‘No.’ She turned to Dan. ‘We’ve started the adoption process. You can stay here with us.’
He threw me a helpless glance.
‘That’s up to Dan,’ I said, trying to sound confident. ‘He’s free to choose whether to stay here for the rest of his life or come back home with me.’
I could see my own panic reflected in Stella’s face. Feeling as though I couldn't breathe, I waited to hear Dan’s reply. He stood in front of us looking pale and tense, like a lost child.
‘I want to go home,’ he bleated at last.
‘Home?’ Stella sounded almost angry. Or perhaps she was afraid. ‘You have a home here with us, Dan.’
‘I want to go back to London with Mum. That’s what I want.’
There was an edge of determination in his voice that I had never heard before. In the time he had spent in Edinburgh, my boy seemed to have outgrown his naiveté. It was inevitable that he would have changed, after a separation of a few weeks.
Taking me to one side while Dan was upstairs packing his few belongings, Stella told me that she and Mark were going to take legal advice, but we both knew there was nothing they could do to persuade Dan to stay with them in Edinburgh once he had decided to come back home with me. All I could do was assure her that she and Mark could come and visit us whenever they wanted.
‘Just give us a few days’ notice,’ I added, ‘so we can make sure we’ll be around. And we’d love to come and see you at Christmas, if we can. Dan feels really close to you and Mark, and we can’t thank you enough for what you’ve done for him while all this has been going on.’
She must have heard the hostility in my voice, and seen the distance in my eyes. I wouldn’t forget her efforts to take my son from me.
‘We’re convinced he should remain here with us,’ she insisted. ‘We can give him the stability and security he needs, and he has a place lined up at the college here.’
For all her fighting talk, she was forced to bow her head in defeat when Dan repeated that he wanted to return to London with me. That was just as it should be. With his father gone, his place was at home with his mother. The nightmare was finally over.
Mark dropped Dan and me at the station. Stella didn’t come with us. She said she had to clear up at home, but I suspected she couldn’t hold back her tears any longer. I would have been heartless not to feel sorry for her. Having lost Paul, she had almost held onto Dan but now he had vanished from her life as well. For nearly fifty years, she had been a mother and a grandmother. Now that had been snatched away from her, leaving her bereft. There would be no more chances for her. She knew we were unlikely to visit her again.
In joyous contrast, my own sorrow lifted now that my son had been miraculously restored to me. I said nothing about the funeral arrangements on the train home, instead talking to Dan about his hopes and plans for college. We needed to move on from our grief and start thinking about the future. He knew what subjects he wanted to study, and thanks to Stella and Mark’s efforts he had a place at college lined up in Edinburgh. As soon as we were home, I was going to contact all the London sixth form colleges offering those subjects and find him a suitable place. If necessary, I would enlist the help of the student disability service, but one way or another, in September, Dan was going to start college. I had spent too many years battling on his behalf to allow his steps to falter now.
Once we were home, Dan and I agreed that we wanted a quiet funeral, so I chose not to contact his former workplace. His colleagues were strangers to us and, as far as I was concerned, the fewer people who attended my husband’s funeral, the better. Any of the women he had met might have had sexual relations with him.
So on a bright morning in September we buried Paul quietly. The flesh I had loved for so many years didn’t deserve the quick passage of a cremation. I wanted him to think of him rotting slowly, as a penance for having destroyed my happiness.
Early autumn leaves had begun to fall; a few fluttered around us in a skittish breeze as we stood at the graveside. Apart from Dan and I, only Stella and Mark were there to watch the coffin slowly lowered into the earth. Dirt to dirt.
44
Even though Paul’s friend, Miles, was very helpful, it still took months for the probate to be completed, but at last I was done with lawyers and paperwork and waiting, and free to do whatever I wanted with the estate I had inherited from my husband.
