I recount everything from the night before, much to her horror, although I omit the bit about Dad’s fist colliding with my head and focus on him attacking Ben.
“Don’t say I didn’t warn you, honey.”
“I know, I know. It was inevitable. It’s just what happens next that I’m freaking out about. If he’s capable of doing that in the middle of a busy restaurant, what’s he going to do in the solitude of his own home?” I hate to say the words aloud, but I’m scared for Ben. Something tells me that what we experienced last night was only the tip of the iceberg.
“It might not be as bad as you think.” She’s trying to be supportive, but I can hear the quiver in her voice loud and clear. “Now that he’s had time to calm down, he might see things a little differently.”
I have to bite down on my lip to stop myself from asking if she’s joking or not.
By the time I walk back up the driveway, the sun’s starting to set. Ben rushes from the kitchen, looking harassed as I toe my shoes off.
“Fucking hell, Lauren.” The second he’s in reaching distance, he pulls me into him. I stiffen the second I’m in his arms, aware that we’re standing in the middle of the hallway for anyone to see. “It’s okay. He’s not here.” His words do little to relax me.
No, he’s not here right now.
But he’s coming.
For the first time since I moved in, we spend the evening like a normal family. Jenny cooks and the three of us sit around the table, chatting. It’s weirdly enjoyable, even with the huge elephant in the corner of the room. She shows no sign of knowing anything about us or last night, so I can only assume she really believes that Dad’s on a golfing weekend and not banging the red-head from the restaurant. I feel for her, but my sympathy only goes so far because I’ve got enough of my own problems to worry about.
Once we’ve all cleaned up, we make our excuses and disappear off in different directions. I head up to my room, hoping that in a few minutes Ben will follow. I’m not disappointed. We spend the whole night on my bed watching crappy Saturday night quiz shows and continuing to ignore the inevitable.
After hearing Jenny come up to bed, Ben turns the TV up a couple of notches and sets about making me scream, albeit quietly.
I’m sure it’s just everything fucking up my head, but I swear there’s something different about him when he slides into me. His eyes lock with mine and it’s like he’s trying to tell me something that he’s not brave enough to say out loud. It makes my heart constrict and I have to remind myself that he’s here.
And I just pray that everything’s going to be okay.
We fall asleep wrapped in each other’s arms, just as it should be, but I can’t shift the feeling that something’s very wrong.
I wake up a couple of times in the night and snuggle tighter against Ben’s warm body, knowing that as long as he’s here with me, everything’s going to be okay.
* * *
I wake with a start. Sitting up, my heart races from a nightmare that seemed so real only moments ago. The image of Ben’s back as he walked away from me is burned into my mind. The look in his eyes that screamed that he didn’t want this but had no choice has a lump growing in my throat.
Reaching out, I expect to find him sleeping next to me but all I find is a cold, empty bed. When I turn to look, dread settles in my stomach. That was just a nightmare, right? I soon get my answer though, when I find a Post-It note on his pillow.
I promised to protect you, and this is the only way I know how.
Forever yours, Ben x
A tear splashes against the paper, making the ink run.
No, no, no.
This must be a joke. My heart thunders in my chest as I drop the note and scramble from my bed. Pulling on one of his t-shirts, I open my door and race towards his.
I tell myself that he’s going to be there. He’ll just be in the shower and this is all one very bad dream. But as I push the door open, I’m greeted with silence and I know it’s wishful thinking. All his stuff might still be here, but I know the truth.
I feel it in my heart.
He’s gone.
Falling down on his bed, I pull his pillow to me and cry. I cry for what we had as well as for what we’ve both lost.
I’ve no idea how long I’m there for, but when I hear movement downstairs and a deep male voice, I know it’s time to find out everything. The real truth. Wiping my swollen and sore eyes, I pull my hair away from my face and secure it in a bun with the band around my wrist, preparing to fight.
“What the hell did you do?” I roar as I run down the last few steps, seeing my dad putting his overnight bag down in the hallway. “What did you do?” I fly at him, my arms taking on a life of their own as I try to slap and punch him. My heart breaks all over again and tears stream down my cheeks. His arms come up to protect his face as I hear Jenny’s footsteps behind me.
“Lauren, what on earth?” Her arms wrap around my waist, but she’s too weak and I fight her off in my need to get to him.
To hurt him. I need to do something that’s going to take away the agonising pain of my heart splitting in two.
My arms start to burn as I fight to drag in air between my wailing, and he must see I start to tire because he reaches out and wraps his fingers around my wrists to stop me.
“What the hell is wrong with you?”
“You. You are what’s wrong with me,” I seethe, staring up into his hard, cold eyes. “What did you do? What did you say to him?” My body’s limp, exhausted, and drained from the emotion that’s washed through it in the past few minutes.
