Beth looked thoughtful and indicated for Lily to take a seat. ‘Would you like a coffee?’ she asked.
Lily, who had been awake since 5 a.m. couldn’t think of anything she’d like more. Especially when she spied the shiny, silver coffee maker in the corner, looking at odds with the rest of the kitchen.
‘I live frugally but this is my one luxury.’ Beth smiled softly. Lily watched as she made the coffee. Her hands were red and chapped but moved deftly, pouring beans into the machine. Soon, the room was filled with the most heavenly aroma of coffee. She set down two cups and joined Lily at the table. ‘When I hadn’t heard from your mother, I did wonder,’ she frowned. ‘I thought perhaps she’d changed her mind.’
‘Oh, I’m sure she wouldn’t have done that. The products you made – they’re amazing.’
Beth flushed, her eyes widening almost in disbelief. ‘Do you really think so?’
‘Really.’ Lily was touched she appeared to have no sense of how good they were. ‘Who else have you sold to?’
The question seemed to surprise her. ‘No one else. I did go to a trade show but I’m afraid I found it all quite daunting. Lots of people showed interest – and a few people took my details but somehow I left without any orders.’ She looked down with a shrug of her shoulders. ‘I love making the products, but I’m afraid I’m not very good at the business side of things.’
‘So where do you actually make everything?’
‘Would you like me to show you?’ she asked tentatively and seemed almost surprised when Lily said she’d love to. ‘Finish your coffee and I’ll take you.’
A few moments later Beth had led Lily out of the back door and down a path winding its way down a narrow and surprisingly long garden. ‘Looks like you’re embracing the good life,’ Lily remarked, passing a vegetable patch and narrowly avoided tripping over a few chickens pecking the ground.
‘Trying to,’ Beth answered ruefully.
They came to an impressive looking double-door wooden workshop painted green with three large windows. Stepping inside was like entering a different world, an intoxicating blend of sweet florals and warm exotic fragrances permeated the air.
Lily could see all the tools of her trade laid out on the various work surfaces; digital scales, thermometers, measuring jugs and various whisks and saucepans. Natural light flooded in through the windows and it was immaculately clean, reminding Lily of a science lab.
‘Wow,’ she exclaimed.
‘I can lose myself for hours in here. I’ve been working on a new line – would you like to see?’ Beth asked, removing the lid from a white tub for Lily to smell. ‘I’ve been experimenting with sandalwood.’
‘It smells heavenly.’ Lily raised her eyes appreciatively at the warm, sweet, woody aroma.
‘I’m going to mix it with lemon. Sandalwood oil has all sorts of therapeutic properties; it’s anti-inflammatory so really good for skin conditions and it can help you to relax,’ she explained replacing the lid.
‘So how did you start all this?’ Lily asked, waving a hand to encompass the room.
Beth released a slow breath before speaking. ‘It was after my husband died.’
‘Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pry.’
‘You haven’t, please don’t worry,’ Beth reassured with a small shake of her head. ‘I’m not really used to speaking about it which probably isn’t very healthy. It’s been just over a year and some days I’m fine. Other days it feels as brutally raw as if it happened yesterday.’
Lily nodded sympathetically.
‘I was so devastated, didn’t know what to do with myself at all. I couldn’t bear the thought of staying where we had lived together, trying to carry on without him. I just knew I had to do something totally different. So I packed up everything, gave up my teaching job, sold our home in York and moved here. My grandfather was Scottish and I used to come here as a child, so something seem to draw me here. I took a long-term lease on this place and decided to embrace my solitude. For now, anyway.’ She finished with a watery smile.
‘That can’t have been easy.’
‘No.’ Beth paused for a moment. ‘Anyway, I was always interested in aromatherapy and the use of natural oils and organic products so I thought I’d see if I could make a proper go of it. I did a few courses and there’s been a lot of trial and error. I know you can buy creams and lotions so easily and cheaply these days but I thought there might be a market for handmade, organic products. People are so aware these days aren’t they – of what goes into the products they use.’
‘Definitely,’ Lily agreed.
‘I was really at the stage of setting up and experimenting with a few ideas when I met Patty on the estate one day. She was here visiting the gardens and we got chatting.’ She smiled, remembering. ‘She told me about the shop in Carroch she’d bought recently and I told her about my ideas. She was so enthusiastic about what I was doing. In fact, I’m grateful to her because that spurred me on. Otherwise I fear I’d never have got organised enough to actually make an order. That’s what took me so long.’
As Beth locked up the workshop and they walked back to the house, Lily was thoughtful. In the warm kitchen, she gathered herself together, dreading what she had to say now.
‘The thing is, I’ll be selling the shop. So I’m afraid I won’t be needing your products.’
‘Oh. Of course, I understand.’
Disappointment flitted over Beth’s features, giving the impression she was a woman accustomed to disguising her feelings and Lily felt terrible. She hated to think she was letting her down and rushed to speak. ‘I’ll arrange to have all the products sent back to you and I’ll pay you for them also.’
Beth shook her head. ‘There was nothing formal between us, no contract. We hadn’t negotiated terms. Really, you don’t owe me anything.’
