Stoically, he stared ahead of him, resisting the desire to slip his arm around her. To hold her and tell himself that this time, it would be different. This time, he’d found someone who would stay. How could she, when it was his brother she’d been attracted to? Ben, with his quick with and his joy of life. Ben was all airy clouds and dreams. Shayne was the rocky ground below.
“We shouldn’t have done that.”
His words cut across her heart like a scalpel. “We, or you?”
He didn’t want to get into an argument about it and seized the one excuse she could appreciate. “The children wouldn’t understand.”
She could feel tears stinging her eyes. It was small to hide behind defenseless children. “The children are asleep.”
Unable to lay by her side like this and not take her into his arms, no matter what he was trying to convince himself of, Shayne sat up. The vague pain was back, distracting him, adding to his load. Frustrated, he ran his hands through his hair.
“They wake up, they go looking. You know that.” He had to struggle to keep from snapping at her. Didn’t she realize what he was going through? “I’m not up to explaining it to either of them.”
The chill around her rivaled the cold outside. Sydney drew herself up, holding the sheet to her. “How about yourself? Are you up to explaining it to yourself?”
There was something in her tone that made him turn to look at her. “What?”
“Never mind.” Angry, hurt, all she wanted to do was get out of the room and away from him before she broke down. In a frenzied daze, she picked up her clothes and quickly pulled them on. She must have been crazy, fall ing in love with him. He didn’t even want her. “Let me just go.”
But he wasn’t about to let her charge out of the room, not without explaining her comment. “What did you mean?” he demanded.
He knew damn well what she meant, Sydney fumed. Why was he trying to make this seem as if it were her fault? Still hurrying into her clothes, she glared at him.
“I mean, when you’re making love with me, you’re one person. But as soon as the moment is over, you change. You become afraid of what you feel. Afraid that it’ll blow up on you just like the last time.” She shoved her arms through her sleeves and fastened the buttons quickly, hoping he wouldn’t notice that her hands were trembling. “Well, I have news for you. You’re not alone in that lifeboat you’re bobbing around in.”
If she cried now, she was never going to forgive herself. Closing the snap on her jeans, she tossed her head. “Some of us in this relationship have the very same feelings and fears. Some of us have been cast adrift not once, but twice, and it’s damn scary for us, too.”
Regret began to weave its way through his confusion. “Sydney—”
Barefoot, holding her shoes in her hand, she was at the door. “I’m going to my room.” Sydney flipped the lock and opened the door. “You stay nice and safe on your side of the world,” she snapped as she stepped onto the hall. “Let me know if your boat springs a leak.”
She shut the door behind her—not nearly as loud as she wanted to.
The night seemed endless. Sydney tossed and turned until she was sure she’d worn a hole in the mattress. Sleep refused to relieve her. She wrestled with her thoughts, her feelings, for hours.
When morning arrived, leaving the sun to find its own way, Sydney had made up her mind. She couldn’t take interacting with Shayne, knowing that he regretted making love with her. Maybe in time she could face him, but not right now. It hurt too much. She was going to move out. The cabin was nearly ready. They’d promised to have electricity restored by the end of the week.
As for the car, maybe it was foolish, but she wasn’t going to wait for it to arrive. Ike had kiddingly told her that he’d be at her beck and call if she ever needed anything. She’d just have to take him up on that. Right after breakfast, she’d call Ike to see if he could help her move the rest of her things into the cabin. Especially the piano. If she had her piano with her, it wouldn’t seem so lonely at night.
Or so she hoped.
And as for supplies, Sydney was certain she could prevail on Mr. Kellogg’s son to bring them out to her. Someone would always be around to help. The rest of the citizens of Hades were a great deal friendlier toward her than Shayne was.
She intended to stop working at that clinic, too. He’d probably be a lot happier about that. There had to be something else she could do. Maybe she’d see about getting a teaching position, something she was more suited to doing. Anything so she didn’t have to be near Shayne.