“Lauren, I’ve no clue what you’re talking about?”
“He’s gone, Dad. Gone. I know it’s because of you.” All I feel is emptiness as I say those words out loud.
“Who’s gone?” Jenny asks, but I can already tell by the flat tone of her voice that she knows.
“Ben. He’s gone, and it’s all his fault.” I thrash to get out of his hold and this time he lets me go.
“Where’s he gone?”
“I don’t fucking know. But this arsehole here sent him away.”
“Lauren,” he warns, but I cut him off when he starts to say more.
“Don’t even think of chastising me for my language because you deserve much, much worse. Were you not content with controlling my education and career? You also had to weigh in on my love life? You’re a fucking joke as a father. A fucking joke.”
“Enough!” he roars. His fists clench and I flinch away from him, afraid to be on the wrong end of them again. “I haven’t done anything. I’ve been at golf all weekend. I—”
“You’re a fucking liar,” I scream.
“I went to golf after my business meeting on Friday night.”
A laugh falls from my lips, but it’s anything but amused. “Golf? Was that her name? There’s no way he’d have left by choice. You sent him away.”
“Trust me, Lauren. I wish I got the chance. I’d have done it years ago if I could.” I don’t miss Jenny’s gasp behind me, but we both ignore her. “He’s a fucking waste of space. Nothing but bad news. You’re better off as far away from him as you can get. This just proves what kind of man he really is, don’t you think? He’s been caught out and he’s run. All he was trying to do was piss me off, trying to show that he’s better than me by doing something I forbade him to. I told him very specifically what I would do to him if he came anywhere near you, but he did it anyway. Now, he’s running scared. You don’t deserve someone like him, Lauren. You deserve a real man, someone who’ll stand by you and fight for you. Not a pussy like him.”
“No, no. You’re lying. He wouldn’t just leave. I don’t believe you.”
“I swear to you, Lauren. I haven’t done anything. I was expecting to come home now to sort this whole mess out.”
“This isn’t a mess, Dad.” I shout, shoving my palms at his chest. “It’s my life and you’re fucking ruining it. You’re ruining everything.”
“I hav
en’t—”
“You’re a fucking liar. You don’t care about me and what I do. All you care about it keeping up appearances and making money. You don’t care about me,” I repeat. The reality of the situation hits me. Fresh tears spill from my eyes, my fight draining from my body.
“Of course I care. I only want the best for you, Lauren. What’s he’s done just proves he’s not good enough for you. He should be standing here now fighting for you.”
“No, he wouldn’t just leave me. He wouldn’t. What we have…it’s…it’s…”
Dad’s face softens, and for the first time since he walked through the door, I see concern on his face. “I’m sorry you’re hurting. Come here, sweetheart.”
I’m too weak to do anything but what he suggests, and I fall into his arms. He holds me as I cry and rubs my back to try to calm me. I was so convinced that this was his doing. I never even considered that Ben didn’t want this as much as I did. I took all his words as gospel, and it’s only now that I doubt everything he ever said to me.
Dad guides me into the living room, stopping to kiss Jenny on the cheek as we move past her. “It’s for the best,” he says, but I don’t know if he’s talking to her or me.
* * *
Everything continues around me like my world hasn’t shifted on its axis. The house feels even colder than it used to. Even the office feels different without his presence. Everything I used to enjoy or look forward to just seems dull. Or maybe it’s just me who’s dull and lifeless. The hurt won’t leave. No matter what I try to do to distract myself, he’s always there in my heart. It’s just a constant reminder of what I thought I’d found.
It’s been a month since Ben walked out of my life, but I still can’t seem to pull myself out of the hole I’ve fallen into. My heart aches more with every day that passes, and my anger at him grows. After everything, how could he just walk away like I meant nothing to him?
His bedroom door stays closed, and I have to fight not to look at it every time I walk past. Dad and Jenny have both been incredible and allowed me the time I need to attempt to put myself back together, but I fear that I’m never going to be the same again. Even with them in the same house, I’m lonely. I’m lonelier than I’ve ever experienced despite everyone doing their best to distract me.
They say it’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all, but right now I call bullshit, because I’m pretty sure I’d take never meeting him over the daily agony of this broken heart.
Ben Johnson was my first love.
My first everything.
I’ll never forget everything he gave me.
And I’ll never forgive him for taking it all away.
***
Ben and Lauren’s story continues in Losing the Forbidden PRE-ORDER NOW
Craving her was wrong.
Losing her was a necessity.
I'm empty, and it's all too clear what's missing. Or, rather, who. None of the women who warm my bed can fill the void in my heart.
That belongs to one person alone.
I can't stop hoping that one day we may have a second chance.
One phone call is everything I've been waiting for.
It’s time to return and claim what’s rightfully mine.