‘Please, I insist. You’ve lost all this time,’ Lily said, well aware she should have been here sooner to let her know. ‘This way, you’ll be able to sell them to someone else.’
Beth’s brow creased. ‘I’m not sure. Maybe it was all a bit ambitious. Perhaps I should think of something else, I could always go back to teaching.’
Lily was horrified that Beth was ready to give up, feeling responsible in some way. ‘Please, you mustn’t do that. I have some experience of working in a retail environment and I’m sure I’d be able to help you, give you some contacts and a few pointers in the right direction. I really don’t think it would be too difficult to establish yourself.’
‘I’m really not sure,’ Beth replied doubtfully. ‘My idea was always to keep things small and based here, I don’t want to do anything on a large scale.’
‘You don’t have to. Keep it small and local with a strong Scottish element – that could be your unique selling point. You’re using high-quality, organic ingredients and other businesses are usually keen to support start-ups. These are all big positives. I’m very confident you’ll secure a contract.’
‘I’m sorry, it’s all sounds like a different language to me.’
Beth was beginning to look overwhelmed. Lily had wanted to make her feel better but had the feeling she was doing the opposite. ‘The main thing is you’ve got a fantastic product,’ she began gently. ‘Listen, I’ll be here for a little while longer. Perhaps we could meet somewhere one day – you could come to Carroch if you like?’ she suggested. ‘That’ll give you time to think about things and I could get some contacts for you.’
Beth clasped her hands together nervously. ‘I don’t really go out much these days, I’m afraid I’ve become a bit of a recluse.’
‘I could come back here if you like?’ Lily offered.
A few seconds passed, Beth’s features suggesting some sort of inner dialogue was taking place. Finally she spoke, sounding more decisive. ‘No. I’ll meet you. It’ll do me good to get out. I keep meaning to visit some of the villages and I’d like to see Carroch.’
With an arrangement made to meet in a few days, the two
women made their way to the front of the cottage, Lily’s mind busy. She hadn’t been sure what to expect today but she’d taken to Beth instantly and hoped there was some way of helping her. It would be a terrible shame if her venture came to nothing.
Beth was perhaps several years older than Lily but there was something about her that she could easily identify with, recognising the look of someone who was perhaps a little bit afraid of life at the moment. It was sad it had been such tragic circumstances that had brought Beth here but Lily hoped she’d be able to find happiness again.
Lily stepped out into the front garden, admiring the lilac bushes and geraniums bordering the small front lawn. As settings went, Lily couldn’t think of anywhere more idyllic, the type of place you might imagine living one day with a loving husband, perhaps children. Having said that, the silence and remoteness felt peculiar to her senses which were more used to the city. She imagined it would take some getting used to.
‘Do you ever feel isolated living here?’ Lily wondered.
Beth’s brow puckered as she thought about it. ‘I think I’ve learnt the difference between solitude and loneliness. And I’ve found out I’m quite self-reliant. And I have Snowy here to keep me company.’ She picked up the white cat who had appeared at her feet. ‘A local farmer offered her to me. I was almost thinking of getting another one but then thought I might be in danger of turning into a mad cat lady.’
Lily laughed. ‘I know what you mean. I seem to have inherited a cat that my mum had adopted. I’m not sure what I’ll do with her but the worrying thing is I’m kind of getting used to having her around.’
‘They can be easier to deal with than some humans that’s for sure.’
The two women shared a smile of understanding and Lily left. She glanced at the time. She still had some time before she was due to meet Jack and so she set off, looking forward to exploring the estate.
Chapter 9
The estate had been enchanting. From the Baronial castle sitting on the banks of the river to the remote bothies where people could literally escape from the world, Lily had been charmed.
She remembered Jack telling her the estate had diversified and they appeared to be doing it very successfully. Obviously she hadn’t been able to see it all with her own eyes, the scale of the estate was massive, but she’d seen a range of accommodation including luxury private Victorian houses and small charming cottages. There were all sorts of opportunities for spotting wildlife and sporting activities and she’d spent a very pleasant hour walking around the castle admiring its interior, brimming with works of arts, tapestries and antiques, not surprised to learn it was a popular destination for private functions and corporate hospitality. It was all quite impressive.
When Jack had collected her, he’d been interested to hear how she’d got on with Beth, listening as Lily told him how she was hoping to help her by giving her some contacts for selling her range of products.
In turn Jack had told her about the upcoming whisky festival, Lily becoming quite caught up in the idea of tastings and tours and masterclasses. By the sounds of it, the visitors expected from all over the world were in for a treat.
After that, they’d lapsed into a companionable silence. It hadn’t felt awkward. In fact, so relaxed and with tiredness catching up on her, Lily had closed her eyes and was slightly dazed when a gentle squeeze on her arm awoke her. She opened her eyes to find Jack had already parked outside the shop and was looking at her.
His mouth had curved into that easy smile and for one mad moment she’d actually considered inviting him in before giving herself a sharp mental kick. She’d enjoyed his company more than she’d expected and the thought of prolonging it was tempting, but she was pretty sure Jack had something else more important to be doing and no way was she going to risk making a fool of herself – she’d done enough of that recently. So she had thanked him and quietly let herself into the flat, making her way up the stairs to find Misty sitting waiting for her.
