by Vance Huxley
“I’ll phone the canteen first.”
“In that case I’ll get comfy.” Tessa headed off upstairs to get changed, while Harold made his call. Emmy answered the phone and told Harold it was all covered, and he was to keep out of it. This would teach the Barbies and Hot Rods they weren’t important enough for Soldier Boy’s personal attention. Harold laughed and sat down with his coffee to tellSharyn and Tessa that, and about the trip. Sharyn answereda knock on the door within minutes and came back with a message from Casper.
Harold stayed in his chair because Tessa insisted.She’d dressed to make a deliberate impression out there. The “everything warm” and the kiss should keep anyone from bothering Harold tonight, until everything cooled down again. Even the residents would get the message, because Daisy, Eddie and Wills were sleeping with Susan and Rob tonight.The two women laughed at Harold again when heobjected.
Casper’s message confirmed the muskets and Mad Maxes were still a secret, whileaphone call fromMatthew toldHaroldto relax, the night shifts were sorted. A little later Patty called to promise that her Demons would be up early, to take over guard duty. According to her, Harold should have a late breakfast and make the Barbies and Hot Rods wait around a bit. There weren’t any more interruptions. Soldier Boy had very efficient officers in his army, Sharyn and Tessa reckoned. Harold had to laugh because yes, his friends had got it all under control.
Harold, his official wench and his sisterrelaxed while discussingDodge’s visit. They agreed either the GOFShad taken an opportunity to sting Caddi, or the Murphies were biting back. They also agreed that Caddi had deliberately sent Dodge, a bullish type, to test Orchard Close. He’d known Harold left with a lot of fighters, because the spies must have reported. The response would make Caddi think long and hard before taking any liberties.
They discussed the Barbies knowing about the escape route, but letting most refugees come through. Keeping those who looked like potential fighters seemed a Barbie sort of thing, but letting the others keep their weapons wasn’t. Harold spent some time explaining howsome of what they thought they knew about the Barbies didn’t seem to be quite right. Sharyn wondered if some of it was extra people joining and calming the original nutters down a bit. After all, the original founders of Orchard Close were completely outnumbered by later arrivals. They all agreed enough nutters remained to make the Barbies bloody dangerous.
Despite Harold’s misgivings,none of the nutters, Hot Rods or Barbies, started any trouble inside Orchard Close. Harold slept better than he’d expected with nearly forty non-residents inside the walls.
*
Harold had a late breakfast as instructed, withDodge and Beetch as well as Casper, Doll, Ru and Alfie.He’d wanted all the squad leaders, but Patty, Emmy and Matthew told him they were busy so they’d see him later. Sharyn had barely put the bubble and squeak on the table when Beetch started. She triumphantly announced that Logan, one of the Orchard Close escort, had pretended to tug at the big tag. Beetch told Logan he had to pull it now, at least down to her waist. Logan reckoned he didn’t mind inspecting her blouse and pulled the tag. Beetch smirked untilDodge had to ask. “What happened?”
“There’s nothing under the swimsuit. The arms and top of the blouse are sewn to it.” She preened, pushing out her chest and the tag. “He seemed interested, if a bit flustered, so I asked if he wanted to check my roots. He only had to pull the tag a bit harder.”
Dodge waited, but not for long. “Well?”
“Oh no. Anyone wanting to know has to checkfor themselves.” Beetch refused to confirm anything else.
“There were a lot of roots being checked last night. I found a sleepwalker. She wanted to check out how hot my….” The Hot Rod glanced at Harold and left the rest unsaid. He seemed quieter this morning, nothinglike his usual abrasive self.
Beetch glanced at Doll. “You should get a swimsuit, the blokes seem more interested in checking out blondes.”
“No need, my Stetson and boots seem to attract enough attention and anyway, we don’t want to confuse them.” Doll inspected Beetch. “You’d be a natural for the swimsuit football league in that get-up, but you’d have to get rid of the sewn-on bits.”
“You’ve got a whole team of Beach Beetches? I thought it was a windup when Chandra and Ski were on about them.” Beetch glanced down at her leather and studs. “I’ll have to look out for another swimsuit, in case I get an invite. I suppose you’d insist on one without studs or zips, a non-Beetch version?”
