“I thought you liked playing the violin.”
“I do. I just hate the heart broken expressions on their faces when they realize I’ll never reach the same level as my sister. They start in with the whole try harder, such a disappointment, no honor for them, blah, blah, blah.”
“Do you want me to check?” It would be so easy to reach into the faint blue glow around her.
“No! It always freaks me out when you do it.”
“I love that you have no problem knowing about Phoebe’s future, but never want to hear about yours.”
She laughed and tucked a jaggedly cut strand of hair behind her ear. “That’s because when Phoebe’s schemes fail I can laugh and then help her get over it. Besides it’s more about the way you stare at me when you’re doing it.”
“Am I that obvious?” I’d never given much thought about how I looked when I was in the midst of a vision. Apparently, it wasn’t a pretty sight.
“It’s like you’re looking at one of those magic pictures, searching for the hidden 3-D image.”
She wasn’t far off. My visions were still images. I’d once described them to Lily as one of those books where images are drawn in the corner of every page, and if you turn them fast enough you can almost believe it’s moving. As for being hidden, well it really depended on how far into their future I went and how much I already knew about their future.
“Anyway, according to you, knowing won’t change anything.” She shrugged and stopped in front of her class. “I’d rather be hopeful that they’ll finally stop their constant nagging rather than wallowing in self-pity at the demise of my social life.”
“Well, don’t say I didn’t try to warn you.”
She snorted. “At least you won’t be able to say I told you so.”
“Maybe not, but I can still gloat over the fact that I could’ve told you.”
I ran a hand over my side braid, smoothing down the wispy pieces that had escaped. My fingers hit the hair tie at the end that belonged to Lily and a vision of her flashed before me. When the pictures faded away, I smiled. I’d seen her future so many times, but parts had been blocked mainly because of Micah. His future intertwined with Lily’s, and he was able to block me from reading him. Now that Micah had started to lower his guard, pieces were filling in.
The two of them had played hot and cold for the past few months. Yesterday had been a turning point when Lily finally figured out that he did want to be with her. I could have told her it was a pointless game. Although the presence of Micah’s ex-girlfriend, Jaime, hadn’t helped his case much. Today, though, Lily and Micah were finally going to be official. It was nice to think that after all the heartache Lily had been through this year, that she would finally get a happily ever after.
I simply had to do my little part and that meant being late for class.
“Hey, I need to go find Lily. I’ll see you in class,” I said to Bianca and took off before she could ask any questions. I turned the corner and saw exactly what I’d expected. Micah and Lily were kissing right in front of her locker.
“So, can I just break it to you now?” I asked over Micah’s shoulder.
They slowly pulled apart to glare at me.
“Micah’s happy. Lily’s happy. You’ll stop macking on each other right before Mrs. Ellis turns the corner and gets ready to remind you about appropriate student conduct and later today Jaime’s gonna tell you that she’s going home.”
“What?” Micah and Lily said at the same time.
I held up a finger, motioning for them to wait.
“Mr. Davidson, Ms. Matlin, do I need to give you a reminder about appropriate student conduct?” Mrs. Ellis’s said as she stopped beside us.
They dropped their hands and took a step back from each other.
“No, ma’am.” Micah coughed into his hand in a poor attempt to cover his laugh. Mrs. Ellis gave him a stern look and then walked off.
“I rest my case. See you Thursday, Micah.” I sauntered off, a smug grin stretched across my face. I glanced over my shoulder and sure enough, the two of them were again completely absorbed in each other.
I almost made it to class when I noticed Sebastian heading the opposite direction. I tried to steer through the crowd to get to the other side of the hall, but the rush of people forced me even closer to him. A few feet from him, the haze I had seen earlier hit me and I was consumed by a vision.
The images flashed so quickly I barely recognized half of what I was seeing, but what I did was terrifying.
Everything was red and black. Sebastian. Blood. Gun. More blood. People falling. Lily screaming. Her hands pressed to Micah’s chest. Nadine and Andrew on the ground. Sightless eyes. Dark sky. Red rain. Rivers of blood.
