by G J Ogden
“It doesn't look bad,” said Ethan, in a matter-of-fact way. “She normally knocks out a tooth or two, so you've either got a really hard jaw, or you're a pretty decent fighter yourself.” His tone was jovial, friendly. He gently let go of Maria's face and stood there, smiling at her, his hands on his hips.
“It doesn't feel like I got off lightly,” said Maria, mindlessly stroking the area of her face that Ethan had just held. “If you hadn't come in when you did, I think she would have gutted me like a fish with that knife over there.”
Ethan glanced over and spotted the knife, glinting ominously by the wall. “No, I don't think that's likely,” he said, his mouth curled into a slight smirk. He left a pause, inviting Maria to ask why.
“Why?” she obliged, still smiling.
“She wouldn’t know how; all the fish died decades ago,” said Ethan, grinning. “Squirrel, though. We have loads of those still.” They both laughed, and smiled at each other. The tension between them had ebbed away and she was starting to feel comfortable being alone with him. She really did like him. Damn, Kurren, you smug bastard, why do you always have to be right? she thought.
“Are you hungry?” asked Ethan, remembering that he was meant to be playing host. “I mean for something other than my sister's biscuits.”
Maria thought that if Kurren were here now he would have grinned and twisted this innocent offer into some sort of sexual innuendo. “Sure,” she replied. Ethan walked over to the table and invited Maria to sit down. She accepted the offer and hobbled over to the chair, wincing as she discovered several more aches and pains from the fight. Ethan then moved over to the wood-burning stove in the far corner of the room, which was also acting as a heating source for the small house. Out of a cupboard, he took out some boxes of ingredients, and some utensils. He talked while doing this, his back to Maria.
“We don't have an enormously varied menu, I'm afraid,” said Ethan. “But we've a good stock of hens, and wild mushrooms grow in and around the settlement in pretty plentiful supply at this time of year. We have some sheep too, and they keep us stocked up with butter and milk.” He cracked some eggs into a bowl and started mixing them, then cut some mushrooms and threw them into a flat pan, which he had placed on the stove with some of the butter he had just mentioned. The mushrooms were starting to sizzle; Maria had never smelled anything like it before. Her mouth was watering. She'd forgotten how hungry she was. Ethan threw in the whisked eggs, and adjusted the position of the pan on the stove, varying the heat.
“That smells incredible!” Maria said, closing her eyes to intensify the experience.
“Wait till you taste it,” said Ethan, glancing over his shoulder at her. “This is a speciality of mine. It's all in my secret blend of herbs.” Ethan took a pinch of herb mixture out of a small pot and sprinkled it into the pan.
“We don't have animals on the moon base,” Maria said, “all of our proteins are manufactured. Though we do grow vegetables, partly because that's good for the air supply, and for making the base look less sterile.” She knew she was taking a risk by bringing up the moon base, but she had not actually planned it as a way to steer the conversation in any particular direction. She just felt like talking about her life.
Ethan was silent for a few moments, working the pan to shape the mixture as it set, and then expertly turning it out onto a wooden platter. He brought it over along with a couple of forks and placed it on the table in front of Maria. He stood on the other side, leaning casually on the wooden surface, watching her. “After you,” he said, handing her a fork.
Maria tried the food. It was delicious, and packed with a richness of flavour that she was not used to, especially after several days of ration packs. Nothing like this existed on the base. Their engineered proteins certainly didn't taste bad, but this was a revelation. “This is incredible!” she mumbled, her mouth full of food.
Ethan laughed, and cut off a piece for himself. He tried it and, with an exaggerated, thoughtful look on his face, contemplated the food in his mouth, and then agreed that it was indeed a culinary masterpiece. This made Maria laugh and almost choke at the same time.
“Not just a pretty face then,” Maria teased. “Ethan, brave Ranger and flamboyant cook.”
Ethan bowed elaborately with a flourish, accepting the compliment. Maria’s laugh again came, naturally, easily. She sat there looking at Ethan and toying with the food on her plate, knocking pieces from side to side and taking occasional bites, in between smiling at him.
