“She needed to let it out, Stryker. She’s been holding that in since the day it happened.”
“I know, Tank. I honestly thought she’d end up having a mental breakdown if she didn’t let it out. I should have been here for her when it happened. I feel like shit, man.”
“Don’t,” Jett tells me. “You were here to pick her back up when she needed you to be. I think if you’d have been here when the damn burst you would have felt the full brunt of her anger. She would have said things she didn’t mean just to hurt you.”
Maybe he’s right, but it won’t stop me feeling guilty.
“I can’t bear to see her so hurt. I don’t know what to do for her.”
I take the beer Tank offers me from my own fridge and chug half the bottle in one. I needed that.
“Just be here for her, Stryker. She needs you, brother. No one else will be able to get through to her the way you can.”
“She needs to grieve,” Jett picks up where Tank left off. “She’s held it in hoping it might not be true. However, it is true, it did happen, and now she’s finally let it out she can start to heal. It won’t happen overnight, but things will start to get a little easier from now on.”
“I’ve never been through anything like this before. I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing.”
“Me neither,” Jett tells me.
“I have,” Of course Tank has he lost both of his parents when he was a teenager. “I know just how Coral is feeling right now. It’s the worst fuckin’ feeling in the world, wondering why you didn’t say certain things when you had the chance, why you didn’t hold that person a little tighter while telling them how much you loved them before it was too late.
“This is a different kind of pain for my brother, we lost our parents, and that was hard, but Cindy was the love of his life. Coral has you to help her through this, Stryker, and she will come through this with you by her side, loving her. But Hammer is so fuckin’ broken I don’t think anything can fix him. In time, he’ll move forward a little, but I know he’ll only be living a half-life for the rest of his.”
He clasps my shoulder and squeezes. “Don’t let Coral fall down that hole, brother. Bring her back to the light because only you can do that.” I nod because he’s right.
“Why don’t we get the rest of this house cleaned before Coral wakes up?”
I chuckle at Jett and agree. We clean the place, make it as homey as we can after Coral practically trashed the furniture. Tank pops out to pick up what needs replacing. All the time Coral sleeps, and I don’t have the heart to wake her.
Coral slept all night. She didn’t wake when I shook her gently to tell her dinner was ready, she just grunted and turned away from me. By the time I crawled into bed, it was past midnight, and I couldn’t keep my eyes open. The events of the past month have taken their toll on all of us, especially my wife.
She curled up to me the second I lay down. I held her close to me as she mumbled how much she loved me. I know that she does. The past four years she’s shown me every day how much she loves me, and it breaks my heart to see her in so much pain.
All the time Cindy was here Coral was so happy. When she asked me if Cindy could stay with us for a while because she didn’t want to go home, I smiled and told her she never had to ask me something like that.
I loved seeing them together. They were so close it was almost unreal to me, I’d never known two sister’s to be so close. Brother’s, yes. Sisters? Nope.
I can’t say it didn’t affect me when Cindy died, it did. She was a special girl, an exceptional girl. Losing her the way we did, not just the club, but Hammer and Coral, has all but destroyed us. How do we come back from this?
I was around when Titus and Hillary, Hammer and Tank’s parents, were killed. This isn’t the first time I’ve ever experienced a death such as this within the club. However, this time it feels very different. Yeah, we’ve lost a brother or two in the years I’ve been a member of the Snakes, but this was a young woman with her whole life ahead of her, taken from us without cause or reason.
The funeral was awful. Coral’s parents were screaming at Hammer, blaming him for Cindy’s death. None of us blame him. He wasn’t to know Cindy would go out alone. We’d all made sure our women knew the dangers of going out without protection. Some pathetic, worthless club decided to pick a fight with us. Many small clubs think if they take on the big boys and rise to the top. However, scum on the top of the pond is always cleared away in the end.