Then the vision was gone, and the horror of what I’d seen sent me to my knees. The pounding of my racing heart and the roar of blood pulsing through me muted the sounds of people around me. I struggled to take in a breath as terror and sorrow crushed me.
“Chloe?” Lily’s voice came from far away, and I pulled myself away from the images. She laid a hand on my shoulder. “Are you okay?”
I swallowed and got to my feet shakily. “Yeah, I just... Could you...?”
She nodded and placed her hand on my shoulder. With her healing touch, my terror was gone, replaced by a sense of calm that let me focus on the impossibility of what I’d seen. Micah, Nadine, and Andrew couldn’t die. Not yet. I knew they would have long lives. Micah was Lily’s future, her ‘till the end love. Andrew would outlive me by six months, and Nadine would live even longer.
So, what had I seen if not the future?
Chapter 2
I wished I were like Lily. She was so sensitive to other peoples’ feelings that the vision I’d had of Sebastian future would have torn her apart. I wanted to be like her because sometimes I felt like an emotionless bitch. Even Phoebe, with her complete insensitivity, was more emotional.
But that just wasn’t me. At least not on the inside. Oh, I could put on a sympathetic face and I could tell when someone was pissed or sad and sympathize. Understanding social cues was my thing, a trait I was sure I received double of to make up for Phoebe’s complete lack of skills. It was the actual feeling for them that I didn’t seem to have. Not anymore. And I blamed that on my ability to see the future.
Seeing the future was a window into the unknown. A glimpse at would never be, at all of the lost love and opportunities, at the way a person’s stupidity would cost them everything they thought they had. It’s hard to feel sorry for someone, knowing they caused their own downfall.
For those times when their devastation was unexpected and undeserved, well… No, I wasn’t like Lily. She had the ability to change what she felt, to end the suffering of others and help them heal their pain. The future, though, is what it is. Or maybe that’s it is what it will be. I couldn’t afford to live my life worrying about what I couldn’t change. My visions were not wrong. Yes, a bit left of center lately maybe, but ultimately they weren’t wrong.
But this one – Sebastian’s future – was completely wrong. It went against everything I had seen for myself, my sisters, Nadine, Micah, Andrew, everyone. It was wrong. There was nothing else to it. I wished I could say the vision freaked me out for longer than a few minutes, but it didn’t, and I couldn’t even blame that on Lily’s calming touch.
Sadly, it was almost too easy to force the images of my dead friends from my mind. I went from class to class, and everything was normal. Something that was even easier to do with Bianca in some of my classes. During gym class, we ran together around the track. Despite her shorter legs, she managed to keep pace with me.
“You should have joined the track team,” I said, my words coming out in even puffs as I kept my breathing regulated.
She snorted. “Track involves teams and I don’t do teams. Unless of course it’s Team Peeta.”
“You’re only Team Peeta because you know in real life he wouldn’t have stood a chance.”
“
And you’re only Team Gale because next to Peeta, you’d be a giant.”
“Bitch,” I said, laughing. She was right. Josh Hutcherson was hot, but way to short for me.
“I call it like I see it.”
Bianca took off at full speed and I sprinted to catch up with her, overtaking her for a few paces and then slowing as we finished our last loop around the track. We crossed the finish line and then walked along the side of the track a few yards before sinking to the ground to stretch.
“I’m destined to live a life of short-leggedness,” Bianca groaned.
Destined. I let the word roll through my mind. It was a pretty word. Like fate. They sounded so sweet and hopeful. I wondered if people would still feel the same about those words if they knew what I knew. Fate and destiny sucked. They were the future. There was no choice.
“Do you believe in fate?” I asked, looking over at Bianca.
She paused with her hands wrapped around the tips of her toes. “Is this a trick question?”
“No. Wait, what do you mean trick?”