The others made jokes about what constituted acceptable dress for swimwear football, while Dodge wanted more information. He was teased about having to design Hot Rod swimwear if he ever had the chance to play.Harold looked round them all and thought about how he dressed and acted in public. They were all at it, living the whacko identities they’d chosen.Doll wore her Stetson and boots, while the others from Orchard Close all wore their newest clothes and poser weapons like Rambos. Ru had a lot of extra blades, as usual, while Casper brought his mace and giant machete. Alfie had arrived with his spear, the one with ‘boyfriend’ inscribed on the blade.
Tessa sat close to Soldier Boy,wearing a tight blouse, feeding him bits of toast and pouring his coffee. Soldier Boy had an arm round his wench,because Tessa put it there with a murmured “and no wandering.” She seemed to be enjoyingherself.Casper, Ru, Doll and Alfie were a bit startled by this version of Tessa, and the two visitors were definitely amused. Harold recognised the teasing, flirting Tessa he’d known before the Crash. The breakfast felt a bit like those he’d had at the Mansion, without the foul language because Dodge and Beetch kept to the rules.
Sharyn found a neutral subject, by promising eggs for breakfast next time if the chickens had started laying. Nobody could sex chicks these dayssoCaddi had includedsome cockerels, which meant there would be more chicks in time. Beetch immediatelywanted to trade, either for eggs or, hopefully, chicks. Dodge wanted to deep fry the bloody cockerels that lived behind the Mansion, because of the crowing every morning. He warned them everyone here would feel the same eventually, and even eggs wouldn’t compensate.
When Beetch teased him a little about losing two motors,Dodge admitted, with a shrug, that the Hot Rods had pushed a bit too far too fast. Caddi had sent Mercedes to kill a few Murphiesto put off any attempt to take advantage. Dodge’s eyes brightened and he explained to Beetch about Mercedes being Harold’s woman.
Beetch already knew, but had to ask Tessa the obvious. “So what does that make you?”
“The wench that bites,” from Tessa surprisedHarold. She followed up with, “And the lively one, I’m told.” Dodgepromptly told her Mercedes had promised competition, but Tessa just smirked and pointedout those were words, not action. Harold sat gobsmacked and kept his mouth shut while Dodge updated Beetch on the latest scandal.
As a gang boss who had women competing, Harold had to look smug about it all. It wasn’t too hard, because thinking of the real circumstances kept Haroldamused. Meanwhile, talking about a possible catfight between his supposed women ledBeetch and Dodgeonto how many fighters Orchard Close seemed to have. They were both impressed by the numbers on duty last night. Dodge reluctantly admitted that even the women looked like real fighters, though he daren’t tell Caddi that. Beetch kept trying to work out how Orchard Close could afford such a high proportion of fighters to workers. Harold and his friends weren’t giving them the answer, all the fighters were also workers. The meal closed with some fairly innocuous banter about naughty boys and girls who’d wandered into the wrong house in the night.
While the commanders ate,all the gear came off the pickup and vans or out of the Barbie van. Jilli danced round them, squealing in delight as each instrument came in sight. She sang them ‘Mull of Kintyre’ and then ‘Who Do You Think You Are’ by the Spice Girls as the Barbies left. Harold promised there would be CDs butno, he didn’t think Jilli would be coming to play live on Barbie Radio. Not yet, because after all, he’d just survived one shopping trip and needed to get his b
reath back.
Dodgelooked interested in that because nobody had seen inside Beth’s for years, and escaped to tell the tale. Harold confessed it was interesting and just survivable. After the very lively sleepwalking reported by the Orchard Close guards, Dodge would no doubt get the Barbie version. Despite the tension between the top Barbies and Caddi, the rank and file were young people with flexible morals meeting strangers of the opposite sex. It was a match made somewhere a long way from heaven.
Barbie Radio blaring out as the women headed home gave Dodge the basic story anyway, especially with the boasts about the Army dropping in for an orgy. Harold noticed a lot of Orchard Close houses switched to the rock channel once they knew it worked again. Harold kept Dodge for a half hour in case the Barbies had set up an ambush, then let the Hot Rods go.