“Does nobody cook for you back home?” Ethan asked. Maria’s eyes widened slightly. Was he trying to ask if she was in a relationship or single, she wondered? Should she tell him she was single, or keep him guessing? She reprimanded herself for again acting like a love-struck teenager. Get a grip, Sal! she told herself. She was glad that Kurren was not here to witness this; it would give him ammunition to use against her for years to come.
“We don’t really cook, our food comes pre-prepared, in individual portions,” she said, and then realised how boring this answer was. He must think you’re scintillating, Sal, she told herself.
“So, what do you eat up there, on your moon base?” Ethan said, continuing to probe about Maria’s home. “From the mildly ecstatic look on your face while eating that, I'm guessing you don't have eggs.”
The question caught Maria off guard, partly because she was trying to work out what her 'ecstatic face' looked like, and if this was a compliment or not. But also because she was surprised how easy it was to get Ethan talking again about their base, despite what had happened in the meeting hall earlier.
“Are you okay if I talk about it?” she asked, making sure she was on safe ground. “I mean, I know I sort of brought it up earlier, but I don't want you getting into any trouble.” Maria meant this genuinely. She didn't want Ethan getting into any trouble. But then she realised how foolish this was, considering that it was her mission to get him talking. She felt a twinge of guilt again; she did not like this duplicity, and the more time she spent with Ethan, the more uncomfortable the thought of deceiving him became.
“I think it's okay,” he said and laughed. “I don't think knowing what food you eat is really the sort of seditious knowledge that Talia is trying to protect me against.”
“You might not say that once you know what – or who – we eat,” Maria replied. This time it was her turn to curl her lips into a mischievous smirk.
Ethan raised an eyebrow. “Is that why your people are in danger?” he asked with mock surprise. “Because you're eating each other?”
Maria laughed again – another easy, comfortable laugh. She noticed she was twirling her hair, and stopped abruptly, and obviously. This didn’t go unnoticed by Ethan, and Maria screamed internally again. The funny thing was that this encounter had felt more like a date than any actual date she had been on in years, perhaps ever. She didn’t find it easy opening up to people, which was a consequence of the often secretive nature of her work. But this felt good. Until she remembered what she was supposed to be doing here. She swallowed hard, and tried to focus on the task, fighting the urge to just carry on enjoying her time with the charismatic young Ranger.
“You are more comfortable talking about moon bases and all the other forbidden topics than the others around here,” Maria said, trying to lead them on to the subject of why Maria was here. This double-dealing robbed her of the giddy, elated feeling she had had moments earlier, when they were just chatting freely as two people, getting along while sharing a meal.
Ethan looked at her for a moment, considering his response. He was surprised to find that, for the first time in as long as he could remember, he didn't actually want to talk about The Fall or anything related to it. He was too caught up in the here and now, and Maria's question had brought a sobering reality back to their interaction. “I used to believe it was important to learn about our past,” he said, choosing his words carefully, “but after today, I'm not so sure.” Speaking these words out loud, he surprise
d even himself.
Maria understood now how much the briefing, and Summer's outburst towards him, had rattled him. But she believed that deep down he still wanted to know more. She decided to gamble a little and push him. “Ethan, you do know that we can't stay here, and become part of your community?” Maria said with a dispassionate coldness that was the opposite of her earlier flirtatiousness. She saw in Ethan's face a slight narrowing of the eyes and tightening of his jawline that betrayed either discomfort or irritation. Maria pushed some more. “If you can't help us we will have to leave,” she went on. “You heard our story, but missed the end. Don't you want to know why we need your help?”
Ethan held up a hand, “Maria, please, we're not supposed to talk about it...”
“Sal,” Maria said, cutting across him.
“I'm sorry?” Ethan said, confused and distracted.
“Call me Sal, Ethan. Only people who don't know me, or don’t like me, call me Maria.”
