For Now, for Always

by Lynn Turner

  “I trusted you once before,” she replied without thinking, and regretted it at once when anger flared in Neil’s eyes, and his hand dropped away from her like a rock.

  “I won’t have you throwing that in my face for the rest of our lives,” he said in a flat, hard tone.

  “I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry.” Lacey made a futile gesture with her hands. “It’s just been on my mind tonight.”

  He moved angrily away, then turned back to face her. “The only way you’re going to get it out of your mind is to put the past behind you and start concentrating on the future,” he told her. “And we both know what the first step is, Lacey.”

  When she didn’t respond he looked at her for a long moment.

  “This has gone far enough,” he announced suddenly. “I heard from Bob today. He’ll be here late tomorrow morning. Since I’ll probably be busy with him most of the day, that gives you until Friday to make up your mind one way or the other. After Friday III make it up for you.”

  It was a threat, and Lacey’s eyes registered it as such; but Neil didn’t reient as she stared at him in anxious appeal.

  “Don’t worry about the boys,” he told her curtly as he turned for the door. “They won’t be in the way tomorrow. We’ll just carry on as usual,”

  Lacey didn’t get much sleep that night, and the next morning she had to use a cover stick to mask the dark circles under her eyes. Wonderful, she thought, grimacing at her reflection in the mirror; at this rate she’d soon look older than Neil. She certainly felt it this morning.

  It was after seven-thirty when his truck pulled into the drive. Cutting it close, Lacey thought resentfully, probably on purpose. She barely said two words to him, hurriedly kissing the boys goodbye and grabbing her purse on the way out.

  “Wait a minute.” Neil followed her outside, but she just kept walking.

  “I can’t. Thanks to you, I’m already running late.”

  When she reached for the car door, his hand was there first. She lifted her head and gave him a withering look.

  “Making another power play, are we?” she said in a flat, hard voice. “Flexing our muscles again, proving who’s boss, who calls the shots? Get away from my car, Neil.”

  Neil’s mouth turned down at the corners, but he didn’t remove his hand. “I was hoping I could convince you to take the day off and spend it with Bob and the boys and me.”

  Lacey expelled an exasperated breath. “Just like that? Just don’t show up at the office today? Whatever happened to ‘I realize how much your independence means to you‘7 What do you think I do all day, Neil, sit behind a desk and file my nails?” She all but shouted the last sentence, so angry she could have kicked him.

  For a moment she thought he was about to shout back at her, or maybe vent his own anger in an even more demonstrative way. She tensed, ready to lash out at him if he so much as leaned in her direction, but he only exhaled a disgusted sigh and removed his hand from the car door,

  “You’re determined to fight me every inch of the way, aren’t you7” he said. “I can’t open my mouth without you twisting whatever I say, misinterpreting everything so that I always come out the villain. You’re always so defensive with me!”

  “How can you expect me to be anything else, when you’re constantly pressuring me, issuing ultimatums and setting deadlines,” Lacey countered.

  He winced at that, but recovered quickly to demand, “Well, what do you expect me to do—just sit around twiddling my thumbs until you come up with the guts to make some kind of commitment?”

  “You promised to give me time,” she reminded him tersely.

  “And I have! Time enough, and then some. Look, Lacey, you’re no coward, so stop acting like onel You know good and well I’m not going to hurt you again. You’ve known it for weeks!”

  She gazed at him steadily, trying not to let him see how that last remark had unnerved her, catching her off balance and stunning her with its simple in-arguable truth.

  Pride and pure obstinacy made her retort in a throaty murmur, “There are different ways of hurting people, Neil.”

  His jaw clenched, and too late she saw that she’d pushed him past impatience into real anger.

  “You really know how to push me to the limit,” he muttered furiously. “The ‘ultimatum’ and the deadline still stand, Mrs. Hartmann. You’ve got until tomorrow morning to come up with the answer I want, and you can bet your last dollar I’ll be here bright and early.” And then he turned on his heel and strode back to the house, like a man who knew exactly where he was going and what he’d find when he got there.