*
In the weeks following the shopping trip, an increasing number of Barbies turned up for the canteen and the football matches. Even after the novelty of driving down the new route wore off, the Barbies kept coming, many of them walking to save on diesel. The extra Barbies attracted moreGOFS, until the weekly football games became twice-weekly games. The Coven even parted with coupons to buy new footballs from the Mart andsettled teams developed, with a definite rivalry between them. The GOFS and Barbies eventually created their own teams, or sometimes a combined one,and somejoined one of the three in Orchard Close.A few of the more polite Hot Rods and Geeks were finally allowed to watch football, but not the swimsuit games.
Despite the squaddies being keen, Sarge wouldn’t allow them to play football. Instead, the soldiers lined the bypass where they could see part of the pitch, and cheered whoever had the ball. As the weather cooled and the nights drew in earlier, the swimsuit league put on clothes.
While Orchard Close played football, Dodge and Mercedes spent three weeks hunting Murphies, payback for the motors. A sudden Hot Rod advance, one that almost cut the Murphy territory in half, probably explained the real reason Mercedes had been on a rampage. Rumours claimed that Caddi walked into the Murphy HQ virtually unopposed.The more extreme rumours claimed Mercedes had killed everyone before the Hot Rods arrived. Wounded Hot Rods, visiting Orchard Close for a beer, scotched that.Some had been injured storming the building,but they confirmed the Murphies’ gates had been unbarred and the guards were dead.
The fall of the Murphy stronghold led to a surge in refugee numbers arriving in Orchard Close. The newcomers filled every other available house, even sleeping in the lounges and dining rooms. In many houses, the kitchens and bathrooms were the only rooms without people living and sleeping in them.Harold offered the dining room in his house but the Coven were adamant. The big house had to be available for Soldier Boy to hold confidential meetings with his top people, including the Coven if necessary. Harold also offered to give up the room in the Embassy to provide a bedroom, and take future visitors to his house. He rejected one idea, meeting them in thehalf-ruined house outside the walls, because the gang bosses would be insulted. Again his top people objected.They didn’t want the likes of Caddi off the main street, in case one of them realised which building housed the forge, or the brewery, or maybe the gun repair room.
Haroldasked again about building new accommodation, butCasper repeated he couldn’t build proper walls, not safe enough to live in. His bricky apprentices, two of them now, refused to even consider it if Casper wouldn’t. The amateur builders returned to improving walls. Since all the housing was full, some of the residents began to look for alternatives. Here and there, scattered among the ruins, some of the houses outside Orchard Close had relatively intact roofing. If water and electricity could be connected up, and the windows replaced or filled in, some serious renovation would make them habitable.
The nearest group of relatively intact houses saton the edge of the demolition zone, nearly half a mile away nearthe traffic island. They’d been damaged by rioters and shrapnel,then exposed to the elements for three years, but had never burned. Harold had used them for the first meeting with the other gangs, and Caddi’s watchers used them because despite broken windows and some missing tiles they were relatively weatherproof. Even so, Harold wasn’t keen, becauseliving therewould leave the occupants isolated from the main enclave.
Giving the residents a clear field of fire would be a huge job all by itself. The ruins forsix or seven hundred metres beyond would need clearing, almost to the border a mile away, as well as the same distance each side. The huge area could then be farmed but would need defending, sothe residents would need their own wall to form a small separateenclave. Demolition would provide plenty of bricks, butconnecting the houses the half mile to Orchard Closejust wasn’t practical.
Harold talked it over with Tessa and Sharyn before having a look at the practicalities with Casper, Rob, and Finn, his bricky, plumber and electrician. Doll, Patty and Liz took Stephan the carpenter for a stroll out there to assess the job, and how secure they could make it. Alfie and Hazel told Caddi’s watchers to move back, because these houses were needed. Ru, Matti, Jeremy, Matthew and Emmy all took fighters out there to train, and discuss the possibilities. Finn reported that electricity could be run in from a junction box if he salvaged enough heavy cable from elsewhere, while Rob located water in an intact main under a road, close enough to run half a dozen connecting pipes.Word spread across Orchard Close and more groups walked over to assess the houses.
