, of course, having a conversation with another being inside her head.
You see, it is not a bad thing for us to be together, Gelsenim coaxed.
How do I know you aren’t just behaving well to suck me in?
It is in my interests to please you, my host. I can please you well if you will let me.
What does that mean? Bree asked, suspicion stirring again. Just because this wasn’t feeling bad didn’t mean there weren’t potential negative side effects for her.
Let me show you, just a little, what I mean, the demon asked.
Bree wanted to say no. That was her instinctive response. But she was here to experiment. She’d dragged all these people away from their regular lives to help her with this. She couldn’t allow her courage to fail her. Okay, just a little. But you have to stop what you’re doing when I tell you.
Agreed, my host.
At first, all she felt was a slight increase in the sense of warmth in her body, then a tingling down her back. Slowly, the sense that someone was standing behind her grew in her awareness. She tensed up, but Gelsenim whispered, It is I, my host. I am not taking physical form that the others can see. I am simply manifesting sensations you are able to perceive directly.
Bree wasn’t entirely certain what that meant, but she decided nothing bad was happening, so she let the demon continue. In moments, the sense that he was standing behind her with his arms wrapped around her waist, his head bent down next to hers formed in her awareness. She glanced down, and saw the tweed sleeves of his jacket and his long, slender hands placed lightly across her stomach. She felt the brush of his hair against hers and the warmth of his breath against her ear as he said, I can take the form that pleases you best.
And the others really can’t see this?
Ask if you don’t believe me.
“Do any of you see anything different?” she asked aloud.
“You look a little more tense is all,” Kevin offered.
“I’m okay, just trying a little experiment here,” Bree responded. Fine, I get it. You can feel like a real, human presence to me that others can’t see. How is that useful?
Just wait and see, Gelsenim said. His voice sounded now like it was coming from the outside rather than in her mind, yet on another level, her ears were insisting they hadn’t heard anything. It was a strange sensation. She felt Gelsenim’s hands press gently, palms down, low on her belly, just below the waist of her pants. She felt warmth building under his hands, then, faster almost than she could register, she felt an intensely sexual feeling run down between her legs and up into her breasts. She gasped in surprise. She was about to orgasm. “Gelsenim, don’t!” she blurted out loud, and the sensation stopped just short of release. Her genitals ached and she was breathing quickly in after reaction.
Daniel had stepped closer, as close as he could without touching her. She looked up into his eyes, and she felt another wave of sexual heat move through her, though this one was not caused by the demon. She was already so aroused that being this close to Daniel, feeling his body heat was an active pain/pleasure. She took a step back, feeling embarrassed and confused. “I’m alright, just give me a minute.”
Gelsenim, damn it, what the hell were you doing?
I was showing you how I am able to please you, he replied, sounding confused. Did I not please you?
You pleased me too damn much! Look, maybe you haven’t managed to get this in the, what, thousands of years you’ve been possessing humans, but we don’t usually like to get sexual with someone we don’t know, and certainly not in a public place!
I have not found this to be true, the demon commented. It has seemed to me my hosts have enjoyed the physical pleasure I can offer.
It’s complicated, Gelsenim, trust me on this. Don’t ever do that again.
If you say so, my host, he replied doubtfully. But you are depriving me of being able to feel your pleasure with you.
I don’t give a damn what I’m depriving you of! Bree shouted back mentally. She was angry and unnerved, and still more than a little aroused. I need you to shut up and be still for a minute so I can calm down.
The sense of him standing behind her disappeared, and she felt the demon go still and small inside her, almost to the point where she couldn’t perceive him at all, and it was a relief. She focused for a moment on meditating and gradually, her body relaxed and the sense of sexual tension eased. She heard the little noises that meant her friends were getting restless. She knew they were probably worried, but she had to get control of herself. She finally opened her eyes and said, “The sense of contact can be a little intense. Gelsenim is learning what's too much for me. He did back off when I told him to,” she said, realizing it was true even as she spoke the words aloud. Well, at least that was somewhat reassuring.
“I think we should wrap this up soon,” Kevin said, a hint of strain in his voice. He’d need to take a break soon from maintaining the wards. Bree felt Gelsenim stir uneasily inside her at Kevin’s words. Remember, if this goes well, I will call you again, she reminded him.
Daniel was still standing near her with a questioning look on his face. She decided to address Gelsenim aloud so the others would be clued in to what was happening next. “Gelsenim, I want to do a deep read of Daniel. There's something amiss in his energy that I want you to have a look at, see if you’ve seen anything like it before and can help us identify it.”
As you wish, my host, he replied, voice tinged with suppressed surliness.
“Any chance you can do the read without touching me?” Daniel asked.
Bree paused and considered. She consciously brought her Reader sense online for the first time, and it blossomed into being strongly, fairly vibrating with barely contained power. “Wow,” she said softly. “I’m definitely feeling a jump in my Reader sense. I think we can try it without physical contact.”
Daniel sighed a little in relief. All the little tells in his muscle tone and expression were so clear to her. She was used to being an unusually good Reader of tells, but this was definitely on a different level. She read reluctance, hope, dread and shame all at the same time without even trying for attunement. There was so much information coming at her already that it was a little overwhelming. She raised her hands, not to touch Daniel, but in an attempt to try to shape the energy. She closed her eyes and directed the Reader energy into attunement with Daniel’s energy. She felt their energy meld strongly and smoothly, almost at a thought. She heard Daniel’s quick intake of breath, and her eyes flew open in concern. “Did that hurt?” she asked.
He looked bemused and a little embarrassed. “No, it actually felt good at first, but then my Demonsense gave me a little kick.”
“Sorry,” she said inadequately.
“It’s fine, keep going,” he said. There was a stony sort of determination in his tone. This could not be easy for him. The idea of a demon doing a deep read on her would certainly gave her the creeps. She pressed on, re-finding the attunement, seeing if she could sink deeper without touching him. It took some serious concentration, but she found with the extra boost of power from Gelsenim, she could d
o it. Soon enough she was at that deeper level. There, she told Gelsenim. Do you feel that? Is that taint?
No, not taint as you humans think of it, he replied somewhat cryptically.
Well, what does that mean? Is it a type of taint I’m not familiar with?
It is demon caused, or maybe demon triggered, you would say. It is started by demon contact, like taint. But it is a human kind of taint.
I don’t think I understand you. Is it demonic energy or not?
Words are very difficult, Gelsenim complained. Let me try to show you.
A wave of sensation moved through Bree's mind, some random images of an city, all odd angles, an orange mist, huge purple eyes, a distorted face, features definitely alien, to her at least, and a sensation of shattering, then darkness. Do you understand my host?
Not at all! What was that?
I thought it would be easier to show you, but it seems you cannot receive properly. I was showing you a thing that would sometimes happen with the Seldenai. We called them ‘The Divided Ones.’ This happened in the Seldenai where the joining failed. I have seen it happen with humans as well. It is there in Daniel. He is divided. He will either become one or break utterly, and a demon will be born.
Wait, wait, Bree sent back in panicked confusion. What do you mean?
Not born as humans are born, born as demons are born.
Bree clenched her fists in frustration. There was so much they didn’t understand about one another, so little common ground. She wasn’t understanding him, but what he was saying was scaring the hell out of her. Okay, slow down. We need to slow down.
I am in no hurry, my host.
Bree thought for a moment, then carefully worded her next question. Is the demon that would be born separate from Daniel, as a demon grown from taint inside a person becomes separate?
No, it is not the same. Daniel would become demon. I use this word only as you understand it. Demon is not what we would call it.
“Bree? What’s happening?” Sophie’s concerned voice broke in.