As it transpired, Paul had been more prudent with his investments than I had suspected. There was a lot more money in the estate than I had anticipated mainly because, unknown to me, he had bought a flat in central London which had gone up in value by a substantial amount over the ten years he had owned it. The equity on that was nearly enough to buy another flat outright, in a different area. When he heard about it, Dan was keen to take over the flat in Camden himself, but I wouldn’t hear of it. He was too young to live by himself.
‘But Dad must have wanted me to have it,’ he insisted. ‘Why else would he have bought it?’
‘I’m sorry, Dan, but it’s just not going to happen. It might have seemed like a good idea when your father originally bought it, but the property market has moved on since then and it’s become a bad investment,’ I lied.
The truth was that the flat in central London was going up in value faster than our house in the suburbs.
‘You’ll have your own place one day with the money we get for it, I promise. But it won’t be this flat, because we’re going to sell it and invest the money in something more in line with today’s market. Trust me, I’ve taken financial advice on this and I’m doing what’s best for you, to safeguard the money that’s going to come to you eventually.’
It would have made sound financial sense to let it, at least in the short term, while I decided what to do, but I lost no time in getting rid of Paul’s flat. I could guess what he had used it for and wanted nothing to do with it. With the proceeds from the flat, which was snapped up at the modest asking price, I put my own house on the market and had no problem finding what I wanted. I justified the move to Dan by telling him I couldn’t bear to stay in the home we had shared with Paul. That, at least, was true, although not for the reason Dan supposed. So, within a year of the probate coming through, Dan and I were settled at a new address.
We decided not to move away from the area as he wanted to stay in familiar surroundings, but having discussed our feelings with a bereavement counsellor, we both agreed we wanted to live in a place where we wouldn’t be reminded of Paul in every corner of every room. We had no photos of him on display in our new home. Protected by his grandparents in Edinburgh, Dan knew nothing about Bella, or Amelie, or his father’s relationship with Katie whose motive for killing Paul had been glossed over. Sticking as closely to the truth as possible, I told him that Katie had killed his father in a jealous rage because he had rejected her advances.
‘But why?’ he asked. ‘What did she have to do with him? I thought she was your friend.’
‘That’s what I thought, and I’ve been asking myself the same question, over and over again,’ I replied. ‘I think Dad was kind to her, and she mistook his good manners for personal interest in her, so she fell in love with him and wanted him to leave us for her. Of course he refused, and she was so angry with him, she lost her temper and killed him.’
‘So, are you saying it all started because he was nice to her?’
‘No, that’s not what I meant at all. We should always try to be nice to other people. But she fell in love with your father, and tragically she was insane. Thankfully there aren’t many people like her around, so you don’t need to worry. You can carry on being nice to people.’
I wasn’t sure what else to say to him. Meanwhile, he joined a sixth form college, and his life moved on. It was very difficult, but slowly the trauma of losing his father in such terrible circumstances faded to a horrific memory and preoccupation with his studies, and his social life, took over and he looked more cheerful. Having lost my job, I made no attempt
to regain it, or to find a replacement. Paul’s death had left me relatively well off, so I didn’t have to work and could devote myself to taking care of my son.
It was about eighteen months after Paul’s death that I came face to face with Nina in the supermarket one afternoon.
‘How are you?’ I gave her what I hoped was an enthusiastic smile.
She returned my gaze coolly for a moment, without answering.
‘It’s been a while,’ I went on awkwardly. ‘We must meet and catch up.’
‘Yes. Why not?’
‘How about this afternoon?’
‘I’m busy.’
‘What about tomorrow?’
‘Busy tomorrow.’
‘Well, when are you free? I can make just about any time that suits you.’
‘I’m busy all the time,’ she said flatly and turned away.
‘Nina, listen, I’m sorry for what I said to you.’
She turned back to glare at me and spoke very softly. ‘Why don’t you jump off the roof of the nearest high building? Is that clear enough for you?’
I shrugged. ‘Please yourself,’ I muttered, and hurried away before she could see how much she had upset me. The police hadn’t released me from the jurisdiction of a court so that Nina could to sit in judgement on me. We never saw one another again after that chance encounter.
