Alec is obviously very sweet for doing all this. But it’s hard to ignore his other obvious aversions to… being a normal person at times. It doesn’t seem to make a lot of sense that he would even open up to me at times only to completely pull away with a one-eighty the next day.
“This was so amazing. Thank you.” I finish all my food with nothing left even though I am too full for the mini bundt cake he said he bought.
Alec smiles and glances at me. “No problem. I just wanted to do something nice for you.” He shrugs like he means something else.
I chew my lip as I fiddle with the end of my napkin. He even put my nice place settings out. Though I only bought them to use them once when my parents came over for dinner after I moved in. It was the first and last time they came here.
“Because you feel bad about avoiding me?” I pry.
He smiles sadly and looks away but doesn’t agree.
“Why do you do that?” I speak so low, it’s almost a whisper.
He turns to me and unfurls his brow like he is ready to talk. But then my phone rings, and I’m inclined to ignore it, but I’ve lost the moment anyway. There are only two people who could be calling, so I excuse myself to answer it.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Amalia, happy birthday. I meant to call earlier, but you know how things get busy. Your father is here, and he wants to talk to you.”
“Thank you—” I barely finish before Mom hands the phone away.
“Mia, hi, honey,” Dad speaks through the phone. He actually uses my preferred name, and it makes me smile.
My mother refuses to believe I don’t want to be the refined pseudo princess she set out to make me.
“Happy birthday. Did you do something fun?” I hear him smiling.
“Not really. Thank you, though.”
“I got you a gift, but I didn’t think it would ship well. I suppose I will see you for Thanksgiving and give it to you then,” he states. It’s only September seventeenth, but I would need to prepare for that visit as soon as possible.
“Thanks, Dad. I’ll see you guys then, yeah?” I agree.
He chuckles, and I hear Mom on the other end.
“Oh. Good then.”
“I have to go, Dad. Thanks for calling.” I sigh.
“Okay, honey. Enjoy your night.”
“Yeah, I will. Bye, Dad.” I hang up, so I don’t have to hear anything from my mom. I don’t even feel bad about it. I know what I have to do to keep myself from feeling like shit, especially on my birthday.
When I get back to the kitchen, Alec is cleaning up. The air shifts right away as he looks at me, our interrupted conversation coming back from before.
“Your parents?” He guesses right.
“Yeah.” I smile softly. I swallow my nerves and corner him at the counter.
He turns and towers over me as I catch his gaze. I lean one hand on the counter and inch closer to his pressed on the counter in front of me.
“Alec, do you… not like me?” I roll my eyes at how ridiculous it sounds. “I mean besides making me a surprise dinner for my birthday, it just seems like you don’t want to be around me most of the time. I get that we’re just roommates. I get that you may have your own stuff going on and don’t want to complicate things, but it just seems like—”
I am cut off and umphed by the sudden proximity of him before his lips are on mine. I check I haven’t had too much wine, and yes—his lips are on mine and coaxing them apart, and I willingly open up to him.
His strong, hot hand is around my waist pulling me closer to him as he deepens the kiss. I turn my head and place my hands on both of his strong, broad shoulders as I kiss him back. Everything flows away like a wave dying down, but it’s still strong like something gaining momentum and never wanting to stop. My body opens to him feeling every inch of his strength and heat against me as he holds my waist so tight, holding me to him like he never wants to let me go. I inhale sharply as his tongue slips over my mouth, and my lips part, giving way to him as his taste overflows my senses. My arms hold his shoulders tighter, wrapping around his neck as he swings me up and sets me on the counter. He doesn’t break the kiss as he sets himself between my legs and runs his hands down my back stopping at the curve of my hips. I slide my fingers through his thick, soft hair like I imagined so many times, and it doesn’t disappoint. He is almost perfect—almost because I want something else between us to be perfect. I don’t feel anything but his chest on mine, and I wish I felt more, I wish I didn’t even have to breathe as we pull away.
