I nearly lost my appetite but managed to force myself to eat three pieces anyway. The urge to ask her who she’d been talking to was almost overwhelming, but I resisted long enough to finish my meal and climb the stairs to bed. Tomorrow would be an interesting day, and as much as I knew I couldn’t avoid it, I wasn’t looking forward to it, at all.
Chapter 10
Alex
“You’re kidding! Drunk?” Natalie’s mouth hung open as she topped off my coffee.
I picked up the cup, blowing on it as I brought it to my lips. “Totally on her ass.”
“And the grandmother knew?”
“Knew? Rose bought the booze.” I lowered my voice as someone came through the door and stepped up to the counter. “I have no idea where Maddie got the drugs.”
“Welcome to Bean There, Donut That. How can I help you?” Natalie immediately put on her public persona, greeting the customer and taking his order with practiced efficiency. The minute the door closed behind the man on his way out, the forced smile melted away, and her face morphed back into amused disbelief. “And you just waltzed in there and kicked the old bat out?”
“Basically. But not until I’d read her the riot act. I see why David was so adamant about keeping Maddie away from Sarah’s family.”
“Yeah.” Natalie blew a chunk of blond hair out of her eyes and turned to check the coffee machine. “It would have been nice if he’d actually told you that. You would have known what you were dealing with.”
I shifted my weight on the shiny red swivel stool. “There’s a lot I wish he’d told me.” A lifetime of things I wished he’d told me. “In two more years, it wouldn’t have mattered. God, Nat, he wasn’t even forty.”
She took a step toward me with her arms out as if she might try to comfort me but changed her mind, forcing a smile as she wiped imaginary crumbs from the counter. “So… did Granny put up a fight?”
“No. When Maddie passed out in a pool of her own vomit, Rose freaked out, thinking I was going to call the police.”
“Did you tell her you were calling the cops?”
“No, but I picked up the phone and called a cab, and I guess since she had no idea who I was talking to, she assumed the worst. She grabbed her stuff and got the hell out of there.”
“She just took off in her car, drunk?”
“She bolted before I had a chance to stop her. I wouldn’t have let her leave if I’d known she planned on driving drunk. I may not have wanted anything to do with her, but I sure as hell didn’t want someone else’s blood on my hands. Can you believe she actually had the audacity to ask me to repay her for the groceries she’d bought? If you could call any of it groceries. A bunch of junk is more like it.”
“At least you tried to do the right thing.”
“Except all the right thing got me was stuck with a bratty teenager who despises the very sight of me. This morning, I offered to drive her to school—I had to go there anyway to fill out paperwork for that crabby Mrs. Walker—and she said, and I quote, ‘Haleigh’s picking me up. The less I have to see you, the better.’” I took a final swig of my coffee then set it down with a thump on the counter. “I should have told her the feeling is mutual.” The impulse might have been childish, but I couldn’t seem to help myself.
“You can’t really mean that. She’s just a kid.”
“I don’t know. She was furious with David for marrying me. I had no idea someone so tiny could make so much noise. I thought David was going to have a stroke when she let loose with a blue streak that would have made a sailor blush. I often wonder if it would have been easier if we hadn’t eloped, if Maddie and I’d had a chance to get to know one another before being thrown together as family. Every time I look at her, I see that angry girl her father introduced me to four months ago. Do you know what she said to me yesterday? She said her parents were getting back together. That’s why David was with Sarah that night.” The rest of Maddie’s words from the other night rang out in my head. He only married you because you were pregnant.
“You don’t actually think they were… you know?”
“No. Of course not. She’s just trying to get under my skin.” I shook off the thought of Sarah and David sneaking around behind my back from my overactive imagination. The man who married me would never do that. “I told the attorney I’d keep Maddie until the end of the school year. By then, I should be able to find someone more suitable, someone who might actually want her.”
Natalie scowled. “Harsh much?”
“That’s not what I meant, and you know it.” I blew out a breath. “I’m not equipped to raise a teenager, and she obviously doesn’t want me to either. For all I know, there’s some long-lost family member who would fight me to take her. Someone who won’t look at her face and see Sarah staring back at them. I just know that isn’t me.” We sat for a few minutes without saying anything until the quiet grew uncomfortable. I cleared my throat. “You know Mike Allen, don’t you?”
“I’ve heard the name.”
“He and David have been friends forever. He’s Maddie’s godfather. He has kids her age. Mr. Howard’s going to approach him to see if he’d be willing to take Maddie.”
Natalie’s eyebrows shot up. “So you’d just pawn your husband’s daughter off on the first name on the list?”
My mouth dropped open. I felt as if she’d stabbed me through the gut. “God, no, but what am I supposed to do? She’d rather live with her drunken old grandmother than me. She hates me. And not only that, but how the hell am I supposed to be someone’s mother when I couldn’t even—” A fresh stab of pain lanced through me.
“Stop.” Natalie’s hands came up in front her as if she could block my thoughts. “That had nothing to do with anything you did. Those things just happen—no one knows why— but certainly not because it was known throughout the cosmos that you’d be shitty mother material. I don’t think even you could predict that, at this point.”