  “Honestly, Lacey, you’re as twitchy as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs,” Ellen remarked in amusement. Vi had gone to the post office, and the two of them were alone. “You keep hopping up and down, forgetting where you’ve put things, and you jump a foot every time the phone rings. Wouldn’t have anything to do with that gorgeous husband of yours, would it?” she asked with a shrewd gleam in her eye.

  Lacey’s mouth pulled down at the corners. “It’s got everything to do with him.”

  Ellen nodded sagely. “Putting on the pressure, is he? Doesn’t surprise me, I figured once he got to know those two little darlings, he’d want to be more than just a part-time daddy. So what’s the problem7 The two of you still fighting?”

  “No,” Lacey admitted reluctantly. “But he’s started laying down terms and conditions.” Her mouth twisted wryly. “I’ve got until tomorrow to decide to give marriage another try, or he’ll decide for me.”

  To her consternation, Ellen chuckled. “I told you the first time I heard his voice he was the take-charge type, didn’t I? Personally I think you’ve got to be nuts for holding out this long. Well, speak of the devil,” she murmured as she glanced through the front window and caught sight of Neil approaching. “Mm-mmm, / sure wouldn’t mind waking up to that every morning,”

  Lacey frowned at the older woman’s teasing, but she couldn’t deny the almost electrical charge that swept through her at the sight of him. He’d discarded the jeans—probably in honor of Bob Anderson’s visit—in favor of tailored navy slacks and a lightweight pale blue velour pullover with a V neck. For the couple of seconds he stood in front of the plate-glass door before opening it Lacey had a full view of his tall virile form, and her stomach did somersaults while her pulse began to race crazily.

  The she realized he wasn’t alone. He stood aside, and their sons half ran, half skipped past him into the office, followed by a middle-aged man in a business suit.

  “Hi, mom.”

  “Hi, Ellen.”

  After the perfunctory greetings, the boys headed straight for the calculator on Ellen’s desk. Lacey looked around to see Bob advancing on herr his face wreathed in a huge smile.

  “Lacey! It’s not possible! You’re even more beautiful than ever.” And then he was hugging her enthusiastically while she laughed over his shoulder.

  “You always were an old flatterer, Bob. It’s good to see you,” she said sincerely. “How are Martha and the girls?” Bob and his wife had two daughters who would both be in their late teens.

  “Fine, just fine,” he answered proudly. “Marcic and Susan are turning into real beauties, just like their mother. But those two of yours!” He shook his head as he glanced at the twins. “You could’ve knocked me over with a feather when I got here and found Neil out at that farm with two little Neils in tow. I can’t get over how much like him they look,”

  Lacey’s gaze shifted to Neil. “They’re certainly their father’s sons, all right.” Her voice came out sounding a little husky, From the gleam in his eye, she thought for a moment Neil would cross the four feet or so separating them and do something guaranteed to embarrass her, but he only smiled benignly.

  “We came to invite you to a cookout tonight,” Neil said smoothly. “Out at the farm. The terrible two are in charge of the menu, and you don’t have to bring anything but yourself,” “Acookout7” Lacey repeated in surp
rise, “Yeah, mom, it’ll be neat,” Scott claimed enthusiastically.

  “And we’re gonna camp out after we eat,” Todd put in. “We already took the tent out there this morning, and our sleeping bags. Yours, too,” he tacked on with a grin.

  Lacey’s eyes flew back to Neil. He lifted one brow in mocking challenge, knowing she wasn’t likely to dispute his plans in front of both Ellen and Bob. His arrogance angered her. If he thought she was going to spend the night in a tent with him—even with the boys for chaperons—he was mistaken.

  While she was introducing Bob and Ellen, Neil rounded up his sons and herded them out. They’d barely had time to make it to his truck before the horn tooted impatiently. Bob glanced toward the door with a chuckle.

