Especially after Seth, and how flippant he was with me, with our relationship, with my reaction to his cheating. Seth led me to truly believe it was my fault, that I was some great big bitch who was too plain for him…too boring. I know I need and deserve more now. I deserve to be worshipped inside and outside of the bedroom. I need to be with a man who wants to be with me in an actual functioning, loving relationship. I need to think about myself, my heart, as well as the fact that I can find meaningless sex with anyone. Someone who I don’t feel a connection to. I know already that with Ryker, I want to get to know him so much more. I want to be important, and not just another willing body for him to bury his cock in.
Chapter 33
Kat
Thinking of assholes all night, I reach for my phone, looking to see if I have any more messages from Seth. If I do, I know I’m going to have to call and confront him, and ask him once again to leave me alone. I’ll remind him we’re through, and inform him that I’ll involve the police if he starts harassing me like before. Luckily, there aren’t anymore.
Making my way to the kitchen, I’m surprised I’m not the first one up, especially after a night of partying like last night. As I step into the kitchen, I’m immediately assaulted with Claire’s demand to talk.
“Mind telling me, now that you’ve slept off your mood of keeping hush-hush, what the hell happened between you and Ryker last night?” she pretty much barks as she is cooking bacon and eggs for breakfast. I smile when I see a mound of food on the stove, knowing she’s made some for everyone. Walking to the counter, I grab a mug and begin pouring myself some much-needed coffee. Claire has one on the go already, so I top hers off.
“We talked is all. He wanted to talk to me about some stuff coming up at work. He thought maybe I could help him out planning a few things for the Pub Fiction to-do to raise money for the kids at the community centre,” I say, knowing as soon as the lies leave my mouth that Claire will be calling me out on my bullshit and complete inability to tell a lie.
“Really, Kat? Who do you think you’re talking to here? There is no fucking way in hell that Ryker wanted to talk to you about work with you dressed like that! You didn’t see his face when he spotted you by the stairs. He did not want to talk to you about work. I’m pretty sure he didn’t want to talk at all.” She stands facing me, arms crossed in front of her chest, willing me to try and lie.
“Now cut the shit and tell me the truth, Kitty Kat. I warned you last night we would be having this chat. Besides, I saw the way you were looking for him all night, and then once he finally re-emerged, the two of you were practically eye-fucking each other the rest of the time. And don’t think Matt and I didn’t notice how you wouldn’t give Jay the time of day. I know you were upstairs together, now spill, woman,” she says, all but stomping her foot.
“Okay, fuck, you’re a pain in my ass,” I tell her as she hands me a plate of food and sits with me at the table, settling in to eat while I fill her in on everything that really happened.
I decide to tell her the complete truth, as well as how it will not be a recurring thing.
“But in no uncertain terms will I be allowing that boy near my body again. I don’t care how much I may have liked it.”
“Oh, come on, Kat. It might be good for you,” she challenges. “Maybe a fuck buddy, rather than a regular relationship, might do your psyche a world of good. Nothing like the cure-all of regular orgasms, you know. Endorphins…they do a body good.” She singsongs the end, and I can’t help but laugh at how witty she is.
“Seriously though, Kat, seeing as Seth, the douche, kind of did a number on you in the confidence department, why not let a certain alpha hottie like Ryker help to remind you just how hot you are, Miss. Kat Rollins? Besides, with that text message last night, I’m sure Ryker might just be what you need to relax.”
Isn’t that the truth? I never seemed to really notice how much Seth was an asshole to me until it was too late and I found him cheating on me. Seth would always criticize my clothes and the way I wore my hair up, telling me I looked like a child and to wear it down when around him. He disliked my friends, especially Claire, and would make me feel guilty about going out with them. So, for a really long time, I kind of ditched my friends. I choose Seth over them. Never again will I let a man make me choose like that. I need my friends, especially Claire. I can’t really justify why I let him treat me the way he did, but I guess I just wasn’t confident enough to argue. I think I thought I loved him.
I chomp away on my last piece of bacon, listening to her arguments supporting all the reasons I should give Ryker a chance in spite of my mind already being made up. She’s sure she can convince me otherwise and she seems to have tunnel vision where he and I are concerned. She can’t see the consequences of us hooking up like I can.
