She slid her hand across the seat toward him. He didn’t take it.
“I made my sister miss her high school graduation, too,” he added, “and her plans to go away for university, and my folks’ plans to go to Florida for their thirty-fifth wedding anniversary. My sister couldn’t go anywhere on the island, for the whole rest of her life, without people trying to talk to her about the most traumatic thing she’d ever lived through. No wonder she had anxiety. She lost so much all because I was the dummy who went snowmobiling without a helmet.”
He ran his hands over his head. “So, I don’t do that anymore. Got it? I’m not the guy who causes problems anymore. I’m the guy who fixes them. I’m the one who finds solutions and makes them happen. I’m not the problem that other people have to worry about. Not anymore. Not for Meg. Not...” His eyes glanced at her face for a moment before snapping back to the road. “Not...for anyone.”
What was he saying? That he thought he was a problem for her?
He looked so pained and frustrated with himself.
She pulled her hand back and crossed her arms. “You’re right. You went snowmobiling without a helmet, underage, on a highway, without a license, and got hit by a transport truck. You were badly hurt. You hurt people who loved you. Those were some colossally dumb decisions you made right there.”
His eyebrow rose. “I can’t believe you just said that.”
“I’m not going to sugarcoat it,” she said. “I don’t think you’d want me to. But it’s the decisions you made after that which matter. You decided to own up to what you’d done, and create an incredible sports business. You encouraged other people to take risks, be brave and live their life to the fullest while teaching them to also be smart and safe at the same time. That’s pretty amazing. Now you’re about to fly overseas and sail the world. You take more risks than anyone else I know.”
Benjamin didn’t meet her eye. “No, I don’t,” he said quietly. “Not where other people’s hearts are concerned.” He slowed at a traffic sign. “Oh, sure, I bungee jump and kayak and rappel. But that’s just the science of levers and pulleys and helmets. Controllable, predictable elements. But other people’s feelings...” His voice trailed off.
Shivers ran down Piper’s arms and down her spine. She knew what he didn’t say. Other people’s feelings weren’t always controllable or predictable.
He pulled through the intersection and kept driving. “Your uncle Des came out to say goodbye when I left. Thanked me for a talk of mine he’d heard. Said it really encouraged him to think through what risks he was willing to take in his future. Called me brave.” He shrugged. “All I could think was that he was the brave one. Your uncle has been with the same woman for over forty years! They survived moving from one country to another, the bottom falling out of his work and not being able to move back. They went through not being able to have kids of their own. They took you in and raised you. Now they’re facing years of health problems.”
The truck left the small town and pulled onto another rural road.
“Your uncle is a braver man than I will ever be. I’ve been responsible for only one person my whole life, my sister. But I always had total faith that was temporary, and one day she’d be standing on her own two feet. That was it. That was my one shot being somebody else’s guardian. I can’t ever be anyone’s full-time, solid rock and anchor person. Not like your uncle and aunt are for each other. Because if I did and I let that person down, I’d never forgive myself. That’s what I was trying to tell you back in the restaurant on the island last summer, when you suddenly had to get up and go. I just can’t ever let myself—”
A car whipped around them and Benjamin hit the brakes in a controlled skid.
His hand landed hard on the horn.
Finish the sentence, she wanted to yell at him. You can’t let yourself what?
But he obviously wasn’t ready to finish his thought and she wasn’t about to push. She pressed her lips together and forced herself to wait. The sign for his town loomed ahead of them.
“Meg asked me to walk her down the aisle,” he said after a few long minutes. “Now, she’s the kind of independent woman who’d be quite happy walking herself down the aisle. But she asked me. And...and everybody in that church is going to look at me and still think of me as that irresponsible younger brother who wrecked the family’s life, no matter how hard I worked to fix what I’d done. They’re all going to see me run in late, making her wait, in torn, stained jeans, and roll their eyes at how foolish, irresponsible Benji Duff is same as he ever was.
“I’m going to ruin her special moment!” His voice rose. “It was always going to be like that. Even if there was some way I could rush home, shave, cut my hair, put on a tux and show up looking like a million bucks, what difference would it make, really? They’re all going to know that I’m not good enough for that honor! I’ll know that I’m not good enough.”
And there it was.
“So, don’t be good enough.” Her hand slipped onto his arm. “Whatever being ‘good enough’ is even supposed to mean. She didn’t ask you to be good enough. She asked you to be there. So, go. Go be your sister’s guardian and best friend one last time. She’s strong enough to tell you to go home and change, and delay things while you do. Just show up, right now, in your old jeans and red plaid shirt, and be her brother. Not because you’re perfect, worthy, or what somebody else might say is ‘good enough.’ But because you’re the only sibling each other has got and you love each other, and that’s all that actually matters.”
He blew out a long breath. She closed her eyes, leaned her head back against the seat and let her heart pray with feelings she didn’t even know how to put into words.
The truck stopped and she opened her eyes. A small country church sat ahead of them. The clock read six fourteen.
Benjamin unbuckled his seat belt. “Come on. If I’m doing this thing you’re coming in with me.”