A few weeks later, I spotted Tracey on the street. We both looked away in tacit agreement not to acknowledge one another. Neither of us had any wish to renew our acquaintance now we were out of prison. The memory of my cell felt like a vaguely recollected bad dream. I didn’t want to think about it anymore than was really necessary, and clearly she felt the same.
My former friends were dead or had drifted away. Even the memory of Paul was fading. My life would have moved on with a neat finality, had Ackerman not returned. I was hardly pleased to open the door and see him standing there. He looked even more disreputable than I remembered him, like a tramp in his oilskin and scuffed shoes. While I hesitated over what to say to him, he invited himself inside.
‘So, you’ve moved,’ he commented unnecessarily, looking around the neat hall which I had just had decorated. ‘Very nice. I was going to call on you before now, but I saw that you were moving and thought I’d give you time to sort yourself out. Visitors are a nuisance when you’re in the throes of moving to a new house, aren’t they?’ His hoarse voice grated unpleasantly. ‘There’s always so much to do.’
‘I don’t know why you’re here,’ I replied, terse in my dismay. ‘The case on my husband is closed. I have no further need of your services. I’d like you to leave.’
‘Oh, this isn’t a social call,’ he assured me. ‘But in consideration of my services, there is still the question of the outstanding money.’
‘Don’t tell me you’re expecting the balance of your fee? You didn’t exactly do anything to deserve it.’
He raised his eyebrows. ‘You can't have forgotten I was nearly killed while I was working on your case. We’ll have to adjust my fee to take that into account. Danger money.’
‘That was hardly my fault. You’re supposed to be the professional. You should have known she was violent. And don’t forget I was attacked too, while you were being paid to protect me.’
We glared at one another for a moment, but Dan was due home soon and I wanted Ackerman out of the house. With no time to bargain, I made a snap decision and offered to pay him half of the balance of his outstanding fee.
‘I’m sure you’ll agree that’s a very generous offer,’ I added in as firm a tone as I could muster.
Ackerman laughed at me. ‘You're hardly in a position to haggle.’
Kicking the front door closed behind him, he took a step towards me, his mud-coloured eyes glittering.
‘It’s going to cost you a lot more than that to silence me.’
45
Staring at Ackerman’s unshaven face, I was momentarily speechless with fear for my own safety. While he had been working on my behalf, his rough exterior had inspired me with confidence. Now he had become a formidable opponent.
Hiding my apprehension, I tried to sound bold. ‘What do you mean?’
He gave a little grunt, as though satisfied by my response. ‘That’s more like it,’ he said. ‘Shall we go and sit comfortably and talk about this? There’s no call for any antagonism, not after all we’ve been through.’
I wanted to throw him out of the house, but wasn’t sure how to persuade him to go, and in any case, I was bothered by his suggestion that I would want to silence him. Before anything else, I needed to find out exactly what he meant by that.
‘This is all very nice,’ he repeated, looking around as he followed me into the living room. ‘I see you’ve done very well for yourself. Your husband’s money came through, I take it?’
‘You seem to be congratulating me on becoming a widow,’ I replied.Ensconcing himself in one of my new leather armchairs, he grinned up at me. ‘Come on, Julie, he wasn’t exactly a model husband, was he? There’s no need to play the grieving widow. Now, shall we get down to business?’
Astonished, I listened as he demanded an outrageous sum of money. For a moment I couldn’t speak, watching him lean back in his chair, a complacent smile on his lips.
‘You’re... crazy,’ I stammered at last. ‘I wouldn't dream of giving you so much. You’re trying it on, but this is my money we’re talking about, mine and my son’s. You don’t have a claim on any of it, not a single penny. I only offered to pay you at all because you’re in such a sorry state. Now, either you accept my offer, or you leave with nothing.’
I stood up.