“I mean, you are twenty-two years old. How many one-night stands or casual sexual relationships have you had?” I just stare at her silently. “Umm, exactly, Kat. It might do your body good. Let Ryker in, see if he’s worth the hype, and by the way he’s been with you, I’m pretty convinced he’d even give you more than one night,” Claire finishes saying while raising her brows in a hubba hubba gesture as she cleans up our breakfast.
Sitting at the table, finishing the last of my coffee, I can’t help but think that maybe, just maybe, she has a point.
Ryker would be the perfect non-relationship. It’s not like he wants more from me, right? I mean, it’s not like he’s contacted me, he has my number, I gave it to him at The Bean. He’s not really interested in more from you, Kat.
But then, I think about all the times we have talked, the way he seems to always be there to help me. Maybe we could really be more. Then the reality of who Ryker Eddison is hits me and I’m confused all over again.
Chapter 34
Kat
November
“Pardon?” I ask Levi, my face clearly showing how shocked I am. Standing in his office, I’m dumbfounded at what he’s telling me about the changes happening at work and that I will be working with Ryker. I try to listen, but honestly, all I can think and hear is, fuck me, over and over in my head.
“I need you to learn to work the bar, Kat. I have to juggle some people around and you’ve done an amazing job here. I want you to think of it as a promotion. I’ll need you to work the bar Friday nights, especially now with Claire’s schedule needing to change as she’s agreed to take on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays. I’m sure Claire has told you how much she makes in tips Friday nights,” he continues, almost like he knows I need convincing. I know I need to respond, but I just don’t know what to say. This was the last thing I expected; after all, I don’t really have that much experience. Levi clears his throat, gaining my attention again. Dammit, I must look like an idiot. “Bartenders always make the most. I thought you’d be excited. But judging by your face, maybe I was wrong,” he says, tilting his head, his voice losing excitement.
Not wanting to come across as rude or disinterested, I decide to man up. “That’s great, Levi, honestly. I’m very excited for the challenge. I really do appreciate you offering me the job. I can’t wait to get started. Claire is always bragging about her tips, so yes, I’m super pumped for this opportunity.”
Smiling, as if now appeased with my enthusiasm, Levi reaches for the schedules pinned to the bulletin board and reviews them with me before giving me my own copy.
“Perfect,” he says. “I’ve arranged for Ryker to train you a few hours this Wednesday. I’ve added you to the schedule for then as well. I know you typically don’t work Wednesdays, but I was hoping this week you could make it in?” he asks with a cute questioning voice. I quickly try to compose myself before I answer him back, because the mere thought of working closely with Ryker has my body on high alert, almost buzzing with excitement.
“Umm, yes, sure. As long as it’s okay that I’m here at seven thirty. I have class until seven,” I respond.
“That’s no problem, Kat; let’s just make it
eight. That way you’re not rushing. Besides, Wednesdays aren’t too busy, so that will give you lots of one-on-one training time with Ryker.” Oh yes please! No! No! No! I scold myself as I leave Levi’s office with my new schedule tightly clenched in my hand.
As I rush out of Pub Fiction, I decide this new working arrangement needs my bestie, some drinks, and a definite plan of action. I call Claire from my car as I drive home.
“Claire, pick out our outfits. Kitty Kat needs drinks, dancing, and her Claire Bear. Houston, we have a problem and I need a plan.”
“You got it, Kitty Kat,” she agrees without complaint. “I take it you just found out about your new job description?” Her tone tells me she’s all too aware of the reason.
“I sure as hell did. What the fuck am I going to do? There is no way in hell I can avoid jumping Ryker’s bones if we’re working side by side. I’m freaking out, Claire!” She tells me to slow down, that it’s not that bad.
“I’ve just been set up for failure!” I add dramatically, hoping to get sympathy, but Claire just laughs.
“I’m sorry, Kat. I get that you’re freaking out, but I can’t say I’m feeling bad for you at all. I have to admit I’m actually excited this is happening. Ha! I can’t wait to see how this new arrangement plays out. I have a feeling things are gonna get all kinds of hot at Pub Fiction. Now hang the fuck up and get here, lady.”
