On Thin Ice 2
The days turned into weeks after Daniel and I decided to just be friends, and even though I preferred being friends with him to ignoring him completely, it was tough. Having to keep my hands off him, not being able to grab him, pull him to me and kiss him until my lips were dry was so incredibly difficult, I almost couldn’t stand it.
I couldn’t help it. Every time I saw him, my heart fluttered. My pulse raced, my chest heaved and my blood felt like it was on fire. I had no idea why I reacted this way to the sight of him. Was it his muscular body, Daniel being the perfect example of a prime human specimen?
No, somehow it felt like more than that. I had seen hot men before. Sure, none of them were NHL stars, captain of their team, but there was something different about Daniel. There was a connection between us. For one thing, I think unlike everyone else in here, Daniel understood my pain.
He understood what it was like to lose something important, and as a result to lose the fire that used to live inside of him. I hadn’t told him about that night that changed my life. I didn’t tell him about my sister. He hadn’t told me the entire story about his injury either. I knew his MCL and ACL were torn. I had been in medical school, after all. But I didn’t know the rest. I knew there was more to that story, and I knew Daniel would share when he was ready. But for now, we just knew that we were two people going through a similar situation. We knew what the other one felt, and even without either of us revealing more details than we were comfortable with, we knew each other.
He was addicted to painkillers, I was addicted to alcohol. Both of us turned to addictive substances to try and forget what had happened to us. I wanted him so much, both mind and body. This was more than just a physical attraction. I liked him. I wanted to know more about him, know about his life, know about his hopes and dreams. But the two of us knew there wasn’t a chance anything could happen between us. After all, if anything did, we would both be kicked out of the rehab centre, and neither of us were in a position to go back to the outside world just yet. Daniel had just arrived a few weeks ago, and was still trying to get himself in a good place mentally. For myself, I’d been here a while, and my withdrawal symptoms were gone, but the deep seated, underlying problems that led to my alcohol addiction certainly weren’t fixed.
So instead, I had to settle with simply being friends with Daniel. I knew neither one of us were happy with the situation. I could see the desire in his eyes every time he looked at me. I could practically feel his eyes on my ass when I walked away from him, and I wiggled it just a little bit extra for him as my own body reacted to the knowledge of his glance, the muscles of my sex clenching with desire.
It was a constant battle between my body: a part of me enjoyed spending time with Daniel. He was a nice guy, he was funny, he was actually pretty smart for an athlete, and he understood me. But at the same time, a part of me wanted to hide away from him. It was torture to look into those gorgeous eyes, to stare at that gorgeous body when he took his shirt off and know that I couldn’t have it. It took all my willpower not to grab him and drag him into my bedroom, rip off his clothes and have him take me like I’d never been taken before.
One thing that really stuck out to me, that I noticed more than anything, was that Daniel’s competitive spirit had definitely not died away. Once a week everyone in the rehab center played sports. Usually it was some sort of team sport, like soccer or touch football, or volleyball. Sometimes we would do individual sprinting, or various track and field events. I noticed over and over that no matter what sport we played, Daniel always played it to the limit. He had absolutely not lost his competitive edge.
Whenever I saw him beat everyone else in a race for the umpteenth time, always checking his time with the instructor to see if it was an improvement on his personal best, I wondered what had happened to him, what must have happened to destroy his desire to play hockey. He told me he had lost the fire inside of him that drove him to play, but the competitive spirit was still there. I saw it every time Daniel went onto the field, the court, wherever. It was definitely there.
Still, I knew Daniel didn’t want to talk about it, so I never asked. I had to respect his privacy, after all.
I also decided that I should do my best to help Daniel keep his knee in as good a shape as possible Originally, he had resisted.
“I’m never going to play hockey again, Kylie, what’s the point?”
“For one thing, you still want to be able to walk like a normal person for the rest of your life. You’ve got a serious injury. You shouldn’t be exercising how you are, you should be resting as much as possible and strengthening your quads and hamstrings carefully.”