We’re breathless, panting as we lean on each other. I open my eyes to watch his jaw tick and eyes darken with the decision brewing behind them. Somehow, I don’t want it to go any further than this. I don’t want anything to ruin the best kiss I’ve ever fucking had.
He reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a little black sack like it has magic beans in it or something. But, instead, he pulls out a simple silver bracelet with little flower charms on them.
“I got you this.” He puts it on for me without question. His fingertips brush my wrist, and he holds it in his hand as he meets my eyes.
“If this and that kiss isn’t answer enough… I think I’m fucking crazy about you, Mia. And I don’t want to hurt you. That’s why I had to keep myself at a distance.” He shakes his head once almost to himself before he looks back at me.
I gently cup his cheek, the smooth, hard plane of his jaw against my palm.
“And now?” I ask him. My lips still pulse with the kiss, and my eyes haven’t even focused back yet.
“Now I… I don’t know.” He steps away, and I feel myself losing him. I almost want to scream out ‘no’ like it will make a difference. “I think it was a mistake, I’m sorry.” He glances at me, but his eyes flee away, and it hurts more than anything I’ve felt before. My stomach sinks in, and a gasp is stuck in my throat as he steps away from me.
“Alec…” I start.
He licks his lips and puts as much distance between us as possible. He gruffs, “Happy birthday.”
Then he’s gone.
11
Alec
“We were supposed to have this done last week. If we don’t get it done today, the entire project will be out of whack. The buyers won’t be very happy either.”
My stubby boss or superior—I don’t really know what to call him since I’m the senior engineer here—but Mark heads the divisional and build work. He has called me out to complain about the engineers not being able to build the design I sent out. They are working offsite at the location of the buyer, so it’s even harder to get in contact with them.
When I look at the plot plan again, I see that I did, in fact, make a major error in the design. I’ve got two major wires crossing. I pretty much told them to build a satellite with two outputs and no input!
I was fucking distracted when I designed it because the night before, I had kissed the most beautiful woman I had ever seen in my life knowing I hurt her when I walked away. That was two weeks ago.
“I know. I sent out the updated design this morning.” I scratch my head and make some distance between where I stand against the wall from him sitting at his desk. The way he leans back in his chair makes his rounded belly come up to the desk, his white shirt fighting it and almost losing.
“Good. I don’t need the boss on my ass.”
“Yeah.” I agree. “Well, I’m going to head out. Not much more I can do.” I shrug. Yeah, I fucked up the design, but I fixed it and sent it off. Nothing more for me to do except wait for the results, make sure it got built properly.
“You’re right there. See you, Wilde.”
I leave and close out my desktop. I get the pit-of-dread feeling I have had for the last week on the way home.
I have been thinking about that kiss for two weeks and how it felt to finally have her lips on mine, moving against her, my hands on her soft body, everything aligning and coming together between us. Just like I imagined. Just like I feared.
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And I haven’t seen her. I run if I hear her coming or tiptoe around her when I get home. It feels like shit, but I don’t know what else to do. I don’t know how to handle the things I feel for her while I’m dealing with the emotions with my family. Holden still calls, and I answer. I talk to Mom. I have spoken with each of my brothers since then, and no word of Dad has come up. I don’t talk about Mia, not even to Holden. It would be too official. It would be… I don’t know.
When I do arrive home, I don’t see her car or anything. It’s almost seven, so I’m shocked. I remember that big wedding she has to prepare for and think she is just working late on that. I go inside and start a microwave dinner. I fucking miss her dinners. I shouldn’t get to miss anything, but she is a damn good cook. Or maybe it’s average, and it only seems like that because she did it.
She leaves stuff for me in Tupperware, but I can’t bring myself to eat it. I don’t want to use her like that. I don’t want to ignore and validate her still being kind to me. It isn’t fair at all.
