by Sara DeHaven
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
As she’d suspected, Bree had to take a day off to recover from the power working with Daniel. She spent some part of it ensconced on the couch tracking both the local and national news. There were incidences of riots in New York, L.A. and Miami, and the talking heads on the news shows were interviewing all kinds of sociologists and psychologists to try to explain the phenomenon. In most cases, the problem started with groups of young adults, often at clubs or concerts. There would be some kind of fight, and the conflict would spread, the police would be called, and then the young people would have conflict with the police. There had also been some cases of overly violent responses by police officers that had, sadly, increased the tensions between the youth and police. There had been some resulting protests, some of which had devolved into further conflict. L.A. was considering a curfew, and there was an outcry about that as well.
The experts were all speculating about generational differences and tensions, the recent higher than usual unemployment, the ‘entitlement generation’ and the need for better police training. Bree reflected that all those things might be the tinder, but she knew that the demon possessions were the spark lighting those fires. Having been in the middle of one riot, she could understand non-possessed people overreacting in a variety of ways as well just from the fear and chaos. Between concern over the signs a demon war most likely starting, and her worry about Daniel, it was very depressing day.
The only lift in her mood was a short phone call from Leander Rayne. He was his amusing, flirtatious self. She agreed to have dinner with him Saturday night, although she regretted it after she’d hung up the phone. It felt somehow like a betrayal of Daniel. Given that she’d spent a good part of the day wondering if she’d ever see him again, or if she did, if he would still be himself, she knew she was in a vulnerable state. She felt like she was grasping at anything that would make her feel less grim when she agreed to the invitation more than that she was particularly interested to see where things might go with Leander. She’d just have to set a ‘friends only’ tone, and she was prepared to let him know more directly if he didn’t seem to get the hint. She didn’t need the complication of another romantic interest in her life right now.
She was able to work the rest of the week, and was surprised she didn’t get a call from Javier to help with two new outbreaks of violence that occurred. She figured they must have been small enough for the Keepers to handle on their own, or else had happened too quickly for other powered back-up to be called in.
By Thursday night, it was starting to weigh on her that she hadn’t heard from Daniel. Not that she should have expected to, given his plea for no contact outside of email. She'd been checking her email far too much for word from him, and had to control the impulse to write to him.
She tried and failed to focus on reading a book as a way to unwind before bedtime. As she sat on her couch, tucked up in a blanket, Hanroi on her lap, she put her book down and considered calling Gelsenim. She’d told him she’d do so when she had recovered, and she was recovered, on an energy level anyway. It was a big risk doing it without Daniel’s back up, but worse case scenario, she could call Javier and tell him she needed an exorcism if Gelsenim wouldn’t leave when she asked.
She hated the helpless feeling of just waiting around while Daniel struggled to save his sanity. Gelsenim had helped her a great deal with Daniel, and she wanted to see if he could work with her to find a way to help him further. So she took a moment to center herself, sent out her will, and said, “Gelsenim, I call you!”
Hanroi arched his little back and hissed as the demon appeared at the foot of her couch. He was in his human form, casually dressed in a white collarless shirt and lightweight tan wool pants. His blond hair was parted on the side and brushed back, one lock falling against his forehead, and he stood with his hands in his pockets. He was clearly suppressing some of his energy, because her Demonsense was throbbing much less than usual at his presence. “My host,” he said with a tiny little bow in her direction.
“Gelsenim,” she replied. “Thank you for taking that form.” She winced a little as Hanroi pushed off, claws extended, to leap onto the back of the couch, then disappear off into the kitchen, likely disturbed by the demon’s energy in the room. At last, something that frightened her hellion of a cat.
“It is something of a stretch to maintain as I have built up quite a hunger since we last met,” the demon told her with some reproach.
“So the devil looking form is more natural for you?” Bree asked with real curiosity.
“It is a long habit to take a form humans find most frightening, when a form is taken. Mostly, I don’t take a visible form unless I am forced out of a host or am dealing with a Demon Master.”
“Have you often dealt with Demon Masters?”
“My host, if we might have the rest of this conversation while we are joined, I might have some relief from my hunger and be better able to answer,” he replied with a quivering intensity. Bree realized it was taking the demon real effort not to try to force a possession on her. She felt some pity for him, but now that the time had come, she was afraid to let him in, or rather, afraid she wouldn’t be able to get him back out. She considered trying to get him to promise in advance, but quickly concluded he would say anything to possess her and any promises he gave she’d have good reason to distrust anyway.
“Fine, go ahead,” she told him with resignation. In for a penny, in for a pound.
She felt the now familiar rush of warmth as the demon dissipated, then joined with her. Interestingly, he kept his visible form. Is that better? she sent.
So much better, my host, the demon answered with obvious relief.
How long does it take you once we’re joined for the hunger to stop?
It is decreasing already. I think perhaps only a minute or two.
Are you feeling more clear?
Yes. I was having some thoughts while in the void, the demon told her.