“Come on, Chloe. I’m not Nada,” she said, using her nickname for Nadine, who would probably be a bit miffed if she knew that it wasn’t the Mandarin word for girl, but instead Bianca’s less than subtle joke that Nadine had nothing in her brain.
“I’m serious. If you didn’t know me and didn’t know that I know what’s going to happen, would you believe in fate?”
“No. And even though I know that you think you know what you know I still don’t believe in it.” She flopped back onto the grass. “God, you’ve got me talking like Phoebe.”
“You don’t believe I can see the future?” I wasn’t sure if I should be insulted or relieved.
“That’s not what I said. I just said that I don’t believe in fate.”
“You’re not making any sense.”
“What do you expect? I just spent the past twenty minutes trying to keep up with you and your abnormally long spider legs.” She leveraged herself up on her elbows.
“I prefer giraffe.”
“You know who you should talk to about all this existential who am I and what is the purpose of my life stuff?”
I ran through everyone I knew. “Nanna. You’re right. She always knows just what to say.”
“I was gonna say Phoebe, but sure your old lady grandma will work, too.”
“Like I’d ever seek advice from Phoebe. She’s the poster child for poor choices.”
“Oh, come on. She’s not that bad. Not as bad as say…”
“Tonya?” I’d never bought into my sister’s belief that every high school girl needs an arch nemesis, but if I did, Tonya would be mine.
“I was gonna say Karin, but sure Tonya works too.”
“What’s your deal with Karin? I thought you guys were friends,” I asked as we followed the rest of the class into the locker room. The friendship between Bianca and Karin was almost as weird as…well, it was just weird.
“She’s gotten really annoying, lately. Always asking about Owen and wanting to hang out with us all the time.”
Owen was Bianca’s best friend. He was kind of strange and quiet, so I didn’t really get the draw he had. Not only was Karin hot for him, but he’d also dated Nadine for a few months last summer, although she had yet to admit it. He was too hipster for her cheerleading self to date seriously or at least publicly.
Our conversation veered off into the life of Bianca and by the time I arrived in my last class of the day, I’d completely put Sebastian and my little not-real-vision out of my mind. But watching Micah and Lily smiling at each other changed all that.
How could I look at them and not see him lying on the ground dead while Lily cried over him? I squeezed my eyes shut, refusing to acknowledge the mere possibility that Sebastian’s future was real.
“Chloe? What’s wrong?” Lily’s voice came from beside me. I forced my head to shake, my throat too tight to let words through. I might not have had Lily’s soft heart, but I wasn’t as unfeeling as I thought I was.
Acceptance of the future was hard. Keeping on was even harder. To pretend that life was the same, that I didn’t know the horrible pain the people around me would experience, felt nearly impossible sometimes. I twisted in my seat so I faced the girl on my other side. Forcing a smile to my face, I struck up a conversation about her purse. Anything to keep from having to look at Lily or Micah.
I wanted to forget.
It might have been easier if Andrew hadn’t been waiting for me after school, his back pressed against the locker next to mine. He looked good. He always did. His hair mussed perfectly into a faux hawk with blonde highlights at the tips, and he wore the same cocky grin he always did. I’d done a pretty good job of avoiding him ever since Homecoming, but as days turned to weeks, it had become harder and harder.
“Are we still not talking?” he asked as I ignored him and opened my locker. He huffed and tipped his head back. “Seriously? I don’t even know what happened.”
A chill passed through me as the thought of him lying sightless on the ground covered in blood surfaced. I blinked rapidly to clear them from my mind.
I looked up and lost myself in his baby blue eyes.
All last year we’d been on and off and then over summer things seemed to finally be clicking between us. I knew from the moment I met him in fourth grade that we were connected some way. In sixth grade, I had visions of us dating and on my sixteenth birthday, I saw how I would love him for the rest of my life even though we wouldn’t be together. He was meant to go to UCLA where he was going to meet a pretty blond girl. They’d get married and have a little boy who looked just like Andrew. Eventually, they’d divorce and Andrew would live the rest of his days in Santa Barbara.
