by Sam Bowring
You are calling me weak because I don’t enjoy pain? Here …
The academy hall at Holdwith. Losara placed a hand on a lightfist’s head as he channelled. She gave a small sigh, and died in his lap.
I killed again and again to build the shadowmander. I did not like to but I did it anyway, because I know what’s at stake for my people. That is strength, Bel, which goes beyond your childish need for personal satisfaction. It takes compassion, which you once rather laughably accused me of lacking, to really consider the effects of one’s actions. You have no compassion, you know it only as a word. You do not know guilt …
In a clearing in Drel Forest, Bel lay unconscious while around him were the mounded dead – huggers and soldiers who had been in his troop.
…although you imagined you did, after your comrades were slain in Drel. But that was something else – your worry over the weaver’s influence, your failure to achieve clean victory and thus return to celebration, your fear at losing control, the discovery of the fact that you enjoy killing so much …guilt is about accountability to others, yet all these concerns are about yourself. I, however, know that I am accountable for my actions. And I’ve become, if not comfortable, at least accepting of who I am.
The ruined village of Valdurn, just after Bel and his party had fought the Mireforms …Losara’s disguise had been dropped and he was reaching towards Bel, attempting to snatch the Stone.
I was not the one who sought Evenings Mild , said Losara. And here I try to take it from you, so that we may never find ourselves floating inside it having this argument. I was not afraid to remain who I was. It was you who wanted this, you who could not live without it.
I was following instructions from Arkus!
And in the end …
Elessa rode through the battle, levitating behind her a furious Bel, who was trying to kick in the heads of the enemies they passed.
…you did not even make the decision to enter. You had to be forced.
Bel felt himself losing the thread, wasn’t even sure what they were talking about any more.
You really believe yourself on the side of right? he snapped. Look at your land, covered by a Cloud of unnatural occurrence – that’s not the way the world was made!
Do you consider it wrong to live in a house that someone has built? Do you think things constructed are not part of the world?
I take a dim view of a land rife with barbarism …
A younger Losara leaned against Skygrip’s entry arch as a struggling Vortharg was brought to Grimra to be devoured.
…ruled by tyrants …
Battu grew angry with his student, and sent little Losara crashing to the floor.
And look …
A young Arabodedas man tried not to cry as he was led from his hut by conscriptors, forced to join the final charge.
Outside Holdwith, Grimra circled a pile of dead lightfists in a pit not yet closed over, and dived down to take a large bite.
Assidax ran her tongue over pointed fangs, as she directed her army of ghouls and skeletons across the plains at the Shining Mines.
Fazel, undead but not yet burnt, just shy of the border on the shadow side, sent magic into a thrashing blade he had captured, extracting information against both their wills.
Heron, in the throne room, begged Battu for release, and he laughed at her.
What are these things , said Losara, of which you have no personal knowledge, and no shared memory with me?
Bel wasn’t sure – they had simply come when required.
Do you use the shadowdream against me? A dangerous game to play, Blade Bel.
Would you like to go further back, perhaps? See how Fenvarrow has attacked Kainordas for a thousand years?
Only if we can also see how Kainordas has attacked Fenvarrow. You want to use the dream – let’s use it, then.
A flotilla of barges brimming with blades and lightfists worked its way down the Dragon’s Sorrow. They passed the Hinter Swamplands and entered the Dimglades Delta, where the going became ponderous, and soldiers leaned on poles to poke the vessels through the shallow mire. At the edge of the Delta was a town populated by pixies and goblins, from which shouts rang out as the approach was spotted. Barges nudged the banks and soldiers poured into the town, quickly and vastly outnumbering its denizens.
Never rebuilt , said Losara.
Recompense, I imagine, for some other atrocity.
And recompense for some other, and some other, and some other, way back into the folds of forever. You lecture me on right and wrong, Bel? You really think Kainordas is good and Fenvarrow evil?
Elessa sat in a tavern room somewhere, alone and disconsolate, looking in the mirror and trying not to touch her own face.