He leaped from the truck and ran through the snow toward the small church. Piper followed. His footsteps pounded up the church steps and he opened the door. There stood Meg, beautiful and breathtaking in a dazzling white beaded dress, trimmed with a white cloak lined with deep red velvet.
Tears slipped from the bride’s eyes. “You made it!”
Benjamin swallowed hard. “Of course.”
Piper stepped back. But Meg’s joy-filled eyes swept over her, her gaze pulling her in. “Thank you so much for bringing my brother to me. Please stay. I’d be so happy to have you. You’re welcome just the way you are, but if you want something fancier for the reception, one of my friends runs a consignment formal-wear shop. I’m sure she will be more than happy to help you pop out and find something to wear right after the service.” Then Meg squeezed her brother’s arm, pulling him to her. “Come on, baby bro. Let’s go do this.”
Piper waited until the bride and her brother started down the aisle toward her groom. Then she slipped in the back of the church and found space at the end of a pew.
The service was beautiful. She’d never seen two people more excited to start a life together. Carols were sung, candles lit, vows exchanged. Jack’s best man, Luke, and his fiancée, Nicky, stood up to read the beautiful familiar Old Testament reading. “Many waters cannot quench love. Rivers cannot sweep it away.”
Yet somehow, through it all, she only had eyes for the scruffy, beaming, jean-clad Benjamin. Her heart sobbed.
Her uncle and aunt were right, as much as she didn’t want to admit it to herself and would never admit it to Benjamin. She loved him. She’d cared for him since the first moment she’d laid eyes on him last summer, and the feeling had grown inside her until she ached just to be near him. She loved him so much she wanted him to get on that plane tomorrow, fly to Australia, sail the world and make every one of his dreams come true.
She loved him so much she wanted him to lea
ve.
Lord, why is it the only man I could ever imagine going through this life with is the one so determined to never share his life with anyone?
Was she so much like her mother that she was only attracted to men who were destined to leave? At least Benjamin had always been honest with her.
The congregation stood to sing “Joy to The World” as the wedding party started back down the aisle. Piper got up from her seat and slipped out the door.
She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t stay. She couldn’t get dressed up and go to the reception and hang on toBenjamin’s arm as if she belonged there, only to watch him leave again.
Lord, give me the strength to say goodbye to this dream.
She walked through town, her boots crunching through the snow as the dark night settled in around her. She reached her aunt’s friend who’d offered her a car. After a quick hug and thank-you, Piper was back on the road, driving back over the bridge, toward home. Her phone started ringing. She glanced down. It was Benjamin. She ignored it, even when it rang again. She didn’t pick up but instead texted back a quick line to tell him to thank Meg for the invite but that she was heading home.
Then she turned her phone off.
* * *
Benjamin frowned at his phone and then set it down on the table. Piper wasn’t answering. The flurry of well-wishers who’d come by the head table to ask about his sailing trip had finally trickled off. He’d heard every conceivable joke about showing up at his sister’s wedding dressed as a lumberjack. But Meg was happy. The moment he’d seen that joy light up in her eyes he’d known he’d made the right decision.
He looked down at the wedding cake in front of him. Considering how many years Meg had run the top wedding planning business on the island, it was no wonder the food was impeccable. But somehow, every bite had seemed to land in his stomach like sawdust.
Meg swirled off her happy husband’s arm and spun across the floor toward Benjamin. She dropped into a chair beside him and squeezed his arm, her face flushed with both excitement and fatigue. “Did you ever manage to get through to Piper?”
“No.” Somehow he’d lost sight of her in the hustle of the wedding, but had tried calling to give her the location of the reception. She’d have known the restaurant, since it was where they’d had their last meal together before she’d left the island last summer. In fact, the door she walked out of was right over there. “She isn’t answering her phone, but she did send a text message saying she’d decided to go back home.”
“Oh?” Meg said. It was amazing how much inflection his sister was able to put in one syllable.
Suddenly, he felt himself blushing. “Yeah, well, the drive here was a bit tense. I told her to head back to The Downs. Maybe she thought I didn’t want her here.”
Meg’s eyebrow rose.
“But it wasn’t that,” he said quickly. “It was more that I didn’t want her to go to any trouble for me or give up on anything that mattered. I tried to explain that I never wanted to be responsible for anyone else’s happiness, because I can’t trust that I’d never let them down or hurt them.”
He slid his head into his hands. It had almost felt as if they were arguing. But he wasn’t quite sure what about. Being run off the road like that had reminded him of just how determined he was to never make a commitment to someone else that he might not be able to keep. She hadn’t even disagreed with him on any of that.
Meg pulled her chair back against the wall and gestured to him to follow. He did so.
“Two of the people who were stalking The Downs have been arrested,” he added. “She’s going to have a friend stay there whenever she has guests so she won’t be alone with strangers. She tried to make it sound like all the problems of the last few days are sorted and there’s nothing else I can do. And she’s right, there’s not really anything much I can do. So, I don’t understand why I’m beating myself up for letting her leave and why my insides feel like they’re being mangled in a car crusher.”
