by Vance Huxley
“Bodyguard?” A little smile played over Patty’s lips, unsure if Harold was winding her up.
“You’re lethal with that crossbow, and for one close-up shot, a Liz specialis more dangerous than that rifle.” Harold smiled happily at his next thought. “Just hearing about it will piss off the Hot Rods and the Geeks, whilehalf the Barbies will be over to buy you a beer. Now come on,take another shot to prove it wasn’t a fluke. We’ll move after that, justin case someone is nosy.”
Patty took her third shot, not answering until she waspicking up her empty brass.”The Barbies will try to kidnap me if they find out I can shoot a rifle.They already make me some interesting offers if I’ll wear fewer clothes and more weapons. Now let’s go and look at my target.”
She hopped about like a demented flea once she saw the target. Harold also inspected the two little holes, almost in the middle of the wooden square.Even shooting at more or less point blank range, they showed promise. Now he assessedPatty properly as a bodyguard, someone to help him in a tight spot.
Patty would definitely kill close-up in a fight with pistol or blade. Now she seemed to be a natural shooter, one of those people who had an eye for it. Harold had always thoughtPattymightalso kill in cold blood. She’d stuck a crossbow bolt in a Mart guard who’d upset her, ambushed him even if it wasn’t quite cold-blooded. Just now Patty had firmed up nicely when thinking of the target as a person, the opposite to the usual reaction.
A female bodyguard would be a definite statement about women’s status in Orchard Close.Better yet,Patty looked slight, but all the practice with her heavy crossbow left herwiry and strong. The gangsters would underestimate her in a physical fight. With that in mind, Harold might experiment. If Liz could make one of the usual machetes slimmer, with a long point on the end, Harold could teach Patty a whole new way to kill a scroat.
Haroldfound a spot to test the adapted shotgun, moving carefully in case some asshole had been attracted by the shots.That didn’t happen often these days, most of the roaming loners were dead. When he fired, the .38 sounded like a cannon.Patty whistled quietly at the size of the hole in the last of three interior doors stacked one behind the other.”Soft lead expands quickly,” Harold explained.”It’ll do that inside a person as well.”
“How big a hole does this rifle make?” Patty would be remembering the neat little holes in her own target.
“The hardened ones split into a steel core and lead surround after they hit anything solid, bad news for the recipient. Just soft lead will expand a surprising amount, even in flesh. In a person they might hit a bone and break up as well. Then even if the target gets away?” Harold shrugged. “With the state of medicine now they’ll probably die.”
“Good. Wouldn’t want to waste a round.”
Harold took note. Patty might have too little hesitation about shooting, she might not wait for the kill shot. “If you have to shoot, then killing the target quickly stops them shooting back.” Harold looked at the hole in the doors again. “That’s good enough because this isn’t a precision weapon.” He reached out and tapped ‘her’ rifle. “So you’d better have another couple of shots. Remember, keep calm.”
This time Patty had got the message and relaxed,but she tried to speed up the reload. Harold stopped the aspiring markswoman. “No. Slow and accurate kills one every shot. When you hit that square dead centre every time at fifty yards, we’ll work on speed.” She took a deep breath, let it go and settled properly, and again the white square jumped as she hit it.
Picking up the brass seemed to take a while, though it sometimes bounced in among loose bricks. As she straightened,Patty tried to sound casual, but Harold had seen her working up to the question long before she asked.”So when can we come out again?” She giggled, which had to be sheer adrenaline. “Will your new wench, Tessa, mind about us running off together?”
“You should talk to Sharyn and Tessa sometime about that.”
“Why?” Patty suddenly sounded worried.
Harold decided now might not be a good idea. “It isn’t a problem and they’ll tell you why when we get back.We’ll do it straight away because you’re hyped just now. It’s best if you get it off your chest to those two, because the rifle practice is a secret. Remember, we wouldn’t want the scroats to find out until someone dies of surprise.”
“Too true. Are we done then?” Pattyput her empty brass in the little pouch and tapped the remaining rounds. “There’s plenty of time for me to take a couple more shots someplace.” Again she attempted nonchalance and innocence, and failed. “Since we’re out here anyway?”