  “Sounds like I’m being summoned. I’ve been invited to stay and share hamburgers and hot dogs with the Hartmann clan tonight, so we can have a nice long visit then, Lacey.”

  That parting remark stayed with her all afternoon. If anyone would know what had happened during the past eight years to change Neil so drastically, Bob would. Maybe during that nice long visit, he could satisfy her curiosity.

  All afternoon Lacey was aware of the tension building in her, growing steadily, despite her efforts to concentrate on work. And there was plenty of that! Thank goodness Rick only had a week of school left, and both Joyce and Marion would be back from vacation on the weekend. Even part-time help was better than no help at all. It was just her rotten luck that Neil had come back into her life when she was being run practically off her feet. No wonder he’d come on so strong about her not spending enough time with the boys—from what he’d seen so far, it must appear that she was never home, never shared any quality time with them.

  She sighed as she pushed a file drawer closed. Well, starting next week things should begin to lighten up, and he’d be able to gain a different perspective on her life-style. Normally, when she wasn’t working herself half to death, she and the boys did a lot of fun things together. They also spent a lot of time just goofing off and enjoying one another. And now, she realized with a feeling of pleased anticipation, Neil would be here to join them. They could do all the things families were supposed to do together— go to Saturday matinees, take long walks after supper, play Monopoly, or just sit around watching rv and munching popcorn in the evenings.

  When she realized the direction her thoughts were taking, she also realized the decision he wanted from her had already been made. Not consciously, perhaps, but her subconscious had been busily carrying on its own rebellion all along, wearing away at her stubborn resistance, eroding the residual bitterness and antagonism, until all that was left was a sort of wary acceptance. She would live with him as his wife—assuming all the duties and responsibilities the tide implied—and she would tell him so tonight.

  The decision made, her tension should have eased, but perversely did not. It only altered her mood from anger at his chauvinistic arrogance to what she had to admit was her sexual anxiety. Neil had never been blessed with a wealth of patience, and once she’d capitulated she didn’t expect for one moment that he wouid be prepared to give her any more time. The way he saw it, she’d taken eight years too long already.

  After work she went home to change into a pair of cutoffs and a halter top. She hardly thought a cookout on a farm in the middle of the boondocks called for formal dress, and it was too hot for jeans. The boys were waiting to meet her, each taking a hand to pull her around to the back of the house.

  “Dad’s firm’ up the grill,” Todd informed her, and she smiled as she imagined Neil drawling the words his son had parroted in a juvenile version of his deep, slow voice.

  “But we get to do the real cooking,” Scott pointed out importantly. “We even got marshmallows to roast on sticks.”

  Neil was just putting a match to the charcoal as they came around the corner of the house. Fortunately the twins released her hands to run forward, because Lacey stopped dead in her tracks at the sight of him.

  He, too, was wearing cutoffs—would wonders never cease—and no shirt. All the blood seemed to rush to Lacey’s head, and for a moment she felt dizzy. It had been a long time since she had seen so much of Neil exposed, and the sight of his long muscular legs and broad tapered back did unexpected things to her pulse and respiration. When he heard the boys he glanced over his shoulder, then casually reached for a short-sleeved cotton shirt draped over a lawn chair at his side. He half turned to put it on and button it part way up his chest, then faced her with a lazy smile as he tucked in the tail and came to where she was standing, as if planted there.

  “Caught in the act. The management of this place requires patrons to wear a shirt and shoes,” Then, as he appreciatively eyed her skimpy halter top, he added, “I’d say you just barely meet the requirement. Not that I’m complaining, mind you.”

  The light in his eyes made Lacey feel flustered and foolishly embarrassed. He’d seen her in much less, after all. Before she could think of a flip retort, Todd asked his father if he was going to give her the tour now.

  “You bet.” Neil’s wide grin told Lacey he was perfectly aware of her discomfort and the reason for it. “You guys stay out here and babysit Mr. Anderson, okay?”

