by Jess Bentley
The ride was faster than I expected, even with stopping twice on different floors to collect passengers, and I was standing in front of sixty-six all too soon. The process of getting cleared by security had temporarily dispelled some of my nervousness, but it came back in spades as I lifted my hand to ring the bell.
I swallowed the lump in my throat and blotted my sweaty palm against the side of my black skirt before lifting my hand to try again. This time, my finger connected with the ringer, and I pressed it with another swallow. It had barely finished ringing when a young woman in a black and white uniform opened the ornate door. Her expression of relief was disconcerting.
“Oh, hello! You must be Ms. Valentine.”
“Yes.”
“Come in. Did you bring luggage? If so, I can put it in your room while you’re greeting Miss Elle.”
“No, I didn’t! I wasn’t sure if I was staying.”
The woman’s face fell. “You’re not taking the job? Oh, but you must. Miss Elle has been so much easier to deal with since Mr. Hudson told her last night that you’re coming to live here.”
“Oh. I just wasn’t sure if I was hired or not. I didn’t…” I trailed off as the woman gestured for me to come inside. “Anyway, I guess I’ll bring my things later today.”
She beamed. “That’s wonderful. They’re both in Miss Elle’s room, and I’ll show you the way.”
I followed the maid, asking, “What’s your name?” as we walked.
“I’m Betsy. I’ve been with the Hudsons for almost three years.”
“Were you here during the divorce?”
Betsy hesitated to answer.
“Sorry to ask that. I shouldn’t have.”
The other woman shrugged. “It’s natural to be curious, especially since you knew Mrs. Hudson before, didn’t you?” At my nod, she said, “I can’t say much, but it wasn’t a pretty separation. It was hard on Miss Elle, but also on Mr. Hudson too.”
“I’m sure. What kind of problems is Elle having?”
“I’ll have Mr. Hudson fill you in, Miss Lindsay.”
“Just Lindsay please.” I stopped when Betsy did, waiting as the other woman knocked before opening the door.
It took every scrap of courage I had to step inside when I heard Ben—Mr. Hudson’s—voice. I braced myself to face him, telling myself I was over the crush.
I believed that until I stepped into the room and got my first sight of him in so many years. God, he was as gorgeous as ever. If I remembered correctly, he would be thirty-four, and the first trace of gray graced his temples. It just made him sexier than ever.
The lines may be deeper on his face, but they didn’t detract a single bit from his handsomeness. They just underscored how hard the past few years had been on him. A concern I had no right to have, I reminded myself as I took a hesitant step forward.
“Hello, Mr. Hudson.” Why was it so hard to get out a simple greeting?
He inclined his head, his expression inscrutable. “Hello, Lindsay. Elle, your nanny is here,” he called over his shoulder.
A moment later, Elle emerged from what I presumed was a walk-in closet. She seemed just as shy with me as I felt around Ben…Mr. Hudson. “Hi, sweetie.”
Elle hesitated for another half-second before running across the room and throwing herself against me. ‘I’m so glad you’re here, Lindsay.” She whispered the words before burying her face against my stomach.
“Me too, Elle.” I patted her back as I said the words. They were the right thing to say, but I didn’t know if they were true yet. I was glad to help Elle if I could, but I didn’t know if being in the Hudsons’ apartment was a good idea. I clearly wasn’t over the crush I’d had on Mr. Hudson, which was more dangerous than ever. Even if he didn’t feel the same, and how could he—he shouldn’t!—I could still get my heart broken from the desperate hope and the disappointment which was inevitable.
CHAPTER 5
BEN
O h, fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
This wasn’t good at all. She was supposed to be a chubby, bespectacled board of a girl, not a curvy, smoking-hot young woman. Her chubbiness had melted to glorious curves that needed caressing while I drove myself inside her slick heat. The kind of curves that would provide the perfect amount of cushioning while thrusting into her.
I forced myself to look away and take several deep breaths while she and Elle were reacquainted. This was a disaster, but I couldn’t lose focus or reveal any hint of what I was thinking. The last thing I needed to do was scare her away, and if I came across as a creepy old lech, she wouldn’t stick around no matter how much she liked Elle.