“Yeah, well, whatever.” I waved her off. “Regardless, I’m not exactly equipped to handle a troubled sixteen-year-old, who hates my guts, all on my own.”
Natalie screwed up her face, wiping a hole in the clean counter. “Hey… speaking of all on your own, what was it you were saying about a certain doctor showing up on his white horse the other night?”
Not this again. “Stop. I told you yesterday. I didn’t know who else to call in this nosy little town, and his card just happened to be in my pocket.”
“Just happened to be, huh?” Natalie bumped my shoulder. “That’s awfully convenient.”
I rolled my eyes. “It was a fortunate accident, nothing more. Stop reading things into it.”
Natalie flashed a bright smile. “I’d say I’m not your only friend in this town anymore.”
The woman seriously had no shame. I eyed her cautiously, wondering if she’d lied when she said she was twenty-eight. She didn’t act much older than Maddie. “I’d say you’d better make yourself useful and pour me another cup of coffee before I find a new place to loiter in the mornings.”
“In this town? It’s me or Mitchell’s Tavern, and trust me. I went to school with Scotty Mitchell. The conversation here is way more stimulating.”
“While I’d love to stay here all day, partaking of your stimulating conversation… I’ve already had three cups of coffee, and I’ll be hard pressed to concentrate on meeting my project deadline if I have a fourth.”
“You heading out?” Surprise colored Natalie’s expression.
“Yeah, I think my bereavement leave is up right about now. It’s time I got back to work. Even before all of this, the suits were all over me, breathing down my neck to come up with a new concept. But hell, maybe diving into the creative process is just what I need to take my mind off of things.”
“You mean those greedy bastards aren’t living high off the hog from the
last three games you came up with? The new kid working here was going on and on about how Mystic Realms Three is still on backorder from Christmas. Apparently that’s what he’s buying with his first paycheck.”
My lips tipped up of their own accord. “See, that’s why I do what I do. The absolute devotion of the players makes it all worthwhile.”
“Well, don’t work too hard. I’m sure Ben would agree with me when I say you need to take it easy.”
I shook my head at her repeated attempts at playing matchmaker. I’d known Natalie long enough to know she dealt with grief in her own way. Her own highly inappropriate way, but who was I to judge? “See ya later, Nat.”
“Later, ’gator.”
The pulsing beat of death metal music threatened to make my eardrums bleed as my laptop curser blinked at me over and over again, taunting me from the screen. Like the constant ticking of a metronome… timing my inability to think of a single innovative game concept that would appeal to the ever-changing mind of a teenager. It had all been done before—if not by me, by someone else. And the idea that I could come up with something fresh and new just two weeks after my husband’s funeral and a week after losing our baby was ridiculous. Even my old standby mood music wasn’t helping.
I switched off the iPod and stood to stretch, tossing my headphones into my chair. David hated death metal, which was why we had separate offices—and I had the best pair of headphones on the market. But not even the most expensive, noise-dampening headset could drown out the voices screaming at me that he was gone.
After a moment, I switched the iPod on again and shuffled through the songs until I found my David playlist. I cued up “Unforgettable” and disconnected the headphones so the music could play through the speakers. Nat King Cole’s velvety voice filled the room, and I closed my eyes, swaying to the melody. If I kept my eyes shut, I could almost feel David’s presence in the room. Almost hear his voice singing along with the music. Almost feel his arms wrapped around me, pulling me close.
My phone buzzed with an incoming text, breaking the spell.
Unknown caller: Hey.
Me: Who is this?
Unknown caller: Oh, sorry. It’s Ben. Checking in to see how Maddie’s doing today.
Me: Oh hey. Well enough to drive me crazy from the moment she opened her eyes.
I debated saving his name in my contacts but decided against it. It wasn’t as if I had a reason to talk to him that often.
Unknown caller: I’m familiar with the concept of being driven crazy. Perhaps you should take a nap while she’s in school. You still need your rest.
Me: I was trying to work, but since that’s not happening, perhaps I’ll take your expert medical advice instead.
Me: You really seem to be going above and beyond the normal doctor/patient thing.
Unknown caller: You seem like you could use a friend.
Me: I’m definitely short on those around here.
Unknown caller: Problem solved. Sleep well.
I didn’t know what to think about him yet. Part of me wanted to embrace the friendship he was offering. The other part wanted to hide in my fantasy where David had never left, and I wasn’t alone. I stared at his text for a few minutes before grabbing my coat. There was no way I was going to be able to fall asleep with David so fresh in my mind. I didn’t want the dreams to come. It was just that much worse when I woke up, and he was still gone. I only had one viable solution. I needed inspiration. I needed to shoot something. I only hoped the local laser tag facility was open on a school day.
Chapter 11
Maddie
Finally. It was Saturday night. I’d managed to avoid Alex as much as possible during the week. School kept us apart during the day, and homework gave me an excuse to lock myself in my room at night. Not that I was actually doing the homework. My teachers were surprisingly accommodating, all but giving me the semester off. Playing the dead parent card times two had worked out better than if I’d planned it.