So, I make my shitty dinner and inhale the bland taste before disappearing into my room for the night with two Shiners in tow.
I shower and sit in my flannel pants with my laptop and do what’s been on my mind for a few days. I google the name Dad gave me before he died to see what info I can find. There isn’t much besides generic social profiles. I don’t get much out of it besides who he is and what he looks like.
I reluctantly pick up the phone and hover over Mom’s contact information. I figure she might remember. Who am I kidding—they were lovers. She has to remember something important about him. Something that might even help me find him.
It rings three times before she answers with a theatrical gasp I remember from my childhood. “Alec, how are you?” I hear the change in her voice. She must be doing better since Dad has passed.
“I’m okay, Mom. How are you doing?” I ask her with ease. It didn’t take me long to realize I wasn’t mad at her. I couldn’t imagine how hard it must have been for her, and I don’t know anything about being a parent or the sacrifices they must have made. I’m not upset with Dad either—it would be hard to be since he has passed away too.
“I’m okay, honey. I’ve gone back to teaching, you know. In the middle of the semester, but I don’t think the kids mind.” She laughs softly. Mom has been a grade school teacher forever. Fourth grade and then a huge jump to eighth grade. She made plenty of jokes and about bridging the gap between junior high and high school for them.
“I don’t know why you don’t just take the board job they keep offering you.”
“Because I’m a teacher, not an enforcer.”
“Technically…”
“Technically, I don’t make any rules right now. I barely enforce them. I like it that way. Anyway, I’m sure you called for a reason. What’s on your mind?”
I chuckle once. It is how I always used to be, but I never really noticed it until later. I keep to myself until I absolutely need help. I was always introverted. I guess that’s what I’m doing now. Having that distance before I confront this whole issue of the will and all the deception.
“I was looking for Deric,” I say cautiously. “Deric Jones.” I finish.
I know she knows who it is. But I hear the catch in her breath when she does.
“Why, honey?” she whispers.
“Because… don’t I deserve to know him?”
“Yeah, honey. Just… he isn’t that type of man. He never was. He… I don’t want you to get hurt.”
“I’m grown. I can handle it.”
“I’ll give you what I know on him.”
I thank her and don’t let the conversation go on for much longer. When I hang up, I hear footsteps that I know as Mia’s.
My heart catches a beat, and I shut my laptop leaning back on my bed just to listen to her. I close my eyes and know her movements to be her watering the flowers everywhere. She isn’t humming this time, just watering. I picture what cute little dress she might be wearing and if her curly ringlets are up or down. If she’s worried about something, it might be up, and I can only assume she’s worried about what’s going on with… with us.
Thinking of it as an ‘us’ hurts because it’s what I didn’t need, but it’s all I want right now. I don’t want this fear to be defining me—fear of everything, fear of the truth. I thought I was facing it by trying to find this Deric man, but it isn’t true. I still haven’t talked to my family about anything real. Still haven’t signed that will. Still haven’t faced anything.
Mia shifts around, and I know she is tidying up the living room. She likes everything to be a certain way. Living with her taught me so much about her, but there is still so much I want to learn. I’m still not sure there is any winning or losing with Mia, though. Just lessons I may not want to learn.
12
Mia
I am still reeling from everything with Alec. I think it’s because my emotions were all over the place. It was my birthday, and not only did it remind me of why I don’t celebrate it, but the surprise of him doing something so nice for me was overshadowed. Bad shit always happens on my birthday, and the tradition still continues.
So, I could pretend he hadn’t hurt me and that I was indifferent about the whole thing, even the beautiful bracelet he gave me. But I wasn’t. And it was all made worse by that fucking kiss… God, it was more than a kiss. It was a collide of souls and a very dark storm that was still building up. I thought it about every day when I woke up, got ready for work, went to work, and tried to work without thinking about it.
But I just kept thinking about it.