Right now, I have no clue how the hell anyone will ever be the same after this. Sure, we’ll all move on in the end, but Hammer and Coral? I have no clue if they ever will be. Hammer is a shell of himself, my wife has finally cracked, and I don’t know how the fuck I’m meant to fix this for her.
I scrub my hands over my face and sigh. My wife is broken, and I don’t know how to mend her heart. I don’t want to lose her to grief. I need to find a way to help her.
“Mark?” I look up from my position on the couch. Coral strokes the back of my hair like she needs to comfort me. Not happening.
I take her hand, and she climbs into my lap, both feet planted on the right side of my body, and she snuggles into me, her head on my shoulder. I stroke her back as she sniffs back tears. If she needs to cry, then she can cry on me, I’ll hold her up when she has no strength to do so herself.
“Thank you.” She mumbles into my neck.
“For what?”
“For just being here. I'm so sorry about before I didn’t mean to trash the place, the anger I tried to repress just burst out of me.”
I wrap my arms tighter around her body and rock her gently. “You don’t have to be sorry, little bird, you lost someone special to you. I don’t expect you not to grieve, Coral.” She’s crying softly, and it hurts my heart so much. I kiss her head while stroking the back of her hair. “Don’t hold it inside, baby. Let it out.”
“I miss her,” She sobs.
“I know you do. You always will. But Cindy will always be alive in your heart, Coral. She may not be here with us any longer, but she will always be remembered, not one of us will ever forget her.” She nods against me, little hands clutching at my chest, making sure I don’t let go of her. There’s no way I’ll let go of her.
“Will this pain ever go away?”
“It will ease in time, baby, I promise. It won’t always hurt this much. It’s going to be okay, sweetheart.” I hug her closer. “We’ll remember Cindy always, and every year on her birthday, we’ll spend the day celebrating her life.”
Coral lifts up and looks at me. I stroke her hair away from her beautiful face. She looks exhausted from crying, even though she slept for hours. “And we’ll talk about her?”
“Yes,” I nod. “We’ll talk about Cindy, tell stories, even watch her favorite movies if that’s what you want.” I’ll do whatever she wants to make things easier for her. “You’ll be okay, baby. Not right now, maybe not next week, or even a month from now, but soon, you will.”
“As long as I have you, I know I’ll be fine. I just don't know if I can be strong right now, Mark, and I hate that. I tried to be strong for everyone, but it’s caught up with me, and I feel so weak right now.”
“Then don’t be strong, little bird. You don’t need to be strong right now. I can be strong for you. Lean on me, baby. I’m here for you.”
She doesn’t put up a fight like she usually would in other situations. She simply nods her head, kisses my lips softly, then lies her head on my shoulder again, letting me hold her close to me.
I can’t physically take Coral’s pain away. I wish I could, but she needs to feel it, to go through this process in order to heal. But fuck if it doesn’t kill me inside knowing how much pain she’s in.
But I know one day, she’ll smile again.
One day, her heart won’t ache thinking about her sister.
One day, she won’t wake up screaming because the visions of her sister being murdered are the only thing she sees.
>
One day, if we’re lucky, we’ll have a child of our own, and we’ll tell that child all about their aunt Cindy and how wonderful she was.
“I love you, Coral. My whole damn heart belongs to you, and I will do anything to help you get through this. Just don’t shut me out, baby.” Because this past month, she’s done just that without even meaning to.
“I won’t. I'm sorry. I love you so much.”
Wrapping her in my arms tighter, I hold her through the night, rocking her and letting her talk about her sister. Good times, bad times, I listen to them all with an open heart. This pain won’t last forever, and Coral will get through this, I won’t lose my wife to this.
I have to help her move forward.
I have to...
Epilogue
Coral
Yes! Yes, fuck yes!” I sob through the pleasure as I ride my husband’s rock hard cock, so deep inside of me. I’m sweaty, hot as he holds my naked hips and thrusts upward with his own.
I love the way we fuck like this, so hard, so raw.