Is that a good thing?
Yes, my host. I suspect that more time without hunger helps me to regain my ability to have thoughts.
What is the void anyway? It was something to which demons throughout history had referred. Daniel had told her in previous conversations that he’d asked Gelsenim and other demons he'd encountered about it, but they’d never given him a coherent answer.
It is the place we exist when we are not able to break through to your world. There is very little food for us there, and we constantly hunger.
Is there anything besides demons there? Is it a physical place?
I don’t know if it is a physical place or not, Gelsenim mused. His mental voice was sounding stronger now. It is not physical in the sense your human realm is physical. There is no earth, no plants, there are no other beings. There is some form of food, of energy, but nothing to see, and little to feel. It is a bad place.
My people have long thought the place you come from must be hell.
I have heard humans speak of this hell. Perhaps that is what the void is. I do not know. It is a hell for my kind, that is certain. That is why we long so much to be in human space.
Which I could have sympathy for if you didn’t cause so much pain, so much hell for us once you get here, Bree returned with a flare of resentment.
Human kind also fails to behave well when they are starving and desperate, Gelsenim sent back acerbically.
Yes, but there are always those who don’t deliberately set out to hurt others in such cases, who behave selflessly even under that kind of duress, Bree argued.
I believe we are back to one of those good and evil conversations your kind so like to dwell upon.
Bree realized he was right, and at the same time, remembered her ultimate purpose in calling the demon. She had a million questions about demon kind, but right now, what she really wanted was some way to help Daniel. With Gelsenim so eager to possess her, she figured she’d have many opportunities to quiz him about demons later. It’s a worthy
subject, Gelsenim, but that’s not why I called you. I called you because I said I would, to give you a chance to further trust between us, and also to seek your help with Daniel.
Daniel is not here, the demon returned, sounding puzzled.
Yes, I know. I’m not asking your help with a read or anything. I just want to talk about how we might help Daniel.
My host, if I may, there is something I would like to try. I have been thinking about a way for us to interact, to have these conversations.
And what might that be? Bree enquired, feeling cautious. Gelsenim didn’t immediately answer. Instead, the air in front of her wavered, and then his human form appeared, reclining on the end of her couch, one arm comfortably draped across the back, one leg pulled up so he could turn to face her.
“Are you able to see me?” he asked.
“Yes! I take it we’re still joined? I still feel possessed.”
“We are still joined, my host. However, this way, we may converse in a manner that is more natural for your kind. I had hoped this might be more comfortable for you.”
“In a way it is,” she reflected aloud. She fiddled with a lock of her hair as she thought further. “I guess this way, it feels less like I’m possessed. It’s only natural that that word, that whole concept is really loaded for me. On the other hand, I kind of keep expecting you to switch forms like you have in the past. I’m braced to see you morph back into a demon.”
“I am still a demon, my host,” Gelsenim told her with a small smile.
“No, what I meant was I expect you to switch back into the devil form, or some other horrible form.”
“I will not do that if you don’t wish it. I have found it difficult to maintain the same form over time when I am hungry, but as I feel no hunger now, it will not be difficult to stay in this form.”
Bree checked in with herself about how she felt internally. “I still feel your presence if I concentrate,” she told him. “I feel that kind of warm, energized feeling. It’s weird how my Demonsense is less upset once you actually possess me. And if I start to reach for power, it feels easier than usual. I think my power is still stronger than usual.”
“We are still joined, my host, never doubt it. You still have access to my energy. I suspect, though, that it might prove difficult for us to work together in a battle situation while I maintain this form.”
“Well, I’d have a hard time explaining who you were in cases like that anyway,” she told him. She regarded him for a time, trying to catch some detail that would make him appear less real. He looked like he was breathing, his eyes blinked occasionally, he had those things down. “You’re too still,” she suggested. “You’ve got the little involuntary movements down, but real people fidget a little, they move their head more, make less eye contact.”
Gelsenim glanced down and picked at an imaginary piece of lint on his pants, shifted his posture slightly, then looked back up at her. “Is that better?”
“More natural, definitely. People do vary in how much they move around. I would think you’d be striving for the middle ground with that. If you move too much, you look nervous. If you don’t move enough, it’s kind of weird and unnerving.”
“I no longer wish to unnerve you, my host. I only wish to please you.”
“I suppose that’s why you chose such a, ah, handsome form?” Bree felt a little awkward asking, but she was curious. His looks were exceptional, on par with Leander Rayne, and he was more classically handsome than Daniel. And there was something about him that always made her picture him as coming from earlier time. The clothes he chose to appear in always had the feel of something from the 1920’s, or even earlier.
“I originally made this form out of Daniel’s expectations. But I have tried to perfect it into something that might best please you.”
“Hence the absence of cigarettes. I don’t like smoking. How did you guess that?” In the past, the demon had sometimes been a smoker when in human form.