I’d accepted that future. I’d been okay with knowing our time together wouldn’t last. Then during Homecoming, I learned why Andrew and I wouldn’t be together. It had been just a flash of Andrew. With Nadine. Hands and lips. It was obvious. Then came the visions of Nadine’s guilt, her denial.
The feel of Andrew’s fingers brushing along my arm softened me. No matter how angry I wanted to be with him about what he would do, I couldn’t avoid the overwhelming desire to be with him.
‘Tis better to have loved and lost. Than to have never loved at all. I was a sucker for poetry and Tennyson had always been one of my favorites. While the idea of living the life of a poem or sonnet sounded romantic, it felt rather tragic. Yet it didn’t change the fact that I wanted to be with him for whatever time we had.
“I’m sorry,” I said and forced a smile to my face. “I don’t know what happened either. Everything has been so messed up with my sisters and…”
My voice trailed off and I hoped that would be enough of an explanation, which really it should have been. Lily’s depression and spiral into self-destruct mode had scared me beyond anything I’d ever imagined. That I’d contributed to it had been even scarier.
“Does that mean you want to hang this weekend?” One side of his mouth cocked up in a smile.
“Yeah.”
I wanted to believe I was doing the right thing and that I was supposed to go back to him. There would never be a real future between us, but he was the one person I would ever truly love. I’d never find anyone more perfect for me, yet no matter how he’d try to explain away what would happen with Nadine, I’d never forgive him. Yet not being with him felt just as wrong. I wanted to lean back into his arms and let his presence consume me.
“We’re going to my aunt’s place for Thanksgiving and I’ve got work Friday and Saturday night, but maybe we could go to the beach Saturday morning?”
He leaned in close and I lifted onto my tiptoes to meet him. Kissing him was the one thing that felt right. The press of his lips was warm and tingles traveled along my arms and condensed in my chest. The tightness made me realize what a slippery slope Andrew was for me.
“It’s pretty sneaky of you to tempt me like this then make me wait four days,” I said.
“What can I say? That’s just the way I play. I could do it all day.”
“Very witty of you.” I rolled my eyes at his sad rhyming attempt.
“Hey, I know how you love all that poetry crap.”
“Poetry is not crap,” I protested.
“If you say so.” He kissed me briefly before pulling away. “I gotta go. Dad’s picking me up to go to the airport; my grandma’s flying in tonight. I’ll call you Friday to figure out a time for Saturday.”
I nodded, still reveling in the sweet memory of his lips against mine even as he started walking away.
“Happy Thanksgiving,” I called after him. He turned, and walking backwards, blew me a kiss. I smiled and for the first time in hours, it felt honest. I pulled on my hoodie and drew my backpack strap over my shoulder.
Once in my car, I stalled in going home. Lily was over at Nanna’s helping her prep desserts for Thursday and I had no interest in spending three hours alone with Phoebe. So instead, I drove down to Town Square and bought a cappuccino from a café before settling on a bench along the sidewalk to people watch.
Everyone seemed in such a rush. Purposefully striding along, engaged in conversations, or consumed by some form of communication on their phones. My own phone went off a few times, but I ignored it. It was Phoebe calling to bug me about what I’d said to Nathan earlier.
I crossed my legs and swung the dangling one gently until it passed just the slightest bit into the futures of the people walking past. The images were so brief, like the flash of a camera, so fleeting that there was nothing for me to grasp. These were the ones I didn’t mind. They were simply impressions that didn’t take me over.
Then I pushed out farther, focusing on my movements, watching as my foot cut through the faint haze of their futures. I focused hard on keeping awareness, of staying in the present. That control kept me from seeing anything. Every so often, I would let a glimpse through, limiting what I allowed myself see. Though the visions were stronger, lasting for a few seconds, I was able to shut them out. The control was comforting. I liked knowing I could still work my ability.
Watch Me: Teen Paranormal Romance (A Touched Trilogy Book 3) Page 2