Boy, she thought, pulling on her boots, she could sure pick them. But this was it—really it. From now on, she was going to keep a firm lock on her heart. She wasn’t going to love anything over the age of ten unless it had fur on it.
Her resolve in place, and determined to get things moving as quickly as possible, Sydney left her room. But as she passed Shayne’s door, something—some tiny grain of residual affection—halted her in her tracks.
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
Calling herself names didn’t seem to do any good. She couldn’t get her feet to move.
So she knocked on his door, wanting to tell him she was going to be leaving. Wanting Shayne to tell her not to.
God, but she was an idiot.
There was no response to her knock. Listening at the door, she thought she heard him stirring. So now what? He was giving her the silent treatment, as well?
“Shayne?” No response. She knocked again, harder this time. Still nothing. If she’d had any brains, she’d just walk away, Sydney told herself.
Maybe she didn’t have brains, but what she did have was a great deal of hurt pride. And anger. Wanting to vent at least the latter, she abandoned all niceties and opened the door.
Shayne was sitting up in bed, his hands on either side of him, gripping the mattress. His knuckles were white and there was a sheen of perspiration on his forehead. He looked like a man trying to summon the strength to stand up.
Something was very wrong. Sydney took a step across the threshold, looking at him uncertainly. “Shayne?”
He didn’t answer. Instead, he raised his head and looked at her as if, until this moment, he hadn’t realized she was in the room.
Newly formed plans crumbled instantly. Sydney crossed to the bed and looked at him more closely, al most afraid of what she’d see. There wasn’t just a sheen of perspiration on his forehead, he was drenched.
Sydney dropped to her knees, feathering her hand across his forehead. It was hot. “What’s the matter? Are you sick?”
Shayne shook his head, gritting his teeth. He pressed his fingers against his side, trying to press the pain away. It was the only way he could answer her. There were swords running through his side. “Just waiting for the pain to go away.”
“Pain?” She looked him up and down quickly, as if pain had left a visible calling card. “What pain?” And then she noticed the way he was holding his right side. A single word came to mind. “Describe it to me.”
Why couldn’t she just go away and leave him in peace? Shayne groaned. He didn’t need anyone badgering him right now. He hadn’t the strength for it. Served him right for saying anything at all.
“I’m the doctor. I don’t need to describe my pain to you.”
Just because he was a doctor didn’t mean he couldn’t get sick. Only that he was too stubborn to admit it. Refusing to be intimidated by his attitude, she lightly pressed his side. His sharp intake of breath told her all she wanted to know.
“No, you need to admit you have appendicitis. Acute appendicitis from the looks of it.”
It would pass. The pain had passed before. “I don’t—”
She wasn’t about to let him offer any feeble excuses or try to bully her away. Compassion mixed with her determination to help him, even if the man didn’t want to be helped.
“I had it myself when I was sixteen. My cousin had it at summer camp when she was twelve. I know the signs.” She tho
ught back to when they’d made love, and the way he’d winced for no apparent cause. “This has been going on for a while now, hasn’t it?”
It took effort to draw a breath. Shayne tried to think past the pain. He wasn’t having a great deal of luck. “Yes. Happy?”
She wished he was all right so she could slug him. “What would make me happy is if you stopped being so damn stubborn and let me help you.”
He glared at her. It was hard to do when his eyelids insisted on drooping. Shayne fought to remain focused and not give in to the pain.
“Me stubborn? You’re the most damn stubborn human being I’ve ever met.” He tried to move her aside, but she stepped back, out of reach. Shayne found himself moving only air. “Now if you’d give me a little privacy, I’d like to get dressed.” A fresh wave of pain came, making gooseflesh out of the skin on his arms. He knew she noticed. There was no use in fighting this. She was right. “All right, I’ll stop being stubborn, as you put it, and fly myself to Anchorage.”
“‘Anchorage’?” she echoed.
“It’s the nearest hospital—” And he, he knew, was going to need surgery.