You condemn our use of undead, yet when it suits your own purpose, apparently there’s no issue.
Battu and Fahren were walking over a bridge of light in the Morningbridge Peaks.
You showed me Battu the tyrant – but you seem to forget that he was cast out, rejected by the Dark Gods for his nefarious and self-serving ways. Yet you took him in and made him one of your own.
And who’s this? replied Bel, as a spectral weaver bird flitted onto the bridge. Could it be someone cast out from our side, someone your lot took in?
Why, yes – the difference being that we took the weavers without a great need to.
Because you share their love of evil acts.
Because we accepted them for what they are, even though they were created by our greatest enemy.
At least Arkus can admit when he’s made a mistake.
Then they were back in the barracks, again with Brahl and Fahren, who were now talking about what to do regarding Thedd Naphur.
Brahl licked his lips. ‘I could arrange for something to …befall him,’ he said.
Murder, Bel, of the rightful heir to the Throne – something you were a party to considering.
We didn’t do it.
Only because you found another way. And you, personally, I now recall, were all for it.
We could ill afford one such as Thedd.
Why do you think Fenvarrow’s ‘tyrants’ are chosen for their strength? At least we are open about our process.
We were operating under unusual circumstances.
During which you broke every moral you profess to defend. Look at this …
Fahren, in his tent, stared down in horror at the prostrate Querrus, whose eyes were empty, a trickle of spittle oozing from his mouth.
‘Forgive me,’ murmured Fahren. He waved a hand over Querrus, who stiffened for a moment, then fell still. Fahren reached down to close his eyes, then opened the ground beneath to swallow him up.
Bel could not believe what he was seeing. Fahren had said Querrus had been sent off on some errand!
That did not happen. It is some trick, some lie.
We are close enough now that you would sense if I was lying. And while we’re taking a look at Fahren, let us glimpse one possible future …
The battle raged across the Grass Ocean, just as it had been doing when Bel had left it – except that he saw himself still there, fighting wave upon wave of attackers. Meanwhile Losara and his mages were gaining ground, Kainordans falling in their hundreds, the tide turning vastly against them. Fahren blasted a Graka from the air and spun, desperately seeking Bel. Bel, lost in his frenzy, did not notice Fahren approaching. They were surrounded by the enemy, closing on them like a giant fist. The light was losing.
This is not how it happened.
But if it was , said Losara, then what would Fahren do, I wonder?
Fahren saw Losara looming, his shadow growing larger up the funnel of a hurricane that blasted aside lightfists like leaves.
‘Blade Bel!’ he called, but Bel did not turn, merely howled as he put his sword through another foe. Fahren paused, tears in his eyes – then he shot a light bolt into Bel’s neck. Bel was flung flat on his face and Losara reeled, the hurricane unspooling as both of them died together.
You see , said Losara. Even your greatest advocate could potentially betray you.
He had no other choice , said Bel dully.
Perhaps if your leaders had implemented conscription , your army would not have been overwhelmed.
We have NOT been overwhelmed . This is but conjecture.
It is an outcome that Fahren has considered. Do not fool yourself – if it came to this, he would kill you if it meant killing me also. Better to return to balance than be defeated.
Would Fahren, as good as any grandfather, really do such a thing? But then he was also the Throne, and as such had to make difficult decisions.
Perhaps I would not blame him , said Bel, though he was thankful the theory had not been tested.
This is not about blame. It is about you supposing to know the difference between good and evil, and attributing them in a broad sweep to entire lands, when in fact they are hard enough to discover in individuals, and certainly have little to do with the conflict between us.
What do you call this, then?
Lalenda rose from hiding to fly out and attack Jaya in the stream.
How can you profess not to know evil, and yet love one such as her?
Losara watched his little pixie, her face a mask of rage, as she struggled to slash at Jaya.
She is not evil , he said sadly. She is driven to hate by love, for she fears the light will take me away.
So she directs a malicious attack on a woman who never did her any harm?
She fears that once you and I combine, we will love Jaya and not her. I have tried to reason with her, but passion and logic do not share a bed.
