Lily’s hands were tightly clasped together and she felt them grow clammy.
‘Turns out Jessica hadn’t been driving at all. It had been Callum, the man she’d been seeing behind my back. They’d been out drinking for hours but it seems Callum thought it was all right for him to get in a car and drive.’
Lily gasped. ‘Oh no, that’s awful.’
Jack gave a short savage laugh. ‘That was nothing. There were two cars involved. Jessica and her friend were fine, a few bumps and bruises – but the driver of the other car had been killed instantly. It was Adam’s wife.’
Lily’s hand flew to her mouth in shock. She was filled with such sadness for what Jack and Adam must have been through and wasn’t sure how to respond. She would never have guessed that beneath Jack’s easygoing manner, he had been dealing with such terrible pain and betrayal.
‘I can’t imagine how awful that must have been for you and Adam.’
Jack looked at her blankly for a moment before blinking. ‘Me? As far as I’m concerned, I’m better off without her. But Adam …’ He paused, his frown deepening. ‘They’d only been married a year. That idiot who’d been driving gets a ban but at least gets to live his life.’
He took a breath, letting it out slowly. ‘I grew up in a large happy family. Suppose I took it for granted that one day I’d meet someone, have a family of my own. When I started having doubts about us, that it wasn’t right between us, I couldn’t bring myself to admit it. If I’d been brave enough to call it off she wouldn’t have been sneaking about and none of this would have happened. I just can’t help feeling responsible in some way, as if there was something I could have done to stop it.’
Lily reached over, laying a hand on his arm. ‘You mustn’t think like that. There was nothing you could have done differently.’
Jack’s eyes swept the horizon of the loch. ‘After that, I got my priorities sorted. I gave up the insurance job and it was soon after that I started the activity centre with Alistair..’
‘Was it then that you saw the rowan tree?’
He looked at her for a long moment, recognition in his eyes. ‘Yes.’
‘Anyway, Adam’s back now.’ Lily heard the forced lightness in his voice. ‘So hopefully he can start to rebuild his life.’
‘I guess it won’t be easy for him.’
‘No. I understood why he needed to get away but the two years he was in Canada was difficult, I felt so helpless. At least he’s home now and in the best place with his family and friends around him.’
Moved by his obvious concern for his friend, Lily couldn’t help wondering about Jack himself. He must have his dark moments and she wondered how he’d dealt with it all, if he’d been able to find happiness again or even consolation with someone else.
‘And since Jessica, has there been anyone?’ she asked tentatively.
‘Apart from a few meaningless causal things, no.’ He shook his head firmly. ‘I turned my life around for Jessica, trusted her. But it was all a sham.’ For a moment anger blazed in his eyes and regret roughened his voice. ‘These things tend to leave a bad taste. Let’s just say I’m not in any hurry to go there again.’
Lily remained silent. A definite case of once bitten twice shy, she concluded, but it was easy to understand why. He certainly sounded quite adamant about it – not that it concerned her in any way but at least she knew where he stood.
Jack stretched over and into the cooler bag, bringing out more juice. ‘And you?’ he questioned. ‘Has there ever been anyone special for you?’
Lily thought about it. There’d been dates, a couple of casual flings but she’d certainly never come close to being engaged or even having a serious relationship for that matter. ‘A few relationships but nothing ever serious.’
Jack regarded her with an intensely searching look. He’d been open with her and now Lily wanted to be honest with him. ‘There was someone at work,’ she said eventually.
She told Jack about Dunn Equity’s involvement with Bremners and how when she’d started working closely with James, she thought her career and personal life were both leading somewhere. ‘Turns out I got it wrong on both accounts,’ she said.
She explained how Dunn Equity had brought about some much-needed investment, but had also made some fairly brutal cuts and sweeping changes which had eventually affected Lily. She told him how she’d busted a gut only to have it come crashing down when she was made redundant. Not only that, but James had been instrumental in it. ‘We worked well together, grew close … I thought there was something between us but I can see now there never was.’