Before he could finish his sentence, Sydney had already gathered the clothes he’d left on the floor. She dumped them beside him on the bed. “Stay right there, I’ll dress you.”
“I—”
What he wanted to say was that he could dress himself. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t even argue with her about it. He was too weak and getting weaker by the minute. So he sat on the edge of the bed, feeling like a helpless child as Sydney quickly pulled a shirt over him, then coaxed his jeans over each leg.
“You can’t fly that plane in your condition,” she informed him tersely, her heart beating fast. Shayne looked awful, she thought. “I’m going to take you to Anchorage.”
He was vaguely aware that she was pulling on his boots. “We can’t drive there this time of year.” The roads were impassable.
“I know.” Even if they could, the trip would take too long and she wasn’t sure just how long he had. She rose to her feet. “We’ll go by plane.”
Shayne stared at her. Was she saying what he thought she was saying? “You’re going to fly?” Maybe he was hallucinating, after all.
Sydney did her best to look confident. “You’re going to talk me through it.”
He snorted, shaking his head. “The hell I am.”
Sydney fixed him with the same look she’d give any third grader who acted up in her class.
“You have a choice. You either talk me through the flight, or talk me through your surgery, your choice. Because it’s for damn sure that’s not about to go away this time—” she nodded at his throbbing side “—and you’re in no condition to fly on your own.” Taking his arm, she helped him to his feet, then positioned herself so that she could place his arm over her shoulder. “Now lean on me so that we can get down the stairs in something under two hours.”
Shayne did as she ordered. Every step hurt and felt as if he were taking it on legs that had been constructed out of gelatin. He could feel her struggling under his weight and hated the fact that he couldn’t move on his own power. “Aren’t you going to carry me fireman-style?”
“Very funny.” She got a better grip on his arm, wishing his bedroom had been downstairs. At least then she wouldn’t have so far to walk. “Next time.”
By the time they made it down the stairs, Sydney’s legs were beginning to feel like rubber. She made it to the sofa, then eased him down as gently as she could.
“Stay here for a minute,” she said, sucking air into her aching lungs. “I’ve got to make a phone call”
He wanted to protest, to say he was going to fly himself and that was that. All he could do was sink onto the sofa.
Their passage hadn’t gone unnoticed. Awakened by the noise, Mac and Sara had each ventured out of their rooms, curious. Mac was the first one down the stairs. He looked at his father, afraid of what he saw.
Mac turned to Sydney. “Is Dad all right?”
Sydney glanced at the boy, hoping she looked and sounded more confident than she felt. “He’s going to be fine, honey.” Quickly, she pressed the numbers on the telephone keypad, hoping that Ike was home and answering his phone.
Standing behind Mac, Sara began to cry. “He’s going to die, like Mama.”
Shayne reached for Sara, hardly having enough strength to stretch out his arm. She huddled against him. “I’m not going to die, Sara.”
“Not if I have anything to say about it,” Sydney promised all of them. She just prayed it wasn’t an empty promise. And then, hearing the receiver being picked up, her attention was riveted to the man on the other end.
“Ike, it’s Sydney.”
“How’s Alaska’s most beautiful woman?”
“Desperate.” She hurried on before he could comment. “Listen carefully, Ike. I need you to come here and stay with the children.” Asia wouldn’t be coming until later, and Sydney had no way to reach her since the woman didn’t have a phone. She needed someone here now. “I’ve got to get Shayne to the hospital at Anchorage.” Because she saw fear in the children’s eyes, she reworded what she was about to say. “I think his appendix is on the verge of going.”
“Anchorage?” Ike sounded doubtful. “Is he up to flying the plane?”
She glanced at Shayne. He didn’t look up to even walking. “No, I’m taking him.”
“You’re flying?” Ike asked, incredulous.
Sydney licked her lips. Was it too early to start praying? “I’m going to try.”