“I am not certain how,” he replied, with a convincingly puzzled facial expression. “There seem to be things I know about you through our joining, yet I am not sure of the mechanism of this knowing. When I possess a host, I am often aware of what might stir them to greater anger and violence. I am aware of their weaknesses. I have observed that the lower level demons do not always share this trait. They are more clumsy in their attempts to spur their hosts to greater emotion.”
“I’m not so in love with the idea that you know my weaknesses,” Bree told the demon uneasily.
The demon cocked his head. “Does this make you feel, what is the word, vulnerable?”
“Well yes, of course.”
“Consider, my host, that I am equally vulnerable to you. You are the source of my continued existence. You are, in effect my god. Or perhaps my goddess. I lose form and thought without you. I am subject to the torture of endless hunger without you. How is your vulnerability greater than mine?”
Bree was struck to silence at that. She was so used to being intensely afraid of demons that it was a completely novel thought that one might truly be at her mercy. While she could control a demon temporarily through the exorcism process, she had never felt they were vulnerable to her. And, she reminded herself, she couldn’t truly control this demon either. She had immense leverage, to be sure, but she still didn't have the power to force him to leave. She had to rely on diplomacy, on a negotiation of each of their needs, to have any hope of not being permanently taken over by him.
“Well, I suppose my vulnerability is greater in one way because demons can sometimes kill their hosts on exiting them,” she finally responded.
“But I would never, ever wish to kill you,” Gelsenim responded, voice quiet. “As I said, you are my goddess. In fact, I have wondered if I might not, in this form, experience a greater joining.” Before she could protest, he leaned forward, reached out, and took her hand where it was resting on her lap. His hand was warm in hers, a little too warm, but not sweaty. She was stunned that he could take a solid form. The only physical manifestation of demon kind she knew of was that of fire. “This feels very real,” she admitted, and experimented with tightening her grip slightly. He responded in kind, but with too much strength. “Ow!” she gasped, “too tight!”
He immediately loosened his grip. “Ah, yes, I begin to see. I wish to experiment a moment, my host, to see if I might perfect my control of this form.” He released her hand, scooted a little closer to her, then ran his fingers carefully, delicately, across the back of her knuckles. “Is this an acceptable level of pressure?”
“It’s a very light pressure,” Bree answered. She was nervous about the demon touching her, but at the same time, was quite interested in the experiment. There was a certain wonder to it, that this alien being was exploring a new form of existence, and she was a witness to it, a part of it.
Gelsenim closed his eyes and repeated the movement. “I am attempting to see if I can approximate the experience of physical sensation in this form. I have felt touch when possessing a host, through the host’s body, and am trying to reproduce the experience.” He ran his fingers lightly back and forth across her hand a few more times, then he smiled and opened his eyes. The betraying demonic orange spark in their blue depths was quite dim. “I believe my hand is now feeling your hand. I have tried to give this form what you call ‘nerve endings’. I believe those are the pathways for physical sensation.”
“Okay, this is actually pretty amazing. Are you telling me you’re creating a fully physical human body?”
“Why not, my host? Demons can take physical form temporarily when coming through from the void, and for longer when well fed. I am simply choosing the type of form.”
“Yeah, but how could you possibly go from a form made of fire down to something as complicated as a neurological system?” Bree asked him, still reeling with the whole idea. “Doesn’t that mean you’re forming a brain as well? And do you have a heart now? Lungs? The whole thing? I thought demons were suppose
d to be stupid!”
Gelsenim laughed, and it sounded like a genuine laugh, lacking the usual cruel, dark undertones she’d heard from him before. “I believe, my host,” he said, amusement still lacing his tone, “that my kind is more intelligent than yours in some ways when we are adequately fed and able to join with a host. This is as nothing compared to what we were able to create when joined with the Seldenai.” His fingers moved up her arm, and his eyes followed them. He appeared absorbed in taking in the texture of her sweater, wiggling a finger into the weave at one point to test it. Bree was caught up in fascination, and in the world changing thought that demons could be intelligent and could manipulate matter to this degree. She was so lost in thought that she was startled when she felt his fingers lightly trace the side of her neck. She jerked away reflexively, and Gelsenim paused. “Does that displease you?”
“It startled me more than anything,” she admitted.
“May I please continue? I am trying to calibrate my system.”
“Okay,” she answered slowly. “Just don’t do anything, you know, sexual.”
“Now that would be an fascinating experiment,” Gelsenim replied, face lighting with interest.
“And I just told you not to do it,” Bree told him more than a little anxiously. “Remember that whole building trust conversation?”
“I hear and obey, my goddess,” the demon answered. He put his fingers gently against her neck again, and then moved them to trace the line of her jaw, then back up to the curve of her ear. It was a sensuous sensation. “Um,” she began.
“Just a moment more, my host,” Gelsenim murmured. He ran the palm of his hand over her hair, then picked up a lock and fingered the texture. Then he raised his fingers to her lips and stroked them, gently pulling down on the lower lip, apparently greatly involved in the sensation.