Staying put, Ackerman leaned forward and spoke very slowly, enunciating each word distinctly in his gravelly voice. ‘Unless you give me exactly what I want, I’ll tell the police you killed Katie, after you tried to kill me.’
‘What?’
In my surprise, I could think of nothing else to say.
‘I’ll go to the police,’ he repeated, still speaking very slowly as though he was explaining something to a child. ‘I’ll say I’ve recovered and remember exactly what happened. After you killed your husband and his mistress, you confessed to Katie. But she broke your confidence and told me your secret. Feeling betrayed, you killed us both. Only unfortunately for you, I survived to tell the truth.’
‘That’s nonsense, and you know it.’
‘Your word against mine.’
‘Why would I have wanted to kill you?’
‘Because Katie and I knew what you had had done and you needed to silence us. I tried to restrain you, so you attacked me first, and left me for dead, and then you killed Katie. She was screaming hysterically while you were attacking me, and incapable of doing anything to stop you, and I was too badly injured to prevent you from killing her. But my injuries hadn’t blinded me. I’ll tell the police I saw what you did.’
‘Do you really think anyone’s going to believe I overpowered you?’ My attempt at laughter sounded pathetic.
‘I don’t think you’re going to risk another murder charge.’
Understanding what was at stake, I panicked. Whatever happened, I had to stop Ackerman going to the police. Dan would never cope if I were arrested again.
‘That’s why you didn’t make any attempt to stop me bleeding before the police arrived, and didn’t call an ambulance straight away, because it wouldn’t have suited you to have me resuscitated.’ His smile spread slowly across his face, starting with his eyes. ‘You wanted me dead. In fact, you were relying on my being dead because I was the only witness to your stabbing Katie to death. You never expected me to survive.’
‘No one’s going to believe a word of that,’ I told him, but he must have heard the uncertainty in my voice and seen it in my face.
‘If you don’t do exactly what I want,’ he went on, ‘you’ll be locked up for all three murders. You smothered Paul after drugging his wine, so that was clearly premeditated. You strangled Bella, and stabbed Katie
. Quite a collection, and all because your husband was unfaithful. And of course, there’s the attempted murder.’ He spread his hands out in an expansive gesture, as if to say, ‘Here I am.’
‘This is... blackmail,’ I stammered. ‘You’ll never get away with it.’
He didn’t bother to answer.
‘You’re just making all this up to scare me into paying you more,’ I said.
‘You won’t do it. Your story wouldn’t convince anyone. And anyway, you’ll be locked up as well. Don’t forget, you made a statement after Katie died to say she had confessed to killing Paul and Bella. Are you really going to say you lied to the police?’
‘I’ll say I was confused, thanks to the injuries I sustained when you attacked me.’ He heaved an exaggerated sigh. ‘I was in hospital when I made that statement. It never should have been taken seriously. Thankfully I’ve made a full recovery. But you’re right, it’s taken a while for my memory to return. That’s not unusual in such cases, you know. And now I’m ready to come forward and tell the truth.’
‘No one’s going to believe you,’ I insisted. ‘How could your testimony possibly be reliable? You’re... you’re brain damaged!’
‘Do you really want to put it to the test?’ he replied, still smiling.
I did my best to dissuade him, but he remained adamant that he wanted his money. If I persisted in arguing with him, I really believed he would go to the police. Having been reunited with Dan, I couldn't risk losing him again.Knowing Dan would be home from college in an hour, I agreed to pay Ackerman whatever he wanted if he would only go away and leave us alone.
‘I don’t have the money here,’ I told him, ‘you’ll have to wait.’
‘I’ve waited long enough.’
‘There’s nothing I can do right now. Come around tomorrow morning and I’ll have the first instalment here for you.’
‘Until tomorrow then,’ he agreed. ‘Now, how about a cup of tea before I go? It looks as though our association is going to be continuing for a while, so we might as well be on good terms, and I’m parched.’
The Adulterer's Wife Page 23