After supper, she’d settled herself on the sofa hoping sleep would find her quickly but instead she’d been restless and reflective. The last few days in Carroch had taken her by surprise, her aim of slipping in and out quietly and quickly not exactly going to plan. Angus, the knitting ladies and now the drive with Jack and meeting Beth had all been on her mind, thoughts of them spinning around her head and spilling into her dreams last night.
This morning, she felt determined to take control of things, to get things back on track. And so, at an insanely early hour this morning she’d set about scouring the job market, the internet connection testing her patience and making it a long and tedious process. Until that point, she’d been fairly confident that there would be plenty of work for an experienced accountant but she’d been disappointed, any hopes of easily finding her new dream job quickly extinguished. There wasn’t a huge choice of jobs, certainly nothing that screamed out as her as something she really wanted to do.
She’d sent her CV to a recruitment agency specialising in finance and accounting and had found a couple of jobs that didn’t look too mind-blowingly boring which she applied for, allowing herself to feel a little buzz of excitement when the acknowledgements popped into her inbox.
After that, Lily knew there was only one thing left to do. So much of her life in the last year had been about avoiding this moment but today the time had come to finally sort through her mother’s personal possessions.
She thought back to yesterday, to stopping at the rowan tree with Jack and how she’d felt for those few moments. They might have been standing in one of the most remote parts of the world but the moment had felt strangely intimate. Jack’s words came back to her about life being short and precious. Lily realised now that whatever her life might hold in the future, she needed to start by doing this today.
Armed with a mug of tea and Misty by her side, she made her way to her mother’s bedroom. But standing at the door, her feet suddenly felt rooted to the spot, her body paralysed with fear.
It wasn’t just about the practical matter of sorting through her mother’s things, it was about facing up to the woman Patty Ballantine had been – perhaps that was what frightened Lily most of all. Patty had been a free spirit. Captivating and beautiful, everyone had loved her. But for Lily growing up, at times that could be difficult to embrace.
As a young child, Lily knew no other life. She couldn’t remember the exact moment she became conscious of her mother not being like other mothers, there hadn’t been a specific moment or event, just a growing consciousness that their nomadic lifestyle wasn’t the same as everyone else’s.
There had been no traditional birthday parties, no bedtime stories, no pennies left by the tooth fairy. There had been no strict rules or times to come home. Nor were there twenty questions asking where she was going or who with. Not that Lily went out much or needed to test her boundaries. At times she had felt like the adult, the one who remembered to buy milk or do her homework.
After being introduced as the new girl yet again, Lily learnt to keep her head down and work hard. Not only had it paved the way for Lily’s self-reliance, it also meant she didn’t make friends easily. But on the odd occasion when she did feel comfortable enough to invite friends home, they’d all loved Patty and wished their own mothers could be more laidback like her.
Conversely, Lily had sometimes wished her mother to be a different person, someone who would wrap her up in a warm motherly embrace and tell her everything was going to be all right. But she never had. Instead, Lily had constantly anticipated her mother announcing they were moving again, and she had lived with the uncertainty that everything might change at a moment’s notice.
Her mother had always provided for her, she’d never been cruel or neglectful and Lily was never ungrateful. But Patty’s laissez-faire attitude to parenting and disinclination to praise Lily or openly show affection had left Lily with the deep-rooted, unsettling notion that somehow she’d been an intrusion into her mother’s life.
> It wasn’t something Lily chose to dwell on but every now and again it surfaced, that vague sense that because she was the result of a brief affair, perhaps Patty had never really wanted her.
Other than the necessary facts, her mother had never talked much about Lily’s father and Lily had come to accept that or at least push it to the back of her mind. After all, there probably wasn’t much to say about a relationship that lasted a few weeks. But now Lily wished she’d pressed her mother for more, asked more questions so that she at least had more of a picture who her father was and the time her parents had spent together.
But of course, it was all too late now, and she’d never have the chance.
Lily let out a long breath, glancing down at Misty who was sitting patiently, almost expectantly, and knew there would be no magic wand, she simply had to get on with it. ‘Here goes,’ she whispered and then slowly opened the door.
She placed her mug down on the bedside table and switched on the lamp, a flash of panic almost taking hold as she wondered where on earth to start. Normally she was a methodical person but for now all her organisational skills deserted her.
Her eyes flitted around the room, landing on the old rocking chair that she immediately recognised. A long forgotten memory surfaced of her swaying to and fro, a ragdoll sitting on her lap and the image of it somehow managed to calm her.
She recognised the old dressing table too, placed in front of the window with her mother’s favourite jade green beads with the shell flower clasp beads hanging over the oval mirror. But the whitewashed bed and wardrobe must be new, something her mother had bought more recently.
It was a pretty room, Lily realised. The walls were painted creamy-white and cherry print curtains framed the window which had the most perfect view overlooking the trees and hills. She and her Patty had stayed in several houses and flats over the years –- none of them had been truly awful but this was by far the nicest place her mother had lived in and Lily was happy that this had been the last place she had lived.
The Little Gift Shop on the Loch Page 9