Lily thought it all sounded a bit pathetic now. Nothing had actually happened between them, it had only ever been in her imagination. By concentrating on her career, she had provided herself with an excuse to keep people at a distance, avoid the risk of hurt. Perhaps that was why it had suited her to think there might have been something between her and James – because deep down she’d known it was never going to happen. James had been a one-sided, pseudo-relationship. It had all been in her mind, what she’d wanted it to be. She surprised herself by revealing as much as she had to Jack. It was as if it had all been sitting on the tip of her tongue waiting to spill out, and once she’d started she’d been incapable of stopping.
She let out a long breath when she stopped talking, feeling a weight lifted. Jack was a good listener, making the odd comment and Lily realised that being here on the loch had given her a different perspective on things, everything didn’t seem to matter quite as much.
They sat in companionable silence for a while, each with their own thoughts until the driver of a passing boat called out to Jack in greeting. He waved back in acknowledgement and when he turned back to Lily, the tension she’d sensed from him earlier seem to have evaporated.
His face broke into a sudden smile. ‘You hungry?’
Lily responded with a smile of her own. ‘I am actually.’
Jack turned his attention to the cool bag and Lily lifted her face to the sun, taking a deep breath. No one had ever done anything like this for her before. Sitting here on the boat with Jack, she was almost frightened to admit to herself just how magical it felt. Like she’d stepped out of herself so that all her usual thoughts and worries seem to scatter in the breeze and for the first time in so long she had allowed herself just to be. She’d been unsure about today but she’d ended up feeling comfortable and relaxed, happy just to sit and talk with him.
Their picnic of French bread, chunks of cheddar and apples was delicious and afterwards when Jack had brought the boat back to the jetty, Lily was almost reluctant to put her feet back on solid ground. As they came ashore, Jack helped her off the boat and with his hands on her waist and her hands on his shoulders, it somehow became a small embrace which had lingered pleasantly and probably longer than was strictly necessary.
Jack looked deep into her eyes. ‘Did you enjoy yourself?’
‘It’s been perfect,’ Lily smiled up at him. And that was what terrified her.
Chapter 13
Swimming in the loch was proving to be quite addictive and Lily found herself going every morning. Even in the short time she’d been coming her fellow swimmers didn’t feel like strangers, such was the camaraderie amongst them. She was struck by the sense of being together, everyone keeping an eye on each other in the water and it was a nice feeling.
The days were beginning to take a shape, starting with a swim first thing and finishing with a mug of hot chocolate and a book, Misty curled up at the end of the bed. She was beginning to feel the benefits of her healthier lifestyle, sure her skin and eyes appeared brighter, her body feeling that little bit sharper and more energised.
Iris was there every morning, Lily always conscious of her calm and gentle presence and aware of her watchful gaze on her. She saw her now arriving with Angus, clutching her bright yellow bag as usual. Lily waved over to them as she continued with a few warm-up stretches.
Plunging into the icy water was
never easy but today more than ever Lily relished the chance to forget everything except not succumbing to hypothermia. In particular she wanted to empty her mind from one thing. And that was Jack Armstrong.
Since the boat trip a couple of days ago he had been creeping into her thoughts on an alarmingly regular basis. The last thing she’d expected was to have her thoughts occupied by a man but that was exactly what was happening.
She sensed something had shifted between them, an understanding that perhaps neither of them was what the other had first thought. Certainly, her first impressions of Jack Armstrong were long banished; to say he wasn’t the person she first thought him to be was something of an understatement. She could now see a man comfortable in his own skin, not prepared to be someone he wasn’t and someone who cared deeply about his environment. A man who’d been hurt and who she suspected would find it difficult to trust again.
They had opened up to each other and the closer Lily began to feel to Jack, the more she could see she’d never had anything real with James, it had all been in her head. Jack on the other hand, was beginning to feel very real. But that unsettled her, made her feel vulnerable.