“I am doing all that, I do strengthen them.”
“Well, you shouldn’t exercise as much as you are. Please, Daniel, at least wear a knee brace. It will help keep your knee stable.”
“Ok, I’ll do it for you, Kylie,” Daniel replied with a grin, and I blushed. “You care so much. I love that about you. You have a genuine gift for wanting to help people heal.”
I could tell a shadow passed over my face when I said those words, and Daniel must have noticed, because he quickly changed the subject.
“I’ll wear the knee brace, and I promise to keep my leg muscles strong.”
“Good. You shouldn’t be playing soccer or anything like that either, but I guess it’s hopeless to try and convince you otherwise.”
Daniel grinned at me. “Well, it is. Besides, not to be insulting, but no one here is actually any good at soccer, I’m not going to injure myself playing with people who could be beaten by a squad of fourteen year olds.”
“You never know. It only takes one moment to ruin everything.”
This time it was my turn to see the shadow pass over his face, and I knew I’d hit his nerve without meaning to.
“Let’s get going, anyway. Sports starts in half an hour, if you’re going to get a knee brace from the nurse before then you’re going to have to ask quickly.”
“Yes, Doctor,” Daniel teased, saluting me, and I stuck my tongue out at him.
Forty minutes later the sports part of our healing process got under way. Our fitness instructor, Adam, decided that with the nice weather we were having we should go outside, where we would play soccer.
“Daniel, you definitely shouldn’t be playing soccer,” I told him. “It’s such a high impact activity. Just hang around the side.”
“I swear, sometimes I think you’re just here to ruin my fun,” he complained.
“I just don’t want you to get hurt even more. Listen, I’ll come sit with you when I’m not playing, that way you won’t be bored.”
I should have known that regardless, there was no way Daniel would be bored during the soccer game. Instead, he began to yell instructions at various people on the field, basically acting as a de-facto coach for our team. I never really played sports growing up, but quickly realized that his advice was pretty good. I smiled to myself. That competitive spirit was definitely there, even when I had convinced him that he couldn’t actually play. He was still helping me win.
“KEEP YOUR MAN TO THE OUTSIDE KYLIE! DON’T LET HIM GET THE ANGLE!” I heard Daniel cry out at me as Sam, one of the other team’s attackers, came at me with the ball. I tried to do as Daniel said, and sure enough, eventually Sam ran out of field and had to pass back to Fiona, from who Amanda stole the ball and made her way up the field.
“Thanks!” I yelled at Daniel, and he gave me the thumbs up sign.
Suddenly I heard a cry from further down the field. I looked up and saw everyone huddling around Amanda. Adam made his way over, trying to get everyone to move away.
I immediately went over to her, and I saw Daniel climbing down the steps from t
he bleachers as well.
“Everyone move back, give her some room,” I ordered. Slowly, between both Adam and myself ordering people around, everyone began to move back. We both leaned over Amanda, who was clutching her leg.
“I think... I think it’s broken,” she told us in between tears. I took one look at the swelling and knew she was almost certainly right. The bottom of her leg had swelled up, it was the size of a grapefruit already.
“Daniel, I need you to find me a piece of wood and some string or something. Adam, I want you to organize an ambulance to come and get Amanda, and then bring me some ice in a bag.”
They both went to do as I had told them. I ordered everyone else to go back into the building, and they grudgingly did so.
“It’s going to be ok, Amanda,” I told her as Daniel came back with a plank of wood and some sheets which he immediately set about tearing into strips.
“I’m scared, Kylie. I’m really scared.”
I took Amanda’s hand.
“Listen to me Amanda. You’re going to be fine. I want you to take some deep breaths and lie down, ok? Adam’s calling an ambulance, they’re going to take you to the hospital, they’re going to do some X-Rays and then put a cast on your leg. I know it hurts, but you’re going to be fine. Deep breaths, ok? I’m here, I’m not going to leave you.”