“You are unbelievable.” Meg crossed her arms. Her smile was somewhere between frustrated and amused. “For a long time I thought you were the smartest guy I knew, and now I’ve never heard you sound so clueless. You’re in love with this woman, Benjamin. I saw it in your eyes the first time you mentioned her name, and here she loves you well enough to skip the biggest night of her year and drive fourteen hours round-trip just to make sure you had your passport.”
Benjamin could feel a flush rising to his cheeks. “You don’t get it, Meg. Even if I did have feelings for Piper, there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m sitting at my sister’s wedding. I’m flying to Australia tomorrow night. I have a boat, a sailing trip and a new life waiting for me on the other side of the world. She’s committed to spending the rest of her life taking care of her uncle and aunt, running a bed-and-breakfast in a town even smaller than this one. She’s not happy there and I for sure wouldn’t be. Look, it doesn’t matter how I feel. There’s absolutely nothing I can do.”
His words spluttered to a stop like an engine that had just run out of steam.
Meg nodded. She leaned forward, gathering her billowing dress around her just like she used to do when she was playing dress-up as a child. “Remember that game we used to play as kids where one of us asks a question and the other has to answer it as fast as they can with the first thing that pops into their mind?”
“Yeah?”
“Where do you want to spend Christmas?”
“With Piper.” The answer flew from his heart to his lips without a second’s hesitation.
“Then what are you doing here? Get yourself back in your truck and go spend Christmas with her.”
“But that’s a seven-hour drive!”
“I know.”
“And I’m flying to Australia tomorrow night.”
“Yup. Good thing your bag is all packed and The Downs is only a couple of hours from the Toronto airport.” She was smiling now. It was infuriating.
“Meg! I’m at your wedding reception!”
“Yes, and you’ve walked with me down the aisle, I’ve gotten married, the pictures have been taken and the cake’s been cut.” She grabbed his arm and yanked him out of the chair. “We can open presents without you.”
He was already climbing to his feet. “But I don’t know what I’m going to say to Piper. I don’t know how to explain why I’m back. I don’t even know what I want to do. She still can’t come to Australia and I still don’t want to stay at The Downs.”
“It’s okay.” She stood, too, and slipped her arms around her brother. “You’ve always been good at figuring out what to do on the fly. Just pretend you’re skydiving, or bungee jumping, or some other crazy, risky thing you went and did that scared the life out of you right before you leaped. Now go, before anyone tries to stop you and talk. I’ll say goodbye for you.” When he hesitated, she pushed him hard with both hands. “Go!”
He got in the truck and drove through the night. Crisscrossing the province on Christmas Eve probably wasn’t the wisest, most well-thought-out decision he’d ever made. But for the first time since Piper had walked out of that restaurant back on the island, he felt as if he was doing exactly what his heart wanted to, and as if every part of his body, heart and mind were finally playing on the same team.
No matter what happened next, it was a wonderful feeling.
It was almost four thirty when he pulled into The Downs parking lot. The lights were still out. Not even a twinkle of Christmas lights in the window or the gentle glow from an upstairs room. He got out of the truck and walked across the snow. Three sets of footprints lay in the snow in front of him. Piper, Dominic and...somebody else? He pulled the hidden key from under a rock by the door, but when he tried it, the front door wouldn’t open. The garage door wouldn’t open, either. He rounded the back of the house. The back door wouldn’t e
ven budge. His eyes scanned the darkened house.
Okay, now what?
He hadn’t thought through how he was going to get in the house and didn’t want to bang so hard he woke Piper up. But a window on the second floor was open. Well, looked as if his options now were climbing the fire escape and shimmying through a window or sleeping in his truck.
Then he heard the sound of crying. The sad, high-pitched sound floated on the winter air. He followed the sound. It was coming from the wooden kindling box beside the woodpile.
He ran toward the sound. “It’s okay. I’m coming.”
The whimpering grew louder. He pulled back the latch and threw the lid open. A ball of black-and-white fur launched himself into Benjamin’s arms.
“Hey!” Benjamin cradled the dog in his arms and set him gently in the snow. “Are you okay? Did someone hurt you?”
Harry galloped out into the snow a few feet and then back again. Benjamin crouched and ran his hands through the dog’s fur checking for injuries. It smelled sickly sweet.
Like chloroform.
A loud boom sounded below him, as if someone was shaking the very foundations of The Downs. A dim light flickered in the basement window. He crouched and looked in.
A figure was standing in the basement, swinging a sledgehammer, knocking blow after blow hard into The Downs’s foundation. Benjamin couldn’t see his face.
The man disappeared from view and what he saw next made Benjamin gasp.
Piper was sitting in front of a small folding table. Her head drooped against her chest. Her hands were tied behind her to opposite legs of her chair.
The newspaper star was spread out in pieces on the table in front of her.
SIXTEEN
Piper’s mind swam slowly up into consciousness, as disjointed thoughts and feelings filled her senses. She felt rope dig sharply into her wrists, saw scraps of newspaper float on the table in front of her like scattered islands of letters and shapes. A flashlight lay nearby sending a triangle of yellow light across the table and over the floor. A loud, constant thumping split the air, shattering the concrete walls, exposing the bare brick beneath. The sound seemed to rattle her eardrums and shatter the inside of her skull.
Christmas Blackout Page 15