While she might be having difficultly ignoring the connection she was feeling to Jack, she knew her real life was in the city. Not only that, but Jack had made it very clear he wasn’t looking for anything meaningful so why she was even thinking like this was beyond her. With a deep breath and a final lunge and stretch, she determinedly pushed thoughts of Jack aside and made her way towards the water.
The swim was hard. Lily knew how quickly the weather could change but even so, it was startling just how fast conditions had deteriorated. They all ended up cutting the swim short. Looking forward to a hot drink she moved as fast as her numb fingers would allow. She changed out of her wet gear and layered up, gratefully hugging her jacket tightly around herself. She looked up at the sky, wondering if it was about to rain and then lowered her eyes to the shoreline. Jack and another instructor were bringing a group of children back to the centre, Lily unable to keep her eyes from following his wetsuited form as he passed. So much for emptying her mind of him.
He drew closer and their eyes met when a sudden commotion made them turn their heads in unison. It was difficult to see properly but in the distance someone appeared to be waving a paddle in the air, their kayak capsized beside them. The man was gripping onto the side but his body kept being buffeted by small waves.
Everything seemed to happen all at once. Lily heard Jack curse under his breath before he sprinted off. He swallowed up the distance easily, showing the sheer athleticism of his body and within seconds he’d reached the man. It became immediately obvious he knew exactly what to do, his training kicking in as he expertly dragged him from the water and back to shore. By this time other staff had arrived, and the man was covered in blankets and being checked over and given a hot drink.
Lily felt relief infiltrate her body and her heart rate settle, only to have it rocket straight back up as she turned to find Iris crouching over a body on the ground.
‘Oh no!’ she cried, seeing it was Angus
Jack had also seen and immediately ran over, Lily following behind him and dropping to her knees beside Angus who was horribly pale. Her stomach clenched in fear at how vulnerable he suddenly appeared. They helped Angus to sit up and then very slowly helped him to his feet.
‘I’m fine,’ he declared, looking embarrassed by all the fuss.
Jack was watching the older man carefully. ‘You’re sure, Angus?’
‘I felt a bit faint, that’s all. I’m—’ He staggered suddenly, Jack catching him just in time.
‘Afterdrop?’ Jack asked Iris quietly as they carefully lowered Angus back down.
‘Probably.’
Lily had heard the term before which basically meant Angus’s core temperature was still plummeting and so likely was his blood pressure.
‘We’ve got to get his temperature back up gradually but I’d be much happier if he was checked at the hospital. Jack, will you be able to take him?’
‘Of course, it’ll be quicker than an ambulance.’
Jack took off and Lily stayed close to Angus while Iris gave him a hot drink from a flask and found more layers to wrap around him. ‘Can you go on with Jack and I’ll follow in my car?’ she asked Lily. ‘That way I’ll be able to bring Angus home later.’
‘Of course.’
Within minutes Jack had pulled up in the Land Rover, as close as he could get and they helped Angus into the seat. Jack was standing at the side, beginning to shiver himself and Lily realised he too was cooling down. He changed quickly, peeling off his wetsuit and grabbing clothes from the vehicle but not before Lily caught sight of his perfectly toned torso. He wrapped a towel round his waist to deal with his bottom half, Lily practically leaping into the Land Rover beside Angus. Given the circumstances it felt wildly inappropriate to be so aware of Jack’s body and the effect it seemed to be having on her.
***
Lily considered how you could be in any hospital waiting room in the world and somehow it would look and feel the same. Sterile white walls, the odour of disinfectant and trepidation hovering in the air and the obligatory vending machine sitting in the corner. Garish-coloured plastic seats stood lined in neat rows and despite the oversized clock hanging on the wall, time seemed to stand still.
Jack came over and handed Lily a polystyrene cup. ‘Sweet tea.’
He sat down, his bulk spilling over the seat so that she could feel the warmth of his thigh touching hers. She didn’t move, the contact was comforting.
‘Are you okay?’ he asked.
She shrugged. ‘Just hospitals, you know.’