“Fuck, little bird, I’m gonna come!”
I lean down, my breasts squished against his chest, and my mouth captures his, kissing him as we both come hard, so hard I’m whimpering, my thighs shaking and locking.
His arms wrap tightly around my back, holding me to him, and I purr as my body goes slack against his. I’m smiling as I snuggle into him. We’ve been married over six years now, and we’re stronger than ever.
It wasn’t easy after Cindy’s murder two years ago for me to move forward as I’d told others to do. After my breakdown where I trashed the house, I couldn’t get out of bed for three days afterward. Stryker held me, took care of me, gave me that time to wallow. However, when day three came, he forced me out of bed, forced me to shower, to eat. If I didn’t have him during that time, I don’t think I would have survived it.
Mark is my rock. He’s shown me over the years we’ve been together that we are strong because we have each other. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t need a man to be strong, but the love of a good man sure helps make a girl stronger.
My parents came around after a few months – seven – and called me. I’d tried to call them before that moment, a few times, actually, but they never answered. I sent them messages, dozens of them. In the end, I gave up because I felt like I was wasting my time and energy. I also felt abandoned by them. I know they were grieving, but so was I and I needed them.
It was my father who reached out to me. He asked how I was doing, and I told him the truth, I was finally able to get up each morning without feeling like someone had thrown a bucket of cold water all over me. It was no longer a shock to my system every day.
He wanted to know if I was still with Stryker, and if I wasn’t, why hadn’t I gone home to him and mom. I think it was pretty obvious why I wouldn’t go home to them. They hurt me when they turned their backs on me.
I made sure my dad knew that I was still with Stryker and without him, I wouldn’t be here today. I would have drowned in my grief. Because not only did I lose my sister, I lost my parents too when they walked away and never looked back.
My dad cried to me, wanting me to know how sorry he was for what he did, that he loved me and just wanted to know that I'm safe. I didn’t point out how he walked away and didn’t care that I could have been killed like Cindy and he wouldn’t have been here.
My mother got on the phone and cried, telling me how sorry she was and that she just wanted to see me, to hold me. I could have told her to get lost, that she didn’t want me months ago, that I didn’t need her anymore. But the truth is, I did need her, I needed both of them. That’s why Stryker took me to California. He was right by my side the whole time. The second we got to my parents’ place, I ran to them, and they held me while we all cried.
I think the three of us needed it, to see each other. We also needed to go into Cindy’s room, we needed to say goodbye and let her go. We told stories about her, laughed at the silly things she used to do. We cried when it was needed, especially when we looked at photos and watched old home movies of us as children. I sobbed while showing Mark the pictures I didn’t know my father had taken of me with my baby girl, one with Cindy holding her, smiling down at my newborn daughter. There was one of me asleep in my bed, Elisha right by my side, pillows next to her so she wouldn’t fall out of my bed, and my arm was wrapped around her. The last one was of me holding Elisha in my arms while I was sitting on the couch feeding her.
Stryker smiled while looking at those pictures and telling me how much my daughter looked liked me. It made my heart swell because I had feared she might look like the monster who helped create her. Then my dad shocked me with a home movie he made in secret. I could tell by the look on my mother’s face, so full of regret now her youngest daughter was gone that she wished she’d done things differently.
Cindy and I were sitting on the couch in this film, and she was shoulder to shoulder with me as I held Elisha in my arms. I couldn’t believe how young I looked, I looked younger than my then thirteen years, and I could see just why my mother didn’t want me to keep my baby. There’s no way I looked old enough to be her mother. I couldn’t have given her everything she needed. I know that.
‘She’s very beautiful,’ The ten-year-old Cindy had said while stroking my daughter’s head.
My precious baby was wearing a little pink sleep-suit, a tiny pacifier in her mouth. Brought for her because my mother hadn’t wanted to hear her crying all the time. Not that she ever did, Elisha was a good baby.
‘I love her so much, Cindy.’