I scoff in the phone at her before muttering a half-hearted, “See you soon.”
After a few drinks to calm my nerves, and a full-blown girlie talk session with my BFF, we decide it’s time for a change in scenery. We decide to go to The Beaver and Bulldog to meet up with some friends for Manic Mondays, where drinks are 2-for-1. It’s a clever little scam, really, convincing us students to party on Mondays after taking Sunday off. I mean, how does one refuse 2-for-1 drinks?
We make our way into the bar, and the whole time, I’m thinking to myself that maybe I shouldn’t have suggested Claire pick out our outfits. You think I would know by now that Claire is all about the formfitting, tight clothing and will always choose the same for me. Of course, the skintight jeans I’ve paired with my chocolate-heeled knee-high boots are the least of my troubles. She’s managed to somehow convince me to pair my sexy jeans with a deep brown, draped surplice top, which just happens to accentuate my chest, forcing one’s gaze to my girls without much choice. But as Claire is always telling me, ‘you got to own your shit,’ so I just go with it.
Claire’s response to my uneasiness of clothing choices always result in some sort of smart-ass comment that seems to make me laugh. This girl is obsessed with boobs. “Girl, you’ve got a pair to make Marilyn Monroe jelly. As long as they are perky and perfect, flaunt ’em while you still got ’em to flaunt. Because one day, those puppies just may need fixing.”
Needless to say, yeah, my bestie is a complete ass, but yes, yes, I love her and merely laugh at her stupid comment, all the while letting her dress me, yet again. Claire has a real flair for fashion and I honestly see her as being a fashion designer, not a teacher someday. I have often told her she should consider looking into a way of doing both.
As we enter the bar, I hear Hozier singing about taking him to church, a song which is currently on heavy rotation on my iPod. I immediately grin, singing along as we scan the bar, looking for our friends. It’s at that very moment, however, that my skin pricks. A knowing sensation takes over my body. My eyes instantly find exactly what I think my body may have already known what, or rather whom, they’d find…Ryker.
As I look into those honeybutter eyes, eyes that have been taunting me in my dreams almost nightly, I falter in my steps while following Claire across the bar to where our friends are sitting waiting for us. I falter because it’s as if catching Ryker’s gaze instantly creates a crazy pulsing sensation that only he can seem to evoke in me, one that has my body humming while wreaking havoc on my clit. I long desperately to feel his touch, to finally give in to what it seems we both want. God, along with the buzzing sensations coursing through my body as I follow behind her, knowing his eyes are watching, I can’t help but smile at the visuals my mind has managed to conjure. Holy fuck! The power behind those eyes, sweet honeybutter-coloured eyes, which I know would look spectacular peering up at me while nestled nice and tightly in between my legs, surely bringing me a pleasure like I’ve never experienced before.
“Oh fuck, Kat, do you see who I see?” Claire asks, right on cue, a knowing smirk gracing her face.
“Of course I do,” I snap unintentionally. “It’s like my body has a fucking sonar machine that pulls at my goddamn vagina whenever that creature is in sight.”
I smile, attempting to lace my response with some humour, but it doesn’t work. Claire knows I’m full of shit, that I’m not fine at all.
“Well then, stop being a pussy and go over and talk to him, Kat. The poor guy can’t seem to take his eyes off of you. Go, my friend. I give you permission to embrace your inner whore with that sex-on-a-stick of a man.” Of course she does. Maybe she’d make more money as a pimp? Boy, does this girl have career choices.
“No way am I going to him, fuck that. There is no way I can. Besides, he’s standing with that chick Sarah again, maybe they’re a thing. Maybe he’s not her friend either,” I quip with a bit of worry in my voice. I know Claire is about to call bullshit.
“Come on, Claire Bear. This Kitty Kat needs a tequila shot, a beer, a booth, and some more good ol’ girl chat with my bestie about all my woes before we go dance with the rest of the hoes! You remember the whole reason why we’re even here tonight, right?