Oh, I don’t know. She has reason for concern.
Why? You did not choose Jaya, nor she you. You were assigned to each other by some echo of ancient magic, love not earned, but arbitrary. Look at this …
Bel and Jaya sat together on the ridge, watching Hiza and Fazel collecting firewood while Gellan healed M’Meska. Bel had just learned that Fazel would obey him because of his soul’s shared connection to Skygrip Castle.
‘It was enough,’ said Bel, ‘when I realised that Losara’s life is tied to my own. And now this.’ He turned to her. ‘Not seeing some slick of shadows under my skin, I hope?’
‘Would it matter?’ she said, sounding more contemplative than reassuring.
Would it matter? asked Losara. Would it matter if her man was on the side of shadow or light, when she has no choice but to love him?
Do not belittle us, Losara . Look at her – how beautiful she is, how strong, how cheeky …the soul kiss of the Sprites is not arbitrary, and if you had any understanding you would not say so. It is a recognition of compatibility, not the creation of it – and if I was not a Sprite, I would love her anyway. Even you cannot deny that you have been curious about her. You even saved her from the Mireforms against the possibility that losing her would one day be your anguish.
Losara remembered, and Bel was right.
As for you , said Bel, and your woman, if we are examining such things …
Losara and Lalenda were in his quarters in Skygrip, making love. She moaned as he caressed her, her wings flat beneath her, the tips fluttering. He started to fall to shadow, streams of it curling to encircle her, to hold her fully in his grasp, running over every part of her …into her.
For a moment Bel found the scene alluring, but he steeled himself to the point he was making. Look at this aberrance , he said derisively. You call yourself a man, yet this is how you show it? How does this finish, Losara? With a squirt of squid ink?
He willed them into another memory. The great green dragon Olakanzar dozed as he soared over the land, nothing above but twinkling stars. Across his back, between his spines, ran a network of ropes that kept Bel and Jaya secure. Bel held on fast as she scrambled to sit astride him.
Look at us , said Bel. Now that is something. How many couples can say they made love atop a dragon?
There , chuckled Losara. You did it so you can say you did, for the sake of vanity.
You diagnose one symptom, and claim it the single motivation?
Pride and vanity ripple through you, Bel – it cannot be denied.
Bel walked through the streets of Kadass with Jaya. It was the Throne Naphur’s funeral day, and his hair was shining its newly revealed blue. Around him people stared, worried and frightened.
It became so important the world knew who you were that it eclipsed all else – you did not think of the effects on the populace, of the fact that the only blue-haired man they knew of had just murdered their Throne. After years of hiding, pride finally got the better of you, and robbed you of the most basic wisdom. And here …
Arkus stood before Bel and Fahren in a circle of light, while the rest of the world faded around them. The Sun God had come to claim the weaver Iassia, but also to deliver a message to Bel.
‘If Bel and Losara return through the gateway of the Stone, to emerge as the individual soul they once were, we will have won.’
‘How?’ asked Bel.
‘Because you are stronger than Losara,’ said Arkus.
You accept his words so easily , observed Losara. You want to believe them, so you do. Vanity prevents otherwise, but I suppose you can be excused when your god presents his fervent hopes as truth – perhaps he is as vain as you?
While the Dark Gods are faultless?
I would not say that.
Even Battu, supposed to be their most loyal servant, hated them so much he turned against them. And now he has returned to them, to be punished for all time.
While Arkus is so merciful? He would rather torment Iassia, his own creation, than simply deconstruct him. And he punished Battu as well, even though the man risked everything to help him – shall we see if the same is true of the Dark Gods?
Battu’s soul drifted from his body, even as Tyrellan noticed his new butterfly. The goblin’s rage was too great for a simple scowl or growl; instead he fell still, watching the creature that was Battu’s legacy. Meanwhile Battu journeyed on through the veil of the world and out across an endless sea, dark beneath stormy clouds.
I don’t think I should be here , said Bel.
Do not fear , said Losara. We are but observers.
I am not afraid , bristled Bel, wondering if either one of them believed him.