‘I love her, too!’ We’d both giggled as Cindy wrapped her arms around Elisha and me and kissed us both.
I cried watching that. Stryker wrapped me up in his arms and told me how much he loved me, how beautiful my daughter was, and how one day she’ll be home with me.
I still pray for that day, every day. In a few short months, she’ll be fifteen. My little girl isn’t far from eighteen, just a few more short years. Once those years are up, I can ask Shepard where she is, whom he gave her to. Then, if he gives me the information I need, I have to decide if I go looking for her.
Shepard promised me when he took her that her new parents had been told they’d have to tell Elisha she was adopted. However, I’m scared they might not have told Elisha any such thing. So comes the decision I’ll have to make to turn her life upside down or not.
If they haven’t told her where she really came from and I barge into her life, it will change everything for her. She might hate me, and I couldn’t handle that.
If they have told her and I don’t go looking for her, she might think I never cared about her. My heart breaks for her every day, wondering if she knows about me but not why I gave her up.
Shepard told me that Elisha would have been told she’s adopted, maybe not who her mother is, but she is my daughter, and he knows she’ll come looking for me before I go looking for her. I just need to be prepared for that day. I need to be prepared for all the questions she’ll want answering, especially about her father.
What the hell would I ever tell her about him?
There’s no way I could tell her she was the product of rape by a pedophile biker. It would destroy her in ways I doubt she’d ever recover from.
I’ll think of something to tell her when the time comes.
I want to take her to Cindy’s grave. She might not be buried there, but the Snakes made sure she had a place in their private cemetery, so we all had somewhere to go to talk to her. Her headstone is vast and beautiful, an angel with huge wings looking down on us all with love.
I want my daughter to know all about Cindy and what she meant to me. I want her to know how much my sister loved her, how she was always waiting for the day we could all be together again.
Not that I believe my mother will want anything to do with my daughter when she comes home. She may have sat through all those secret pictures my father had taken. She may have watched the secret film
he’d made, and felt sad and guilty about what happened when I was a little girl, but I know in my heart she’ll never be able to see my daughter as anything but the product of a heinous rape that ruined her little girl.
I lay down beside Stryker, on our sides facing each other, and I smile as he strokes my face before laying his hand on my stomach. No one knows our news yet, and I was so scared when I found out. However, Mark was with me when I peed on that stick. He was with me when we saw a doctor, and he’s been with me through everything.
We haven’t told anybody about our baby yet. I’m not ready to tell people. This is our little secret right now until it no longer can be.
I lay my hand over Stryker's on my still flat stomach. We have a little life growing inside of me right now. This little miracle is our world, our own family. Ours and no one can take that away from us.
I honestly never thought I’d ever be blessed with another baby. Six years Stryker and I have been together, and we’ve already lost one little miracle. I was so scared we’d lose this one. Stryker was terrified just as I was. It hurt us both so much when we lost our first baby. However, now is our time. My man deserves this. It’s all he's ever wanted, a family of his own, his blood running through our child’s veins.
“He's going to look just like you.”
He laughs and rolls his eyes. I’ve said this to him more than once since we found out we’re pregnant. He keeps telling me that the baby might be a girl, and I keep telling him that she’ll look just like him. Which makes him laugh and kiss me while telling me how she’ll look just like me.
“Thank you, Mark.”
“For what?” He smiles curiously. He honestly doesn’t know what he’s done for me. He never expects any thanks for anything., and he doesn’t because it comes so naturally to him.
“For loving me, for being there for me through everything, for holding me up when I couldn’t hold myself up. For loving my little girl,” And he does. He tells me enough. She’s a part of me, the most beautiful part, and he loves her. When she comes home, he’ll be her father, the only one she’ll ever need. Not counting her adopted father, we’d never take that away from her. “For the baby inside of me, for just being you, the man I love with everything that I am.”
Strike Fast: Prequal (Snakes Henchmen MC) Page 18