“Darlin’, you’d better do more than try.” Ike thought a minute. “I’ll call Tate and see if his son—no, damn, he said the kid was going to be gone until tomorrow.” There was no one else to fly a plane. He fervently hoped her flying lessons had stuck. “I’ll be right there.”
She looked at Shayne. They were going to need every minute they could find. “I’ve got to leave with him now, Ike. Hurry. The kids are going to be alone until you get here.”
“Already gone—And Sydney…”
She’d almost hung up. Quickly, she pressed the receiver to her ear again. “Yes?”
“Good luck.”
She laughed, but there was no humor in the sound. “Thanks.” She knew she was going to need it. By the bucketful.
Shayne was beginning to feel strange, light-headed. As if he were winking in and out of his head. How could he talk her through anything? “Sydney, we could get a dogsled—”
She could just picture that. Sydney hurried to get their parkas. “Right, and when the snow melts in the spring, they can find us huddled together.” Quickly, carefully, she slipped his parka on Shayne, then shrugged into her own. “Flying’s our only option.” She gave him the best confident grin she could muster. “What’s the matter, don’t you trust yourself as a teacher?”
His teaching abilities had nothing to do with it. “You’ve never gone up.”
And wasn’t she acutely aware of that? Sydney shrugged cavalierly.
“Always a first time.” She just prayed it wouldn’t be her last. She was already at the front door. Her heart ached at the expression on the children’s face. “I’ll taxi the plane as close to the house as I can, then come and get you.”
Adrenaline double-timing through every part of her body, she hurried out.
Somehow, with Mac doing his best to help, Sydney managed to get a much weakened Shayne into the cockpit. Hands trembling from the strain, she quickly secured his seat belt, then turned to look at the worried faces of the two children clustered around her.
Time was precious, but she shaved a little off to kneel between them. She placed a hand on either of their shoulders, making them a promise she knew they needed to hear.
“I’m not going to let anything happen to him, you hear? Nothing. Ike’s coming to take care of you and I’ll call as soon as I can. Mac, I want you to take your sister inside and take care of her until Ike gets here. Okay?”
He nodded, p
lacing one arm around Sara’s small shoulders. And then he looked at her with Shayne’s eyes. “You promise you won’t let anything happen to him?”
“I promise.” She hugged them both quickly, then rose to her feet. It was all the time she could spare.
Sydney felt drenched as she climbed into the plane. Helping Shayne up to and then into the plane had been harder than she’d thought.
He turned his head and looked at her. She saw the uncertainty in his eyes.
“Don’t worry, I’ll get you there in one piece.” She secured the door, trying not to shiver. Her clothes were sticking to her back. “And when you’re on your feet again, you can treat me for pneumonia.”
Lips dry as dust, Shayne struggled to hold on to consciousness. “Sydney—”
She didn’t want him wasting his breath. “Save your strength. I’m going to need you to talk me through the rough patches.”
Heart in her mouth, she turned the key, pumped gasoline through the lines, then pressed the button to engage the ignition. The engine came to life. As she began the short run to take off, Sydney could feel every pulse in her body throbbing.
Sometimes fear was a good thing, she told herself. Sometimes, it kept you alert.
Everything within her galvanized, Sydney concentrated on the controls, trying to remember everything Shayne had taught her.
The pain was getting unmanageable. Like some huge alien creature, it was sucking away his thoughts, leaving a void. It took him a moment, or maybe longer, to realize that there was nothing but sky around them. Perfect blue sky.
“We’re airborne.”
He sounded as surprised as she felt. First part down, lots more to go, she told herself, trying to hang on to the confidence the takeoff had generated.
She let out the breath she’d been holding. “Yes, and without our own personal set of wings, too.” And, with just a little luck, she could keep it that way.
Smiling, she looked to her right. “How are you doing?” Not well, she could see that. Fear reared its head again, larger than before. She had to reach the hospital in time. She had to. “Are you all right, Shayne?”
Wife in the Mail Page 19