PRE-ORDER NOW
What to know where it all began? Ben originally appeared as a secondary character in my Falling series and totally stole my heart. While you’re waiting for Losing for Forbidden to release you can get started with Falling for Ryan.
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Acknowledgments
Nothing about this book has really gone as planned. Knowing BJ, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. This first part of his and Lauren’s story was meant to be short, but as I delved deeper and deeper into the beginning of their relationship, I just couldn’t stop.
I’ve loved Ben since I first mentioned his character—in Falling For Lucas, I think. As I wrote each following book, it just became more and more obvious to me that he’d have to have his own story. He likes to make out that he’s just a player and happy to have a revolving door on his bedroom, but he’s keeping a lot hidden. Mostly his heart, as you’ve seen.
I really hope you enjoyed this first instalment of their story. I’m seriously excited to discover where they’re going to take me next.
As far as thank-yous go, as always I need to start with Michelle, for alpha reading this as I typed it and putting up with the nonsense that comes from my fingertips. It’s a good job we’re mostly on the same wavelength or she’d have no idea what I was trying to say.
My betas, Deanna, Helen, Lindsay, Suzanne and Tracy. Where would I be without you? Thank you so much for all your honest feedback and your love of my characters and books.
Evelyn, once again, for digging your way through a million typos to make this book as good as it possibly can be. I’d be nowhere without you.
Michelle, thank you for proofreading for me once again. You must be getting bored of the amount of words of mine you’ve read recently!
And finally, my husband and daughter for supporting me through this journey, pushing me forward and inspiring me every day.
Until next time,
Tracy xo
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About the Author
Tracy Lorraine is a M/F and M/M contemporary romance author. Tracy has just turned thirty and lives in a cute Cotswold village in England with her husband, baby girl and lovable but slightly crazy dog. Having always been a bookaholic with her head stuck in her Kindle, Tracy decided to try her hand at a story idea she dreamt up and hasn’t looked back since.
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Also by Tracy Lorraine
Falling Series
Falling for Ryan: Part One #1
Falling for Ryan: Part Two #2
Falling for Jax #3
Falling for Daniel (An Falling Series Novella)
Falling for Ruben #4
Falling for Fin #5
Falling for Lucas #6
Falling for Caleb #7
Falling for Declan #8
Falling For Liam #9
Forbidden Series
Falling for the Forbidden
Losing the Forbidden
Fighting for the Forbidden
Ruined Series
Ruined Plans #1
Ruined by Lies #2
Ruined Promises #3
Never Forget Series
Never Forget Him #1
Never Forget Us #2
Everywhere & Nowhere #3
Chasing Series
Chasing Logan
The Cocktail Girls
His Manhattan
Her Kensington
Flirt Club
His Sorority Sweetheart
Cheeky Trifle
Santa’s Naughty Elf
Resolution: Exposure
Dear All Star Player
Forever Ruined (A Ruined series spin off)
Mr. Silver
Spring Break Secret Baby
His Cherry Blossom
Sneak Peek
Falling for the Forbidden is a spin off from my Falling series. If you’ve not read it then keep reading for a sneak peek at Falling for Ryan, my friends to lovers romance that kicks off the series.
Falling for Ryan: Part One
Molly
Eight years ago…
“Mum, I’m going to Becky’s sixteenth birthday party tonight, then sleeping at Hannah’s,” I remind her as I walk into the kitchen where she’s sat with her head in an interior design magazine, waving her hands around—presumably
trying to dry her nail varnish. I pull out a can of Coke from the fridge before continuing. “I’ve taken the litre bottle of vodka from the drinks cabinet, and I’ve got a pack of condoms…you know, just in case.” I lean back against the counter and watch for a reaction. Any reaction.
“Uh huh.”
“I’m pretty sure some of the boys are bringing ecstasy.”
“Hmm…” She hums as she turns a page and studies the room pictured.
“Didn’t you only have a manicure yesterday? Why are you painting your nails already?”
Now, that gets her attention. Her head snaps up the moment the words ‘nails’ and ‘manicure’ leave my mouth. Surprise, surprise; my mother cares more about that than about alcohol, drugs, sex…and me.
“Yes, I did, but I just couldn’t find a thing to wear tonight.”
I doubt that’s actually true, seeing as she’s recently turned my eldest brother’s old room into her personal wardrobe after already filling her own walk-in. “So, I went to that little boutique in town this morning and found the most perfect dress. Your dad will love it, but it didn’t match the colour I chose for my nails yesterday.”
“Wow, what a disaster,” I mutter as I leave the room. “I’ll be going out in about an hour. Not that you really care.” I say the last bit quieter, but I’m not sure why; when I look back, Mum is once again too engrossed in her magazine to acknowledge me.
Falling for the Forbidden: Forbidden Series #1 Page 13