“I only let people take extra shots when there’s a crowd that won’t tempt a scroat.” Harold shook his head at Patty’s little sound of protest. “All right, just this once, because I don’t want you to cry the first time.”
Patty’s next three shots at fifty yards would have hit the target’s head. Considering she hadn’t shot a rifle before, that impressed Harold. “Very good. We’ll make a real shooter of you in time.” For most of the way back Patty pushed for more real practice, despite the risk that too many shots would make someone curious. Her answer, to shoot the nosy sods as practice, would only cause more curiosity. She switched to going through every heartbeat of every shot, several times, explaining just how it felt. Harold let her rabbit on. Patty needed to get the adrenaline out of her system, so she didn’t say the wrong thing where someone could hear her.Even so, once inside the walls Harold thought she might explode as she tried to keep quiet until they reached his house.
*
When he brought Patty in she immediately started telling Sharyn about the shooting, but Harold interrupted long enough to mention the wench part. Sharyn, still a little stunned by this bouncy version of a usually intense and serious Patty,phoned the guardhouse nearest Tessa. While they passed a message, Sharyn made drinks. Patty paced up and down impatientlyuntil Tessa arrived, when some apprehension leaked into her excitement.
Once they knew what worried Patty, thatHarold’s wench might be jealous, Tessa and Sharyn fell about laughing. Harold got out of the house while they explained, taking a stroll around the walls. He arrived back to an intense discussion, because both Tessa and Sharyn were interested in Patty’s shooting. Both women had lived with soldiers and heard plenty of discussions about guns and shooting, even if they’d never actually had a gun.
“Before you three settle into the serious character assassination, Patty has to learn to clean her rifle.” Harold pointed towards the study.
Sharyn looked shocked. “Ooh, one whiff of gunsmoke is all it takes. You’re the first woman he’s ever taken in there.” Patty looked suspicious because both Sharyn and Tessa were laughing,while Harold had blushed just a bit.
“The weapons need cleaning, and there’s cleaning gear in there even if it’s my bedroom. Cripes, it’s just off the lounge.” Harold tried to scowl but could see the funny side. “Patty has to learn to keep her weapon clean. I don’t want to go and open up the workshop just for threeweapons that have barely been used.”
“That’s a new one,let me show you how to get my weapon clean. Don’t worry that it’s in my bedroom, my thoughts are pure.” Tessa managed to finish before laughing again.
“I’ve got to admit it’sa new one, new enough to fool me.” Patty smirked, eyeing Harold up. “Maybe that’s another reason to learn to shoot? There could be a queue if this gets out.”
“Hey, this is a secret.”
“So only a queue of three?” Patty tried to look shocked but couldn’t stop laughing. “Unless you can clean three at a time.”
“Excuse me, two. Sister here. Yeuk, the very thought of watching him with you innocents is nauseating, let alone joining in.” Harold laughed as well, because Sharyn hadn’t made jokes like that for a long time. He left the door open, allegedly to preserve Patty’s reputation, which meantboth Sharyn and Tessa watched. It wasn’t long before they started asking questions. All three women found it funny that a lot of Harold’s busi
ness came because the scroats didn’t clean or oil their weapons properly. Afterwards Patty took ‘her’ rifle back home so she could practice reloading in the dark. Also, allegedly, in case she wanted toinvite someone in to teach him about cleaning.
*
A week later Harold came back with a backpack full of wire from the scavengers,walking to save on diesel, and found official visitorswaiting outside the gates. Five GOFS were sat in an SUV, watching the Hot Rods’ pickup being loaded with beer while hops and malted barley were carried into Orchard Close.”I hope that lot have left some beer for us?” Ogou and the four GOFS soldiers didn’t seem amused.
Gang lieutenants like Ogou rarely visited except on official business, but that would be sorted out in private so Harold didn’t ask. “Don’t worry, we never sell all the beer. We’re Caddi’s new off-license because his brewing is completely screwed up.” That seemed to surprise Ogou, so Caddi had kept the loss of his brewer very quiet. Harold thought he knew why, Caddi would be looking for a replacement. “Part of the problem is that Caddi drowned his brewer in the last bad batch. I suggest keeping a special eye on your brewers until he finds a new one.” Harold paused, looking from the GOFS to the Hot Rods around the pickup.”There’s a good few Hot Rods spending their coupons in our canteen just now,so no trouble, all right?”