Ethan was thrown off guard a little. “Okay, Sal… Well...” he stumbled over his words.
“Look, you're true to your people, I understand that,” Maria continued, not allowing Ethan to voice further objections. “But I came here, risking my life, to help my people. You're not the only ones who have suffered. We've also lost so much...”
Ethan stood up, flustered. “Look, Maria... I mean Sal. We can't discuss this. I don't want to discuss it. I'm going to leave and come back later.” He turned and tried to escape through the door.
Maria got to her feet, worried that if Ethan left she would not have the opportunity to be alone with him again. She panicked and, remembering what Elijah had told her earlier about Ethan's family, tried a riskier strategy. It was her best shot to reach him. “Haven't you ever lost someone, Ethan?” Her voice was cold. Ethan stopped. “Tell me you wouldn't do whatever it takes to help the ones you love. If it meant saving your sister. Saving Elijah. Saving your parents, Ethan? Tell me you wouldn't risk everything, including your own life, the same as I have.”
Ethan felt anger building inside him. What right did she have to talk to him about loss? She knew nothing of the loss and suffering that people had endured on the planet over generations. And all caused, he now knew, by a petty and pointless war for power. He turned to face her, and Maria could see he was angry. “You don't get to talk to me about loss,” he said bitterly. “Everyone here has lost someone. And every day there is the threat we’ll lose more. Every day here is a fight for survival. Can you say the same, up there on your base?”
“Ethan, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...” Maria tried to apologise. She had pushed too hard, and she was losing him. More than that, she had hurt him, and that made her deeply uncomfortable.
“And you're right,” Ethan continued over Maria’s attempts to apologise, “I do want to know why. Why so many died, why we survived. And then why, after all of that, The Maddening came to corrupt so many of those who escaped the initial horrors into something… inhuman. I do need to know why.”
“I didn’t mean to upset you, Ethan, I was just trying to help you understand,” Maria said, trying to close the gap between them, but Ethan still looked too defensive, too angry. She stopped a few paces short, and he turned away.
“I was excited when I saw the crash,” Ethan said, calmer now, but still facing away from Maria. “I thought maybe this was it, finally some answers. I left my sister and Elijah here, without my protection, and I found you. I really did hope you'd be able to help me understand. But now I regret knowing what you told me. It just makes it all the more pointless.”
It was starting to make sense to Maria now. The disappointment that Ethan must have felt when hearing the story of The Fall, and it not matching up to his expectations. All Maria had done was deliver a bitter reality, instead of the idealised fantasy that Ethan wanted to hear. The fantasy that somehow it had all been an accident, and that there was a way to make sense of everything, and to move forward, leaving the darkness behind. What a disappointment she must be to him. She stood there looking at him, wanting to help him, to ease his pain. But how could she help him when she was responsible for destroying what little hope he had left?
“We have always been taught that we were special, did you know that?” Ethan said, turning again to look at Maria. “That the ones who survived were protected by guardians in the sky who watched over us, making sure we were safe, as long as we believed in them. But I stopped believing when my mother and father burned to death in a fire, leaving me and my sister alone. My parents believed in these ‘angels’. So did I, until they let my mother burn.”
“Ethan, I'm so sorry, I...” Maria tried to interrupt, but Ethan wasn’t finished.
“Not a week goes by that I don’t wake up, sweating, feeling like my heart is going to explode in my chest, reliving that day,” said Ethan, his voice wavering. “Seeing the smoke and the flames. Hearing my sister sobbing beside me. And looking up and asking, why? Why did you not protect them? I stopped believing then, but I never stopped wanting to understand why.” He took a deep breath and exhaled, then walked over to the window. The shutters were still open and he peered through, looking up at the sky.
Maria watched him, conflicted. Part of her wanted to go to him, to tell him she was sorry and to forget about everything she’d said. But the other part knew that she couldn’t do that, the mission depended on it.