Alec could say whatever he wants to, but I felt everything in that kiss. The way he gripped me so tightly, so I wouldn’t get away. The way his lips sealed mine, claiming me, so much that I still feel him everywhere. Yeah, I’m super hurt by the way he left things, but it doesn’t change how I feel about him, or that kiss, or anything.
Call me stupid. Or crazy. Like Haley did.
I buried myself in all the planning for that wedding. Filling those orders, waiting on approval for layouts and tweaking them nine thousand times. For people with such a hard deadline, they sure wanted to drag their feet and be indecisive. I hadn’t talked to my mom or dad about being the glorified florist for Chad’s wedding. It would just be another reason for my mom to go off on one of her tangents and my dad to pretend he wasn’t listening.
Their problem was they actually loved each other. It was backward, but they are both so in love that they don’t see each other’s faults. Dad will always see Mom as whoever she was when they fell in love when he came here on his student visa and met this sweet little American girl. America didn’t change him—Mom did. And money changed her. I don’t want to end up like them and ignoring their faults because they don’t outweigh the bad. But it is already turning out like that with Alec. I am already ignoring his neglect, standoffish and rash behavior, and secrecy just to keep my feelings about him alive.
Even still, part of me knows that if I knew the truth, I would still feel the same way. I would still think about him first and last thing every day. He is always right down the hall, but I feel so far away from him. I smell him in the halls of my own house, but he is like… a ghost that just dropped in out of nowhere. Or a lost spirit of some sort.
“You’ve just been weird all day. Are you okay?” Haley and I are closing up the shop. I finally get to leave at a normal time because the storm of planning and ordering everything has gone by, and now we wait for approval and whatnot before starting the setup process.
“I’m fine, Haley. Just tired.” I told her everything the day after. Even though two weeks have passed, I don’t want to pay much more attention to it.
I am taking everything with Alec in stride because I’m not prepared to have to contest my lease and move out just for peace of mind if things get worse than they already are.
“If you say so. We can talk, you know, about Alec. Maybe grab dinner or something.�
� Haley shrugs like it’s nothing. She isn’t the buddy-buddy type, and I know that, but she is a good friend.
“Yeah. Maybe tomorrow? I’m just really tired today.”
“Uh huh. Of thinking about Alec, maybe.”
“I’m not.” I shake my head and focus on the register. We had a lot of cash orders, it being Friday.
“Whatever. I told you the guy was bad news. So, what if he kisses like a god? It doesn’t give him free will to tug you around. I mean, who does he honestly think he is, Mia?” Haley leans in to catch my gaze with her strong, bright eyes, and I can’t help but look back at her.
She is right. So right. But I can’t let her know that. She’ll be the good friend that she is and force Alec and everything that comes with him out of my system.
“He has some stuff going on. I don’t think he does it on purpose,” I respond because I truly don’t think he would hurt me on purpose.
He has been on the fence, and that kiss was just a buildup of emotions. All the romance of the surprise dinner and gift warped together to get into both of our heads. I believed him when he said he was crazy about me and didn’t know what to do, and that it felt like a mistake even though we both knew it wasn’t. So, I believe too that we’re both crazy about each other.
“Yeah. Maybe not. Just don’t force shit, okay? Stop trying to fix everything. Maybe… fix yourself first.”
I turn to her with a sharp gaze. “What do you mean by that?”
Haley doesn’t even flinch as I snap, and she takes a calming breath. “I mean that you aren’t perfect either. I know no one is. But you still haven’t worked all your shit out, so you shouldn’t try and meddle your way into his life to get him to work all his shit out.”
I take in her shocking yet truthful words. I hadn’t realized all of it, but it’s true. It wasn’t right for me to expect Alec to figure out all his shit when I hadn’t done it myself yet. I applied for a few jobs and thought that was an adequate step to resolving my issues, but I still have the same problems as before. I’m still riding the tide of a normal life that I don’t even want to live.
Wilde About Alec - The Brothers Wilde Series Book One Page 7