A surge of new confidence ran through Orchard Close, even the old hands.In their eyes,they had stood off both the Barbie Girls and the Hot Rods in one day and night. The new refugees were especially impressed by the large number of gangsters meekly giving up weapons, staying overnight, and leaving without trouble.Meanwhile, having GOFS and supposedly lunatic Barbies making friends, playing football and keeping tothe rules lessened some of the paranoia. The growingconfidence included the future. Orchard Close wasn’tjust a place to hide and hope, it was a place to live, and grow, and bring the kids up.
Harold tried to put some realism into their dreams, without demoralising anyone, and found the realism already there. Orchard Close wasn’t up to a war, but if they stood together the residents could back the scroats off. For most, especially the new arrivals, that was more than enough and in some cases almost euphoric. Harold expected the old hands to calm everyone down, but now there were too many newcomers. Worse, the likes of Patty, Casper and Doll seemed to be just as enthusiastic.
A dozen plans for fixing the houses were offered to Harold. A sanity check threw out the wildest and the teams inspected the best of the houses again, with real intent. Within days the project had a name,the Farm. The people living there would be the non-specialists, the ones who dug the fields rather than tradespeople. Casper found another amateur brickyamong the newbies to help him build the outer walls quicker, when the time came. For now, he had all three apprentices practicing by thickening and raising the two long walls to the Annex.In the evenings, after work, demolition gangs started to clear the area surrounding the potential housing. Caddi’s watchers had to move even further awayas the work gangs tore down their new location.
*
In Orchard Close, theirnew confidence spread to the brewers. “We want to open a pub.” Harold had stopped when the pair stepped in front of him but hadn’t a chance to ask why.
He looked from Berry to Seth and back, and the idiots meant it.”We already sell beer in the canteen. There are a thousand rumours about pubs and they all end the same way, everyone dead.”
“But they don’t have Demons, Boyfriends, Elves, Lovers and Gunslingers as the bar staff or security.” Berry beamed.
“Boyfriends, Lovers and Elves?” Harold knew who the Gunslingers had to be, Doll’s squad. “I thought they’d all decided on the Riot Squad?”
“Yes, the guards, all of them, are the Riot Squad but calling Patty’s squad the Demons sparked off the rest.” Berry giggled, then tried to straighten her face. “Hazel said that Alfie is her boyfriend and the menwith him would all make terrific boyfriends. She eve
n had Sorcha engrave ‘Boyfriend’ on a spear head, with love hearts, and persuaded Alfie to accept it.I don’t follow the logic, especially when Hazel joined the squad to make sure there’s no poaching. Worse, a fewother women joined, probably because of the blokes.”
“Elves and Lovers?” Harold had strong suspicions about the Elves, but he may as well get confirmation.
Berry pointed down the street. “Matthew and Bess are gartered, and so are most of the guards based in number six. Some aren’t but those two attract mainly couples so Lovers it is.Casper’s squad reckon that if he’s the Orchard Fairy, they must be his Elves. Blame Emmy and the garden Gnomes for starting it.”
Harold opened his mouth to point out that the motley collection of men and women in Casper’s squad, mainly men, weren’t at all Elf-like, and gave up. “As long as they don’t all start wearing stupid hats.”
“No, they all want helmets. The Demons want Viking horns on theirs. Doll’s squad want cowboy hats, steel ones of course, and you know some already tie their holsters down.” Berry nudged Seth. “They wanted him to be Doc Holliday because of the sawn-off. Now it can live behind the pub bar with a couple of maces,the last of the pistol bows, and a crossbow with a Liz special.”
“Expecting trouble, are you?” Both of them laughed at Harold. “Where will this pub go? We’re short of housing.”
“Those living in number seven, where Old Harry lived when we first arrived, have agreed to the downstairs being the pub. They’re all singles in there, and will put bunks in the bedrooms. There’s a huge conservatory on the back so it’ll have room for a lot of customers. The scavengershave collected four dartboards and lots of sets of darts,Stephan repaired a set of bar skittles, and we’ll scrounge or buy packs of cardsfor the snug. We’ll organise a karaoke night, with that machine the GOFS sold you, and a quiz night, all that sort of thing.” Berry looked anxious now. “It’ll bring in loads of coupons, honest.” She sighed, gazing soulfully into the distance. “I always wanted a pub of my own, one day.”