When there was a lull in the moment my daughter and the nanny were sharing, I took a step closer and held out my hand. When she accepted it, I had to bite back a groan at the arc of electricity that zinged my palm. “Thank you for helping us out, Lindsay. I’m sorry for the short notice.”
She smiled, and the shyness there was somehow infinitely more seductive than the open flirtation I was accustomed to from women who wanted me.
“I’m happy to help, and this was an unexpected opportunity for me. Mr. Baylor said—”
I held up a finger. “Hold that thought, if you don’t mind. We’ll talk about everything very soon, but we’re on our typical morning deadline. Elle needs to have breakfast so the driver can take her to school, and there’s not much time left.”
“You aren’t coming?” asked Elle with a frown of concern.
I looked down at my daughter. “I had planned to stay here and work out details with Lindsay before she settles in.”
She bit her lip, anxiety evident in her ocean-blue eyes. “Couldn’t you both come with me and talk in the limo?”
I arched a brow at Lindsay. “Do you have classes this morning?”
“Not until eleven a.m. today, Mr. Hudson.”
“Please call me Ben. You’re an adult now, so we don’t need to be so formal.” Though the thought of her calling me Mr. Hudson while I fucked her was making my cock twitch.
I shouldn’t be thinking such things. I most especially shouldn’t be contemplating pinning her to the wall and taking her in one deep thrust. I cleared my throat when Elle touched my hand. I must have checked out of the conversation for a moment there. “I think that would be fine, then, honey.”
With a little bounce, Elle turned from me with Lindsay following. I reached out, hand hovering at the small of Lindsay’s back, without bridging the distance. Electricity still pulsed between us. I couldn’t afford even a slight touch, or I’d want it all. So much more, and she was completely forbidden. Lindsay was there for Elle’s emotional well-being, not as my sex toy.
Young women like her didn’t know how to play the sex-only-for-pleasure game, and I wasn’t going to make the mistake of having another relationship. Ashe had cost me more than I’d ever expected, and way more than financially. I’d lost the ability to trust, let alone love, someone again. Lindsay deserved better than a quick fuck, and that was all I had to offer.
After breakfast, the three of us slid into the limo. It was utter stupidity on my part, but I couldn’t help arranging it so Lindsay was between Elle and me. Her thigh pressed against mine, and though her skirt was modest, it had ridden up enough to give me a good view of about four inches of thigh above the knee. Even as I felt ridiculous, I was getting hard at the sight of her creamy flesh. It felt like I was just discovering girls and stealing my mom’s lingerie catalog, the way the blood was running from my brain and straight to my cock.
She looked at me right then, and I blushed like a teenager. For fuck’s sake, what was wrong with me? Lindsay looked puzzled, but I was certain her pupils were dilated, and she seemed to be breathing heavier than a quick elevator ride and short walk to the car would excuse. If she was half as turned on as I was, this arrangement would be in deep trouble. How could I resist?
“Dad said you’re going to stay for a long time, Lindsay. Is that true?”
Elle asked the question with such
mistrust, but blind hope, that it made my chest clench. It also reminded me of exactly why I had to resist the desire pulsing through me, even if I hadn’t yet figured out how to do so.
“We’ll have to see how it goes. You might get tired of me, sweetie. I’ve never been a nanny before.”
Elle’s eyes widened, and she seemed on the verge of tears. “I won’t get tired of you, but you’re just going to leave me like everyone else.” She almost shouted the accusation as a single tear rolled down her cheek.
“That’s enough,” I said sternly. “Lindsay is here to help you, so please be kind.”
Lindsay shot me a look I couldn’t quite decipher, but it seemed to be full of censure. What? I was trying to keep Elle from hurting her feelings—and yes, from spurring her to run away and never look back. I couldn’t help hoping Elle would either be less difficult, or at least unleash it in stages. If not, I wasn’t sure the young woman whose lovely, creamy thigh pressed against me would be able to handle it. As she’d said, she wasn’t a nanny and definitely wasn’t trained in how to deal with problem children.