Then again, my only plan was to steer clear of the stepmonster and get wasted… often. In less than thirty minutes, Brody would pick me up, and with any luck, I’d be able to stretch things out for the rest of the weekend. I had the expensive lingerie Mom never had a chance to wear tucked into my backpack, along with a change of clothes and the condom I’d swiped during health class.
“Maddie?” Alex’s voice carried up the stairs. “Are you expecting someone?”
Brody!
“Yeah.” I checked my reflection one last time, my bleak expression staring back at me. “Be right down!”
I hurried down the steps and yanked the door open as he was reaching out to knock. My tummy flipped at the sight of him dressed like he was heading into a debate club meeting or something, rather than what I knew he had planned for the evening. “Hey,” I said to him, looking over my shoulder. Then I called out to Alex, lurking just around the corner. “I’m going with Brody.”
“Wait!” Alex said.
The last thing I wanted was for her to give him the third degree. “We’re going to be late.”
“Late for what?” Alex jammed her fists into her hips and gawked at us. Her hair hung in strings around her face where it had fallen out of the messy ponytail. She was really starting to let herself go. “You didn’t tell me you had plans.”
“It’s just Brody. We’re going to his place to hang out. We need to pick up some people on the way.”
“A party?” She snapped her mouth shut as if weighing the options.
“No, just hanging out with some friends.” I resisted the urge to stomp my feet. Why, of all times, did she choose this one to get all maternal on me?
Alex turned her glare to Brody. “Your mom and dad will be there?”
I rolled my eyes. Right. Like I’d have sex with Brody in front of his parents.
Brody flashed his Hollywood smile. “Don’t worry, Mrs. B, I’ll take good care of Maddie.”
Alex chewed on her chapped lower lip. “My attorney—well, David’s attorney—tried to call your father earlier this week, but he hasn’t returned the call.”
Way to kill the mood. “What does Dad’s lawyer want with Mr. Allen?”
“Just something about the will. Nothing you need to worry about.” Alex took a step back, fidgeting with the buttons on the ugly orange sweater hanging off her body like a tarp. “It’s really nothing. You two go on. Don’t be out late.”
“Dad was away on business all week. But I’m sure he’d love to talk to you. He’s going to miss Mr. Barrett on the golf course come spring.”
Alex sighed. “That’s sweet of you to say, Brody. I’ll check in with him sometime next week.”
“Okay, well, we’re leaving. Bye.” I tugged on Brody’s arm, dragging him out the front door. “God, I thought you were going to have us stuck there all freaking night long.”
Once I’d buckled myself in, he pressed a white capsule into the palm of my hand. “Take this, princess. You’ll forget all your problems in a matter of minutes.”
I popped the pill into my mouth, swallowing it dry. “Thanks. I didn’t know you could see my thoughts.”
“I plan on seeing a lot of you tonight… and this”—he tapped my head—“is the last place I’m going to be looking.”
Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit! As much as I thought I wanted this—and I did—I was terrified. But as the reality sank in, and the pill’s effects kicked in, my inhibitions fell away. “And this—” I cupped him between his legs “—is where I’m going to start.”
A bone-deep cold soaked into me. I rolled to my side and pulled the blankets around my naked body. My head hurt. My legs throbbed. And my insides ached in a way that left me emptier than I’d been before. Why had I thought sacrificing my body—giving up my V-card to the biggest douche in Michigan—would fill the void lef
t when my parents died? Because I’m a cutter who doesn’t cut, that’s why. It took a lot of effort to be sure all my scars were where no one but me could see them.
“Thought maybe I’d have to dump this water all over you to wake you up.” Brody jiggled an open water bottle in my face. A few drops splashed out and hit my arm.
My hand trembled as I reached out for it. “Thanks.” I swallowed a few big gulps then handed it back. “What time is it?”
“Almost midnight. You need to finish the bottle and get dressed, so I can get you home.”
“Home?” I didn’t have a home anymore. I had two houses, and I didn’t belong in either of them. I reached for him, wrapping my fingers around the hem of his shirt. “Can’t I stay… with you?”
He laughed. “I’m glad you liked it that much, but we have to keep up appearances for the ’rents. Actually, I’m glad Alex is so lax about who you go out with. Your dad would never let me take you out.”
I nodded.
“So you knew he told me to stay away from you?”
I shrugged. Dad never came out and said Brody was a bad guy, but he wasn’t subtle whenever the topic came up. “Not in so many words.” I slowly sat up, and the room spun for a second before he shoved the water bottle back in my hand.
“Finish this, and come out when you’re dressed.” Then he left me alone in the room.
I eased myself out of bed and found my clothes in a heap on the floor. My unopened backpack sat in the corner. “Looks like neither one of us will get a chance to wear that lingerie, Mom.” It took me several tries to get my arms into my shirt. My legs were like jelly. Flashes of the previous few hours filled my head. Some of them were nice, like Brody leading me away from the rest of the party. But judging by the way I felt now, my brain had blocked out the not-so-pleasant memories.
“Maddie, we need to go,” Brody called from the other side of the door.
Ashes of Life Page 9