Daniel handed me the board and I slipped it carefully under Amanda’s leg as she lay down. I carefully made a splint with the torn pieces of sheet, careful not to tie them around the injury, then piled up the remainder of the sheets and placed the splint on them to keep Amanda’s leg elevated.
The entire time I gave her all of my attention. I made sure her pulse stayed relatively normal, that she didn’t go pale or break into a sweat or become short of breath. I didn’t want her to go into shock.
“Kylie?”
“Yes, Amanda?” I asked.
“I don’t want to die.”
“You’re not going to die, Amanda. You’ve got a broken leg, that’s all. No one dies from broken legs in America these days. You’re going to be fine. Trust me.”
Just then I saw Adam coming back towards us.
“The ambulance is on its way, here’s some ice,” he told me, handing me the bag, which he had wrapped in a towel.
“Perfect, thanks Adam.”
I carefully iced the swelling on Amanda’s leg, which had gotten even larger, until the ambulance arrived.
“Do you want me to come with you to the hospital?” I asked. Normally we had to get permission if we wanted to leave the grounds of the building, but I figured there wouldn’t be a problem granting me an exception in this case.
“No, thanks Kylie. You’ve done so much for me already, I’m sure I’ll be fine.”
“You will be Amanda. You will be.”
Daniel stood next to me as we watched the ambulance drive off.
“You were really amazing, you know?”
“Thanks, but it’s nothing. It’s what I was trained to do.”
“I think there’s more than that. You care for others. It’s obvious in the way you act. You could have just done the first aid part of things, but you didn’t just do that, and exceptionally well I might add, you did more than that. You really made sure she was ok. I like how compassionate you are.”
Embarassed, I didn’t know what to say, so I just stepped closer to Daniel, until there were only centimeters separating us. I could practically feel the heat radiating off him, and I felt tingles running through my skin. It seemed like he was coming close to the same comment he had made before about me having a gift for healing people, but the way he phrased it was different. I didn’t feel that shadow cross my face, I didn’t have the terrible flashbacks and memories of that terrible night coming back to me.
“We should go back in,” I eventually said, and Daniel agreed.
“I’ll see you at dinner tonight?”
“Yeah, sure.”
* * *
Thanks to a shower that didn’t want to cooperate (I knew there was hot water in there, the shower just didn’t want to give it to me) I was late to dinner. It was funny, I thought, how things change. Before Daniel had joined us at the rehab center I always ate dinner either before or after everyone else, so as to minimize the chances that someone would want to talk to me. Now, however, I usually went down around seven, when I knew Daniel ate his dinner, and we’d sit at a table at the back talking.
When I finally showed up around seven thirty, Daniel was already busy conversing with Fiona, the only other real friend I had in here. Fiona was a real Stepford wife, her face always perfectly made up, flirting with every single guy in here.
“Hey Daniel, I’m here to rescue you from Fiona’s grasp,” I told him as I sat down, winking at Fiona, who pretended to be outraged.
“You make me out to be some kind of witch or something,” she retorted.
“Now now ladies, no fighting over me,” Daniel added, putting his napkin on the plate. “I’m finished anyway, so I might leave you two to talk about how amazing I am in private,” he added with a grin as he picked up his tray and left.
I scootched my chair in next to Fiona’s.
“Have you heard anything about Amanda?” she asked, and I shook my head.
“Not yet. I’m sure she’s fine. She’ll probably be back here later tonight.”
“That’s good, it looked like a scary fall.”
“I missed it completely, I wasn’t watching.”
“Oh, well, it was one of those things where she went to kick the ball, but she kind of stepped on it instead and fell down, and her leg twisted under her when she landed.”
“Ouch. Yeah, I can see how that can lead to a break.”
“So it is broken then?”
I nodded. “I’ll be really surprised if it isn’t. I mean, there’s always a chance it’s not, but I really doubt it. That leg was swollen up almost instantly.”