“I have no plans to leave for a long while, Elle,” said Lindsay as she took her hand. She ignored my daughter’s resistance. “I just want you to know that if this isn’t working out, and you aren’t happy with the situation, you can tell me to leave. No hard feelings.”
Elle looked at her with such hope in her eyes that I was afraid Lindsay’s departure might completely devastate her. It wasn’t fair that her mental state hinged on the commitment ability of an eighteen-year-old. Nor was it fair to Lindsay to be stuck in that position. The least I could do was avoid muddying the waters by allowing a hint of the attraction that burned through me to show.
“I won’t ask you to leave, Lindsay.” She was so solemn when she made the promise. “Will you stay as long as I want?”
“I’ll stay as long as I can.”
The gentle words seemed to appease Elle, and she slid out of the car at her school more buoyantly than she had for months.
Once she was gone, an awkward silence filled the car. She was looking down at her feet instead of at me, and I couldn’t seem to tear my gaze from her knee. I was starting to feel like a dirty old man and forced my gaze away. It was only when she slid over a bit that I realized we’d still been pressed together on the seat even after Elle had left.
“Mr. Baylor said you would give me a signing bonus, Mr. Hudson.” Her brown eyes were huge with obvious embarrassment when she finally looked up at me. “I hate to press you, but I really need the money.”
“It’s for tuition, right?” At her surprised nod, I reached for my briefcase and popped the latches. A second later, the checkbook was in hand, and I had my fountain pen poised over the “To” line.
“Should I make this out to you or Columbia University?”
“Columbia please. They won’t take checks from my father anymore, and probably not from me, but I doubt they’ll reject yours.” She dipped her head to hide behind her hair.
Without thinking about it, I reached out and cupped her chin, gently urging her head up.
“Don’t be ashamed for what you need, Lindsay. It’s hardly your fault, and you’re going to be working to earn it. This isn’t charity or a loan.”
Her tentative smile robbed me of the ability to breathe for a moment, and the flush of pink in her cheeks almost made me dizzy with the effort to resist leaning forward to press my lips to hers. That’s not what employers and employees did.
I forced myself to release her chin, though I swore I could still feel the softness of her skin imprinted against the whorls of my fingertips. Clearing my throat, I looked away from her and bent my head to focus on writing the check. I signed it with a flourish and handed it to her a moment later. “Do you need an advance on your salary, Lindsay?”
She shook her head. “No, thank you. I have enough to tide me over until payday. Oh! That reminds me that I have to turn in my notice at my other jobs.”
“Jobs? How many do you have?”
“Two. I was looking into a third one when Mr. Baylor contacted me. With what you’re paying, including a room, I won’t have to try to juggle the other jobs with school and taking care of Elle.”
I nodded. “Good. Just so we’re clear, Lindsay. Elle is your first priority, okay? If you start to fall behind in school, please let me know, and I’ll arrange a tutor. Whatever you need, I’ll give it to you, as long as you’re focusing on Elle.”
The naughty thoughts suddenly crowding my mind, all the things I’d like to give her—things I shouldn’t be thinking—embarrassed me when I saw the gratitude in her expression. I shielded my eyes and glanced away. “Is that clear?”
“Yes, sir.”
My cock jumped in my pants, and I was back to feeling like an awkward teenager again. I gritted my teeth, not sure if I wanted to advise her to never use that honorific again, or if I wanted to demand she use it every time she was with me.
Dammit, I couldn’t keep losing myself in thoughts of her. “Good. May I drop you somewhere on my way to work?”
She nodded. “My apartment please. I need to pack my things. I might have time to take them over to your place before class.”
I glanced at my watch. “I’ll send Hector back for you after he drops me at the office.”
She looked almost appalled. “I couldn’t let you do that. This car must cost a fortune.”
I laughed. “Yes, but Hector gets paid a salary, and he sometimes complains of being bored during the day. You’d be doing him a favor.”