“You know us, just a bunch of lads visiting the pub for a beer.” The GOFS soldiers laughed at the pub joke. Rumours still surfaced now and then about a real pub surviving someplace. “Well behaved lads,especially if Patty is serving. She actually puts a crossbow bolt with one of those fancy pointson the counter.” Ogou’s shudder might not have been completely faked. “Has anyone ever survived one of those?”
“Nope. The limb has to come off to get our bolt back, so the victim bleeds out.It makes them good deterrents.” Harold looked up the road at two approaching figures and pointed. “Leave a couple of seats empty, at the same table if you want to get lucky, because they’re Barbies. I thought they weren’t allowed across your territory?”
Ogou glanced back up the road atthe approaching women. “Hah, good luck to anyone trying to stop them.At least they don’t take the piss by driving through with the music blaring. A pity in a way, they’ve got the only decent music round here. I wish someone would fix Barbie Radio.” He glanced at the other four GOFS, who were all watching the Barbies.”I’m sure there’ll be two obviously empty spaces at our table.”
Harold turned towards the gates, beckoning. “Come on, let’s get you through the search so you can find a suitable spot. It could be a waste of time, some of the Barbies visit to chase Doll or Patty. I’ll call Alfie for them, because the Barbies reckon he likes searching them.” The Barbies insisted on Alfie searching, then wriggled about and complained about what he’d touched. Alfie usually ended up blushing bright scarlet.
Harold didn’t send for Alfie because he’d just gone off duty so he’d be hanging out with Hazel again.Alfie would blush and stammer if Harold found them together, and then seventeen-year-old Hazel would blame Harold. The last time he’d walked round a corner and found them snogging, Hazel had accused him of deliberately spying on them. Instead, Harold headed for the canteen to make sure the Hot Rods behaved when the Barbies turned up.
*
Once inside Orchard Close, Harold didn’t get as far as the canteen.”Hey, wimp, I need you in my lair.” Liz put down her wheelbarrow and pointed to the load, bags of charcoal. “No, not because I’m sooty passion deprived, because of this. You can push it now because I’m only a frail woman. Come on, gee up.” Liz glanced round nervously, she didn’t like being in the public area with gangsters about.
Harold laughed because Liz had to be the strongest woman here, and stronger than many of the men. He picked up the barrow handles and headed for her forge. “You call me wimp then expect me to do the hard work? What’s the problem with the charcoal, mouse?”
“Nothing, this is lovely clean chemical free charcoal and we’ve got oodles at the moment.” Liz scowled, glancing round to make sure they were clear of any eavesdroppers. “Since we have, I want to try some tempering again. I had to stop when the alleged squirrels ate all the trees allegedlygrown for charcoal, so the Mart stopped stocking the stuff.” A year later, she still bridled about that particular item on the BBC news. “I made progress when you brought that extra after the Mart fight, but I’m getting low again.”
“Can you try an experiment for me at the same time, pretty please?” Harold’s attempt at an innocent smile bounced.
“Pretty? You?” Liz inspected him, very obviously. “A few more muscles, some soot and sweat, and maybe. This had better be more fun than those bulletmiddles. Those are fiddly and not even a bit artistic.” She opened the door toher forge, an adapted garage. “In here please, driver.”
Harold tipped the bags of charcoal with the rest. “We’ll need your slate and chalk.”
Liz sniffed derisively. “Typical, you need a diagram and it still won’t be much fun. I’m warning you, this one had better be more artistic.”
Harold chuckled because this would definitely be more artistic than the hardened steel cores for bullets. “How about turning a big butch machete into a slimmer, lighter, girly version. One with a longer, sharper point on the end, one thatour fighters can stick in some unsuspecting big butch gangster when he tries to brain them?”
“Ooh, that might actually be a bit artistic.” Liz brought her slate over to the bench as Harold perched on the end. “Maybe a couple of twee spikes on the back?”