I need out of my mind, and like now. I need to have fun and I need a bit more of your ever-helpful advice,” I half joke as I lead us to the bar.
Don’t think for one minute the irony of the reason for that need being present isn’t lost on me either. Oh boy, isn’t it ever. I can’t help but shake my head at it. Fate is a real bitch, ya know? Or is it karma? Either way, I’m fucked. How can I sit and discuss how to handle working with Ryker when I can’t stop trying to nonchalantly stare and eye-fuck him every few minutes? Pathetic. Maybe I should just say fuck it and give in.
I make the split decision that I’ll simply wing it, foregoing any plan and deciding to let the cards fall where they may. After all, I do actually believe the age-old saying that everything happens for a reason. With that school of thought, I easily decide that Ryker just might be a gift. Maybe there is an actual reason this shit with Ryker has been consuming me, mind and body, day and night. I’ll take just one night.
With my new vow to just go with it set in place, as I wait for whatever divine intervention to intervene, I do what any girl in my position would do.
Turning to Claire, I give her a mischievous grin before grabbing her by the hand, declaring, “Oh piss it! Let’s go dance and forget about my boy trouble. I kinda wanna tempt the fates tonight.”
“Oh thank the Lord!” is all I hear as I drag her behind me.
My phone vibrates in my pocket, and I check it because Naomi had mentioned she might join us tonight if she finishes early enough with her study group. Glancing down, I note Seth’s number once again. For fuck sakes! Opening the screen, I opt for the ignore button. Heading straight to the setting options, I block his number, a trick I didn’t even know I could do until I spoke to Wes over the phone the other night. During our chat, I was also reminded by my little bro that my phone is just way too much phone for a girl like me. As I was filling him in on Seth and life happenings, I reminded him why I hate having a cell phone. He ignored my phone jab, but offered his help to deal with Seth if I needed it.
Wes and I have always been close. He’s seriously one of the sweetest and greatest guys ever, and not only because he’s my brother either. He is too overprotective, and I know without a doubt, if I ask, he’d be more than happy to pay Seth a visit. See, my brother is also at school in Ottawa. He wants to become a lawyer as well, and Carleton University has an amazing Criminal Justice program. I
have no doubt that Wes would actually enjoy getting the opportunity to have a little chat with Seth. Wes has never been a fan. I manage to convince Wes that I have it under control and not to worry. I assured him I’d keep him posted and I can handle it for now, but I just wanted him to know what was going on.
Sighing at my phone now, I know I’ll most definitely need to deal with this, but not tonight. Tonight I need to try and relax.
Claire and I make it to the dance floor, and it’s not long before we’re swarmed by a group of guys out to have a good time. Some are pretty fucking cute, I’m not gonna lie. But then, there are also the ones who are wearing enough whore lure to gag a maggot. Like, easy on the cologne there, boys! It’s supposed to be appealing, not cough inducing. Honestly, it’s so bad you’d be left smelling like a cheap gigolo if you got too close. A few times while dancing, Claire and I have to move to get away from those guys, the ones who just don’t get it. Chicks do not dig it!
As we’re dancing, I scan the room for Ryker. I know he’s watching me from somewhere. I can feel it. But more importantly, I know tonight’s gonna be different, the start of something new. That is, if I can work up the nerve to go to him. Shaking the thought away, I concentrate on dancing and having a good time with Claire and our friends.
After a few more fast songs, the DJ switches it up. He begins to play “Only You’” by 112. It’s a sexy jam that has people coming together and grinding up on one another, swaying to the lust-filled song lyrics that are blasting from the speakers. As I’m ready to head off the dance floor, my hips are quickly grabbed and I’m being swayed in time to said music. I contemplate putting my heel down on Mr. Presumptuous’ foot, but I think better of it, reminding myself to be more relaxed. Deciding to just go with it rather than causing a scene or freaking out, I give in and allow myself to be taken over by the beats as well as the movements of this stranger, who not only smells divine, but can move like sex on a lazy Sunday afternoon. Just as I’m letting go, relaxing into a sexy rhythm and actually enjoying myself, I sense him. Ryker. Shit.
My Mind's Eye (Pub Fiction #1) Page 19