‘Yeah, I do,’ he agreed with feeling. ‘Never usually a good place to find yourself.’
‘Certainly not how I thought the day would turn out.’
He gave a rueful smile. ‘The inshore waters are ideal for learning which is great, but you’d be surprised the number of incidents there are. Thankfully none of them usually end up with anything too serious. The guy who fell off his kayak was lucky today, though if he’d been in the water much longer it could have been a different story.’
‘And Angus – do you think he’ll be okay?’
‘I doubt it’s anything serious, try not to worry.’
She only wished she could. She sipped her tea, the tepid taste somehow reminding her of all the time she’d spent waiting with her mother for those last hours.
Lily tried not to revisit that time in the hospital. Iris had constantly reassured her that Patty had been happy and laughing right up until the last moment, that there was nothing anyone could have done and that it had only been a matter of time before the bulging blood vessel would rupture. But today, the memories seared painfully into her mind.
It wasn’t just the flashbacks of her mum in hospital making her feel so uneasy. It was the realisation of how scared she’d been today. She hadn’t known Angus for long but she’d grown fond of him. She looked forward to seeing him at the swimming each morning and to their little chats. She knew it was stupid and pointless but over the last few days she’d even imagined what it would be like to have had him as her father.
Now the thought she might not get the chance to know him properly sent a shudder through her body.
Lily wasn’t aware she was trembling until Jack took the cup from her hand. He put it on the floor and took her hand in his. ‘You’re shaking. Are you warm enough?’
‘Yes. It’s just – sorry.’ She gave her head a small shake. ‘Being here reminds me of when my mum was in hospital.’
‘You want to talk about it?’ he asked gently. His eyes held such sincerity that Lily was suddenly tempted to blurt it all out. To describe to him the darkness of those hours at Patty’s bedside which still haunted her. How alone she’d felt and that there were still times she wasn’t sure she was really dealing with any of it and that sometimes she was floundering from day to day still trying to come to ter
ms with her death.
But as comfortable as Jack was beginning to make her feel, he was probably only being polite and if she started talking, too much would spill out and he’d get more than he bargained for. No, this wasn’t the time or place to lose it. She mustered a small smile, replying, ‘It’s okay but thanks.’
His eyes stayed on her for a moment as if checking that really was the case and Lily was suddenly grateful to have him beside her. And as she recalled the events from earlier, she reckoned they were all incredibly lucky he’d been by the water earlier and had been so reassuringly in control. ‘You were very calm today,’ she commented.
He shrugged. ‘You get used on high alert, especially with kids about.’ He yawned, rubbing a hand tiredly down his face. ‘Sorry, early start catching up with me.’
Lily guessed he’d used up a good amount of adrenaline today. His body was undoubtedly fit and healthy, she’d seen plenty evidence of that today. But he appeared exhausted now as he rested his head back against the wall, one hand still holding hers and closing his eyes for a few moments.
Lily watched the rise and fall of his broad chest, tempted to lean against it. Seeing him off-guard only proved how strong he usually looked, always with that air of energy around him and Lily couldn’t help thinking about what it would feel like to experience that energy in other ways …
Jack opened his eyes slowly, his gaze lingering on hers for a long moment.
‘You tired?’ she asked, trying to dispel her previous line of thought although his sleepy eyes weren’t exactly helping.
He gave her a quick smile, straightening in his seat. ‘Yeah, must be. Sorry about that,’ he said without releasing her hand.
‘No need to apologise,’ Lily assured him just as Iris suddenly bustled in through the swing doors. She stopped, tilting her head to the side, her eyes glittering with warmth. ‘Now don’t you two make a picture?’ She smiled at which point they both sprung apart.
‘I’ve just been talking to one of the doctors, he’s going to be fine,’ she explained lowering herself onto a seat and wincing at the hard seat. ‘As we suspected, blood pressure had dropped too low, but he’ll be getting out shortly,’
The Little Gift Shop on the Loch Page 13