“Perish the thought. We want to pull it back out after sticking the scroat, to stab another.I want a slimline machete so they can still slash.It’ll be cheaper without artwork.” Harold grinned at her scowl. Liz had made house signs and metal ornaments before the Crash, but the nearest she got to artistic these days was on crossbow heads.
“Spoilsport.” Liz looked at him perched on her bench with a little smile. “You seem better, not quite as grim. Was your mystery night of passion that lively?”
“Mystery night of passion? I don’t remember singing in the streets?”
“Low blow.” Liz smirked, completely unrepentant. “So you had a spring rite night as well?”
“Not quite. Caddi played a trick, two tricks, and they turned on him.As a bonus, I prised an old friend free of the nasty scroat.” Harold hesitated, but then asked, “I thought you’d got the dirt from Tessa?”
“Not a lot, or not about how she ended up walking away from that shite. Nor about why the Hot Rods treat her like an unexploded bomb. Just that you got her out of trouble, so as usual you got it wrong. A bad boy is supposed to get women into trouble.” Liz’s smirk gave way to anticipation. “But she gave up lots of dirt from before the Crash, about pimply youths. She also made some interesting comments about your night-time entertainment?”
Harold refused that bait. “I just told you, Caddi lost a competition to see if he could get to me.”
“His men seem too happy about that. There are broad hints you’ve got a Hot Rod girlfriend.” Liz thumped Harold on the chest when he sat there with a bland smile. “Just be careful, all right?”
“Yes mummy. I won’t see her again and I’m trying to forget anyway.”
That set Liz off laughing. “Ooh, one of those nights. Cripes, she won’t turn up all starry-eyed and simpering, will she?”
Harold’s face cracked andhe burst out laughing at the thought of Mercedes simpering. “Highly unlikely. Now can we sort out this new hand-held needle for Patty?”
“For Patty? Too true, because she’ll definitely use it. A stabberwill be easier for her than beating them to death with her crossbow.” Liz sobered a little and sat next to Harold on the bench. “The more sharp things between me and Caddi the better.Patty’s dead chuffed about the squad leader bit. Are you over your thing about women fighters as well?” Which meant that at least one person had caught on.
“Only if I can make them dangerous enough. I thought of giving Doll a squad as well, o
nce she’s back up to speed.” Harold waited for a reaction, because he trusted Liz to tell him if he’d got it wrong.
“She’s getting fed up just convalescing. Make it sooner rather than later. Nowcome on, get scribbling before I nod off from boredom.”
*
Liz didn’t nod off. Within three days she had an experimental version, just to see if the theory worked. Harold waited a few days, because bringing her new squad up to speed took most of Patty’s time. Despite her love affair with her rifle, Patty still encouraged her squad to practice with crossbows so the trainees spent all their spare time on that and machete muscle-strengthening exercises. Harold onlytookheraway from her squad twice,as his bodyguard when they’d be travelling alone so she could get in some rifle practice.Patty took three shotswith ‘her’ rifle each time and Harold had been right,she was a natural.He’d intended having a serious talk about the new machete on those trips, but Patty still gottoo excited about shooting for any attempt at serious conversation.
A week after ET’s visit, a small group of Hot Rods, led by Charger, visited Orchard Closeto bulk purchasemore beer. After they’d gone, Harold faced tentative questions from a couple of people. Tessa had served the gangsters in the canteen, once more dressed in a skirt and blouse. The questions were about a couple of Hot Rods saying Tessa looked happy with her new bloke. Harold fobbed the queries off, pleading ignorance.Once her house was ready,Tessa had moved to the other end of Orchard Close,so the residents hadn’t put it together, yet.
When Harold mentioned Tessa volunteering for the canteen, Sharyn told him the lass enjoyed being able to dress in nice clothes again. According to Tessa the gangsters weren’t any worse than squaddies after a few beers, or not in Orchard Close anyway. That impressed her, because she’d seen the Hot Rods at home, and it also gave her the chance to check up on her brother, Pete. Sharyn admitted to prying a bit but Tessa wouldn’t tell her any more than she’d told Liz. She’d been in a lot of trouble with Caddi, but Harold had got her out of it and out of Hot Rod territory.Harold ignored the obvious hint for him to fill in the details.