She looked skeptical. “I think you’re pulling my leg, but since I’m not really in a position to refuse, I’ll let you. Thank you, so much, Mr. Hudson.”
“Ben,” I reminded her with a smoky tinge in my voice I hadn’t intended.
She nodded.
“Say it.” I couldn’t explain it, but I needed to hear my name on her lips.
Lindsay looked hesitant, and was likely confused by my request, but she wasn’t brave enough to refuse it. “Ben,” she whispered with her head bent.
“Look at me and say it, Lindsay.”
Slowly, her head lifted, and her gaze met mine. Her cheeks were flushed, and her plump lips trembled for a moment. “Ben.”
It satisfied me in a way I couldn’t explain as I relaxed against the seat. “Thank you. Now, give me your address. I’ll tell Hector.”
CHAPTER 6
LINDSAY
T hanks to Ben’s generous loan of his car and driver, I was able to grab my things from the apartment and bring them back to the Imperial in a flash. I left a note for the other girls who shared the old place with me let them know I wouldn’t be back. I also left a check for my part of the last month’s rent and managed to slip away before I had to see or talk with any of them.
After that, it was a smooth drive back to his apartment, though the traffic was the usual nightmare. Seated in the back of the limousine, I opened my phone and Googled Ben and Ashe’s names, trying to find out more about the divorce. I told myself it was so I could help Elle, but I knew that wasn’t entirely true. There was definitely a dose of unhealthy curiosity motivating my search, but I refused to look too far into why I might be so interested in the details of their failed marriage.
There were a plethora of articles from two years ago, and while most were from the society pages, some were about legal proceedings. I couldn’t find information on what had prompted the divorce, but I started to piece it together from the many headlines. There were two different ones screaming that Ashe had gone to rehab, and then a third from an undisclosed source who claimed Ashe was using again after losing custody of Elle.
The custody battle itself seemed to expand three months and generated multiple articles with salacious headlines. It sounded like it had been vicious, but Ben had won in the end. Considering Ashe was a drug addict, I wasn’t surprised. If she was as uninvolved with Elle as she’d been when I used to babysit for them, I was kind of surprised she’d bothered trying to get
custody at all. Maybe she did it to punish Ben?
By the time I finished snooping, we were close to the Imperial, and I had just enough time to slide my phone into my bag and grab my two suitcases as the car pulled up in front of the building. When it slid into one of the designated spots for limousines, Hector opened the door for me and I popped out. “Thank you.”
He nodded. “Just call if you need me, Ms. Valentine. Mr. Hudson told me to make your calls a priority, especially if you have Miss Elle.” As he spoke, he reached into his pocket and extracted a business card. “My personal cell phone is on there as well. Feel free to use it if you need it.”
I nodded my appreciation as I took the card, and awkwardly stuck it in my pocket while juggling my bags.
At that moment, Bill appeared and took the largest one for me. He nodded to Hector, and it was obvious they knew each other. The doorman turned to face me. “May I offer you a hand getting your things upstairs, Miss Lindsay?”
I waited to answer until I’d stepped onto the curb, and the door closed behind me. “I think I can manage it now. Thank you though.”
It felt weird have people fawning over me, and offering assistance for every little thing. Ever since my mother had died when I was younger, I’d pretty much done everything for myself. My dad loved me, but he was too self-absorbed to realize that I hadn’t been a fully self-sufficient adult at just thirteen years old. I’d had to finish growing up quickly, and being Elle’s babysitter had actually helped in that regard. It taught me a sense of responsibility, and it helped me develop a nurturing side. Lord knows the little girl had needed one, with Ashe always busy flitting in and out and Ben constantly working. To this day, I’m not sure if Ben realizes just how often I had been at their home to take care of their child, but he was working long hours and Ashe was doing whatever it was she did.
In a way, their home had become a refuge of my own, and Elle had been an integral part of my life. I hadn’t been able to focus on my own grief and mourning to the point of wallowing in it when she’d needed care and attention. In retrospect, I’d been far too young and overwhelmed to really have that much responsibility for the baby if I had, but I’d like to think we made a positive impact on each other’s lives.