Battu struggled as he raced over the waves, but there was nothing he could do to halt his passage. From out of the sea a great cauldron rose, water frothing against its sides. Barnacles grew richly along the lower half, and strange sucking things, and all manner of stationary sea creatures. Shapes loomed out of the depths – the twins Mokan and Mer, and Elsara the lionfish, Chirruk the watcher, and finally the serpent Lampet and the great Assedrynn, his wide mouth brimming with whiskers. Before them, Battu came to a floating stop.
‘Battu,’ rumbled Assedrynn, ‘you have defied us. Attacked the light when we said to rest, failed to deliver the suspended dead, sought to kill who you were charged to protect, sought indeed to end us .’
Lampet coiled forward, his luminescent eyes flashing from green to red. ‘You were not a good choice,’ he hissed.
‘We had no other!’ wailed Mokan.
‘He killed Raker!’ shrilled Mer.
‘None to replace him!’
‘No more offerings across the sea!’
‘Caretaker, we named you,’ said Assedrynn. ‘Yet no care was taken.’
‘Am I to be punished?’ said Battu, his voice rising as he tried to contain his fear. ‘I should not be blamed – it was you who chose me!’
Assedrynn gurgled, the twins gave a long, low moan, and Battu quailed.
‘What good in punishment?’ said Assedrynn. ‘You think we wish to concern ourselves with you any longer, little soul?’
‘Destroy you,’ said Lampet, and Chirruk clicked his immense lobster claws. Battu glanced between them, terror writ plain on his ghostly face.
‘You can destroy souls?’ he whispered.
‘We are the gods,’ said A
ssedrynn. ‘We can do what we please.’
Elsara, whose glassy eyes had remained half submerged in the waves until now, rose with her spines standing up strong. ‘Enough of this,’ she said in a voice like metal grinding.
Assedrynn’s eyes rolled to her slowly …then back to Battu.
‘You,’ he said, ‘will enter the Well.’
Battu looked up. ‘What?’ and then, ‘my lord,’ he added.
‘All experiences enter the collective,’ said Assedrynn. ‘Nothing is wasted, whether they be lives well lived, or lessons in the perils of avarice.’
‘But …but …it is said that those who betray the Dark Gods will be punished for all time!’
‘Of course it is said,’ hissed Lampet. ‘You think we want you running about doing whatever you wish, with no thought for those who govern your souls? We put that about. But now you are here.’
‘Now you are here,’ echoed Assedrynn. ‘And perhaps you will make a good shark, next time.’
Battu gave a cry of surprise as he was suddenly sped towards the Well. He passed through the side, and was gone.
Assedrynn’s gaze came to rest on Bel and Losara.
You said they couldn’t see us!
I merely said we are observers.
In a panic Bel took over, forcing their retreat, returning them to the first memory he could seize on as a means of escape …and shouts rang out over the fading sea, the waves replaced by warring soldiers.
I don’t understand.
It’s called mercy, Bel. Ah, here I am.
Losara of the recent past appeared out of the shadows, too late to save Roma from a violet vortex.
Let us both be me in this memory.
It was time.
Time to try the idea that scared his Lalenda so, the idea he had journeyed in disguise with Bel to explore. During that period he had come to know his other as best he could, to try to predict what might really happen if they joined each other through the Stone.
He took a deep breath, and was more afraid than he had ever been.
Along the row of lightfists he faced, many pairs of hands sprang forth emanating light. Waves of it cascaded towards him, meshing together into a sphere. He went on to play a little game with them, letting them think that they had encased him, when really he stood apart from an illusion of himself. As the sphere formed, it broke his connection to his doppelganger, which faded. Fahren and Battu started casting shockwaves of Old Magic at him, and he ducked and wove, falling to shadow and re-forming in new places. Finally they hit him, and he did not have to pretend that the blow stunned him. Foreign magic shook him to the core, and he fell. The light grew around him again, and soon the sphere was complete. He pushed against it so Fahren would know he did, but not hard enough to escape, even though he could have done so if he’d wished.