“And then you appear from the sky, and I wonder if there could still be some truth to those stories,” continued Ethan. “And you know the really great part?” Maria shook her head, though Ethan could not see it. “The best part is that you’re not guardians or angels, but the ones who actually caused all this suffering in the first place!” Ethan laughed bitterly and turned to face Maria again. “And the real gut punch is that you come asking for our help, lecturing me on loss.” Ethan was angry and upset and it was all focused on Maria. “Tell me, Maria Salus, what can you possibly know of loss and suffering compared to what we’ve endured?”
The words stung Maria. She felt sorry for Ethan’s loss, and upset that she had raked these feelings to the surface, but she was not responsible for the death of his parents, and it irked her that Ethan would assume his pain to be greater, without even knowing what she’d been through herself. “I really am sorry, Ethan,” she said, her own anger acting as an anchor that centred her emotions, and allowed her to regain her composure and dispassionate, military temperament. “I can see how much of a disappointment I must be to you.” Ethan realised he’d gone too far. He wanted to tell her that she wasn’t a disappointment, and how much he liked her, but it didn’t seem like the right time. Maria looked wounded, and she lashed out like a wounded animal with her words. “But I didn’t kill your parents,” she went on, feeling the need to defend herself, “and you have no right to assume your loss is greater than mine; you know nothing about me.”
Ethan shook his head. He was not interested in a debate over whose loss was greater, not after everything that had happened. He was angry that she couldn’t see how much of his world she had torn down. He was angry that she would now try to trade her loss against his. “Well I know one thing,” he said, bitterly. “I know Talia was right. Nothing good can come of this. You should go, go back to your moon base and leave us alone.” He turned again and headed for the door, determined this time to leave.
Maria was still reeling from their exchange, and she wanted to hit back, but she knew this would push him away. And despite the way she felt, she couldn’t let that happen. There was no more time for subtlety or nuance, it was now or never.
“If you walk away then I’ll die, Ethan.”
The words electrified the air as if lightning had struck the room. Ethan stopped a pace short of the doorway. He stayed there, in the shadows, letting the words sink in. “What do you mean?” he said, his voice betraying obvious concern.
“Without your help, we’ll all die,” Maria repeated, her voice now a little shaky with nervous energy. This was a risky play. She had put a
ll her cards on the table. “You want to talk about loss, Ethan? There are only a few hundred of us left, and soon we’ll all be gone.”
“Are you…?” Ethan began, struggling to ask the question for fear of the response. “I mean… how soon?”
“Soon,” replied Maria, as calmly as she could manage, but the stress was taking its toll, and she could feel her emotion rising to the surface again. “Something terrible is about to happen. Without your help, it will kill everyone.” Ethan stood there silently with his back still to Maria. His anger had gone, replaced by shock. He thought about Maria, dying, and a sickening feeling filled his stomach. “We need someone who is immune to orrum poisoning,” said Maria. “It’s the only way we can survive, Ethan. I came here because I need you. We all need you.” There was a long silence. Maria had given everything she had. Now she waited.
“Are you... can you still... survive?” said Ethan. The words came out weakly; it was a struggle to ask.
“Those born here on the planet have a natural immunity that we lack,” said Maria. “Our medical specialists can use this to protect us against what’s coming.”
He turned, slowly, and looked at her. “That doesn't answer my question.”
“It means there's a chance, Ethan,” said Maria, and Ethan let out a heavy sigh of relief. “But the work will take time,” she continued, “and it’s more than just your blood we need. We also need your help to recover a device that’s essential to synthesising the serum we need.”
“I don't understand...” Ethan began, but Maria spoke over him.
“I can help you understand. If you help me, and trust me, I’ll explain everything.” She walked over to him and took his hands. Ethan tried to withdraw, but she refused to let go. “We are alike in many ways, Ethan,” said Maria, softly. “We're both victims of a war. We're both lost and isolated, and afraid. I am afraid, Ethan. I don't want my people to die, and I don't want to die here, on this planet, exiled and alone. Why won't you help me?”