“I know, I saw it, it was huge! When Jacob, my youngest, broke his arm skateboarding when he was six he came home and his arm was the same way.”
“Yeah, the human body is funny that way.”
“Speaking of human body, you’re looking good lately.”
“Thanks, Fiona. I should say the same about you. I was saying to Daniel that I wouldn’t be surprised if you tell me you’re leaving sometime soon.”
“I’m hoping it’ll be in the next two weeks. I miss my boys, and they’re going to be coming home next month. I’d like to be there for them when they are. But hey, I was talking about you, not me. I think you’ve got a crush on our resident hockey player. Am I wrong?”
I felt the blush creep up my face immediately.
“What? Of course you’re wrong. You’re crazy!”
I didn’t want anyone to know that every time I so much as looked at Daniel Ross I began to fantasize about him, dreaming of what he would look like naked, imagining him naked on top of me in my bed, taking me to new heights of pleasure...
“I dunno, I’ve seen the way you look at him.”
“Daniel and I are just friends. Besides, if we were going to be more than that, which we’re not, we’d both get kicked out of here.”
“Whatever, Kylie. You only live once.”
“You’re supposed to be the older, wiser woman giving me solid advice on how to live my life well, not telling me to bang the hot guy and get kicked out of rehab.”
Fiona laughed. “I’m not the type of person who gives out good advice, or I wouldn’t be here myself, would I?”
“Fair enough. But no, honestly, Daniel and I are just friends.”
“Ok, ok, I believe you.” She lowered her tone. “But I still think you should go for it if you get the chance.”
“You’re impossible,” I laughed, hitting her arm lightly.
“Hey, when I was your age, I already had two kids and a rich husband. You need to get on with things if you intend to catch up with me.”
I rolled my eyes at Fiona.
“Unlik
e you, I’m not a gold digger.”
“Hey, I love Kevin. He’s a great husband, and he’s not way older than me. I married for love. He just happened to also have a lot of money.”
“Alright, let’s call a truce. I won’t call you a gold digger if you stop trying to turn me into one by chasing after Daniel.”
“Fine. Now eat your food, I’m going to go get some desert.”
When Fiona left, then came back with some ice cream, I couldn’t help but worry a bit about what she had said. If Fiona had noticed that I had a thing for Daniel, did other people pick up on it as well? Would Doctor Emma ask me about Daniel, try and see whether we were having a relationship? I knew they couldn’t kick us out of here without proof, and I certainly didn’t want to give them any. I was going to have to be a lot more careful around Daniel, and make sure that what I felt inside didn’t manifest itself on the outside.
* * *
I actually thought I did pretty well to hide my feelings for Daniel over the next couple weeks. I imagined that if anyone thought there was anything going on between us before, they would have changed their mind. I told him about what Fiona had said, and Daniel agreed that we should stay apart a little bit more than before, and as a result I didn’t see him all that much anymore.
At sports, and at group therapy however, there was no avoiding him. That was fine. I went back to never talking in therapy. The only time I had broken my silence and shared a story was that first day Daniel showed up. Doctor Emma always asked me why I didn’t want to share, why I didn’t want to heal. I never told her that I didn’t want to heal, that I didn’t deserve it.
Two weeks after Amanda broke her leg, Adam decided we should have a tennis tournament. After all, with Amanda no longer able to participate in sports, we had the perfect number of people to make a doubles tourney work. We had to pick a partner, and while everyone wanted to be with Daniel, he picked me.
I smiled shyly. I had never played tennis before outside of here. I knew I was at a disadvantage. This was a rich people’s rehab center. My parents were footing the bill, although they weren’t really that rich, just two relatively good incomes that paid the bills and let them save a little, in the hopes that they wouldn’t lose me. Nearly everyone else here had been or still was a member of a country club, having grown up playing tennis. Daniel and I were the only ones who didn’t, although Daniel was so athletic he could usually easily beat everyone else at every sport, no matter how many years they’d been playing it.
On Thin Ice 2 Page 1