  The boys giggled, and Bob smiled from the chaise lounge he occupied in the shade of a huge pin oak.

  “Don’t worry about me. If I go to sleep, wake me when it’s time to roast the marshmallows.”

  “The tour begins here,” Neil drawled as he led the way to the back door and opened it for her to pass through.

  Lacey stepped inside, slightly skeptical that enough could have been done to the house in two short weeks to merit a tour, then came to a halt two feet inside the kitchen.

  “Neil I”

  He ignored both her startled exclamation and the amazement in her voice as he placed both hands on her shoulders to turn her in a slow circle.

  “A firm of kitchen designers from Marion did it. They just finished today. What do you think?”

  She couldn’t find words to tell him for a minute or two. If she hadn’t known better, she’d have sworn she was in a different house from the one he’d bought. The entire kitchen had been remodeled and reequipped with the most up-to-the-minute fixtures available. There was even an indoor barbecue, with a huge copper vent hood suspended above it. The center work island itself must have been at least six feet long, with its own sink and a trash compactor built into the cabinet below it.

  “It’s.. .oh, Neil, it’s beautiful! But, it must have cost the earth!” She turned to face him with a troubled frown. “I hope you didn’t do all this with me in mind.”

  “YouI” he scoffed. “I did it with me in mind. Neil Hartmann, househusband, remember7” Then, before she could dwell on the possibilities inherent in that remark, he clasped her hand and started puiling her after him. “Come on, there are nine more rooms on the tour.”

  As he guided her through the downstairs, Lacey’s amazement grew. The smells of sawdust, turpentine and fresh paint lingered in the air. Walls had already been relocated or removed completely to open up the existing space and put it to more efficient use, and from the inside she noticed that alt or at least most of the windows had been replaced. How on earth had the workmen managed to do sq much in such a short time.? It must be costing him a fortune in overtime, she thought as he started leading her up the stairs.

  “I let the boys decide whether they wanted separate rooms or not,” he said as he paused outside the first door on the right. His mouth slanted in amusement. ‘The vote was unanimous for a single room, but they wanted more space than they’ve got in your house.”

  He threw open the door and pulled her inside, and Lacey sucked in her breath at the sheer dimensions of the room.

  “You tore down the whole wall!” she exclaimed.

  “It’s all right. It wasn’t a load-bearing wall,” Neil told her. ‘This way, they’ve got one end for sleeping and studying, and the other end for a playroom. Then, when they get older, if they
decide they want more privacy we can divide the space into two rooms again. They picked out the paper and paint, by the way.”

  Lacey’s eyes traveled slowly from one end of the enormous room to the other and back again, and she shook her head in wonder. It was about forty feet long and twenty-five feet wide. The bedroom end was painted a soft blue-gray shade with white woodwork, and the playroom end had dark blue wainscoting with Star Wars patterned wallpaper on the upper half of the walls.

  ‘They never said a word about any of this,” she murmured in dazed surprise.

  “Of course not. It was a conspiracy, remember? Come on, there’s one more stop on the tour.”

  He pointed out that there were two more bedrooms across the hall which hadn’t been renovated yet, but they passed them without stopping, headed for a door Lacey knew opened onto a large attic area above the kitchen. Her curiosity was aroused. What on earth could he have done with that dark, dismal space?

  “I saved the best for last,” Neil said, his hand resting on the new brass knob of the freshly varnished hardwood door. An odd, almost hopeful look flickered in his eyes as the knob turned under his hand, and then he murmured, “Voila—the piece de resistance,” as the door swung silently open on new brass hinges,

  Lacey’s breath caught. She wasn’t even aware of Neil’s hand on the small of her back, gently urging her inside. Sunlight streamed through the newly installed dormer windows on either side of the room. No, that wasn’t right—it was more than one room. Even though the six-foot-wide doorframes now stood empty, she could see that partitioning walls had been built to divide the space into three separate areas.